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Scrotumlicious

Every time we go in for an ultrasound, the person asks us if we are having a boy or girl. “Boy,” we always reply. In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever been as sure as we are that we are having, in fact, a boy.

The doctor did the ultrasound today and guess what? It is still a boy. How do we know? All the child wants to show are his nuts. His twig and giggle berries. The scrotum.

He seems to be very proud of the old appendage.

Most people have a variety of ultrasound scans that show feet, hands and usually, a profile shot or two. Us? Well, I could fill a book with my child’s weiner.

“Here’s Jizzy’s weiner at 20 weeks. Oh, and this one. This is at 24. Look how big and perky it was at 32! His doctor called it a little turtle!”

What’s up with the penis fascination? I mean, I know he’s proud of it, but come on, couldn’t he just show me a glimpse of face for a second? There’s only a certain amount of times you can pass around pictures of your child’s penis before people start wondering.

The people, they are wondering.

His Mama, she is wondering as well. Does he have a future in porn? Why so eager to show the goods?

In other news, my 32 week fetus seems to have a very large head. In fact, it measures 35 weeks, something that made the doc say “What? Let me try that again. And again. And again.”

Yes, my child has a very large head and they want it to come out my coochie.

He is also transverse (link does not include any nasty pictures this time) and haha, also facing the wrong way (outwards) in the belly. And, he is measuring 2 weeks ahead.

At this point, I’m expecting my penis showing, backwards facing, big-headed baby to come out dressed like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz while singing show tunes. At the rate we’re going, anything is possible.

28 Responses to “Scrotumlicious”

  1. Kim
    December 13th, 2005 22:18
    1

    wow, 32 weeks! You’re almost there. Then he can show EVERYONE!

  2. Crystal
    December 13th, 2005 22:53
    2

    LMAO! Shane was the same way about his twig and berries. Have you thought about the possibility of a C-section? I’m not sure what your standpoint is on it, and you don’t have to share, but I was curious. Shane was Twin A, and breech, his butt was in my cervix. Maddie was transverse at the top of my belly, OMG that HURT! She’d move all the way to one side, and get up under my ribs. Anyway, that’s why I had a c-section, no where for them to turn, and both were in bad positions. Good luck, and congrats on 32 weeks!

  3. Autumn
    December 13th, 2005 22:56
    3

    They sometimes pee in your mouth. Have I mentioned that?

  4. Nothing But Bonfires
    December 13th, 2005 23:15
    4

    His meat and two veg, his how’s-your-father, his undercarriage….

  5. wordgirl
    December 13th, 2005 23:16
    5

    Big head. Big chest, Big shoulders. 9 lb baby. Yes…it’s all coming back to me now.

  6. magpie
    December 13th, 2005 23:24
    6

    OMG–If your dr recommends that he/she tries to turn it before you go into labour–calmly get off of the table, say thank you nicely, and RUN AWAY!!! My second child was transverse, and my doc tried twice to turn him. the first wasn’t so bad, it was only a 1/4 turn, but by the time I got home, an hour later, he had moved back. The second time he tried to turn him, two weeks later, the little brat wiggled out from underneath the dr twisting my bignormous belly into an abnormal shape, and then had the nerve to go into fetal distress!! In hindsight, I should’ve sent him back after the delivery.
    Good luck with yours, I’ll keep checking in!

    Longtime lurker

  7. Debbie
    December 14th, 2005 07:23
    7

    Showing off the ol’ Johnson? Sounds like a typical guy to me. He’s totally normal. Believe me, I am surrounded by penises. (is it es to be plural? I am quite concerned about proper grammar.)

  8. MamaQ
    December 14th, 2005 07:57
    8

    Wait until you go to change his diaper in the middle of the night and his wee boner pops up at you. Freaky

  9. Shrinking Violet
    December 14th, 2005 10:12
    9

    Thank God your husband isn’t a Scientologist…can you imagine the silent birth thing with this kid?

  10. Dawn
    December 14th, 2005 10:21
    10

    You better get jewelery after birthing this child.

    When I cared for babies, as a profession, (For real here - I was Great at it!) all the new boy mommies would ask me boy related questions. Here are my tips to you.

    Clean the child’s penis. Pull back the foreskin and clean it for heavens sake. It won’t kill you and child protective services won’t kick down your door. Nothing is worse than a little baby boy with a Cheesy, smelly penis. Yes, he may get a slight erection, but again, Child protective services will not kick down your door. If you don’t the skin could adhere and that is NOT pretty.

    And his future partner will thank you for promoting good penis health.

    And Yes, as soon as they find their penis, they touch it all the time.

  11. coolbeans
    December 14th, 2005 10:44
    11

    See, I didn’t think you were supposed to pull it back. But what the hell do I know? I’m not a doctor and I didn’t design the penis.

    His “how’s-your-father”? AHAHAHA!

    Oh, and Autumn is right. In fact, you’re not a part of the club until he pees in your mouth.

  12. debutaunt
    December 14th, 2005 11:12
    12

    Jizz is obviously your kid. Zoes turned the day she was born. It will all work out. And *then* he can pee in your mouth (although if you are an expert like me, you cover that shit as soon as you uncover it. I have it down to a science.

  13. Pregnant Blogger
    December 14th, 2005 11:36
    13

    I also have an entire photo album of pictures of my son’s inutero penis and scrotum. You at least have the decorum to not post said pictures on your blog which (ha!) I did. I figure that if I’m only going to get pictures of turtles and twigs and berries, I might as well show them to people.

