Step Away From the Computer

We’re leaving tonight for Tulsa, also known as The Land of Tornadoes. Leaving home is always good because sometimes you stay at home too long and you start to go crazy.

First things first. I need to step away from “A Baby Story.” I seriously feel like slapping the self righteous biznitches on that show on a daily basis. The show has made me utter very bad words while holding my child. I can’t help it. If someone is all gung ho on having a drug free labor and then, during birth, asks for drugs, saying later on that you “really didn’t want the drugs, that’s just what you say at the end of labor.” Well, that makes me want to kick people.

I always mean to not watch the show, but you know how it is. You end up seeing a second of it and the next thing you know, you’re watching because you hope the birth splits her cooter right down the middle.

I also think it is time to step away from the computer. It is far too easy to let things you read on the ‘net get to you. Next thing you know, you’re banging plates around in the kitchen because “Good grief, does this person have a brain?”

It is too easy to get wrapped up in imaginary blog land. Between wanting to kick A Baby Story butt and Blog butt, well, I’m going crazy.

So crazy that I’m flying with a 12-month-old. Yeah. GOOD IDEA, SJ.

This is Ellie’s third roundtrip flight. The first one was successful but the second was the flight where I started panicking because She Would Not Stop Crying Even Though We Were Giving Her The Bottle And All The Toys in the World.

So, I placed her on my lap, face down, so her screams were aimed at the floor. Yeah!

I’m hoping this one goes a bit better. I’m not sure if we’re going to give her Benadryl for her “illness” or if we’ll just wing it. All I know is that we’ll be lugging a Very Big Suitcase, a Very Big Carset, a stroller with a baby that does not sit down inside of it and who knows what else through the huge Houston airport.

If you’re watching the news because some lady with a baby kept screaming “It’s not like I have a BOMB in here!” please know it was most likely me. Also, look for the cute pink shoes that I bought as “travelling shoes.” And the lipstick.

If I’m going out in public to get arrested for having a breakdown, well damnit, I’m going to look nice.

PS: I may or may not be updating, but will be moderating comments and emails. Sarcastic Journalist– OUT!

28 Responses to “Step Away From the Computer”

  1. Priscilla
    July 19th, 2005 17:20

    Have a good trip and good luck with the flight!! Take it easy and enjoy your time away from all things that drive you crazy!!

  2. SuzanH
    July 19th, 2005 17:21

    Good luck–very brave to take a flight with such a wee one.

  3. Susan
    July 19th, 2005 17:50

    Noooooo you can’t leave blog-land… it’s the most entertaining thing I have at work!! Everyone in San Diego LOVES this site.

    But? Have a good trip. And come back with many new stories. :)

  4. chris
    July 19th, 2005 18:13

    Yeah, I hate that show too, It’s so unrealistic. Where are the women screaming expletives and trying to break their husband’s fingers off? Oh that was just me? nevermind then.

    Hope you have a good trip

  5. aderyn
    July 19th, 2005 18:15

    i’m sort of glad you’re leaving, because when i heard about the hurricane coming towards texas, i was like “oh, no! SJ!” and i frantically checked your blog to make sure you were still alive. And you will be. Have a good trip.

  6. mrtl
    July 19th, 2005 18:17

    Woo hoo! Flying with baby! Fun! (ACK!)

    I found that a necklace made of Froot Loops was a great diversion. Then again, so was the pretty blue water in the toilet.

    Have a safe trip! May it be as relaxing as possible.

  7. Robotnik
    July 19th, 2005 18:41

    Hey…kudos to “travelling.” That’s the aristocratic way of spelling it. Nice!

  8. Carmen
    July 19th, 2005 20:24

    If you’ve got time, get some Valerian Super Calm by herbs for kids. Check out a Whole Foods, if you are lucky enough to be near one, or a health food store. It really helps to calm the babies down - we went through half a bottle on the way to and from Mexico.

    Good luck! I’m looking forward to hearing your tales when you return!

  9. MollieBee
    July 19th, 2005 20:39

    have fun chickie.

  10. Ninotchka
    July 19th, 2005 20:39

    Bon Voyage, my friend! Hope the flight goes smoothly. Good for you for getting away. WHEEE! I’m positively giddy for you. And your new shoes. :)

  11. Nancy France
    July 19th, 2005 20:42

    Have a good trip, and have a good time!

