Letter to Brit

April 14th, 2005

According to Corrie, you can send a congrats letter to Brit and K-Fed. Didn’t you hear? They’re having a “Cletus the Fetus!”

How exciting! That’s what the world needs, you know, more trailer trash babies.

So I went and wrote a letter. Hopefully all my pregnancy and lots of money jealousy didn’t seep through.

Dear B and K,

Ha! BK! Burger King! Get it? I know you are a Doritos type of gal, but I have a feeling you know Burger King. I bet you can’t wait to bring little Cletus to McDonalds for his first happy meal. I’m jealous! Well, I’m sure the Nanny will enjoy it and hopefully you’ll throw in some change for her to buy a McFlurry. K, man, good job knocking up one that can support you. Anyway, hope you’re not having a little girl. If you do, have fun dressing her in the slut-wear that you have helped make popular. Hopefully you can slut this one out to the media at a young age as well! Can’t wait for the photo op!

Your friend,
The Sarcastic Journalist

(Note: Since this went over the alloted space, I had to write it in two installments. I can’t wait to see my letter on the site!)

18 Comments

  1. Jessica wrote,

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! :-D

    Oh man, I’m crying…..*snort*

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 3:39 pm

  2. Corrie wrote,

    That was the best..cletus the fetus.

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 3:40 pm

  3. Y wrote,

    OH MY GOD! You stole my idea! I swear to Gabby I was writing a letter to Britney and it was HILARIOUS (ok,not as funny as yours)

    You CLEPT-HO!

    hahahahha ( I think we’re talking on the phone too much and now we’re thinking alike)

    BITCH!

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 3:59 pm

  4. MollieBee wrote,

    I hope her asshole turns inside out when she pushes out CletusFetus.

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 4:34 pm

  5. Terri wrote,

    You have such a way with words. *wink*

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 5:26 pm

  6. deleted wrote,

    You didn’t really send that did you? Because just recently, I remember a blogger who was hurt by some unfriendly email…

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 5:26 pm

  7. MollieBee wrote,

    Isn’t it our right as poor-ass little people, to spew our venom on the talentless and overpaid?

    ;)

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 7:39 pm

  8. annie wrote,

    LOL - It’s the anti-christ

    Comment on 4/14/2005 @ 8:40 pm

  9. robyn wrote,

    Ha! I actually saw on a tabloid show that she frequents Wendy’s for the chicken sammich combo w/ baked potato. Why my brain can remember crap like this, but not my home phone number, I’ll never know…

    Comment on 4/15/2005 @ 5:53 am

  10. honey bunny wrote,

    that rocks, SJ! too bad the disclaimer says “we reserve the right to edit your posts”. and that SUCKS!

    and that website is so trashy it’s not funny. what’s with the bubbles? i can’t believe people like her. what a hobag.

    Comment on 4/15/2005 @ 8:21 am

  11. CurlyGirl wrote,

    I LOVE IT! HA!
    dear bk,
    it’s called BIRTH CONTROL. please stop producing spawn. especially you kevin. seriously. your gene pool is not worth passing on.
    love,
    curly girl

    Comment on 4/15/2005 @ 9:16 am

  12. Antonia wrote,

    I bet the Kevin’s kicking himself right about now. Here he thought he was marrying Britney the “hot” megastar, and the two of them were going to be using her moola to party it up all over the place. And now another kid. She’ll never look the same, and the party definitely died. Bummer, bude.

    Comment on 4/15/2005 @ 10:09 am

  13. wdc wrote,

    He’s been at a strip club in Vegas quite a few weekends for the past month and a half or so. I’d say he’s doing a fine job with his “allowance”. So, she’s got that going for her.

    Comment on 4/15/2005 @ 1:57 pm

  14. Seglenda wrote,

    I so hope she gains 90 pounds like I did! I weighed 108 and had nice perky boobs that stood up where they were suppost too, and then I had my baby! I am serious I hope she gains a ton of weight and has to have a major episiotomy!!!! I know you shouldn’t believe everything people say, but I heard on the radio today that Kevin and Brit are having to have suppervised visitation with his kids! They are not even allowed to see his kids alone! What kind of parent’s are they going to be if you can’t even see the kids you have now? HELLO!!!! They need to do some serious growing up now. Oh well, need to quit gossiping…but it is sooo fun!

    Comment on 4/15/2005 @ 5:26 pm

  15. debutaunt wrote,

    Dear Britney,

    You are a talentless overboobed idiot. And your husband is a subspecies of white trash.

    You are a match made in heaven.

    ~debu_bitch

    P.S. Please go sterilize yourself.

    Comment on 4/16/2005 @ 12:59 am

  16. britneyrox!! wrote,

    im nice & mean ppl do SUCK!! yeah all of yous thats written comments in this poster! fcukin losers u know u sound like real gronks baggin out brit well guess what LOW LIFES?? she has better stuff to do than read comments on the fcuking internet! haha dont be jelous.. cos every fcuking one that made a comment in ere is just plain SAD. just cos SHES GOT THE MONEY, THE LOOKS AND THE DREAMS THAT U DICKS WISH FOR AND NEVER GET!!! it doesnt mean u have to be plain evil and try 2 make her sad! cos i HIGHLY doubt that it works!! and cletus fetus? lol how long did it take for you to figure that name! probaly the same time when brit was making LOADS of cash! YES!!! shes gna hav a baby and its gna be a beautiful and richass baby then ne of u poor arses will and once agen get a life cos she aint readin this and im writing this 4 yous! not her

    Comment on 4/23/2005 @ 5:02 am

  17. britneyrox!! wrote,

    oh by the way “”Sarcastic Journalist'’ ur more like a LOSER!!!! yep cant think of ne other words to call u atm. but BK=burger king… um oh AHAHAHAHA sooooo friggin funny!!! NOT! thats stoopid ya fuckin jelous bitch with no life

    Comment on 4/23/2005 @ 5:06 am

  18. Sarcastic Journalist wrote,

    This happens to be the funniest thing ever. I’d reply in her special IM language, but uhhh, I don’t speak Ghetto IM.

    If I am such a loser, than why are you reading this site? Why are you taking the time to go and post TWO COMMENTS on here, when you could be fucking yourself with your Britney Dildo?

    Soooo…. hales_143@hotmail.com yes hales_143@hotmail.com let me say that again hales_143@hotmail.com did you get that hales_143@hotmail.com

    Get a life. I can’t wait for Australia (your country) to have to support you and all your teenage babies.

    Comment on 4/23/2005 @ 11:38 am

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