I have a confession to make, Internet. I have a love/hate relationship with Oprah. On some days, I think “I’m glad I watched today’s show.” Then there are other days, days full of eye-rolling and shouting at the television while I yell “Are you for real?”

Yes, Internet. She is for real.

So, it came as a surprise that I accidentally came across something of Oprah’s. It is a notebook, encrusted in gold, diamonds and rubies that has all of her upcoming show ideas in it.

Not wanting to leave you out, I’ll fill you in on a couple of my favorites:

1. Watch me count my money!
2. My newest house and why it is better than yours.
3. Why I think my dog’s poop is better than your kid.
4. Why I really hate stay at home moms.
5. What really made me hate white women.
6. Fabulous people and the fabulous things they give to me.
7. An ongoing list where I name every celebrity I’m friends with.
8. Did you know I love John Travolta and Tina Turner?
9. Every fabulous party I have thrown and why you’re not invited.
10. What? You don’t wrap all your Christmas presents with pure silk? AKA: Why the rest of the world isn’t as good as me.

42 Responses to “WWW.StopOprah.Com”

  1. Susie
    November 6th, 2005 21:57

    I’m am SO there with you. Love/Hate Oprah. It’s such a disfunctional relationship. My favorite was when she used her show to tell THE WORLD how much she was donating to Katrina Hurricane Relief. I was glad she was able to give so much but did we need to know the dollar amount. Just another opportunity for her to stand in front of her orgasming audience. I HATE HER AUDIENCE! I’m embarrassed FOR them. Look there’s Gayle! There’s John Travolta! There are my dogs which are better than children! Look I know more than the psychologists on my show! Makes me want to puke… but tomorrow’s show ight be good!

  2. Eulallia
    November 6th, 2005 22:05

    HELLO! Stop thinking my thoughts for me, you’re freaking me out.

  3. Aimee
    November 6th, 2005 22:28

    Amen! I’m right there with you. The last “episode” of her parading her house in front of us… Ummm… I’m still dry heaving.

  4. Steph.
    November 6th, 2005 22:39

    HA! I watched some of that episode, but missed most of the house show-off segment. I DID enjoy watching not-available-to-women Nate. He’s such a cutie!

  5. Aj
    November 6th, 2005 22:55

    Yeah, I didn’t notice the blatant open mocking of Robyn Givens when talking about why she stayed in an abusive relationship, but I did notice an abundance of mockery when talking to Melinda McCready (sp?): I wonder what the difference was . . . . . :)

  6. Kris
    November 6th, 2005 23:03

    11. What I’m giving away and why you can’t have it
    AKA My head is so big I can’t leave this building
    PS My audience died because I used up all the Oxygen

  7. Mir
    November 6th, 2005 23:24

    What, no “I used to be fat and fabulous and empowered but now that I’m skinny there is absolutely nothing left that’s relatable about me but you don’t care because I’ll give you free stuff”?

  8. Susan
    November 7th, 2005 00:12

    Out with Oprah. In with Tony Danza.

  9. denise
    November 7th, 2005 00:27

    You can’t live with her and you can’t live without her.

  10. Amber
    November 7th, 2005 01:43

    How weird… I just wrote a letter to Oprah in my journal because I’ve been pissy about her show’s subjects lately. Glad to see I’m not alone! :)

  11. Kimberly
    November 7th, 2005 02:29

    I stopped watching Oprah years ago when she went from having an interesting show to being our guardian angel.

    What I hate MOST about her is the fake “I’m just like you” vibe. At every major celebrity event..she’s there. She’s there posing with Halle Berry with a, “OMG!! l’m just an ordinary woman and I’m at the Oscars standing next to Halle Berry!!!” look on her face. When we all know that she could probably hire Halle Berry to clean her house.

    And yeah…when you show up at a store 15 minutes after closing…they don’t have to let you in. People in stores at closing aren’t kicked out until after they’ve completed their purchases. Famewhore.

    Thanks for this. My whole family adores Oprah.

  12. jenB
    November 7th, 2005 02:36

    she has really picked my ass since she got all skinny. i prefer fat oprah.

  13. Paige
    November 7th, 2005 03:28

    I watch her everyday (almost) because it’s sort of like a trainwreck for me. I hate it when she decides something is really important and she’ll be all, ONE IN NINE, PEOPLE. ONE IN NINE. ONE IN NINE WOMEN ARE BATTERED. ONE IN NINE.”

    There was also an episode with Cameron Diaz where she said, “So, how hard is it having money?” and they sat around for 20 minutes talking about how hard it is to have SO MUCH MONEY. Fabulous.