    Good luck with the big-headed babe. At least you will never “hear” me say, “He’s so gigantic!” because that is just rude.

  14. MoxieMomma
    December 14th, 2005 13:07
    14

    hey, sj, don’t sweat the doc’s measurements. they told me my boy was going to be a ten-pounder “for sure,” but imagine my surprise (and disappointment, i might add, because when you’re expecting ten pounds and have been terrorized by ten pounds for weeks and weeks you think, “the hell?!?” when you don’t get ten pounds) when he came out weighing just under eight pounds. oh, and i’d like to add that lj will pull so hard on his penis (and foreskin if you keep it) that you’ll be afraid he might injure himself. reminded me of that stretch armstrong doll from the late 70s. nevermind. i’m old, i admit it.

  15. Jamie
    December 14th, 2005 13:38
    15

    Look on the bright side: Once he grows up and moves away to be a cabaret dancer in NYC, you’ll always have great backstage tickets to shows on Broadway!

  16. Corrie
    December 14th, 2005 14:06
    16

    My vagina sends your vagina her condolences.

  17. mmc
    December 14th, 2005 14:30
    17

    Both of my boys were huge headed (15 & 15.5 in. - >100%ile), still are, and the doc had to do a total of 3 external versions on me. Truly the most unpleasant 2 min. of the entire pregnancy/birth, but on the continuum of e.v. vs. c-sec, i guess not so bad. I hope he flips about for you!

  18. Alison
    December 14th, 2005 14:30
    18

    Well, considering how most men are outside of the womb, it really is no surprise, is it? hahaha. I have found that usually when you try to find out the sex of the baby and the baby won’t move it’s feet out of the crotch, that equals a girl. Boys lay it all out there and have no qualms about it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of people coming back from the ultrasound not knowing what it is because the baby wouldn’t cooperate to find out later it is a boy.

  19. Amy
    December 14th, 2005 14:57
    19

    This child in me is ALSO big-headed. I am 30 weeks and his bog ole noggin was measuring 32w4d. I look at my husband and say, “Wow, neither one of us has a big head. How weird.” And he says, “No, I think you kinda have a big head.”

    WTF?

    My head is smaller than his (confirmed by trying on baseball hats) but he insists relative to the size of my body, it is bigger than his, relative to the size of his body.

    Whatever, rude.

    So anyway, sorry you have to push that kid out. I am still begging for a c-section. I have a weekly campaign going with my OB where I ask and she rejects.

  20. Mir
    December 14th, 2005 15:12
    20

    Ummm… all males are fascinated with and oh-so-proud of their bits. I have several ultrasound pictures of Monkey playing with himself. And at nearly 6, he’s still likely to streak through the hallway shouting “Look at my lovely penis!”

    Really, it’s not like adult males are all that different. If you think about it, you’ll realize that you’re not actually surprised. ;)

  21. DesertJade
    December 14th, 2005 16:29
    21

    Hey… this probably means you will be early… (trying to look on the bright side!)

    My best friend had her last baby all natural, and the baby was 10 lbs. You can DO it!!!!

    But I don’t know about all that foreskin shit… If/When I ever have a boy, he’s going under the knife.

  22. Amy
    December 14th, 2005 17:17
    22

    My first was occipult (can you say back labor?) and my second was breech. Fun times!

  23. John
    December 14th, 2005 17:22
    23

    I’ve never given birth. Never will, either. Penis and all. But wouldn’t the shoulders be more painful than the head? Teach me, because I always here people talk about the head head head. And I think…well…then there is the shoulders. That is more hurtful.

  24. clickmom
    December 14th, 2005 19:12
    24

    SJ- this is totally uncomfortable, and makes breathing a very conscious decision, but if you lie with your feet over your head he just may get into position. I did that with my breech boy and he turned and stayed. whew

    Also- do not believe them when they tell you his size from the sonogram. they are always wrong. Some other paranoid doctor fearing people, not me of course , think it is all part of a conspiracy theory to get you to be submissive during labor. That’s what “they” say at least.

  25. Beth
    December 14th, 2005 19:41
    25

    Kyle and Eli were both transverse. With Kyle I had four health care professionals take their fists and shove them way up inside during delivery, I mean labor (because I never made it to the vaginal delivery part), to try and re-position him. Sadly, the re-postioning never worked. Hopefully the little guy will flip around like he is supposed to. I am thinking of you.

  26. Jack's Raging Mommy
    December 14th, 2005 22:24
    26

    The sonogram tech kept saying “Do you know what you are having?” and when we’d say yes she’d ask “Well, what did they tell you?”
    The words “So it didn’t fall off then?” actually came out of my mouth once I was so bemused by the whole thing.

  27. Texas T-bone
    December 15th, 2005 09:46
    27

    After he’s born they will probably swell up to double their size (hormones and the shock of all that freakin’ daylight). Once he discovers the thing on the outside, there’ll be no lookin’ back. It’s like a permanently attached Lego.

  28. Erica
    December 22nd, 2005 09:55
    28

    Well SJ, at least he’s not PLAYING with his weiner in there! A friend on a pregnancy message board I go to shared this little factoid about her son’s most recent ultrasound with us-I guess he’s getting a head start on that porn career. :D

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