Second Verse Same as the First

Since I’m a know-it-all and you really don’t get to know much during parenting and pregnancy, I like to chuckle at first time parents. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a first time parent myself, at least for awhile, but it is the whole First Pregnancy Thing that gets to me.

The belly, the creation of life! It is amazing!

Really it is. But, as I said, I’m a know-it-all, or at least I play one on the Internet.

My pregnancy with Miss E went something like this: I counted down the days and weeks and minutes of my pregnancy. I could tell you exactly what size fruit my child resembled that week. I could tell you if she had ears or toes or fingernails.

This time, I’m struggling to remember just what week I am in. (For those of you wondering, it is Week 30.)

I think I am a lot more calm with this pregnancy because I know what’s going on. I know that I’m going to get bigger and that the baby will get bigger and just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. I also know that it comes to an end and that one can’t stay pregnant forever.

At the end of this, there will be a Real Live Baby so I’m trying to enjoy the kicks and squirms and even the bumps into my ribs. It is hard, but I’m doing a decent job I think.

With Ellie, I used to freak about the “hypothetical” baby. I’d imagine having a baby in a bed. It was just a baby, not anything special, just your run-of-the mill infant from whatever ad I had seen. That was about it.

But now I think of my experiences with Ellie. I think of the beginning of her life, in that newborn phase when she woke up at 10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am and finally, 8am. I remember feeling so helpless and confused to her cries.

I was sitting on a friend’s couch this weekend during a “playdate” and thought, Goodness Gracious, I could have a baby in as little as 6 weeks.

(Really, Internet, since I’m not a FTM anymore, I know that it is more like 12 weeks for my little fetus to make his appearance. Six weeks only happens to good people that floss after every meal.)

But anyway, I realized, while sitting on her pretty couch in her BEAUTIFUL house, that Holy Crap, Batman! I’m going to have two kids under two and what the heck am I going to do?

And then I vomited a little into my mouth.

The thought of going back and forth between the “I want it now, I hate you” toddler phase to the “Guess all of my desires” newborn phase is scary. Spending my day with these two is a scary thought as well. That’s a lot of diapers. A lot of little people.

That’s a lot of poop.

It is hard to imagine having a second one. It is hard because he’ll be different from Ellie. He’ll have a different name, a different set of genitalia. He’ll have his own personality and it is freaking me out. I know I’ll love him, just like I love my Girl.

In the meantime, I continue to search for used Kissaluvs size 0 on the internet and try to find a way to get comfortable, which is becoming harder and harder to do.

Even though I feel blessed, excited and even a somewhat sense of calm for knowing what I’m getting into, I feel apprehensive. And that’s probably the worst feeling of all.

31 Comments

  1. wow, that is really eye-opening and honest. i am sure though you may struggle sometimes, you’ll completely survive it and end up having a blast with them. ;) maybe not with the poop, though.

    Comment by Sarcomical — 11/28/2005 @ 11:40 pm

  2. http://search.ebay.com/search/search.dll?cgiurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcgi.ebay.com%2Fws%2F&fkr=1&from=R8&satitle=kissaluvs+0&category0=

    :D

    Comment by Shylah — 11/29/2005 @ 12:01 am

  3. Okay, I keep trying to comment on people’s blogs lately and for whatever reason, my comments never show up anymore.. hmmmmm

    Comment by Shylah — 11/29/2005 @ 12:02 am

  4. I was always forgetting which week I was during my second pgcy. For a while I thought I was one week, and a couple weeks later found out I was actually 3 weeks AHEAD of what I had been thinking. It was cool and I felt guilty all at the same time.

    I also had various moments throughout the pgcy where I thought “What the hell am i doing?!", as if I suddenly realized that I would have two babies, and not be pregnant forever. It WILL be weird, and probably for a while, as you adjust to two. It gets better once you get into routines, but as you know newborns don’t get into routines for a while. My Charlie turned two a week after Jamie was born, so yours will be closer and more poopy. ;)

    Comment by Arianne — 11/29/2005 @ 12:24 am

  5. You’ve got a realistic outlook, SJ, and that’s going to keep you saner than other parents with “two under two". Here are a few of the things I learned by having two boys that young. The two oldest are 13 months apart.