  14. Susan
    November 7th, 2005 06:44

    Yeah, yeah, we love to hate her. But how cool would it be to go to the Favorite Things show and come home with STUFF? You know, practical stuff, like $600 Coach dog slippers and cashmere tampons and an iguana handbag too small to put a lipstick in? THAT would be great.

  15. Surfie
    November 7th, 2005 09:32

    She has become more pretentious as of late. One thing I have ALWAYS noticed about her is that she rarely hugs the white folks, unless they are “friends,” but she hugs the black folk every single time and gives them a pat-pat. I don’t think she even realizes she does it so blantantly.

  16. yonzie
    November 7th, 2005 10:19

    Halle Berry has 6 toes. That is all.

  17. Happay
    November 7th, 2005 10:56

    I feel lucky that I’m not home during Oprah hours and I’m not refined (read rich) enough to have either cable or TIVO to catch it later (I know, I should not be allowed to exist anymore). But, the other day I was home early and decided to turn the tv on, knowing Oprah was going to be on. I watched for about 2 minutes as she walked around what I assume is her house showing off a redesign and the guy who did it was doing it for his first time! gasp. She was talking about how you have to have a bench in the bathroom to cool off after a shower and she was talking about it like it was a luxury that everyone had to have. Then she walked over to a fresh fruit display of green apples and expounded on how nice it is to have fresh fruit instead of fresh flowers because it is cheaper and more practical than flowers. Give me a break. I couldn’t relate to this at all. I turned the tv off and sorted through pictures on my computer. I’d rather have been shoving hot pokers in my eyes while eating the ashes of my dead dog than watch her for another two minutes.

  18. Y
    November 7th, 2005 11:11

    And that is why I now call her HOPRAH.

    Hate her and her new season.

    ALthough, I do love what she’s doing to capture child molesters, but I still hate her.

  19. Sarcomical
    November 7th, 2005 11:26

    …you know, she really should spread a little more of that around this direction. don’t you agree?

  20. S
    November 7th, 2005 11:39

    I hate how she puts words in everyone’s mouths. Just because you’ve been interviewing people for a gazillion years doesn’t mean you understand how they’re feeling. Let your guests talk for themselves!!!

    And never let Tom Cruise into your studio again, please.

  21. AMP
    November 7th, 2005 11:41

    one in nine women is battered? that’s not bad odds (11%). no need to panic.

  22. Amy
    November 7th, 2005 12:47

    And I thought I was alone in the Oprah hating thing. My mother watches her every afternoon, and I can’t stand Oprah anymore. If she’d ever stop showing off her money and just give me some or something, I guess I could like her then. Until then, I really don’t care about her new house and all the shit we “SHOULD” have but can’t afford. (See: toilet paper made of money)

  23. Nothing But Bonfires
    November 7th, 2005 12:53

    Impeccable timing! Today I was incredibly excited because my boss is on vacation, which means I can make a 4pm “appointment” and actually be able to watch Oprah for the first time in forever. And then I found out it was going to be Kirstie Alley and Her Amazing Weight Loss Secrets! So I think my “appointment” will be with, ooh, Trading Spaces or something instead.

  24. Melody
    November 7th, 2005 13:35

    Thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking as I watch my Ti-Vo-inspired addiction to “She Who Has It All And Rubs It In Your Face Daily”. I, too, noticed the harshness with which she interviewed Mindy McCready. And that thing with the lounge chair in the bathroom?? PuhLEEZ!! I turned to my husband (who watches the train wreck with me at times) and said, “how many people have TIME to rest after a shower??” And if a shower wears you out THAT much . . . holy schnikeys. Gimme a break! Again, thanks for articulating it so that I no longer feel alone. Perhaps we should start a support group. ;-)

  25. Surcie
    November 7th, 2005 13:45

    I feel the same way. I used to be a big fan of hers. I still TiVo her show, but I definitely don’t watch that often. I end up deleting most of the shows. It’s just not the same anymore. She seems SO wrapped up in her fame, fortune, and connections that she’s out of touch with how people really live. I’m a sucker for magazines that I really don’t need, which is why I just bought another issue of “O at Home.” I don’t know who they think the audience is for that pub, but it never reflects what is attainable for even upper-middle-class Americans. When did Oprah’s “living your best life” philosophy become about buying stuff? More often than not, my contact with Oprah’s Empire leaves me feeling empty and a little used.

  26. coolbeans
    November 7th, 2005 14:03

    Cashmere tampons? Where can I get me some of those?

  27. yonzie
    November 7th, 2005 15:22

    Right next to the silk dental floss.

