I should have scrapped her first poo

Not that long ago, I frantically searched through Barnes and Nobles, trying to find a “Baby Book” for Little Jizzy. I used the word “frantic” because it was a Saturday and we had Ellie with us.

Not long after I found out I was pregnant with Ellie, I went to Barnes and Nobles and bought a blank book. I guess it could be used for scrapbooking but only if you’re into scrapbooking for little people.

Turns out, I am!

So I bought the blank book because “There’s no way in heck I’m going to take the time to fill out who came to the hospital when you were born.”

In fact, if I had written down who came to the hospital that day, it would have looked something like this:

Grandma, who insists on calling herself “Nana.” Brought cookie cake per mommy’s request.
Dad. He wants to sleep.
Grandpa—–

GET ME DRUGS NOW! MY COOTER HURTS! HELLO CRAMPINNNNNGGGGGG!

It took some time, but I made Ellie’s teeny tiny little scrapbook. It has pictures and things such as “Ate cereal at 4 months. Crawled at 7 months.”

It’s actually pretty damn cute.

But? I just can’t do the same with Little Jizzy. It took too much time and I still haven’t printed that final picture (for the last page) of Ellie “smoking” a cigar on July 4th.

You see, I feel like I have to do something. Number one: I did something for Ellie and we ALL KNOW that the second child gets forgotten in cases like this.

Number two: My mom. God love her, and so do I, but man, she has no recollection of my babyhood. You can ask her questions and she looks at you like “Huh? You had a first word? I just thought you came out spouting your mouth off just like now.”

Needless to say, I didn’t have a baby book.

Now, The Hubs. His mom is the MegaMom that puts all other moms to shame. She’s organized, she has scrapbooks with little pieces of hair taped inside. She has pictures of the birth and everything. Hell, she has more pictures of Ellie scrapped than I ever would. Also? She’s really good at it, too.

The problem with not having a baby book is that there is no “proof” that you were ever a baby! I mean, hello, I had meningitis and we don’t have one picture of me hooked to the IVs in the hospital! Not one souvenir band-aid! Hello? Couldn’t we have gotten the nurses to sign the book when they all thought I was going to die???

Noooooooooo.

Ellie inspired me today. We were sitting in the car and I looked at The Hubs and said “Do you know that she now picks her nose?”

“She does?”

“Yes. Its like she has discovered that her finger fits up there very snugly.”

We need a baby book for real parents. Not this is what you first ate or who came to the hospital the day you were born. No, we need “First time you took off your diaper and ate your own poop.” Perhaps “When you first started picking your nose.”

Because? Seriously? If I die before my kiddos grow up, I at least want them to know that their mom had a sense of humor.

Trust me: Living with this kid and That Husband? You better have a sense of humor.

23 Comments

  1. There is one! And I have it, I’ll give ya the name of it tomorrow. :D

    Comment by Stacey — 8/2/2005 @ 11:22 pm

  2. I love to scrapbook and made mine my babybooks, rather than filling out your typical baby book. You should go back and print out all your letters to Ellie on here and notes about her and then print them on fancy papers. Slap on some pictures and tah-dah–a great and really personal scrapbook of her baby-ness! Your letters and stories on here are really great glimpses of her personality and things she’s done that are so much more unique than just what her first words were, first haircut, etc.

    Comment by Crazy MomCat — 8/3/2005 @ 12:08 am

  3. So I take it you won’t be sharing the blog with them.

    Comment by mrtl — 8/3/2005 @ 12:11 am

  4. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931686254/qid=1123058485/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-1616206-4939225

    Comment by Jessica — 8/3/2005 @ 3:42 am

  5. I was the first child and my baby book only has two pages filled out. My mom keeps forgetting what time I was born and how much I weighed. You’re light years ahead of that. And a baby book with a sense of humor - may be embarassing for when they’re teenagers (but isn’t it supposed to be?) but they’ll love it as adults.

    Comment by Jessie — 8/3/2005 @ 7:30 am

  6. One day I showed up at work and found a Hallmark calendar sitting in my chair. It was a 13 month baby calendar with stickers. God, I love me some stickers. I have to admit that I enjoy filling the calendar out more than the baby book since it’s hanging on the wall in her room, and it has a place for the picture of the month and notes. There’s plenty of room to note such milestones as

    Ate feces!
    Fell off bed!
    Eat’s [insert pet name here] food!
    Vomitted on a stranger!
    Found vagina/penis! (let’s hope it’s not both)

    It’s similar to this one.

    I still have no idea which co-worker gave me the calendar. I kinda doubt it was one of the winch fairies.

    Comment by ieatcrayonz — 8/3/2005 @ 8:12 am

  7. I’m the second born and sadly my baby book got neglected…I spent years in therapy trying to get over it…don’t let that happen to Little Jizzy…second born’s of the world UNITE!

