What’s that smell?

It seems as if every “celebrity” out there has a fragrance. You see, they have a fragrance instead of a perfume because it sounds just so much more sophisticated.

I have a feeling that Britney Spears’ perfume, Curious, smells like sweaty crotch and Cheetos.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s new one, Lovely? Shoes and cigarette smoke.

I just read that Ashanti is launching a perfume, Precious Jewel, at the most ritsy of shops: Wal-Mart. I don’t know too much about her, so you’ll have to come up with the smell for that on your own.

Glow, by “J-Lo?” smells like burnt flesh (thanks to the plastic surgery) and spray-on tans.

Although I am no celebrity, if I had to give myself a fragrance, because I’m also too classy for a perfume, I would say it would be a mix of peanut butter and coffee with just a hint of poop (thanks to the kid and her nasty, nasty poops.)

Don’t worry, if you ever come across me in person. The poop smell is just an undertone, something that makes you lean in closer while thinking “Why, is that poop I smell? It is? What a pleasant surprise!”

Trust me, the poop smell is much better than the rancid husband fart smell we tested. It was much more than just a pleasant undertone.


  1. Mine would be a delightful combination of spit-up and chocolate, tastefully mixed with I-Haven’t-Showered-in-Three-Days mommy sweat.

    Comment by Eulallia — 10/10/2005 @ 10:24 pm

  2. Eulallia! I wear your scent almost daily! ;)

    Comment by Lyn — 10/10/2005 @ 10:38 pm

  3. ha ha! i think i’m wearing vodka and chanel right now. yum. no wonder i can’t find a husband. ha ha!

    Comment by Curly Girl — 10/10/2005 @ 11:31 pm

  4. Hmm. If Ashanti lives like she does in her videos, her perfume smells like leather and cognac.

    Comment by Paige — 10/11/2005 @ 12:12 am

  5. Well, after having 3 kids and doing the nanny thing for oh about 100 years, I now associate the smell of baby wipes with poop. I guess that’s my new scent.

    Comment by danelle — 10/11/2005 @ 1:40 am

  6. I recently bought Paris Hilton (for shame) and one of my friends asked if it smelled like trash.

    It’s actually fruity, which kind of fits too.

    Comment by Mellissa — 10/11/2005 @ 6:06 am

  7. Oh, and as for my own fragrance… cat hair, husky fur, sweaty hair and dust.

    Comment by Mellissa — 10/11/2005 @ 6:08 am

  8. Your posts are always very amusing!

    Comment by Claire — 10/11/2005 @ 6:22 am

  9. My signature scent would transport me different place, say the beach, or maybe a flower lined path through the woods. (you know, a quiet place….a place where I could hear myself think) My reality is old bra, ripe kid sandals, and wet dog. Yes, I would definitely opt to be transported.

    Comment by clickmom — 10/11/2005 @ 6:31 am

  10. I believe the word for which you’re searching is “earthy.” Perhaps you’d better hire someone else to do the marketing. ;)

    Comment by Mir — 10/11/2005 @ 7:23 am

  11. i just peed my pants. i think that was my mommy’s smell for a while. we’re too old for the poop now, but strangely, she still has the PB smell.

    Comment by Sarah — 10/11/2005 @ 7:51 am

  12. Breezy; my fragrance. A mild undertone of whiskey, a splash of burnt mac ‘n’ cheese, and the refreshing smell of old musty books.

    Comment by betty — 10/11/2005 @ 9:17 am

  13. Mine would be breastmilk and cheddar cheese with a hint of apple. LOL

    Comment by Ninotchka — 10/11/2005 @ 9:32 am

  14. ugh, I was all ready to run out and buy your fragrance until you mentioned the poop. I’m going to have to agree with “earthy.”

    Comment by Tiffany — 10/11/2005 @ 10:31 am

  15. Low carb shake and mold. I’m such a fashion icon.

    Comment by debutaunt — 10/11/2005 @ 10:33 am

  16. We tried out the rancid husband fart musk at our house too. It had to go. I think mine would have to be peppermint, nasal spray, and vanilla. Those seem to be the three biggest things in my life right now.

    Comment by Happay — 10/11/2005 @ 10:43 am

  17. Mine is spit up. I gave up washing it off, I just wipe it up with a burp cloth and shower maybe two days later.
    I’m such a pig.

    Comment by Jack’s Raging Mommy — 10/11/2005 @ 11:43 am

  18. OMFG! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by Kelly — 10/11/2005 @ 3:46 pm

  19. Mine is most definitely chicken nuggets and formula powder.

    I’m enthused because I just read that Marilyn Manson is coming out with a fragrance too (no joke). I think it will smell like sweaty ass and “my parents never loved me” with a hint of “media whore".

    Comment by Arianne — 10/11/2005 @ 5:04 pm

  20. Perhaps Marilyn Manson’s fragrance would smell like brimstone as well? My fragrance would be spaghetti rings, diet caffiene free cola burps and that sweaty stinky smell you get when the underparts of your boobs sweat and stick to your stomach. Sex-hay!

    Comment by warcrygirl — 10/11/2005 @ 6:47 pm

  21. You people are killing me. I can’t stop laughing at the post or the comments. ‘Sweaty crotch and cheetos’ totally did me in.

    Comment by Jenn — 10/12/2005 @ 3:10 pm

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