More fun than a ball of twine!

It is not unusual for me to check the voicemail on my phone and it will tell me “You have 12 new messages.” On one hand, I often do not know if my phone has kicked to voice mail and find out weeks later (it doesn’t like to inform me of new messages), and on the other, I often do not answer.

Why? Because we only have cell phones (no need for land line) and I can’t talk on the phone during the day or I will use up all my “daytime” minutes.

Actual contact with humans, though desired, has fallen by the wayside. What has replaced this, you ask?


Internet, I am so damn crafty I’m even getting annoyed with myself.

I have spent the past week marching around the house, griping because I couldn’t find the rubber stamp I bought to decorate my Christmas cards. You know, the Christmas cards I made myself. I finally got the pictures printed and pasted into the cards. Then? I needed the stamp, but couldn’t find it.

My desire to find the stamp has become so bad that it was interfering with daily activities. I would ramble on about the stamp, how I bought it and didn’t want to go and buy another. But, tonight, I did. I had to. I had to have the stamp.

And then, while at Hobby Lobby, I also needed 3 Christmas cookie cutters (50 cents each! What a deal!) and then a big “E” and a big “Insert letter here, I’m not telling you the initial” to decorate Ellie’s and Jizzy’s room.

I am decorating my own wrapping paper for our Christmas presents. Do you know how much time I spend thinking about twine? Felt? Can one really spend all day walking around, saying “feel this microfleece!”

Why yes, she can.

Just this weekend, I thought knitting seemed nice because I wanted to play with pretty yarn.

I spent five hours today making chocolate covered cherries. I guess the deal is that with Miss E, I didn’t have a normal third trimester. In fact, it was anything but normal.

Week 28: Get fired from job. Worry about, you know, paying the mortgage.
Week 33: Husband gets new job. In Texas. Put house up for sale. Pack. Paint house. Get sick.
Week 35: Move from North Carolina to Texas. Must find apartment in Houston on basically no notice. Move into a cheapo dump.
Week 36: Find out that my insurance doesn’t work in Texas and that I had been confused about coverage. Can’t go to doctor.
Week 38: Finally fix insurance. Go to doctor.
Week 39: Still unpacking an entire housefull of stuff into tiny apartment.
Week 40.5: Have had enough, ask to get induced.

So, you see, this whole sitting at home, twiddling my thumbs thing is new. Sure, I changed OBs. Sure, a lot of our baby stuff is still in Tulsa and will be coming at the end of the month. Sure, I haven’t figured out what the heck I’m getting my Mom.

Perhaps she’d like a bunch of handmade newborn cloth diapers? With chocolate covered cherries in place of actual poop?

Hey, it’s better than giving her meconium and more tasty, too!

17 Responses to “More fun than a ball of twine!”

  1. semisocial
    December 12th, 2005 23:56

    I guess I learned my lesson by clicking on your meconium link…. I want to punish myself.
    I will not click on sj’s links
    I will not click on sj’s links
    I will not click on sj’s links
    I will not click on sj’s links
    I will not click on sj’s links
    That made me ill. I will fake sleep after giving birth at the blessed time of lil Junior’s first stool.

  2. wordgirl
    December 13th, 2005 01:09

    Hey…when you figure out what you’re getting your mother, you can give me some idea about what to get mine.

  3. Eulallia
    December 13th, 2005 01:57

    Listen, SJ. Here’s what you need to do.

    #1 Sit DOWN
    #2 Give Ellie a bunch of wrapping paper to play with to keep her occupied for ten minutes.
    #3 Eat all of those chocolate covered cherries. You need to relax, girl.

    If you just have to keep it going, make sure to send some cherries my way, ok?

  4. Michele
    December 13th, 2005 02:26

    Why are you being all secretive and shit about the baby’s name? You’re totally going to name him Little Jizzy……c’mon think of fun his therapist will have……

  5. John
    December 13th, 2005 03:51

    I am in full agreement with semisocial. I will now look up words before I haphazardly click on them.

    Gift idea…does she have any of that ‘I’m a grandparent’ stuff? You know, a photo collage of the kid, or something like that?

  6. Debbie
    December 13th, 2005 08:58

    You know the show Intervention? They are coming to your house. We are having a crafting intervention….

  7. coolbeans
    December 13th, 2005 10:06

    Sit down? Don’t sit down! Who said that? SHH! YOU! SHH!

    Make stuff for me, too! *claps and bounces and emotes*

  8. Karen Rani
    December 13th, 2005 11:22

    OMG you are hilarious…me thinks it is chocolate covered nipples, er, cherries day though…. (you gotta check out today’s post of mine.) I don’t normally link back to my own blog, but today is an exception, and I hope you’re okay with it…. :)

  9. Dawn
    December 13th, 2005 11:55

    You can start a line of delectable gourmet candy, shaped as horrid body effluvia.

  10. whoorl
    December 13th, 2005 12:00

    Jesus, you’re crafty.

  11. Stefanie
    December 13th, 2005 15:53

    I think you should get a job at a scrapbooking store. There are a lot of them cropping up. That way you could get a lot of good discounts and…oh my god…I’m totally fucking with you. That would be really fucking boring.

  12. mrsmogul
    December 13th, 2005 16:44

    I haven’t really nested yet..at least you’re making stuff. Yep, don’t order the meconium pie online, it’s a whopping $50! LOL

  13. Shalini
    December 13th, 2005 19:52

    T 19 was awesome! lol…. meconium…. YUM! NOT… hahaha… Show pix of your crafts and stuff! Gotta go and wrap presents…

  14. tracy
    December 13th, 2005 21:02

    never again will i click links on your blog whilst eating. the only thing stopping me from barfing was the thought that if i puked on my laptop, i would not be able to play on the internet anymore. and there’s nothing good on tv.

    and about the crafts: i know what you’re going through. it is an addiction, hardcore. everyone i know is getting homemade gifts for christmas. i’m practically embroidering/baking/quilting/etc in my sleep now. next i’m going to learn to crochet! i’m also really super jealous of the cute diapers you made; i’m not pregnant and don’t plan to be for quite a while and i think it would frighten my boyfriend to death if he discovered i was sewing cloth diapers in my spare time. :)

  15. Susan
    December 13th, 2005 21:04

    My first pregnancy story went like this: mangle through two years of infertility, get pregnant, completely lose minds. Quit jobs, buy house (in Oklahoma, in case you didn’t get that we LOST OUR MINDS). At Week 32, move to Oklahoma. Week 34, my water breaks! The baby is coming, right now! And we don’t have a crib! Or a clue! Spend two days in hospital, have baby, spend five years freaking out.

    The second one? SO. MUCH. EASIER. Because I had already lost my mind, see.

  16. Kimberly
    December 13th, 2005 22:49

    Oh retch! And what the heck was that pic of the kid covered in pasta? Oh ick ick ick. I should’ve thought before clicking.

  17. Elizabeth
    December 14th, 2005 20:21

    I fell for the link too! Doh!
    I know you can find pretty much anything on the internet, but meconium? really.

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