A little piece of suburbia…

December 3rd, 2004

First of all, before I start today’s story, I must apologize for my blog comments and how they are acting screwy. You only have to comment once as it WILL go through even though you think it won’t.

Now onto the fun, shall we?

Today, I decided to finish up my Christmas shopping and nick the present buying in the bud and I head out to my local Target and shopping mall.

And, as I’m parading my child around the store, Starbucks Peppermint Mocha (nonfat, no whip) in hand (I had 500+ spam comments last night. I deserved it) I looked around me. I was surrounded by people with babies! Babies younger than MY baby, and my baby is young!

And many of these people have multiple children! Holy shit! I’m in the land of breeders, and, better yet, I’m one of them. I have the GAP lowrider jeans. The purple Old Navy shirt, Gap hoodie, tennis shoes and, of course, the layered hair.

You can’t be a suburbanite without the layers.

To prove just how many of us breeders there are, we completely filled an elevator with four babies, one kid, multiple strollers and shopping bags. There were lines of women with their strollers lining up outside the elevator.

I feel so weird being sosuburban.

Anyway, I had an experience in the bathroom that wasn’t exactly suburban, but yet I found it so exciting, the only thing I kept thinking was “I need to blog this! Need to blog! Now!”

So Ellie and I are in the restroom of a national chain store. The diaper changing station is in the handicapped stall, but it is already taken. So Ellie and I are “patiently” waiting for the people to get out, when I overhear their conversation.

It is a lady with a boy. Since the boy is in the restroom with his MOM, I’m figuring he is three or so. NO. He was of “school age” and when I say that I mean the kid had to be at least SEVEN and was asking his mommy to pull up his underwear for him.

But that is not important. Okay, so he’s on the toilet and he’s doing his business. And the lady says “Does your tummy feel better?” and I guess he says “yes.”

And then….get this….she says “Praise God!”

It’s a whole Hallelujiah session going on in the special people stall! Praise God! I just took a dump! Praise God for peepee!

I am now interested in just who is in that stall and I give Ellie a look like “Hey! She said Praise God!” but Ellie just doesn’t get it. She’s busy gnawing on her stroller.

So I’m leaning over to get a look at the feet and I see something that looks like a petticoat from the old days. And I’m thinking that we have a Gone With The Wind dress action going on in there, and how lucky I am to have picked THIS restroom to change my child’s diaper.

First the Pentecostal at Wal-Mart and now Gone With The Wind at the mall. Who knew?

But then it turns out she doesn’t have a petticoat. Where’s my Gone with the Wind action? But anyway, every time I saw someone with a young child and a baby, I wanted to run up to them and ask how it was having two. Was it hard? Lots of money? Time? Are you still sane?

So, internet, figuring these women might one day want to join my Margarita Playgroup, I’ll ask you. Why have two? You know, cause I gotta fit in at the mall and stuff.

One just doesn’t cut it here in TW.

15 Comments

  1. Antonia wrote,

    Haha! You’re totally crazy. You realize that the more kids you have the more diapers you have to change between Margaritas? This is counterproductive. I know it looks real cool and cozy, but the suburban soccer mom life has to be toally boring. I

    I just changed my mind. The more kids you have, the more Margaritas you NEED. So breed on, mama.

    Comment on 12/3/2004 @ 6:08 pm

  2. Corrie wrote,

    I got pregnant with my second child when my baby was 13 months old. It was off the hook for a bit…then it got easy…now it is back to off the hook. My youngest is a terrible two and my oldest is 3 going on 33 and acts like Eddie Haskell. By the way #2 wasn’t planned and the husband wasn’t all that excited about all the money we we going to spend, but he got over it, and now we are in negotiations for #3.

    Comment on 12/3/2004 @ 6:22 pm

  3. Jenny wrote,

    Having two, hmm. Mine are three and 1/2 yrs. apart. Difficult to have two, sure, but with the second one I didn’t feel like it was some insumountable goal just to get out of the house, it had to be done, can’t just stop big brother’s school/skating/whatever. More time obviously sucked out of your life but the love, sheesh, it truly doubles. And more money is spent, but you’ve got the whole hand me down thing going and if you really want another, then you’d probably find a way to work it out. Although I did recently ask for a sheep dog because I feel like I’m constantly herding them when we go places “C’mon, Let’s go, Don’t Climb on That, Watch where you’re going” In the stall with her seven year old? My son would sooner die and would certainly not know what to make of the poop prayers.

    Comment on 12/3/2004 @ 6:53 pm

  4. sheryl wrote,

    I have 3 kids, I have 2 girls that are a year and a month apart. Needless to say I did not leave the house to much after I had my second daughter. They are now 11 and 12. They fight all the time now but when they were little kept each other entertained for hours. I had my son 5 years later. He is so much diffrent then the girls were at his age. and all i hear my girls scream all day is ” Get out of my room ” I love my kids to death. But sometimes I question my sanity.

    Comment on 12/3/2004 @ 7:02 pm

  5. Sarcomical wrote,

    i have no kids yet, Praise God.

    but i probably will in the somewhat near future. Praise God.

    any woman who can handle more than one? has my complete and utter respect and awe.

    …Praise God.

    Comment on 12/4/2004 @ 1:04 am

  6. Robotnik wrote,

    Suburbia Hell? Ha! Try Cary, NC.
    Out here they “praise God” then they go and drink cheap vodka while the kids are at school, and have affairs with neighbors’ husbands.
    I’M IN SUBURBAN HELL!!!