    1) An 18 month old kid can definitely put a graham cracker into the microwave (when your back is turned) and “cook” it.

    2) Crisco shortening doesn’t like to come out of the carpet without help from a professional carpet cleaner.
    3). Breastfeeding the new baby is a great, but don’t freak out when the older sibling (now on solids) casually lifts your shirt one day and says, “Hey…what are these?”

    4) The many folds of a baby girl’s bottom are hard to keep clean for one reason. Baby dick is a whole “nother story. Circumcised or not…get good with a Q-tip. Don’t forget to lean waaaaay back.

    5) Baby acne has some relevance to the “awfulness” of the same person’s adolescent outbreaks. See me about this later.

    You’re gonna be fantastic!

    Comment by wordgirl — 11/29/2005 @ 1:14 am

  6. We’ve discussed this briefly before, but our youngest was about 14 weeks old before we saw anything even close to the term ’sanity’ around here, and he just turned 5 months old this month (with a 21-month old big brother) and it’s the first month I feel even semi-in control of my life since his birth. Most days we have a routine now and I’m even brave enough to leave the house with both of them alone on occasion. Those first 12-13 weeks of his life though? Well, you’ll know soon enough all on your own… Nothing anyone could have ever told me in advance would have prepared me so why burden you. But to have him here and a part of our family now – well, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. (Although the husband not developing pneumonia when he was 2 weeks old would have been kinda nice!)

    Comment by robyn — 11/29/2005 @ 2:26 am

  7. Sometimes the reality of my state will hit, like I never realized before: we’re going to have another baby. It completely freaks me out. However, I’m still in Lala Land, optimistically believing that the kids are going to get along perfectly and all will be happiness, butterflies and rainbows.

    Comment by mrtl — 11/29/2005 @ 4:01 am

  8. When my youngest was born, i had three under 5. that was scary. But, as kids tend to do, they grow up and your time frees up a little more, and before you know it all three of your kids are off to school leaving you sitting at home all by yourself wondering what to do with all this time you’ve just aquired.
    (You even sometimes have crazy notions that perhaps another baby would be a good idea, then you promptly run to your boys’ bedroom and see what ‘Hurricane Boys’ has left you and that thought quickly leaves your head)

    Comment by wayward goddess — 11/29/2005 @ 8:32 am

  9. Rely on people that love you. I didn’t and I regret not enjoying the entire first year of Troll Baby’s life. 2nd children are an eye opener! Best of luck and I’m sure you’ll be just fine.

    Comment by Karen Rani — 11/29/2005 @ 8:42 am

  10. Just as women develop amnesia about labor and delivery (otherwise everyone would be an only child), the day will arrive when you realize you have NO IDEA how you got where you are, but looka that, you have two little kids and it’s pretty cool.

    Mine are close together like yours will be and although I remember very little of my son’s first year, I can tell you I’m grateful every single day that they’re so close. They’re fabulous playmates for each other and the Horrible Times were sort of compacted together due to the small age span. Heh.

    Comment by Mir — 11/29/2005 @ 9:03 am

  11. Let me just tell you honestly, it is going to be really HARD in the begining, but as they get older it will get easier physically, but harder mentally, trying to make the right decisions for your kids.

    I know exactly how you feel as I was there not all that long ago (I’m the one who’s daughter used to smear her poop everywhere). My daughter is now 6 and my son is 4, I had a really hard tine when he was born, and I had PPD reaaly bad (I was hospitalized for a week), but it got better, day by day, and before you know it ther are in school and you have a semi-normal life again. If you ever want to email me to talk or for advice, please feel free to. Because like you I didn’t have to many friends after having my first kid at 17 and my second at 19! And my cirlce of friends now is very small, like I can count them on one hand! :P
    ~Kristin

    Comment by Kristin — 11/29/2005 @ 10:08 am

  12. I can’t say this from any experience of my own, but my guess is you’ll both love and hate every minute. The apprehension comes from love. You’re in a good place, surrounded by good people. You may even surprise yourself. All the best.