    Comment by April — 8/3/2005 @ 8:26 am

  8. I got “The Inappropriate Baby Book” for my shower, and it is great. It includes stuff like ” Your mom was embarrassed by breast leakage in the following places". You’ve got to love a baby book that says “leakage". Of course, I’m a crazy scrapbooker and haven’t used it. It has been a source of inspiration.
    -Rachel

    Comment by rachel — 8/3/2005 @ 8:54 am

  9. How about “The first time you sharted.”

    Comment by Y — 8/3/2005 @ 8:57 am

  10. Maybe your MIL will make you a scrapbook for the new baby? I could send her an anonymous note saying, “Gee, you know what would make a great gift?”

    Comment by Lori — 8/3/2005 @ 9:15 am

  11. There’s one I found on Amazon that looks entertaining. Baby’s First Tattoo with more humourous things than the average baby book.

    Comment by sherry — 8/3/2005 @ 9:21 am

  12. Ther is a book like that: Baby’s First Tattoo. It is awesome! It has entries like: Things We Gave Up To Afford You
    Stupid Gifts We Returned After You Were Born
    very useful!!

    Comment by chriss — 8/3/2005 @ 9:34 am

  13. luckily for my second born, my first born doesn’t have a baby book either. They’re both neglected and overlooked, yeehaw!

    Comment by AMy — 8/3/2005 @ 10:27 am

  14. I’m laughing my head off because I’ve taken pictures of my son’s poopy diaper before, dumbfounded that he could let loose a turd so large. Plus, I want to show it to him when he’s older. Does this mean I haven’t lost my sense of humor?

    Comment by Amy Steier — 8/3/2005 @ 10:43 am

  15. I love the idea! I’ve made scrapbooks of our little schmookie for all of the grandpas but not for our family yet. I think I’ll include places he’s puked. The Master Pooker as we sometimes call him had the tendancy to vomit at the most inappropriate times in the most inappropriate places. He’s yet to get his diaper off though. Hope that doesn’t happen anytime soon.

    Comment by Happay — 8/3/2005 @ 12:02 pm

  16. You must record every detail. My 4 year old just broke his arm and Oh, how to long to whip out a photo of 5 year old me with a broken arm, but alas, no one loved me enough to take one. sniff.

    Comment by clickmom — 8/3/2005 @ 12:06 pm

  17. Yeah well, I’m an only child with no baby book - sigh…

    Comment by lexagirl — 8/3/2005 @ 12:09 pm

  18. The Inappropriate Baby Book and Baby’s First Tattoo!

    That’s it!

    Comment by Stacey — 8/3/2005 @ 1:36 pm

  19. Love your sense of humour! And believe me, your kids will too. Mine are in their twenties now and I remember being the “different” mom on the block because I didn’t give a poop about an organized house and piles of laundry. It was more fun to put on Cindy Lauper music and party with the 3 year olds. It was more fun to read books with odd voices and mix up the story. If only I had scrapbooked their babyhoods with things like you want to! I say Do IT! Your kids will love you for it.

    Comment by audrey — 8/3/2005 @ 3:00 pm

  20. we were actually talking a bit about this at BlogHer and how our blogs will be sort of a babybook. when i was retroactively writing down some things in charlotte’s book, i used my blog as a reference. :-)

    Comment by jenB — 8/3/2005 @ 3:12 pm

  21. I did all the right stuff (baby book) with baby #1, but baby #2….well, I think I jotted down his birthday somewhere. “Baby’s First Tattoo” is excellent.
    My mother does “flip albums” on the computer, burns them to disk, and ta-da! I have a digital photo record every year for the kids. The only hard part is sending her the pics.

    Comment by Tammy/averagemom — 8/3/2005 @ 3:39 pm

  22. Oh, I’m so glad I’m not the only one! My sister- and mother-in-law are both scrapping fiends! Me, not so much. His sister scrapped our wedding (cause I “didn’t know how to” - even though I was on newspaper and the editor of the yearbook - two years in a row), she then bought me a “journaling” scrapbook for Munchkin (cause maybe I’d like to go that route), and then her mom scrapped pages for me (because obviously since I haven’t started scrapping yet, it really must be because I’m too uncrafty): sigh.

    I figure: I write about him almost every day on the internet, and his dad posts pictures: true, they aren’t always flattering, but our job isn’t to keep his image squeaky clean but rather to equip him to make enough money to pay for his own therapy bills. :) :)

    I think Ellie and baby jizzy have a quality record of their earliest moments: call it online scrapping - and you don’t have to deal with the crazy crafty folks at JoAnn’s. ;)

    Comment by MunchkinMama — 8/3/2005 @ 4:42 pm

  23. just a little note: my momma didn’t make our “baby books"…daddy took the pics and put them in the books….ok yesh now she is scrapbooking away…

    Comment by ands — 8/9/2005 @ 6:36 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Say it, don't spray it

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.