    Comment on 12/4/2004 @ 8:39 am

  7. melissa711 wrote,

    Perhaps she was praising God not for the poop, but for the chance that her son may actually be pleasant for the duration of her errands. Because I pray to God a lot of the time while I’m out shopping with both my children.

    Speaking of two. I’m entirely unstable and I couldn’t live without either of my kids now…however I have to tell you. I totally lost my mind and my ability to hang onto any Cute New Mom-ness once I had my second.

    But it’s true I drink a lot more now that I have two so maybe it all balances out.

    Comment on 12/4/2004 @ 9:37 am

  8. Terri wrote,

    I drink too much with one kid. I can’t imagine what would happen if I had two. I don’t think I’m willing to sacrifice any of my vodka money on more diapers. So one it is - Praise God!

    Comment on 12/4/2004 @ 4:43 pm

  9. girl wrote,

    Oh no, I’m pregnant with #3. Maybe I should just hook up a liquor tap in the playroom! Ha ha. Wait, maybe that is a good idea…

    Comment on 12/5/2004 @ 4:50 pm

  10. Jen wrote,

    Where do I sign up for the Margarita Playgroup? Because it’s 8:30am and I could totally use one. Right. Now.

    And the more than one kid thing, I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything (except that margarita right now). For me, once I had one it was kinda hard to stop. Like when you’re eating Oreo’s. You’ve already eaten half the bag, there’s no turning back now so you might as well eat the other half.

    Comment on 12/6/2004 @ 8:32 am

  11. Carolyn wrote,

    We have 3. (Kids, that is.) One school-ager, one pre-school aged, and one born on July 15th this year. I only wipe the hind-quarters of the diaper clad 4 mo.old. Shoot, I won’t hardly help the 3 yr. old with her toileting anymore –so 7!? Whew. I won’t go there..
    But, what cracked me up the most reading this post (Praise God!) was recollecting last night when said 3 yr. old was crying in the bathroom..
    I came running w/ the little baby in one arm and tried to comfort the toddler with my spare arm. She was complaining that her bum was sore after going #2. and she said: “Mommy, will you please pray that Jesus makes my butt feel better?”
    I tried (and failed) very hard not to laugh. I guess I have totally undermined the brainwashing her �ber-Christian pre-school had accomplished by laughing so hard I had to sit down.

    Comment on 12/7/2004 @ 1:27 pm

  12. Carolyn wrote,

    We have 3. (Kids, that is.) One school-ager, one pre-school aged, and one born on July 15th this year. I only wipe the hind-quarters of the diaper clad 4 mo.old. Shoot, I won’t hardly help the 3 yr. old with her toileting anymore –so 7!? Whew. I won’t go there..
    But, what cracked me up the most reading this post (Praise God!) was recollecting last night when said 3 yr. old was crying in the bathroom..
    I came running w/ the little baby in one arm and tried to comfort the toddler with my spare arm. She was complaining that her bum was sore after going #2. and she said: “Mommy, will you please pray that Jesus makes my butt feel better?”
    I tried (and failed) very hard not to laugh. I guess I have totally undermined the brainwashing her �ber-Christian pre-school had accomplished by laughing so hard I had to sit down.

    Comment on 12/7/2004 @ 1:27 pm

  13. Carolyn wrote,

    We have 3. (Kids, that is.) One school-ager, one pre-school aged, and one born on July 15th this year. I only wipe the hind-quarters of the diaper clad 4 mo.old. Shoot, I won’t hardly help the 3 yr. old with her toileting anymore –so 7!? Whew. I won’t go there.. But, what cracked me up the most reading this post (Praise God!) was recollecting last night when said 3 yr. old was crying in the bathroom..I came running w/ the little baby in one arm and tried to comfort the toddler with my spare arm. She was complaining that her bum was sore after going #2. and she said: “Mommy, will you please pray that Jesus makes my butt feel better?” I tried (and failed) very hard not to laugh. I guess I have totally undermined the brainwashing her �ber-Christian pre-school had accomplished by laughing so hard I had to sit down.

    Comment on 12/7/2004 @ 1:28 pm

  14. Carolyn wrote,

    We have 3. (Kids, that is.) One school-ager, one pre-school aged, and one born on July 15th this year. I only wipe the hind-quarters of the diaper clad 4 mo.old. Shoot, I won’t hardly help the 3 yr. old with her toileting anymore –so 7!? Whew. I won’t go there.. But, what cracked me up the most reading this post (Praise God!) was recollecting last night when said 3 yr. old was crying in the bathroom..I came running w/ the little baby in one arm and tried to comfort the toddler with my spare arm. She was complaining that her bum was sore after going #2. and she said: “Mommy, will you please pray that Jesus makes my butt feel better?” I tried (and failed) very hard not to laugh. I guess I have totally undermined the brainwashing her �ber-Christian pre-school had accomplished by laughing so hard I had to sit down.

    Comment on 12/7/2004 @ 1:28 pm

  15. Mari wrote,

    All I have to say… is you go kinda numb after #2. And to that I do praise god, because if I didn’t go numb, I would surely go insane.
    Seriously, though, two was good. Three in insane. I am insane.

    Comment on 12/8/2004 @ 12:23 am

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