Money CAN Buy You Love, It Turns Out.

We owned a house when we lived in North Carolina. It had three bedrooms, which meant that we had room for a “nursery” and an office/guest bedroom. I had the best attempts at keeping my child’s decor “gender neutral” so that she wouldn’t feel the need to grow up and become a girly girl. Ha. She’s as girly as they come.

Anyway, we moved to Texas when I was 35 weeks pregnant and it was bye bye nursery, hello ghetto apartment. Ellie’s room became the storage closet and we kept her crib in our room. Once we moved to White People Land, Miss E got her very own room, complete with green walls.

Now that we’re going to have “Two Under Two,” Miss E and Little Jizzy will eventually share an abode. I found out last week that somehow, all the stars aligned and we’re getting to move to a first floor apartment. On November 1st.

Somehow, through a lot of begging, I convinced The Hubs that the two kiddos “deserve” a “nursery.” Actually, I just want a nursery because what’s the fun of having a kid if you don’t get to decorate its room? Huh? Huh? There is no fun if there isn’t paint, people. None.

So I’ve been thinking of a theme. Sure, I could do something simple such as bears or cows or pigs. But, we live in White People Land. I can’t be just another commoner. No, I have to let these babies know just how much I love them.

Little Jizzy will be getting this crib. I have a feeling he won’t ever scream at bedtime because, hello, how could one scream in a crib that costs $2,300? I swear, if he doesn’t play it cool, I’m going to make him slum it with this one.

Not to be outdone, Miss E will be riding off to dreamland in this fine bed. Nothing says “Mommy loves you” more than a $47,000 bed.

If I buy my children this chair does someone come to our house and actually DRAW the picture of the chair for them? I mean, or do they just send us the drawing in the mail?

Beautiful bedding (and all fantasies) aside, we bought a double stroller today. A used one, hello, do you people know how much a “new” one costs? More than I love my children, that’s for sure. Especially when there are massages to be had.

Here is a picture. Contain your excitement, people. My kids are totally going to be embarrassed that it doesn’t have the words Peg, Pram or Bugapoo in the name.

I’m hoping to raise very pretentious children. You know, the kids that say “Do you know who my Daddy is?” And yes, one time here in White People Land, a child asked me that. His dad was a member of the Astros Baseball Team. Luckily, I do not like baseball so I could tell the child I don’t care.

Anyway, when my child says to some unsuspecting stranger “Do you know who my daddy is,” I totally plan on looking him in the eye and saying “Who? Do you know? Did we get that paternity test back yet?”


  1. I had that exact same stroller for my twins. It was a little hard to get through the aisles at Target, but at least they both could see something beside the back of their siblings head. I loved that stroller. Well until my husband decided to use it as a chair at the fireworks one year and the wheel popped off under his weight. Come to think of it, I’m still mad at him for that. But anyway, your kids will love the view.

    Comment by Christine — 10/17/2005 @ 11:44 pm

  2. I needed that today. Your the best.

    Comment by Kellie — 10/17/2005 @ 11:45 pm

  3. You should buy that 47,000 dollar bed instead of a house. It had a roof. You could all totally live in there.

    Comment by Eulallia — 10/18/2005 @ 12:40 am

  4. Jesus Freaking Christmas….that Cinderella carriage bed would scare the crap out of my daughter. Nothing says “sweet dreams” like “into the humongous scary carriage from a cartoon with you.” Now I’m scared.

    Comment by Autumn — 10/18/2005 @ 1:46 am

  5. I’m with Autumn, I think little Jizzy wouldn’t stop crying if he had to look at that crazy crib, and the bed? Isn’t bed time for kids supposed to be a little less stimulating??

    I am going to send that link to my totally “keep up with the Joneses” SIL though, if she buys something I will totally drag her through the mud on my web site.

    Comment by clickmom — 10/18/2005 @ 7:15 am

  6. But if you buy the $47,000 bed for E then you save $50 on gliders and you can’t pass up such a good deal even for all the $35 massages in the world.

    Comment by Rayne of Terror — 10/18/2005 @ 8:23 am

  7. Well, since you’re shopping, could you have one of these sent to me, please?

    Comment by coolbeans — 10/18/2005 @ 8:37 am

  8. kids are for floors and floors are for kids. Buy a sleeping bag.

    Comment by Geo — 10/18/2005 @ 9:12 am

  9. Wow. I wonder if someone else already bought the $47,000 bed and would be willing to donate it to a good cause? Like, um, say yours?

    Comment by Caitlinator — 10/18/2005 @ 9:40 am

  10. Hey! That’s the same stroller I bought… I must love my kids the exact amount you love yours: $119 dollars worth. hahah Can you believe how expensive some of those things are???

    Comment by JustLinda — 10/18/2005 @ 10:21 am

  11. Yay for double wide strollers! If you get the front/back (or “tandem") style, there is much pulling of hair. We’ve seen this and it ain’t pretty.

