July 13th, 2005

According to this site only 50 to 70 percent of parents want to know if they are having a boy or girl. The rest don’t want to know, instead opting to close their eyes while changing the baby’s diaper.

(Don’t EVEN get me started on this test. Five weeks after conception and need to know? Man, someone needs a practice in patience if you’re going to be a parent. Bleh.)

From a major women’s magazine: “Decoding his body language.”

Rakes fingers through hair.
They say: I am pleasuring myself. I like my hair. I like your hair. I could do this to you, too.
SJ says: My head itches. I have dandruff but I don’t want you to know.

Touches stomach.
They say: I’m not trying to impress you by flashing my six pack, I’m opening up to you by revealing my most vulnerable body part- my belly.
SJ says: I shouldn’t have had that last taco and all those beers. I hope she shuts up soon so I can sit on the can with my Maxim magazine.

Plays air guitar.
They say: I wouldn’t mind turning these fast fingers on you. Maybe I can make my move before you sober up and realize I’m just an overgrown frat boy.
SJ says: I’m a dork that thinks I’m really playing a guitar. Run! Run!

Jiggles his leg.
They say: I have lots of nervous energy. I would like to eat you up! Could you be the one to tame this Tasmanian devil?
SJ says: I shouldn’t have stopped that ADD medicine. This girl is boring. I want to boink her friend.


  1. Amy Steier wrote,

    You sure tell it like it is!

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 10:47 am

  2. Queen of Ass wrote,

    I usually want to boink her friend too.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 11:21 am

  3. Jack's Raging Mommy wrote,

    Wait, women’s magazines honestly expect us to believe that tripe? Jesus. Have any of these editors even met men?

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 11:23 am

  4. peefer wrote,

    We men play with our hair simply because we can. It may not be there in years to come.

    We play with our penises also simply because we can. Regardless of the future.

    Yet I digress.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 11:39 am

  5. sherry wrote,

    Yeah, I’d say your version is a lot more accurate.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 11:40 am

  6. Kattykatflash wrote,

    Ok first off. I am that parent with no patience. I was cursing because the pee-stick test wouldn’t tell me what I was having. I actually had to wait 18 loooong weeks for the ultrasound before finding out.

    And I thought the only thing guys thought about was:
    1. Sex
    2. Sex with multiple women at the same time
    3. Beer
    4. Widescreen, large HDTV’s.

    At least that’s what my husband says.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 11:57 am

  7. Sarcastic Journalist wrote,

    I think, with Ellie, I had less patience. I’m not as freaking out this time because I’ve done it once.

    Guys also think about having sex while drinking beer and watching that TV.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 12:00 pm

  8. peefer wrote,

    Guys also think about having sex WITH that TV.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 12:06 pm

  9. rachael wrote,

    ew, WITH the tv? i’m not sure how that’s supposed to work.

    i like your alternate explanations of behavior much better than the stupid magazine, sj. heehee.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 12:27 pm

  10. Eulallia wrote,

    Hee hee, “boink”

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 12:48 pm

  11. jenB wrote,

    i totally don’t get the needed to know the sex thing. with the baby i mean. whats the rush? are you going to go and buy every pink thing you see if it is a girl? i have said it before, i think this is more of an american phenomenon. as soon as i knew i wasn’t haven’t a monkey (at least one without a tail), i was happy.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 1:22 pm

  12. Laura wrote,

    I found out about both of my girls before they were born. That way, I had my nursery all decked out in pink ready to girlify them.

    SJ - too true. My ex was a shaky leg guy. He was totally ADD…on and off the meds.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 1:29 pm

  13. Seriously Steph. wrote,

    I’m too much of a planner type of person to not find out what I was having, though I admire those who wait. It would drive me nuts not to be able to plan out the name, nursery, etc. I’m too Type-A…

    Jiggles his leg translation:
    “Scratch behind my ear, scratch behind my ear….(pant, pant…ruff!)…thank you!”

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 1:36 pm

  14. Stefanie wrote,

    What is it with women who want to be surprised by the sex of their baby? It’s either going to be a boy OR…A GIRL. I’d say the only real surprise would be if the baby comes out a different race. And then it would be more of a surprise for the dad.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 1:58 pm

  15. Y wrote,

    What is it with women who have to judge other people’s choices? I AM ONE OF THOSE WOMEN WHO DIDN’T WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT I WAS HAVING WITH MY FIRST BABY!

    So what if I didn’t want to know? I liked the idea of waiting to hear the doctor shout “it’s a BOY or it’s a GIRL.”


    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 2:03 pm

  16. MollieBee wrote,

    I was just glad I got one or the other.

    Never watch a discovery channel special on hermaphadites while pregnant, ladies.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 2:52 pm

  17. Sarcastic Journalist wrote,

    I second that, Mollie. I did and um, boy was it a bad idea. I was sure that Miss E was going to be a hermaphrodite.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 2:58 pm

  18. AMy wrote,

    Y–me, too! And I must say, it was that much more wonderful to be told in the delivery room–”it’s a girl!”–since I was certain she was a boy!

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 3:03 pm

  19. kim wrote,

    You have no idea how much I hate those magazines.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 6:11 pm

  20. NinaKaye wrote,

    I got that magazine the other day! When I read that stuff, I always ask my husband his opinion. It rarely matches.

    Also, I wanted to know if I was having a boy or girl simply because I didn’t want to wait until the last minute to buy clothes and stuff. (And a lot of green and yellow wasn’t appealing.)

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 10:45 pm

  21. Sarcastic Journalist wrote,

    I don’t think it is wrong to find out, but man, can’t you even wait a few months? To pay almost $300 (total) to find out early?


    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 10:47 pm

  22. robyn wrote,

    I blogged about that gender test the other day, too — unbelievable to pay that much for something non-medical. Muuuuch cheaper to fork over five bucks for a bottle of Drano crystals and do that test instead. It was 2-2 predicting both our boys.

    Comment on 7/13/2005 @ 11:43 pm

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