She’s so fat! So fat! Everyone laugh!

Aww, how sweet. Gwyneth Paltrow is “packing on the pounds” during her pregnancy.

She’s eating (gasp!) grilled cheeses and french fries! Somebody! Call the police! How scandalous!

I don’t know HOW she does it. I mean, after she has the baby, I’m just so sure that it will be HORRIBLE for her to get the weight off. I mean, how will she do it?

I just want to thank her for feeling like “I’m something off the Discovery Channel.” You know what? I saw those pictures of her in Vogue and she didn’t exactly look like anything that is mating in the grass.

I’m not going to lie. I’m not huge. I do, of course, feel bad (okay just a little bad) about all the junk food I’m eating. Like that piece of cake I just ate. Or the chocolate ice cream I have every night.

Why do these Hollywood people feel the need to go and say how fat and horrible they feel? Dude, I don’t want to hear it. Unless, of course, you actually did gain a whole bunch a’la Kate Hudson, then I don’t mind.

In case you didn’t know, I secretly reveled in her massive weight gain. Too bad the biznitch already lost it.

So keep prancing around in your itty bitty clothes that fit perfectly. Don’t even ASK me how they get maternity clothes to fit them. Must be special people. All my clothes look huge on me. But anyway, go prance your macrobiotic ass around and go buy some $3,000 stroller system and stuff.

I’ll go find a twinkee.

8 Responses to “She’s so fat! So fat! Everyone laugh!”

  1. Linda
    May 5th, 2004 12:19

    I actually hope that Gwenyth doesn’t lose the weight. She’s finally starting to look healthy.

  2. redsaid
    May 5th, 2004 12:50

    When you described some of the stuff that you’re munching on these days (like chocolate ice cream, twinkies, cake) you happened to mention all the staples in my daily diet!

    Great, hey?

    Except… I’m not pregnant.

  3. Auty
    May 5th, 2004 12:56

    If she hasn’t eaten white bread in years, then what does she use for her peanut butter and jelly….oh, heh, nevermind.

  4. Stacey
    May 5th, 2004 13:55

    A pregnant lady that eats!? DEAR GOD! ;)

  5. Sarah
    May 5th, 2004 15:20

    Your comments forsake me. I say “Yes, please remember my information so that I don’t have to fill this out again, that would be very nice of you.” And it tells me that it will do so. And then it laughs in my blank, unfilled out face when I go to comment again.

    I liked Kate all hugeola. And she even said it was really hard to get the weight off. She was working out 2 to 3 hours a day. Yeah, must be really tough to have someone else raise your kids for you while you go work out 2 to 3 hours a day. Seriously. My heart, it bleeds.

  6. michele
    May 5th, 2004 15:26

    wow! gwyneth actually eats! i to am sick of bitching celebrities. you enjoy that twinkee, girl.

  7. Melissa
    May 6th, 2004 08:45

    Pregnant women require white bread? I haven’t eaten white bread since I was 5. Gross.

    As for Kate working out while someone else is raising her baby…I swear they sleep *a lot* when they’re little. I wouldn’t mind someone else watching the baby while I worked out. In fact, we could bring the baby to the gym with her nanny and I could stare lovingly at the baby while I worked off my pregnancy weight.

  8. backgamon
    April 4th, 2005 21:58

    The Divine intellect indeed knows infinitely more propositions (than we can ever know). But with regard to those few which the human intellect does understand, I believe that its knowledge equals the

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