    Comment by Caitlinator — 11/29/2005 @ 11:18 am

  13. Do you want to go and visit the nut house???? Sanity is spelled D-I-S-P-O-S-A-B-L-E-D-I-A-P-E-R-S!!!! That’s what you are getting from me and you are going to be so glad.

    Comment by Debbie — 11/29/2005 @ 11:37 am

  14. your eyes are open and your head is on straight- these are both very good things. we did 2 under 2, 3 under 5, 4 under 10, and then adopted, later. they were the worst of times, they were the best of times, but mostly we remember the best. i think you will too.

    Comment by chris — 11/29/2005 @ 12:22 pm

  15. I am 3 weeks away and have a 20 month old. All I can think about is sleep. Then I start thinking that the only thing I ever wanted was a family. So the lack of sleep and everything that goes with this wonderful stage in life. I will take it. I don’t remember the bad times I can only make out the good.

    Listen to Debbie use disoposable diapers. It will save you from being locked in the corner.

    Email me if you want to vent. I am right there with you.

    Comment by Amanda Stokely — 11/29/2005 @ 12:41 pm

  16. My uh, berserk – I mean, ’spirited’ daughter is two and a half and my little Christmas Ham is almost four months. If it weren’t for the fact that I felt like I had a bowling ball resting on my pelvis and looked like I had just swallowed a pilates ball I probably would have forgotten I was pregnant during my second. There are some good times over here – it’s always fun when they both start crapping at the same time or when I’m nursing and my daughter comes up to me with a plastic teacup pressed against her chest telling me her boobies hurt and she has to pump. Sometimes I feel like pulling clumps of my hair out but mostly it’s a lot of fun. Mostly.

    Comment by mama_tulip — 11/29/2005 @ 1:27 pm

  17. I bought that couch at Big Lots just for you. You are welcome to give birth on it.

    It’ll be okay. My mom had two young-uns and it only took her 10 years to stop drinking.

    Comment by ieatcrayonz — 11/29/2005 @ 1:48 pm

  18. My eldest daughter is 3 today, and my baby girl is 4 1/2 months. Some days all I do is wipe butts! You will be fine. Eventually :) Take advantage of any help offered and you’ll get through it.

    Comment by KellyH — 11/29/2005 @ 1:55 pm

  19. Two words: RESTRAINING DEVICE

    Don’t think of it as a stroller. Don’t think of it as a Johnny Jump up or a Baby Bjorn. What all these things really do is contain your babies. I used to strap one kid in the Baby Bjorn and the put the other in the front seat of the cart to go grocery shopping. Double restraining devices are nice too…I mean double strollers.

    Good luck!

    Comment by Laura — 11/29/2005 @ 2:40 pm

  20. BTW, I know a mom that might sew you some diapers for cheap if yer real nice.

    Comment by ieatcrayonz — 11/29/2005 @ 3:01 pm

  21. There was nothing more shocking to me than becomeing a FTM. When the second one came along and was the polar opposite of the first, I handled it with much more grace and style. (see- no shock with #2) When the third came along, and he asserted his own unique set of needs and desires we fell right into place too.

    I am telling you, with out the shock part it is so a piece of cake. Just because you won’t remeber the first year or two of his life doesn’t make you bad, just normal.

    Comment by clickmom — 11/29/2005 @ 3:44 pm

  22. I don’t know what these parents of two or three children are talking about. I personally would jump out a window (ok, maybe a first floor window) and run screaming naked down the street if I found out I was pregnant again. You have every right to be very, very afraid, but it sounds like you are handling it well.

    Comment by Pregnant Blogger — 11/29/2005 @ 4:58 pm

  23. My two are 22 months apart, and yeah. It’s nuts. It took about 3 months for me to get a handle on things like wearing clothes again. Just accept that you will live in a twilight zone, in your house, for the first while. It was during those first months that I totally forgot my vow to keep the Evil TV from my children. Now, they know the theme songs, the characters, and all the in between.

