advice is needed.

�It might be a quarter life crisis. Or just the stirring in my soul.�

I still haven�t figured out what to do about my job. Literally, the thought haunts me every morning as I get ready for work. What am I going to do? Some mornings, like this one, I wake up and say, �I�ll stick it out until the baby is born. That way I can keep my kick ass insurance and save up some money. After the kiddie is here, I�ll quit.� And then, once I get here and sit down at my desk, that horrible sinking feeling comes over me, that feeling I get every night when I realize where I have to go in the morning. I�m not inspired. I just don�t give a crap about this job anymore. And the thought of hanging out here until July, when I�m 9 months pregnant, is not a happy one.

I don�t know what I�m going to do anymore. I don�t want to be that person who is obviously unhappy with her job but just stays because it�s safe. Because, really, it�s not safe. Yeah, my pregnancy has made it safer, but I still know that if I don�t finish one story and just piss someone off, well I�m gone.

Help me out. Really, I know people love to give advice. And I really want some. Do I stick it out at a job I absolutely hate just so I can keep making $30K and have good insurance until July? Or do I leave, go to a job that will probably make me happier but might have me making as little as $15K a year with who knows what kind of insurance (My husband works for the state and their insurance is REALLY BAD. So that�s not an option)?

I�m at the point where I�m so frustrated that I can�t talk about it with people. It�s early December. School starts at the beginning of January. If I�m going to act, I must act now. Will someone hire a pregnant chick? How about the insurance company? Will they take me on?

10 Responses to “advice is needed.”

  1. Joe
    December 3rd, 2003 11:31

    Hey SJ…absolutely LOVE your posts. They crack me up.

    As for your job issue, I feel for you and I’m hesitant to tell anyone to stay where they aren’t happy, BUT…given the insurance situation alone, I’d probably try and stick it out if I were you.

    Having gone through two difficult pregnancies and early deliveries with my wife, I thank god for insurance every day. I will never again bitch about high insurance premiums, because I know I am permanently ahead of the curve.

    The thing about other jobs is, they may have a waiting period before you can get insurance, may not cover pre-existing conditions (such as pregnancy), etc.

    You can look for other positions and should not tell them that you’re expecting…you’re early enough along that it’s not tremendously obvious.

    Best of luck to you!

  2. Texas T-Bone
    December 3rd, 2003 12:14

    Listen to Joe! It is true some insurance plans will not cover a pre-existing condition, and that often includes pregnancy. Yours is a time of many doctor’s visits, and you never know what curves will be thrown at the end of the game. You will also want time off after � paid leave is the best, of course. You’ll need time to recover and time to bond with your wee one.

    Becoming a giving, caring parent takes sacrifice. Sticking out a job you dislike counts as “taking one for the team” for sure. But that little peanut inside you is too precious to risk, isn’t he (or she)?

    Really, what’s a job? It’s a means to support a family, from which most of your happiness will come from. Jobs aren’t for happiness. You can be a teacher later. Be a mom first. It’s more satisfying, has excellent job security and benefits beyond your wildest dreams.

    I say keep the job for now, work on your attitude and realize the job and pregnancy isn’t forever. (Just my humble 2 or 3 cents’ worth. Plink, plink, plink).

  3. Texas T-Bone
    December 3rd, 2003 12:19

    Oh, except don’t listen to Joe on not telling potential employers you are pregnant. Lying will not breed happiness, and it’s the wrong foot to start out on. They will eventually find out, and would be able to do the simple math.

  4. Joe
    December 3rd, 2003 12:20

    By the way, also appreciated the John Mayer lyrics. I know I’m not his target audience, but I do dig the guy’s music.

  5. Joe
    December 3rd, 2003 12:27

    I understand the concern about lying or omitting that fact up front. But, unfortunately, the reality is that some employers may hold the pregnancy against her (despite the illegality of it).

    Check out some of the Life At Work archives in the Discussion section of the Washington Post Web site. The host of that chat REGULARLY discourages pregnant job-seekers from mentioning their situation during the interview process.

    If you trust them, though, go with your gut.

  6. abs
    December 3rd, 2003 13:57

    I wish i had the answers, i have been having so many job problems recently and i can imagine how tired and fed up you are thinking about it. Apart from that all i would say is it is about balance isnt it? I mean, what you would be giving up and what you would be gaining.

    Let me know if you come up with the solution to job problems!

    Abs x

  7. Allison
    December 3rd, 2003 14:13

    OK, here is my honest opinion. I think you should stick it out. The reason…INSURANCE! Baby, having babies is an expensive bidness. I know everything sucks so bad right now and you want to quit but trust me on the insurance thing. Patrick would love to change jobs but we would have to be without insurance for 3 months and with 4 kids that stay sick forget about it.

    However, I don’t want you making yourself sick over the stress. Whatever you decide to do I’ll be here to listen. Just remember take care of YOU.

  8. Earl Hoffert
    December 3rd, 2003 16:47

    As much as I hate to just chime in, I think everyone else is pretty much right on the money.

    Right or wrong, employers never look at a newly hired person’s pregnancy in a favorabe light. Where I work, there was just some major hand-wringing over a new hire who asked for a couple of days off after his wife has a baby in the spring. This is the husband. And we’re talking about a couple of days. And this at a pretty family freindly place.

    As much as it stinks to stay somewhere you’re not happy, the nine months are going to fly by. Really. And as the due date gets closer, you’ll have something happy and exciting to focus on that’s not your job. Once you burn up your paid maternity leave, then you can decide what to do. Even if you decide not to work for a while, it’ll be easier to explain the gap in your resume later on, too.

  9. Cyndi
    December 3rd, 2003 19:55

    Just remind yourself, you are still at your job for your husband and baby. It won’t be forever. Its just a temporary. Time will fly by and you can look forward to maternity leave and two happy things in that, first your little one will be with you and your hubby, and second you won’t have to go back to your job from hell. Then you can find a new job.

  10. backgammon on line
    April 4th, 2005 21:11

    backgammon on line
    The difference between man and woman is like that between animals and plants. Men correspond to animals, while women correspond to plants because their development is more placid and the principle tha

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