  12. Amy
    July 19th, 2005 21:30

    Oh, please. Drugs are the lifesaver I needed to get through labor. Hello–labor is a process, with the end result the point, not the pain to get there! Hello, Nubain! You are a god! You saved my sanity! It still hurt, but I didn’t care anymore!

  13. Torrie
    July 19th, 2005 21:36

    I watched a baby story today. Fuckers.

  14. clickmom
    July 19th, 2005 21:38

    You know those mom and daughter matching outfits? Well, forget about them, try mom and daughter matching benadryl. Yes, when you have the buzz too, life is oh so much more enjoyable. And remember, noone ever hears her as loudly as you do. choke. hmmphh. giggle. Okay, I lied, the whole plane thing sucks, but think of the throngs of bloggers that will be living vicariously through you. Think of clickmom, you are doing it for us too? Right?

  15. Stefanie
    July 19th, 2005 22:36

    I gave Elby Benadryl on our flight and I have to say, if anything, it revved her up a bit. That sucks. But Tylenol seemed to help. That shit is like Ambien for babies. Can’t wait to read you when you get back bitch.

  16. Laura
    July 19th, 2005 23:12

    I always enjoyed a Baby Story. Before I had children, I would laugh and think “oh puhlease…labor pain can’t be that bad, you drama queen”. I changed my tune AFTER having had a kid. The thing I thought was funny was how the women who didn’t have drugs always seem to have the LONGEST labors. Did you see the one with the woman who was screaming, crying and begging for the pain to stop for something like 24 hours, and then the SECOND the baby was born, she started to sing “Happy Birthday”???

    TLC ought to have “A traveling story” about the hell of traveling with young children. Good luck and have fun in Tulsa!

  17. Bente
    July 19th, 2005 23:35

    My husband and I travelled from Melbourne, Australia to Halifax, Nova Scotia with Elli when she was 11 months old. So stressful! Good luck and hope you have a good time.

  18. Kismet
    July 19th, 2005 23:54

    Woman! What are you thinking?

    Have a great trip.


  19. Jessica
    July 20th, 2005 01:45

    Hope the trip works out for you and your family. :-)

    And yeah, “A Baby Story” sucks. Those women are retarded.

  20. shannon
    July 20th, 2005 07:40

    we have a 12 hour car trip in 3 days with our 2.5 year old and 8 month old. I think the pain from this might equal the pain of my no drug delivery. Not to say I didn’t want the drugs, lucky me, there wasn’t enough time!

    Oh, and benadryl is like vitamins for my kids…a little a day keeps crazy mom away! Have a great trip.

  21. Amber
    July 20th, 2005 07:53

    I love Benedryl! I still give it to my 9 year old before we travel. When we travel I like for it to be relatively quiet. Can’t stand all the questions (where are we at now? how long until we get there? how many miles is it? etc, etc, etc). Have a great trip and I can’t wait to see the pink shoes!

  22. Chris
    July 20th, 2005 10:15

    Safe travels! Hopefully we’ll get updates soon?!

  23. dillygirl
    July 20th, 2005 11:12

    My mom gave us kids Benedryl and a NEW toy every time we travelled, including car rides that extended over 30 minutes. She tells me it was a small price to pay for her sanity. I don’t blame her, in fact I have a strange affinity for Benedryl to this day.

    Can’t wait to hear how your trip is going!

  24. Jen
    July 20th, 2005 16:51

    Mmm Taco Bueno. Girl, I’m jealous. Eat a burrito for me.

  25. Rowan
    July 20th, 2005 17:26

    Have a nice flight!
    Remember to bring lots of toys, something to suck on, and a barf bag.
    My babies have always puked on me mid-flight.

  26. misfithausfrau
    July 20th, 2005 20:31

    MMMMMM….benadryl cocktail. Oh, wait–you mean for the baby. Hmph!

  27. Erin
    July 20th, 2005 22:06

    Holy crap, I saw that same episode too! These people get all stuck in their head about the only “right” way to do it, or the “best” way to do it, and it never works out the way they plan.

    So, I’ve been confined to my couch for a week and have been watching A Baby Story almost obsessively. I like to criticize the births themselves, and then notice how other people’s kids are never as good-looking as mine. I hate that show, but it’s like a train wreck - you can’t not watch.

  28. robyn
    July 22nd, 2005 16:52

    Todd and I have a lunchtime ritual. I e-mail him the scenario of the day on Birth Day or Baby Story (depending on when my sons finally let me eat) and we place our bets on whether or not the “au naturel” sunshine pumpers will cave for the epidural — and when. It’s great fun.

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