    Comment by Tammy — 11/29/2005 @ 5:42 pm

  24. Yeah, I really agree with the others about the disposable diapers. Do you really want to add nasty poo diapers to the mounds of laundry that you’ll have to do in addition to taking care of two little ones? Feeding, chasing, calming, getting two to take naps and to bed at night, dressing, bathing, changing, AND scraping out crap AND making sure you have clean diapers when you need them? Just more work, and in actuality, disposable diapers don’t make up as much of the landfills that people think.

    Comment by Nikki — 11/29/2005 @ 5:48 pm

  25. Pregnant Blogger–Trust me. I DID feel like running naked down the street when I found out I was having another one so soon. There I was, standing in the doctor’s office with a 5 month old in one arm and a positive pregnancy test in the other. The OB nurses at the window just laughed their asses off.

    And these two have always been different from each other. Looks, personalities, motivations. Everything. But they depend upon each other quite a bit. The third one is a blend of his brothers. It was like twins the hard way…two in diapers, high chairs, cribs, carseats. I had a double stroller.

    But those days are long behind me and, you know what? I miss them.

    Comment by wordgirl — 11/29/2005 @ 6:04 pm

  26. It will be ok trust me.
    If you want a break you can always ship (UPS of course) the baby to me for a day or two. I need to hold a baby in order to get rid of my baby itch.

    Comment by Cristina — 11/29/2005 @ 6:19 pm

  27. My two are 16 months apart, and I will not lie: the first four months of my daughter’s life were probably the hardest months in my entire life. But my son was a maniac of a toddler, and my daughter was a difficult newborn. Maybe Ellie is easier to handle–and maybe Little Jizzy will be a very easy baby. You never know, it could happen. If it doesn’t, just remember that it WILL get easier. That doesn’t make it suck any less I realize–but now I am totally loving having these two so close in age. (They are 2.75 years and 1.5 years right now) Once Little Jizzy gets old enough to sit and play, you will be amazed at how much they entertain each other.
    My only advice is this: don’t worry too much about it now. There’s nothing you can do about it, anyway.

    Comment by Amy — 11/29/2005 @ 7:20 pm

  28. Whoa! These comments are really making it seem sucky to have multiple kids. I dunno, i was going to chime in with all my wisdom of “yes it will be hard” and ” i had 4 kids in 6 years” but… really, it’s all going to be great. Siblings that are close in age are awesome. They are compassionate, reasonable and loving (most of the time). Being a mom is a challenge no matter how many you have and what ages they are.

    Comment by jess — 11/29/2005 @ 7:48 pm

  29. Dude, we are having babies-soon. I am so freaked out-ugh. I still can’t believe that I have to push ANOTHER kid out of my crotch! I am NEVER having sex again!

    Comment by Corrie — 11/29/2005 @ 9:48 pm

  30. bah if you can do one you can do two. Mine are hmm 21 months apart - k so like they’re in HS now but who’s counting right? Here’s the thing - you aren’t going to sleep for the first 3-6 months whether you have one newborn or one newborn +1 toddler. No sleep = numb crazy person.

    I’ll bet you’ll find it’s a lot like labor. You don’t remember just how damn much it hurts until you’re in it the second time. Then it’s “OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME AGAIN!!”

    We live through and forget the pain of labor - otherwise we’d never have more than one kid right? (And trust me, you forgot.) We also live through and forget the insanity of the first few months with two because hey we were numb and weren’t really awake for it anyway! ;)

    Comment by satya — 11/30/2005 @ 12:59 am

  31. Why? Why? Why couldn’t you just let me believe I was really almost done with this belly full of baby? Damn it! That means 6 more weeks hip crushing belly bursting no breathing hell for me instead of the 3 I was dreaming about. Arg.

    Comment by Kat — 12/1/2005 @ 4:09 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Say it, don't spray it

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.