  28. wordgirl
    November 7th, 2005 15:26

    I’m a little conflicted. I’m thrilled when a woman–any woman– can rise out of poverty to become so powerful. That she occasionally uses her show to bring attention to issues that need it is without question. That she uses her wealth and influence for the greater good, when she so chooses, is also to her credit.

    But…please…spare me the agony of watching her “annoint” every damn thing she likes–books, movies, diets, clothing, furniture–and make it sound as though she is somehow responsible for how great it is. Like…it wasn’t so great until Oprah saw it and gave it life. Or…no one could see the greatness in this thing until Oprah turn on the light for all of us.

    Dont you think that–eventually–someone could see that Dr. Phil makes some sense about stuff. And, please, don’t even try to tell me that the world would remain blind to the fabulous-ness that is Nate Burkus! And books? Kids, I used to be an English teacher and I was pushing the greatness of Steinbeck’s “East of Eden” like a dealer pushes crack LONG before Oprah decided to enlighten her audiences!

    Yes, I’ve noticed the fact that she likes to showcase the positive influences in the black community, though it does seem they’re all rich and famous. It bugs me until I realize that, if I had a talk show, I’d be showcasing women more than men. I’m always trolling for reasons to illustrate how women are all that men are…and a bag of chips.

    But watch how she inverviews people. I don’t care what the subject it…she interrupts them constantly. Molestation/rape/drugs & alcohol abuse/mental illness/crime…whatever. The guest can be talking and she has to “recap and breakdown” what that person is saying for the audience. It’s as if we’re incapable of understaind the “essence” of what the guest is trying to say without Oprah the Wise give it her final spin.

    The only thing it looks like she doesn’t know crap about is raising kids, and I’m thankful she’s not trying to tell us how best to do THAT.

    I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

  29. Oprah
    November 7th, 2005 15:36

    Did you see the one with Jennifer Aniston?
    I just wanted to make sure you did, because in it I mention how Jennifer and I are pals ad how she spent the weekend at my house.
    Or was that the one with Julia Roberts?

    Does it really matter?

    Oh, well. I have to run. I have to take these 20 carat diamond earings off. They’re making my earlobes droop.

  30. Surcie
    November 7th, 2005 17:15

    Actually, Oprah stayed at Julia’s house. And they got loopy on margaritas.

    I’m scaring myself.

  31. Heather
    November 7th, 2005 17:29

    Oooh…I am liking this corner of the universe. I too have the love/hate thing happening with Oprah. Other commenters have more eloquenly articulated reasons to love her - her charity, a feminist Horatio Alger story…but her show is this gynormous marketing machine. Everyone is plugging something! And how much merch was peddled today? Kirstie Alley must have a new show, then there was the sex & weight loss book, and the mom who used her kids for weights…she must be selling something too. Not a day goes by where she is NOT using her show to sell someone elses wares…its the shopping channel…with a message! It drives ME NUTS!

  32. wordgirl
    November 7th, 2005 17:49

    For some reason I thought Julia R. stayed at Oprah’s house, rather than the other way round. Or was it Jennifer Aniston? Either way, somebody brought a posse of girlfriends and they stayed up into the wee hours with the divine Miss “O”. just munching on Zone-approved snacks and tossing back tequila shots.

    Can you imagine the conversation?

    Of course you can’t! And neither can I. We’re not famous and gorgeous with eleventy-million dollars in the bank. People would laugh if I tried to tell them that Bishop Desmond Tutu has me on speed dial and that Dr. Maya Angelou calls me “phenomenal woman”.

    Only Oprah can bestow a wise and knowing glance in the direction of guests Joquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon and pronounce with utmost gravity (five-6 months before Oscar time) that they will win for their portrayal of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. And. It. Must. Be So.

    Did you see Oprah go to the penitentiary to take on that prisoner? I mean she was all UP in his face about the crime he denied doing. But Oprah, who is now adept at dealing with the criminal mind, wasn’t havng any of his dismissal of her sagacity or her ability to nail him to the floor with her steely gaze. He was guilty because the court said so. But more importantly…he was guilty because OPRAH said so. Apparently he didn’t get that memo, or maybe the guys in his cellblock are busy watching Jeopardy at that time.

    Who could believe she’d pull the race card about that shopping thing? Late is late. Either you claim to live by the rules that the rest of the world, or you expect special treatment. If you expect the treatment, then you have to revoke your “ordinary person” membership. You can’t fly both ways.

    She makes me tired.

  33. Debbie
    November 7th, 2005 18:18

    Good job SJ! Our little discussion on how to bust the O-myth (that’s Oprah myth people - orgasms DO exist!) is working!!

