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Dear MK, Ash misses you!

Dear Skinny Olsen Twin,

Hi, I know you have a lot of money. You have more money than anyone who has money would know what to do with. You probably have enough money that you could wipe your bony ass with $100 and not feel the pain.

But you decided to go to college anyway and I thought that was cool of you. You see, I find college to be REALLY important. It is a growing and learning experience. So maybe you’re not experiencing freedom for the first time, but you are still learning.

But now you’re missing from school. You’re back in LA. You already look bad enough being the crack-addicted twin (Oh, I mean “the skinny one”) but now you may or may not be a college dropout.

Eventually your “target” audience isn’t going to buy your skanky clothes from Wal-Mart or buy those HORRIBLE straight to video movies you make. And the Olsen Twins hairdryer I saw at Wally World? What respecting 30-year-old woman will really buy one of those and leave it on the bathroom counter for whichever random one night stand to see???

I suggest you get your bony ass back to NYC and suck it up. I, for one, will not be buying the Olsen Twins shampoo and conditioner any time soon. And you may not know this, but I’m pretty special. The internet loves my eyebrows. They listen to me. If I say for everyone to committ a crime at Noon today, well you better expect to see some crimes a happening.

Don’t make me tell the Internet what to do. Just go back to school. Get of the crack.

Your friend,
The Sarcastic Journalist

2 Responses to “Dear MK, Ash misses you!”

  1. Robotnik
    October 20th, 2004 13:14
    1

    I can’t tell which one’s got the eating disorder. They’re both emaciated and look like two scarecrows.

  2. Jessica
    October 20th, 2004 14:22
    2

    What Robotnik said. :-D

    And an Olsen twins hairdryer? You’re kidding me!

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