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SJ talks to a politics pusher, hilarity ensues….

Growing up in Texas, I never experienced a political ad for the President. One time, we were watching a commercial and it said “I am Jared and I approve this commercial.” I was confused as to why everyone on these ads were saying that. WHY?

BECAUSE NOBODY EVER CAMPAIGNS IN TEXAS!

So imagine my delightment when we get to Albuquerque, New Mexico and there are ads everywhere! John Kerry! George Bush! Vote for me! Him! My Mom told me that they get tons of calls from Kerry/Bush supporters, trying to persuade them to the “other side.” Yesterday, when we were driving to a Mexican restaurant, where I’d get sloshed off one blue margarita, we saw Kerry supporters going door to door.

I was so excited! Saw that on TV! Why don’t they come to my Mom’s house to convince her??

And then it happens. The phone rings. And I answer it. They ask for my Mom and I say I am her. It is a Bush supporter. The guy sounds like a really nice guy, has a good voice, sounds like someone you’d want as your next door neighbor. But….he is calling for political purposes.

And he must be messed with.

Oh yeah…Oh yeah! I messed with him. So he goes into his schpeil about voting and Bush and I listen. Then I tell him I’m a communist and I wonder what The President thinks of that. Then he tells me that Bush is for women. And I tell him that I believe that all women should be naked, pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen and that was what I was doing right then! Told him that The Taliban had something going with those Burquas for women to wear because women shouldn’t be seen or heard.

I get him to admit that Kerry looks like a Horse and he even adds in that he looks like he has a bad toupee. I like this guy! Then I say I can’t imagine his wife in the white house and I refuse to buy Heinz ketchup because it is supporting terrorism.

I explain that my worries include Jenna Bush drinking underage at Chuy’s restaurant in Austin and how my concern is that The President would allow his daughter to eat at an establishment that smells like body odor. The guy told me that there is a “suggestion box” at the White House web site.

So the guy asks me if I want to volunteer for the final push. I tell him it sounds interesting but The Judge has ordered me not to have any contact with children and there might be a chance that people have children and since I’m legally insane that this might be a problem.

Then he asks me if I need a ride to the polls and I tell him that I’ll be hitchiking.

He sounded really confused. But it was so worth it! Now if only we could get one to come knock on the door…

7 Responses to “SJ talks to a politics pusher, hilarity ensues….”

  1. D
    October 31st, 2004 10:45
    1

    How many days before one of Ashcroft’s agents come to talk to your Mom? You had the poor guy reeling. Way to go!

  2. Robotnik
    October 31st, 2004 13:18
    2

    That’s sweet! All I get is idiotic calls from the Police Boosters or the Fire Department Raffle.

    All shite…I wish I got the ol’ political lackeys. SJ, you have all the fun.

  3. Carmen
    October 31st, 2004 16:04
    3

    All I get is the DNC asking for money. “I’ve given all I can. Really. Yes. No, you may not have $200. I’m a college student. I’m practically standing on my room mate’s desk to be near the phone and she’s studying. I’ve already submitted her to my yelling at the television during the debates. She’s foreign and thinks this is all very weird. Sorry. Good bye.”

  4. Kati
    November 1st, 2004 17:22
    4

    Poor guy….not like I like Bush or anything. But poor guy. He didn’t stand a chance. :)

  5. Traci
    November 2nd, 2004 11:18
    5

    You are so bad….I love it!

  6. carissa
    November 2nd, 2004 14:11
    6

    you got a real live person? awww. laura bush will not stop calling me, but she’s a recorded message and my frustration can only be executed via an announcement to the house, “it’s laura bush again!” and hanging up. you’ve all the luck. (by the way—–love your blog!)

  7. free backgammon
    April 4th, 2005 18:10
    7

    free backgammon
    The expression often used by Mr. Herbert Spencer, of the Survival of the Fittest, is more accurate, and is sometimes equally convenient. by fre

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