    I love the “do you know WHO my daddy is?” question; but I read it entirely differently than it is intended. Our kids (all adopted) sometimes ask this, usually while we are watching “Cops”

    Comment by ben — 10/18/2005 @ 10:24 am

  12. Began reading you about a month ago-
    I just now feel the need to comment!

    That last comment- funny as shit.

    Why cant you rent a house so you have the room needed for 2 kids?
    (Remember i’m a new-by…….so no barking at the new girl!!)

    Comment by Heatherg — 10/18/2005 @ 10:29 am

  13. The fact that some of those products exist scares me.

    Comment by Jack’s Raging Mommy — 10/18/2005 @ 11:02 am

  14. Yeah those strollers are expensive. I had the tandem style double stroller. I liked it since it wasn’t so wide. They even had the front seat that could turn around so that the kids could face each other. That damn thing saved my life many times while shopping. I lost twelve pounds by using that to push the kids while walking. What a workout!
    Beds are overrated, I agree with the above comment, just get sleeping bags!!

    Comment by Priscilla — 10/18/2005 @ 11:05 am

  15. Do they make that carriage in my size? They’d probably tack another $50,000 on the price to make the adult version. Who buys this stuff?

    Comment by rhonda — 10/18/2005 @ 11:49 am

  16. Do people actually buy their children that stuff? Don’t they know that children chew on their beds, and smear poop on everything, and sometimes projectile vomit all over their rooms?? Anyway, I have the Graco DuoGlider tandem, and love it, we also had a side by side, but it was much harder to use. And the whole “Spend $1,000 on a stroller” thing is NUTS, I can think of much better things to do with $1,000. Of course, it seems to be the norm to buy Britax carseats, which have a hefty pricetag, and I’m always thinking “Does it really protect my kid better than the $50 carseats?” Be reasonable here, people!

    Comment by Crystal — 10/18/2005 @ 3:28 pm

  17. My children all sleep in dresser drawers. Or sometimes the bathtub.

    Comment by supa — 10/18/2005 @ 4:57 pm

  18. My kids–similar age spread as yours–shared a room for about 6 months until we moved into this house. And by “shared a room” I of course mean that my daughter slept in the designated room and my son slept in a pack-n-play in… the dining room. Yes, that’s right. She was a light sleeper and he was a monster screaming baby and our bedroom (in that house) was on the first floor. Nothing says I love you like “here’s the room farthest away from everyone and everything… now lie down in the corner and shaddup.”

    Comment by Mir — 10/18/2005 @ 4:59 pm

  19. our kids slept in swings. just a constant supply of batteries…

    Comment by gorillabuns — 10/18/2005 @ 5:15 pm

  20. hey and dont’ forget you have one more double wide ghetto running stroller waiting for you at thanksgiving!

    Comment by ands — 10/18/2005 @ 6:49 pm

  21. Baby #2 is two more kicks in the ribs away from being banished from our bed (we already bought a bed for his big brother, baby doesn’t need one too! he can wait for the other one to become available!) and onto the floor on an air mattress.

    Nope, we don’t have one room for each kid either. The difference between a 2 bed and a 3 bed here is another 2k per month.

    But YAY for the first floor. Now you won’t have to go up and down floors while in labor. So, now you are packing? FUN. Sounds like your Halloween will be a blast.

    Comment by Arianne — 10/18/2005 @ 7:36 pm

  22. I can’t imagine WHY you call yourself Sarcastic. Well done.

    Comment by Vanessa_AR — 10/18/2005 @ 7:56 pm

  23. Who buys this stuff?!! And can they adopt me?

    Comment by Tammy/averagemom — 10/19/2005 @ 4:32 pm

  24. I LOVE reading your entries !!! I had the EXACT same pattern Graco stroller (but the front/back model - and yes mucho hair pulling from #3 kid of #4’s hair !!) and I got it second hand too - nothing wrong in that - Freecycle ROCKS!!!

    Alice the Wilma,
    Mum to the 4 M&M’s, 3 plain and 1 with nuts
    that is 3 girls and 1 boy ;)
    on and a Twix and a Twizzler, but they are furry kids
    Yes I am a bit of a candy freak!!

    Tootles, back to watching in anticipation and Wilma minus the rest of the Flintstone barrels her way towards my house in Florida!

    Comment by Alice the Brit — 10/19/2005 @ 6:40 pm

  25. Alice the Wilma ???? !!! I didn’t put that!!! must be some sort of sign!!

    was meant to say Alice the Brit

    Comment by Alice the Brit — 10/19/2005 @ 6:41 pm

  26. Crystal, the answer to your car seat question is YES it does.

    Comment by Rachel — 10/19/2005 @ 9:49 pm

  27. I don’t even want to type what we spent on the oldest’s crib (and we don’t even have real, matching bedroom furniture of our own) – much less show photos of what it looks like now after 20 months of life and 16 months of teething. Oy.

    Comment by robyn — 10/19/2005 @ 10:22 pm

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