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Archive for December, 2005

Pickle Me Tender

Thursday, December 29th, 2005

It seems like every other day, some wise person is telling me what to say or not to say in front of my child.
“Don’t say ‘No!’ She’ll catch on and then one day, she’ll yell no at you all the time.”
Guess what? I said “Don’t” instead of “no” and haha, she says that, instead. It […]

Community College Dropout

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005

How did Einstein ever get to be so smart? How did Bill Gates ever make so much money? I mean, if you listen to the “experts” out there, they should be stupid because they weren’t nurtured en utero by their mothers.
What? Your child isn’t listening to an educational CD before she is born? WHAT IS […]

I got your Gauntlet right here, biotch.

Tuesday, December 27th, 2005

There are two typs of people in this world: Those who don’t really watch that much TV and those of us who must have it on at all times. Okay, well The Amish too, but they don’t count.
In case you couldn’t figure out, I must have the TV on at all times.
Since we are po’, […]

Now Accepting Applications

Monday, December 26th, 2005

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I always enjoy getting to hang with the people who ‘Knew me when.” You know, the friends from high school who ask about that “web site” and the ones that still refer to you with your maiden name?
The girls that saw you in the community shower […]

The One Where She Gains 100 Pounds

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005

I have a confession to make, Internet. I only eat food that has butter in it. I know. I KNOW. I’m the type of person that normally would say “You’re eating WHAT?” and have been known to mutter that some people should change their diets to control some medical issues going on.
But? These people aren’t […]

Strange Days Are Among Us

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005

It may come as a surprise to some of you, but I was a strange little kid. For starters, I rode the “short bus” to school for a little while. Some of the kids in my class would later grow up to wear helmets all the time.
Like many little girls, I had a variety […]

List Mania

Tuesday, December 20th, 2005

You know you are the parent of a toddler when…
1. A good night is when nobody poops in the tub.
2. You clap anytime someone goes potty.
3. You have your own ratings system for the consistency of poop.
4. The most important thing in the bathroom is the rubber duckie.
5. You have had to say “Do not […]

Don’t miss out!

Monday, December 19th, 2005

Monday! Monday! Monday!
Come one, come all, come see the “No Nap Extravaganza!” brought to you in surround sound thanks to your friends at No-Doz!
In one corner, we have Ellie “No Sleep” Journalist, coming in at a whopping 25 pounds and 32 inches tall.
In the other corner, we have The Sarcastic Journalist, coming in at […]

Consumerism at its best!

Sunday, December 18th, 2005

For Immediate Release:
Contact: Sarcastic Journalist, PR Yo Mama Games.
So long Barbie and GI Joe! The hottest Christmas items this year are getting real. Fueled by the popular “reality TV” craze of the past few years, Yo Mama Games is unveiling a new line of games just in time for the “Holiday” season!
For the cousin that […]

Decemberitis

Friday, December 16th, 2005

I don’t like to depend on other people very much. I guess, I’ve learned in the past that if I want something done, I should do it myself. I think that was one of my major complaints when I worked at the newspaper: I spent a lot of time waiting for people to call or […]

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