Fight for your right to Potty!

Not long after I found out I was with child for a second time, we decided to buy a potty for Miss E. I didn’t really expect to you know, potty train her but figured we’d introduce the potty as our little friend that sits in the bathroom.

“Hey look! It’s Mr. Potty! How are YOU today, Mr. Potty? Wouldn’t you like some poopoo in your little potty mouth?”

Ellie would then look at me and say “Sorry, woman. I crap in my pants. I’m not crapping on that thing.”

I figured that well, she’s still young and I’m not going to push the poop in the potty issue on her yet. If anything, having it around would get her used to the idea and when we felt she was more ready, well, we’d try to poop in his potty mouth again.

My child has some very quirky personality habits. I don’t want to go into them now because man, that’s an entire post on itself, but let’s just say that they’re um, endearing.

Her newest habit? Pooping in secret.

Now when she has to poop, she tends to go somewhere, squat down and do her business. If you happen to catch her while she’s mid-poop, she looks at you, points a finger and yells “Don’t!” One time, in fact, she refused to leave time out because she was pooping.

She had hit me in the face so I sent her to time out. When time was up, I went and said “Alright, let’s get out.”

“Don’t!” she screamed while lying on her back. “Don’t!”

“Okay, tell me when you’re finished pooping, okay?”

It is cool to not want other people to interfere with your pooping but come on, standing in the middle of the living room while taking a dump isn’t going to help you out. I personally suggest taking a crap in the bathroom, a place where we have lots of magazines to keep you relaxed.

At least when you poop in the bathroom, the rest of my house doesn’t smell like a big, meaty dump.


  1. you have no idea! Jagger is awesome about peeing on the potty and wears boxers all the time. except we have issues with the poop. When he has to “download some software” he takes his boxers off, brings me a diaper, then he goes in his room and slams the door. His rooms smells so bad when he comes out, bit god forbid we interupt. He screams “go” and points at the door. Why in the hell do they prefer to have shit all over their asses?

    Comment by kelllie — 12/14/2005 @ 10:13 pm

  2. Jack’s latest thing is that he WILL NOT poop in a wet diaper. As soon as you change said diaper and he has a clean one he will immediately poop. Look kid, I should only have to deal with your junk once in any given ten minutes. This is against the rules. Knock it off, ok?

    Comment by Jack’s Raging Mommy — 12/14/2005 @ 10:22 pm

  3. Again with the memories of poopy diapers! Will they poop? When will they poop? Oh God…he pooped! And a smell that would wake the dead.

    Comment by wordgirl — 12/14/2005 @ 10:25 pm

  4. Heheheee…that really cracked me up…because it sounds like something my kid would do…but he’s a boy and I don’t think they come with the urge to be private with anything.

    Comment by courtney — 12/14/2005 @ 10:53 pm

  5. This was hilarious! :)

    Comment by Kristina — 12/14/2005 @ 11:19 pm

  6. Charlie went through a fun phase where he would blame his poops on anyone close by. Like his playdate! Or my girlfriend’s baby! Or, one sad weekend, on my 40-year-old husband.

    Nice kid, but not so bright. But potty trained! Well, mostly.

    Comment by Susan — 12/14/2005 @ 11:28 pm

  7. I feel your pain - though it will be many moons before Troll Baby “gets it.”
    I love the “big meaty dumps” reference. My house must be “Big Meaty Dumpsville.” ICK.

    LOVES the Grinch!

    Comment by Karen Rani — 12/14/2005 @ 11:44 pm

  8. That is too funny. I have the opposite problem. There is nothing secretive about my son’s movements. In fact, He announces them to the world. He cannot poop without yelling, “I have to go pooh” It doesn’t matter where we are. No place is sacred. “Just go and get it done with already, we don’t need to know about it.”

    Comment by Xangelle — 12/14/2005 @ 11:45 pm

  9. Our small human now says ‘poo’ quite often, which coincides with our purchase of a, er, mouth device such as the one you describe. Yummy. Sadly, ‘poo’ appears to be uttered mostly while in the presence of the pernicious W the P bear. Dammit! Disney wants to take over everything.
    We look forward to hearing how the poo training goes for you. We have a second creature en route and, if the winds are favourable, hope to engage in the freestyle pooping lessons for the first. Why am I talking about this?

    Comment by p-man — 12/15/2005 @ 2:23 am

  10. She should poop in the bathroom so mom doesn’t have even more ammo to blog about to the rest of the known universe. That’s just my take.

    Comment by John — 12/15/2005 @ 3:39 am

  11. Ah, but did you get her the Royal Potty? Apparently the thing plays freakin’ symphony music after you shiza. Wish MY potty did that.

    Comment by Susan — 12/15/2005 @ 3:48 am

  12. I used to go hide as well. Go Ellie….literally!

    Comment by Jessica — 12/15/2005 @ 4:07 am

  13. On the up side, she is aware that her body is “moving” so to speak. This is an important “pre-Potty” training skill. For real. This is a good thing. I promise.

    Comment by Dawn — 12/15/2005 @ 8:55 am

  14. I used to nanny for a girl that did the same exact thing. Except you weren’t allowed to be in the same ROOM with her. If we were in the middle of playing something or watching Rollie Pollie Ollie (ARRRRG) and she had to poop she would actually push me out of that room and slam the door. It’s amazing how strong kids are! Hopefully Ellie’s not demanding sections of the house to poop in yet.

    Comment by el — 12/15/2005 @ 9:44 am

  15. My son’s really interested in the potty. Sometimes he’ll just go in there for a visit and not do anything productive. He likes to pee in it, but he freaks out if he conducts some stinky business and then sees it. We started showing him “Potty time with Bear” (Bear in the Big Blue House) months ago, and he still sings the songs sometimes. We’re hoping video will kill the diaper star.