    Oprah is no longer “O from the block.” She is all uptown and snotty these days. I am sick of her name dropping and treating me like I don’t know anything about the finer things in life. I believe that Oprah has surrounded herself with people who all kowtow to her and no one is telling her what she needs to hear!

    On the show now: Kirstie Alley just said that she weighed 203 lbs. the first time on Oprah’s show. She is so LYING! That woman was 300 at least!! As an aside…that Kirstie Alley is NOT a nice person.

    I am now eagerly waiting to hear the woman tell how she lost weight through having sex. My husband will be all over that and wanting to “work-out” all the time now! Thanks Oprah!

  34. Chasity
    November 7th, 2005 18:54

    did you see the episode where she exposed the poor of america? i know she gives tons of stuff away but instead of giving some middle class stiff a new car, couldn’t she have bought one of those poor mountain towns some running water? i hated the smug look on her face during that episode. She went grocery shopping with one woman and asked why they were bypassing the produce aisle and looked all smug as the woman bought her kid popsicles instead. one of oprah’s lamps in her newly decorated home could have bought groceries for that family for a year. i haven’t watched her since.

  35. wordgirl
    November 7th, 2005 19:06

    …and so Kirstie Alley says she only tipped the scales at 200? MY ASS!! During my pregnancies I went from 5′8″ and 140 pounds to 200 pounds. I remember how big I was, and even at that weight (which I lost, thank god) I would swear that–at “200 pounds”– Kirstie Alley’s right LEG weighs more than my entire body did–back when I was actually two people in one body.

    Sure…Kirstie’s getting smaller, but there’s no way that those pics in the Globe show her weighing any less than 280.

    Also notice how Oprah changed the color of the new chairs to BLACK for this show so as to blend in with Kirstie’s black outfit and make it hard for the camera to pick up just how enormous she still is. I mean…props to anyone who wants to better herself/himself, but don’t ask us to believe a big lie. Too many people have hit 200 pounds and were nowhere near as big as Kirstie Alley.

    And the woman who lost weight by having sex! There isn’t enough lubricant in the world to keep even the best sex from turning into a marathon of painful tedium. Geez lady, get a treadmill!

  36. kate
    November 7th, 2005 19:20

    Thank you for your bravery and honesty. I hate how people clap so much on her show after everything she says. Its worse than Bush’s early presidential speeches. Its like the audience thinks they might get some more free stuff if they suck up enough

  37. Very Mom
    November 7th, 2005 19:22

    “Cashmere tampons” - bwaahahahahaha!

    I never watch Oprah. Never. But I do watch Martha Stewart EVERYDAY.

  38. Sarcastic Journalist
    November 7th, 2005 20:05

    not really brave. i mean, come on, i’m just making fun of “The Oprah.”

    But, if anyone has a ticket to that favorite things show, please send. Yes, I’m a hypocrite. And I don’t care.

  39. rachael
    November 7th, 2005 22:19

    wait, didn’t any of you see the baby care video that oprah put out? no, i’m not kidding. we watched it at birth class. !!!

  40. Diane
    November 8th, 2005 14:18

    Hey I went to www.stopoprah.com and what is that crap? They should replace it with all these comments. I have to watch Oprah when I’m home because there is nothing else on and sometimes it’s worth it, but when I do watch I usually end up turning it off by the end of the show because many a times I become really disgusted with the name-dropping self-righteousness.
    I used to love the skits they did on ?Mad TV? ?SNL? of her. I haven’t seen it in a while, I wonder if she threatened some people. I live in the Chicago area, and I firmly do believe that she is all powerful and will crush you like a bug if you say anything remotely negative about her. You’ve all been warned. Oops, I guess that includes me.
    *Names and emails have been changed to protect my identity.

  41. invis84088
    November 14th, 2005 14:46

    You people have issues. What is wrong with someone wanting to use her influence and clout to give things to other people? Oprah just taped her favorite things show this past weekend and my best friend was lucky enough to be in the audience. Oprah honored those that were Hurricane Katrina volunteers. Maybe you people should spend a little less time hating on other people and a little more time helping those less fortunate than you. If you have a computer, you’re in one of the richest groups on the planet. And, admit it: if you had as much money as Oprah has, would you give away as much as she does? (ie: over $10 million to Katrina victims) I doubt it.

  42. Sarcastic Journalist
    November 14th, 2005 15:04

    Did your friend jump up and down and cry? Did she act like an idiot over some ugly ass purple purse?

    Your friend, it turns out, is better than us because she got honored for her volunteerism. How do you know we didn’t volunteer?

    Get a life, you’re just as bad as Oprah.

    Oh, and BTW, I did volunteer. But, you know, as a pregnant woman with a small child, I couldn’t go and pull dead bodies out of houses.

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