No one told you there’d be days like this

Her clothes are wet and covered in the goop of dried sweet potatoes. You thought about changing them, but that means she’d probably scream. Again. You’re tired of the screaming.

You can’t figure out what, exactly, is taking up residence in her hair, especially since you carefully bathed her in the sink yesterday.

She won’t let you get close enough to look.

She does want you close; anything that isn’t you holding her on your hip while you stand (and only stand, not sit) is too far. You don’t want the sweet potato goop to get on your clean white shirt.

There are only a certain amount of times you can wash baby goop off a shirt before it dies a tragic death by washing machine.

She pulls on your leg, begging to get into your lap. You pull her into your lap; she screams to touch something contraband. You set her back down, she hits her head on the table while throwing a fit. Somehow, it is your fault.

You wonder if she is sick and top her off with some pain reliever, just to be safe.

You read every book, make stacks of blocks (the same ones she always throws at your head) and show her all her toys. You let her watch Oprah in her high chair while eating a biter biscuit.

She hates you when the biscuit falls into her pants.

She whines so much that you hold your pregnant bladder so that you don’t have to hear the screaming on the other side of the door while you pee.

You forget to thaw the pork chops you bought in an attempt to be a decent homekeeper. Your kind husband offers to bring you dinner home and you choose Jason’s Deli. You remind yourself that you have scrubbed the tub, did a vinegar rinse in the coffeepot and did a load of laundry today. All during naptime.

You think she might be sick still. Secretly, you hope that she keeps on sleeping late (and hard) so you can have a few whine-free moments. During the whine-free moments, you choose to ignore the slight pain you feel in one of your ears.

Luckily, it is your deaf ear, so you’re not too worried about it. You’d rather have a few quiet moments than a happy ear.

Unfortunately, the quiet moments aren’t coming, so you will deal with the ear instead.

25 Responses to “No one told you there’d be days like this”

  1. Shalini
    July 26th, 2005 17:39

    Sounds like a long day… I hope it gets better and you and baby feel better :)

  2. Robotnik
    July 26th, 2005 18:37

    SJ, I swear you’re secretly living at my house. Your post has been the last 4 days here.

    Listen, we love you. We know how incredibly difficult it must be. We do. We have kids, too. But we’re not pregnant. And so we think it’s at least four times as hard. At least.

    We care and we think about you almost every day. The clearings…they’re coming. They’re coming.

    I’ve saved a little table at this small cafe I’ve found in Provence. We’re not doing Paris. Too many fat fuck tourists. I have the perfect place in the Luberon. Hang on…we’ll get there.

  3. mrtl
    July 26th, 2005 18:51

    What’s up with the “hold me — but only standing” crap? Mine does that, too.

  4. Crystal
    July 26th, 2005 19:03

    Is it “Possesed by demons” day in the kid world? Seriously, I’m having one of those days too! (((SJ))) It’s almost bedtime. Repeat that to yourself, you’ll feel better!

  5. sleepingmommy
    July 26th, 2005 19:20

    Boy everybody is having a day like this today.

  6. clickmom
    July 26th, 2005 19:50

    It is my experience that when they bring you to your knees there is always an “A HA!” moment a day or two later when you discover the reason for their…umm…irrational behavior. Before two I always blamed it on teething or some big developmental leap (two steps forward, one step back). Lack of sleep, change in diet, and overstimulation still apply and my kids range in age from 4 to 12. Sometimes you never figure it out, but it always passes.

    Chin up- it won’t last forever.

  7. Linda B
    July 26th, 2005 19:56

    Sounds like what I go through but it only seems to happen on the days when I am alone with the baby. When we’re around family or friends, she’s an angel. She wants people to think mama’s a liar who pretends that her baby screams all day. Ok, and my left hip is all jacked up from all the holding while standing. Just the left. “SIGH”

    Don’t worry, this’ll all stop.
    In about 18 years :)

  8. Citizen Mom
    July 26th, 2005 20:01

    Hon, trust me. Everyone told you there’d be days like this, that’s what all the eye-rolling and “oh just wait til YOUR kid comes along” annoying-as-shit comments from the been there, done that moms you came across when you were pregnant with your first child were TALKING about.
    You probably didn’t listen to those comments, and do you know why? Because it doesn’t make a fuck’s worth of difference anyway. The baby is going to do what the baby is going to do, and you can just sort of manage around it. Sometimes babies just bitch, all day, and loudly. Make sure she’s fed and relatively clean and not, you know, actually sick or something, and let her work it all out.
    Can I gently, very gently, say that kids can smell depression the way dogs smell fear? If you’re feeling, you know, PREGNANT and have too much going on in your head, you won’t be acting yourself and she’ll pick up on it.
    Courage, sister.

