Okay, so I spent today sending queries to literary agents. All of my queries are nice and polite and I follow their guidelines.

I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER seen anything like this.

God, what is it with these recycled Hallmark card plot lines in queries today? I just responded to one, though yours may be even more hokey. Crossing over to the other side? Heaven? Hell? Give me a break. Like I told the other one, perhaps you could get away with something like this on Lifetime Television for Women, or an Oprah segment, but not with me. I deal with serious publishers of literary fiction and the editors would definitely laugh me out of their offices if I ever dared to show up with something like this.

And, now for the spambots: jameslit11@hotmail.com

I just spent time crying in the YMCA pool because we’re going to most likely sell our house now. I come home, open my email and see that. I’m so sick of this shit.

I don’t ask for a pity party. All I ask is for people to be professional. Obviously, that’s not happening anymore.

12 Responses to “IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS”

  1. Rusty
    April 23rd, 2004 20:13

    Fuck, that’s cold.

  2. Kate
    April 23rd, 2004 20:37

    That is just plain nasty. What a fucktard.

  3. Norman
    April 23rd, 2004 21:40

    Hey, S.J., having gotten enough rejection letters to eliminate the need for Earth Day, I gotta tell you, you’re probably dealing with a very borderline agent…..most all just send a curt form letter or no thanks, even if they think you’re the biggest loser since Adlai Stevenson. And almost none use a hotmail email - either they have aol or an agency domain.

    If you don’t mind my asking, what’s the agency? There’s a reference site you can check up on these bastards on….and there are a lot of bastards out there.

    Either way, hang in there….most novels get passed on dozens of times before someone takes a chance on it….and that’s just agents, before you start the process over again with publishers.

  4. misbah kyrene
    April 23rd, 2004 22:11

    What Norman said! I too am busting my ass–okay maybe not!– to get the last 12 pages of my manuscript edited. I already have an editor but I need to find a new agent since the last one dropped me because I couldn’t meet any deadlines. (hey it is hard to publish a novel AND train for the Games–Beijing by the way, not Athens anymore. i should change my email addy!)

    I sure as hell won’t be submitting ANY queries to that fucknugget. i’m sorry you had to read that embittered pityfest from a clearly burned-out agent! it’ll get better eventually, SJ!

  5. danielle.
    April 24th, 2004 00:59

    that sucks, i’m sorry people have to be such pricks. btw, i love what you’ve got to say and i’m linking to you if that’s alright. (i too am a former reporter/copy editor.) drop me an email sometime.

  6. Linz
    April 24th, 2004 00:59

    What a FUCKTARD!! I can’t believe he said that.

    But it is true, if he’s working from a hotmail addy, he probably wasn’t your best choice anyway.

    He’s probably looking for some Stargate-esque sci-fi fiction.

  7. Allison
    April 24th, 2004 08:43

    Oh honey! What a prick! That is the most unprofessional thing I’ve ever read. If I were you, I’d start posting the letter on every single message board you can get your hands on as a warning to every aspiring author.

  8. Shawn
    April 24th, 2004 10:16

    Very unprofessional indeed! Never trust anyone “prfoessional” using Hotmail, I believe in.

  9. Redsaid
    April 24th, 2004 12:02

    Oh, geez, as a fellow (well, in my case, still wannabe) writer, I can only imagine how disheartening those words must’ve been. But you know what? I agree with everyone else on here who’s said that everything about the guy (especially that reply) sounds way fishy. I’m shopping around a kiddy book right now, and I can tell you from my experience that most agents/editors don’t bother with more than at least a two-liner response (and usually a very generic, no thank you, we’re not interested) for rejections, without ever really giving you a reason why (except for another generic something like “Your work isn’t suitable for our agency… blah, blah.”). The fact that this guy took the time to tell you specifically why he didn’t like it in such a crude way tells me he is definitely not professional! So please don’t get upset by an ass like that. I realize that i don’t know you (I’ve only very recently discovered your blog) but I can already tell that you are a great writer (which is why I keep on coming back for more). So please don’t become discouraged. You’ll get published as certain as you’re going to have that baby! (Oh, and by the way, my sister had her first one two weeks ago… she felt the same way as you about the breast feeding thing, but said that it’s not so bad once you get there. So fear not! She’s VERY squemish (spelling?) so if she’s over it, you’ll definitely reach that point too!)

  10. witchy
    April 25th, 2004 14:53

    geeeze! People have NO Manners today! There was no call for being that rude!

  11. shaunacat
    April 26th, 2004 10:39

    If it makes you feel any better, you’ll never believe what I just did with that guy’s email address.

    Working where I work, I have access to some very interesting sales lists. That man is now going to get every advertisement known to man, not just once - but he is in the que 30 times each.

    A gift from me to you. ;o)

  12. backgammon on line
    April 4th, 2005 21:55

    backgammon on line
    Everyone has observed how much more dogs are animated when they hunt in a pack, than when they pursue their game apart. We might, perhaps, be at a loss to explain this phenomenon, if we had not experi

  • Etc.

    • www.flickr.com