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All her friends tell her she’s so pretty, but she’d be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in awhile.

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

Sound familiar? It is from “Spiderman.” Someone, and I’ll try and not call her the nasty name I’d like to, said that quote of speaking about me and my blog. As if I’m powerful. Ha.

I’m not sure who she thinks is sitting behind this blog, but I’m a real person. I also have a belief that those who are reading this blog are people too and have opinions and personalities of their own. That means they are capable of making decisions on their own.

But, that being said, I do understand that people read this and that my “struggles” with “the funk” may or may not be of interest to them. Can I be ambiguous enough?

I went to the doctor today. When I say doctor, I mean “therapist,” just so you know. We discussed my background, which means we discussed my family. Yes, my family. I’m very protective of them, just so you know. But I’m also learning that a lot of the anger/frustration issues I’m dealing with has come from my family.

I’m not talking like “My mommy told me no once and it hurt my feelings,” either. Nobody touched me down there or beat me, so please don’t email me about Uncle Chester and how he showed you his salami.

But there are some things that have come to light to me that might explain why I act the way I do. I tend to isolate myself. I’m hard on myself. I can take care of others till the cows come home but when it comes to me, you know how it is. I don’t trust others. The list goes on and on.

I called the OB and left a message asking for drugs. This is a big deal for me. I can’t believe that I used the words “postpartum depression.” I didn’t like doing that. But I’m hoping someone will call me back and perhaps I can get the meds to take the edge off.

The meds won’t solve my problems. I need to solve my own problems, need to learn to deal with what I’ve got going on so I can be the best parent and wife I can be. I don’t want my child to look back at her childhood and say some of the things I’ve said.

I want her to be happy. I want to be happy. I’m just not sure how to get there.

9 Responses to “All her friends tell her she’s so pretty, but she’d be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in awhile.”

  1. ginger
    October 13th, 2004 17:00
    1

    Post partum is so common, but most people don’t even realize it when they suffer from it. Hopefully you will get everything settled emotionally and feel better… just don’t EVER lose that sarcasm we know and love!

  2. D
    October 13th, 2004 17:31
    2

    depression in any form is a bastard. Never be afraid to ask for help. i went for over 15 years without help and am just now getting “it” together. if it helps, remember that 85% of american adults fight depression at one time or another, the other 15% are too stupid to know they’re depressed.(my brain mechanic told me that, so don’t hold me liable for the statistic) hang in thre as it will get better.

  3. Lujza
    October 13th, 2004 17:44
    3

    *hugs*

  4. amanda
    October 13th, 2004 18:17
    4

    This is a common trend I’ve been noticing among bloggers and friends alike. The whole postpartem depression thing.

    Here’s my take:
    After you’ve recovered from the birth and a decent amount of sleep has been restored and you’re feeling normal again and you finally have time to think, you have this holy shit! moment when you realize you are now basically in charge of this new PERSON. It dawns on you that you are seriously in danger of fucking up their childhood the way your childhood was fucked up by your OWN parents, even though they had the best of intentions. You may start to question your parenting skills because you realize trying your best might not actually be good enough! (even though it totally is)

    It’s a lot for any one brain to manage - especially when that brain is already full with other important things like poop and boobs. And seriously, the changes that come about on the road to parenthood are not the least bit small. You’ve been through a lot over the past year. A LOT.

    I think you’re handling it really well. Doing all the right things. This will be behind you in no time.

  5. Heatheranne
    October 13th, 2004 20:33
    5

    I’ve suffered from depression for years. I’ve tried meds, and they worked very well, but I made the personal choice to get off them after a year and a half. (I had a problem with the whole weight gain thing.)

    So, here I am, 29 years old and trying to find my way out of the funk. I know where most of my issues come from, but I don’t know how to face them and deal with them. But I know that until I do that, I’ll never be OK.

    Good luck with your funk and if you’re ever up at 3:00 in the morning fighting insomnia, feel free to email me because I’m probably up too solving puzzles on Pandora’s Box. (Which is a GREAT game for insomia!)

  6. Robotnik
    October 14th, 2004 07:05
    6

    Cheers to you getting out of your holes!
    Many good thoughts going out your way.

  7. Anna
    October 14th, 2004 18:11
    7

    You have mentioned before that you had been on Lexapro in the past. Perhaps you suffer from depression in general, baby or no babay. DEpression is a normal thing and nothing to be ashamed of. If you needed blood pressure medication or insulin you wouldn’t hesitate to get that taken care of. DEpression is often the result of a physical/ chemical problem. Don’t lose sight of that. And hang in there, it gets better.

  8. Arianne
    October 14th, 2004 23:50
    8

    You are my hero. I mean that. All women like you are very brave…especially to tell the world about it. I have a hard time just admitting it to myself.

  9. rules for backgammon
    April 4th, 2005 13:57
    9

    rules for backgammon
    The violence in the world comes about because we human beings are forever creating barriers between men who are like us and men who are not like us. by

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