    Comment by Texas T-bone — 12/15/2005 @ 9:45 am

  16. Oh man that post had me seriously LMAO. My mom had the hardest time potty training my little brother. I remember one day she got so fed up with diapers she peeled all his clothes off and stuck the training toilet in the middle of the living room. It was one of those with a basin at the bottom to catch the stuff.

    Comment by Tink — 12/15/2005 @ 10:04 am

  17. LOL. I remember my son did that too. and he would scream at me if I ever watched him poop. he still does actually. hey, I do that too. but at least I don’t let the bathroom door wide open.

    Comment by irene — 12/15/2005 @ 10:27 am

  18. Haha! Reminds me of my little brother (he’s almost 21 now…) he was finally potty trained, but then up until he was like 5 or 6, he would yell for my mom to “come wipe my bum!!!!!!”

    While I have no doubt that this was very frustrating for my mother, She had to have thought it was funny when she would make him wait, to see if he would finally do it on his own, but he was just as stubborn… Sitting there crying, wailing for my mom to go wipe his poopy ass. Haha!

    Can’t wait to tell THAT one to his future wife!

    Oh ya, somthing that works well with potty training girls, is stickers on their potty. Every time they go, they get to choose a sticker to put on their potty. Soon it will be covered in stickers!

    Comment by DesertJade — 12/15/2005 @ 10:31 am

  19. Love your Grinchy banner. I dedicated today’s Ornament to you! :)

    Comment by Ninotchka — 12/15/2005 @ 10:49 am

  20. Your blog is just great - very well written and interesting, even to 30-something guys like me who still hopes to have children. Why aren’t you up for one of those blog awards - there must be special link-related requirements or something. Oh well, doesn’t matter, love your writing.

    Comment by fringe — 12/15/2005 @ 11:57 am

  21. My kids hide too, my daughter is potty trained as far as pee goes, but she says she is scared to poop in the toilet.
    I just hope one day I won’t have to spend $60 a month on diapers

    Comment by Tuesdayef — 12/15/2005 @ 11:59 am

  22. Good tip! I’ve been pooping in my living room all this time and didn;t know you can go in the bathroom!

    Comment by mrsmogul — 12/15/2005 @ 12:22 pm

  23. Heh. After weeks of confusing random closets and other small enclosed rooms with the bathroom, my kid has more or less figured things out. But now, for some reason he will go in there, and if I try to follow him (to keep him from flinging toilet paper around like it’s confetti, or from playing in the pot after doing his business, to name just a couple examples,) he tries to shut the door on me while saying, “Have fun, Mama!” I’m still trying to figure out where he picked up that one.

    Comment by Arwen — 12/15/2005 @ 12:49 pm

  24. Ah, the pooping “in secret” stage. Remember it well from my first boy. I pray for your sake that the old wives’ tale is right, and as a girl she will be easier to train than was my eldest. Best wishes!

    Comment by Angela — 12/15/2005 @ 1:57 pm

  25. I used to poop in private too. It is a control thing - at that age, they have very little control over anything except for eating, peeing and pooping. Like Dawn said, “It’s a good thing.” It’s an early sign of independence and wanting to do things alone and on one’s own.

    However, like other posters above, my daughter would pee at first in the potty, but then would demand a diaper for the poo. Who knows? Scared of the “PLOP?” I never figured it out, but she is fully potty trained and in the 6th grade - thank GOD, I think.

    Comment by Surfie — 12/15/2005 @ 3:22 pm

  26. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or get you paranoid but I think your daughter’s really weird. I LOVE having an audience when I poop. Sometimes I sell tickets around the neighborhood (not too many my bathroom’s on the small side). the only thing I hate is when it’s a false alarm and then I have to reschedule or return their money.

    Comment by Stefanie — 12/15/2005 @ 3:40 pm

  27. My daughter tells me about specific details of her poop: the size, the shape and how many pushes it took to fire it out. “Mummy! Come see! TWO ROCKS! I pushed and I pushed and I PUSHED!” It’s nice that she’s pooping on the potty and all, but when she crapped in her diaper the smell was more easily contained. When she poops and I open the front door to get the mail the neighbours congratulate her.

    Comment by mama_tulip — 12/15/2005 @ 4:14 pm

  28. ha! you just reminded me that my boy would only poop on the potty in the family room IN FRONT OF THE TV. when we finally got him to agree to move his business into the bathroom i had to sit and read him stories while he pooped. it was a loooooooooooooooong time before privacy entered the equation.

    Comment by MoxieMomma — 12/15/2005 @ 9:28 pm

  29. Oh my goodness, how I love perusing your blog. This one was great, and reminds me of how all things do eventually come to fruition.
    My Devyn at around 18 mos or so just HAD to poop privately in public. We never knew when the big moment was coming, but it was always when we could never find her. Usually, I would find her in a corner of the living room, flushed, holding onto an end table or something, and standing tip toed. Obviously she needed the leverage. As soon as she spotted me, the color would drain from her face, she would let go and wave her hand, as if to say ” Move along. There’s nothing to see here, lady. The room wasn’t quite level, but I’ve got it covered now.”

    Never fear. Eventually it all clicks with them. Devyn is now 6, poops beautfully, and privately on the toilet. I only wish that I could get the same consideration.

    Comment by Chrissy — 12/16/2005 @ 1:06 am

  30. My daughter would crouch down in the corner behind the couch like she was being all private but we could see the top of her head, her little forehead turning all red while she grunted one out. Aren’t they precious? *gag*

    Comment by kim — 12/16/2005 @ 3:31 am

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