  9. Ninotchka
    July 26th, 2005 20:42

    I have the number to Jason’s Deli programmed into my cell phone. Is that wrong? :)

    Way to go on all that you accomplished today. I hope you both feel better!

  10. misfithausfrau
    July 26th, 2005 21:18

    You accomplished more than I did today and I didn’t have the added challenges you did.

  11. Torrie
    July 26th, 2005 21:50

    I’m sorry you had such a miserable day.

  12. Q
    July 26th, 2005 21:50

    SJ, you are SO turning me off to the thought of having children with posts like this… and that at a time when I am leaving the US and life as I know it to go back to Europe to do just THAT… help?

  13. Bente
    July 27th, 2005 00:36

    SJ and mrtl, Elli also has the “I’m only happy when you’re holding me while standing” moments! She usually decides this is most necessary in the middle of the night when I can barely keep my eyes open let alone hold an extra 25 pounds while being forced to stand.

  14. Anne
    July 27th, 2005 04:52

    Oh dear, that sounds horribly familiar.

  15. Jill
    July 27th, 2005 08:43

    Here’s to hoping that today is a better one for you!

  16. halloweenlover
    July 27th, 2005 08:52

    Oh SJ. If I lived in Houston I’d meet you at Starbucks for an escape. Today it is 100 degrees in Boston and I can TOTALLY understand why you wouldn’t leave the house in this heat.

    At least Ellie is adorable, that way you won’t throw her out the window : )

  17. KattyKatFlash
    July 27th, 2005 09:31

    Jeebus I just had that day yesterday. Had to p/u a few things from the grocery store, which is directly across the street from HP’s school. For 2 seconds I had a thought of leaving him there a couple more minutes get I what needed from the store and then pick him up.

    Then my brain cells died.

    I picked him up first thinking he could get a cookie from Publix while we shopped. Afterall I needed 3 things how bad could it be? Well very bad, very bad indeed. It started out with him crying for the blankie which we didn’t have in the car. And he continued crying as we walked into Publix, I grabbed a cart and he made it clear he wasn’t about to sit in it. We got a cookie. He stopped crying, until I made the fatal mistake of trying to put him back in the cart. Screaming ensued. We got our items and hightailed it out of Publix.

    Home at last. But not safe. HP’s only allowed to watch a 1/2 hour of Elmo while eating then he can either play or read a book. He wasn’t satisfied with that rule last night. He wouldn’t eat, so he kicked, screamed and rolled around on the floor in an all out tantrum.

    So I bathed him (still screaming and now splashing). Tried to brush his teeth. Didn’t happen. Dressed him for bed. Where he calmed down a bit. And said he could play a few minutes before bed. Screaming started again. So it was immediately to bed with him. Where he thrashed about and screamed (blowing snot bubbles all the while) until he finally passed out from exhaustion.

    Please, god, don’t let it happen again tonight.
    I don’t have the will to go on if it happens again.

  18. Carmen
    July 27th, 2005 09:55

    I feel your pain. Isn’t is bedtime somewhere in the world RIGHT NOW?

  19. Nancy France
    July 27th, 2005 09:55

    Ouch. Sometimes, I’m very glad to be the cool aunt.

  20. Tracy
    July 27th, 2005 10:29

    Chant with me, “It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.” If there is one thing we can try hard to believe, “It gets better.” *hugs* Your not alone.

  21. Amy Steier
    July 27th, 2005 10:39

    My son is cutting his first tooth and lately he’s been telling me “I hate you…don’t leave me.” He also isn’t a big fan of sweet potatoes anymore, so he puts them anywhere but his mouth.

    I feel your pain.

  22. h.m.
    July 27th, 2005 14:05

    you should pay a babysitter *instead* of a therapist.

  23. sherry
    July 27th, 2005 15:24

    I think days like that are going around. I hear Mercury is in Retrograde. I’m blaming everything on that.

    If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d be drinking.

  24. Stacey
    July 27th, 2005 15:57

    Sounds like you’re having one of those days when you need a “Calgon moment”. I don’t know how our mothers did it in the 60’s and 70’s…but I just keep thinking if my mom could do this with 5 kids and no internet or Oprah back then…I have to be able to get through a crummy day with 1 kid and all the modern conveniences we have today. Hang in there SJ! Your “fan club” loves ya and empathizes!

  25. Shalini
    July 27th, 2005 16:59

    I hope tomorrow is better… and you are right, advice can’t help. It just makes you think WHY? more… At you have such an adorable munchkin that is your own. And the hubs too.

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