Rivers of Poo

I swear, all we talk about in this house is poo. Okay, vaginas and poo. What can I say? We have a kid that likes to poop. She also likes to eat her poop and touch her poop, but uh, I guess that just means she is open to new textures.

Recently the poo catchphrase in our house is “watery diarrhea.” Diarrhea is one of those words that I constantly spell wrong but after having pretty much a month of diarrhea diapers, well, I’m a champ at spelling that word!

Watery diarrhea for everyone!

Anyway, the diarrhea. More often than not, it is full of undigested food. If watery greyish yellowish diarrhea isn’t enough, well, having it full of black beans and bits of chicken is just pushing it over the edge.

I mentioned this at her last checkup but decided shortly thereafter that she probably had a virus or was teething. So, we let it slide. Then, you know, we got wrapped up in life.

Then it came back with a vengeance. That’s how I found myself scooping up bits of the poop from her diaper on Saturday and putting it in a container so it could get tested! After awhile of sitting in the container, it started to resemble gravy.

Have fun at Thanksgiving.

Anyway, she could just be catching viruses. She could have yet another food allergy, to which I say “Please, Lord! No! No!” Maybe its some weird malabsorption disorder.

All I can say is “I’m sick of the poo.”

The poo is gross. I do not like to look at poo and pick out different food groups. I also don’t like having multiple conversations where I use the words “wet fart.”

But? I didn’t say “wet fart” while at the doctor today. I feel proud. You know, how when you’re at the doctor, you sometimes feel the need to use the “real” words for things such as “vagina” or even “bottom” instead of butt?

Am I supposed to say gas from her rectum? Flatulence? Damp flatulence?

As I was leaving the doctor’s office, my snot nosed, dirty-bottomed child in tow, I realized something. Sure, I talk about wet farts, but I did not say “She farts like a trucker” in front of the doc.

Come to think of it, I don’t know if truckers have smelly farts or not. I guess it is kind of wrong to assume they do. I guess, if anything, she’s farting like her daddy.

So, from now on, my child farts “like a researcher.”

11 Responses to “Rivers of Poo”

  1. Y
    November 14th, 2005 22:36

    Um, don’t EVEN try to take the Farting Title away from my daughter.

    “She farts like a trucker” was mine first!!!

  2. Lou
    November 14th, 2005 22:52


    I hate it when they have the trots!

  3. kim
    November 15th, 2005 03:49

    My 4 year old baby is so rotten that it’s mind-blowing that such a nasty smell could emit from such a small, angelic human. My only explanation is that he inherited his Dad’s bum.

  4. Dawn
    November 15th, 2005 08:47

    Some “assvice”? Maybe it’s a rotovirus. In my Ah-hem- professional year as a Child Care provider….I saw some MEAN rotovirus bouts. If the smell knocks you back, like something LITERALLY died in your child’s intestine. Could be a rotovirus.

    P.s. This intimate knowledge of all things the come from children’s orifices makes me a HUGE hit at adult parties.

  5. yonzie
    November 15th, 2005 09:30

    Sons a biznatches. You have one week to get that kid better or no Braum’s for you! Gray poo? Really, I’ve yet to encounter that one and hope to God I never will. Leave the disease at the door, please.

  6. DesertJade
    November 15th, 2005 11:00

    The only thing that I have to contribute, is that my cat’s shit can smell up a 1200sq ft apartment. He is in there for sometimes up to 20 minutes. I swear, sometime I’m gonna see him taking a newspaper in with him. Then he doesn’t like to scratch around in the litter, (I think he had a bad experience as a kitten) so he spends another 10 minutes trying to scratch shreds of plastic off the sdes of the litterbox cover to cover up the stank.

  7. amp
    November 15th, 2005 11:50

    It’s actually ROTAvirus. But yea, Dawn may be on to something. It’s easily spread–especially by daycare workers who aren’t careful. I know Ellie goes to a church daycare, so that may be the place where she got it. Is she in a room with older kids? As in 2 or 3 years old? Twos/Threes are notoriously known for not washing their hands after leaving the bathroom. All Ellie has to do is touch an infected toy, then put her hands in her mouth. Rotaviruses are nasty, but totally common. Most children in daycare, before age 3 have had it.

  8. Erica
    November 15th, 2005 14:25

    I have been laughing so hard at this post and the comments I’ve read that I peed myself. :D Hubby actually stopped working, looked at me and said “Are you ok?” Then I laughed and peed some more (which at this stage in pregnancy isn’t very uncommon for me)!

    My question is, when the poo gets that violent, how do you all keep from hurling? I’m scared I’ll give my daughter a complex about using the bathroom. “Mommy, why is it that everytime I poo, you vomit?”

  9. Torrie
    November 15th, 2005 16:18

    I think I love you.

  10. ands
    November 15th, 2005 17:19

    do you think you could fix that before I see her?…maybe lighting a match will help with the smell..hehe.

  11. Ice Queen
    November 17th, 2005 11:43

    My 6-year-old call it the “Hershy Squirts”.

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