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List Mania

You know you are the parent of a toddler when…

1. A good night is when nobody poops in the tub.
2. You clap anytime someone goes potty.
3. You have your own ratings system for the consistency of poop.
4. The most important thing in the bathroom is the rubber duckie.
5. You have had to say “Do not hit mommy in the face with the hammer.”
6. You often find yourself making lists of things that your child should not put in her vagina.
7. You can poop (from pulling pants down to flushing) in two seconds flat.
8. Your favorite topic of conversation is poop.
9. Super Nanny is a real superhero to you.
10. You’ve grown accustomed to watching tv with the “Closed Captioning” on so you can somewhat follow the story.
11. You have no problem handing your child a maxi pad to play with in public.
12. You’ve actually thought about how plastic-wrapped tampons will keep your kiddo entertained longer than the paper-wrapped variety.
13. Sometimes it is easier to agree that yes, the dog does say “moo.”
14. You have found yourself uttering after five minutes of explorative fondling”Okay, now mommy and the boobie are going night night. Don’t YOU want to go night night?”
15. Your Christmas tree looks like this:

20 Responses to “List Mania”

  1. mama_tulip
    December 20th, 2005 20:53
    1

    16. You know the words to several children’s television show theme songs and sing along with them when you hear them. You also can tell within the first minute of broadcast if you have already seen the episode.

    Love your tree.

  2. Annika
    December 20th, 2005 21:21
    2

    There must be something very, very wrong with me, because I can’t wait. I think I should probably blame the pregnancy hormones and maybe Gabby, who charmed her way right into my lap today.

  3. denise
    December 20th, 2005 22:47
    3

    I love your christmas tree!

  4. Melanhead
    December 21st, 2005 00:04
    4

    Does she inform you that the hat goes “moo” too? Or does she confuse it with a Gateway box?

  5. Mariselle
    December 21st, 2005 00:25
    5

    I got thrown and almost clipped in the head with an ear thermometer tonight….ouch.

  6. christina
    December 21st, 2005 01:15
    6

    Yep, our tree looks the same way, minus the cowboy hat. But, all lights, no ornaments…that’s us.
    Now our tree started with ornaments. Just don’t ask how many had to die before I caught on and took the rest down………

  7. paula
    December 21st, 2005 02:20
    7

    #7 or if you can’t poop in two minutes flat, then you can’t poop at all, and pooping just becomes a lovely memory.

    Love the Christmas tree! My first year with a toddler, we put ornaments evenly upon the tree, but the child kept removing ornaments for inspection. We finally just decorated the top half of the tree.

  8. Crystal
    December 21st, 2005 03:01
    8

    That treetopper ROCKS! I may have to steal the idea for next year, show off my Texas pride. Just wait until LJ gets here. I am constantly saying “Don’t make fun of your sister. Don’t sit on your brother. Ok, that’s it!! Sit down and hold hands until you can be nice and love each other!!”

  9. Kim
    December 21st, 2005 03:41
    9

    Word.

  10. jamie
    December 21st, 2005 07:36
    10

    Also? Under the things you never thought you’d say category? “Don’t step on your baby brother’s head.” and, “That’s daddy’s penis. Only daddy needs to touch it!” (although? When I brought the last one up to him about meaning that I don’t need to touch it either…. well… he was unimpressed to say the least.)

  11. Dawn
    December 21st, 2005 10:57
    11

    I knew I had lost my husband when he sang all the words to Blues Big Musical.

    Also, when I had to explain that No, the cat did not scratch my labia, I was bleeding because Mommy’s body wasn’t making a baby right now.

    And “If you want to touch your labia, then you need to go into your bedroom. It is YOUR labia and you can explore it, but that is a private time, and not to be done on the couch in the living room!!!”

  12. dyzgoneby
    December 21st, 2005 11:04
    12

    I Love the tree, including the cowboy hat!

    I miss those days when between the kids and cat the ornaments didn’t last very long and the tree had a baby fence around it.

    Merry Christmas

  13. Caitlinator
    December 21st, 2005 11:30
    13

    Ahh, a cowboy hat! So much better than the empty peanut jar on top of my tree.

  14. Angela
    December 21st, 2005 11:48
    14

    Wow…the vagina list. Something I would have never, ever thought about, not in a million years. Thank God I only have boys…it’s hard enough just keeping objects out of their ears and noses. Vaginas? Gah!!!

  15. Amy
    December 21st, 2005 16:14
    15

    Hey SJ? Theres, unmm, a hat? On your tree?

  16. sherry
    December 21st, 2005 22:48
    16

    I can’t believe I’ve gone three years now without once thinking to use the closed captioning to watch television.

  17. Kelly
    December 22nd, 2005 06:47
    17

    Number 10 is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo us! All the time!

  18. Mabel
    December 22nd, 2005 12:28
    18

    Hehe, how cute!

  19. Tammy
    December 23rd, 2005 17:04
    19

    How is it I never thought to use closed captioning? You are a genius. I would put a hat on my tree, but Boy Terror would climb that sucker to get to the hat.

  20. Mike
    January 3rd, 2006 19:59
    20

    Loved your list. Hope you don’t mind I put a link to it on my blog - pottytrainingsite.blogspot.com

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