You’ll figure it out

So yeah, the kiddo is going off and she has to have a schedule. So, I try and write her one but uh, I’m not very good at it.

Look! I try to be anal! Watch it fail miserably as I start writing “blah blah blah” instead of actual notes on how to care for my child.

Click on picture for a larger version.

According to The Hubs, the wording about her second nap does not make sense. I mean, seriously, does anyone really expect for my Mom to follow this routine? Say it with me class: NO. That’s why I put “She doesn’t have to take this one.”

It’s my way of staying in control.

She’s totally going to come back on two hours of sleep, addicted to Tylenol and YooHoo. I know it.

20 Responses to “You’ll figure it out”

  1. Torrie
    June 30th, 2005 23:16

    Why the fuck can I never see the pictures on your site?

    Do you have something against me?

  2. Y
    June 30th, 2005 23:54

    Oh my God, you’re like 20950956 times more relaxed then I was with my first. I would write 2 page instructions AND medical release forms. Then, I’d pack my entire HOUSE in the diaper bag. My mom would be like ‘YOU’RE JUST GOING TO DINNER!!!!!”

    But you’re not a paranoid FREAK of a human being like I was errr, am.

  3. Y
    June 30th, 2005 23:56


    I turned on AIM like an hour ago, skizank.

  4. Tracy
    July 1st, 2005 00:31

    Hannah never really yelled a lot until her trip to her Aunt and Uncle’s when I was in hospital having Sarah. Now, she won’t hardly stop. She’s still in one piece. So am I for that matter. But, like I told Hubs tonight. I better get a 24 hour vacation to a motel or something soon or i’m going to crack. And he will be the one that gets the bad, screaming and completely overwhelmed mother to listen to until she gets said 24 hours of quiet do not distrub sleep and relaxation. *blinks*

    I did the same thing with Hannah’s trip though. I did like 10 numbers to reach people if they couldn’t reach me …. at the hospital. Like that was going to happen. I have this set of emergency cards that I placed on her diaperbag. For chocking, CPR and the way you need to do it for every age of life. They all just laughed at me and said I needed to relax. Later they called me up just to let me know they also found the big folder of information (20+ pages of information) in her clothes bag. Sadi if they read all of that, they wouldn’t have time to go do anything with her. heh. I know the feeling. I had her on a great schedule. And one thing changed so the whole thing took over 2 weeks to get back on track. Now if I could get her to stop yelling at the top pf her lungs when I’m sitting right beside her. *snickers*

  5. debutaunt
    July 1st, 2005 01:03

    I just leave mine with the $5 crack ho on the corner. I give them some Cheetos and Sunkist soda. She only charges me $3 though.

  6. Shalini
    July 1st, 2005 01:16

    Oh gosh… You are my IDOL!

  7. Princess Sultana
    July 1st, 2005 02:58

    Well I recently babysat for my sister-in-law who gave me along with my nephew a laminated (you know in case he sicks up on it or something!) instruction sheet detailing his routine - along with little tupperware containers with food and labels as to how long I should heat same in microwave (is that allowed??).

    Anyway obviously my nephew had read it too as he followed it TO THE LETTER.

    9.30 Goes down for nap
    11.00 Wakes up
    etc etc

    He did it all without crying - he is a Stepford baby.

    As a babysitter I was very happy to have the notes (and food) but it is only good if your child will follow the instructions… Goodness knows what I would have done if he had say, woken up at 10.30.

    This is a far cry from my instructions when I left my baby with a babysitter for the first time. I think I basically pointed out the coffee making things and told them I’d be back at 10. I am a bad mother.

  8. Robotnik
    July 1st, 2005 06:07

    My note to G’s babysitter as L and I go out all day for my b-day

    1. wakes around 7:30
    2. playtime/outside time/blah blah
    3. goes down for her nap after lunch (about mid-day); sleeps about 3 hrs.
    4. playtime/outside time, blah blah
    5. goes to bed around 8:30

    I’m with you SJ…the more chilled we are, the more chilled the babies. True to the nth degree with mine.

    Happy Early b-day to Ellie-bear; I won’t be back here for a couple of weeks. Write me if you get a chance–send pictures too.

  9. Stacey
    July 1st, 2005 07:11

    I’m sending my son to my parents on Saturday night and his note will only say “Do not feed him the pint of vodka you will be drinking tonight”. I’ve already taught him to say “NO VODKA” when he see the grandparents.

  10. Torrie
    July 1st, 2005 08:50

    Ok, ok. NOW I can see it.

  11. Crystal
    July 1st, 2005 09:05

    LOL I’ve never left the kids overnight, but my note to my BIL on waking them up, feeding them, and watching them until lunch was longer. (I had to leave at 3am to drive hubs to Dallas) Something like “Here are the bowls and spoons, give them some cheerios and soy milk, with half a banana. They can have graham crackers and choc soy milk for a snack. Here’s my cell, CALL if you need ANYTHING!” I’m retarded, seriously.

  12. Carmen
    July 1st, 2005 09:24

    No, no, no. You’ve got that ALL wrong. She will come home addicted to unchables, orange soda - which MY mother insists contains orange juice - and Twinkies.

    Enjoy your alone time. I am soooo envious.

  13. Carmen
    July 1st, 2005 09:24

    And crap it all, that of course should be Lunchables.

    I’ve had no coffee yet.

  14. Erin
    July 1st, 2005 10:03

    Ellie sleeps until 8 or 9?! Jealous… jealous I am. And a three hour nap? And then maybe even ANOTHER nap? You bitch! ;)

  15. Priscilla
    July 1st, 2005 10:07

    The first time we left the kids for a few days with my parents, I had this long extensive list of schedules, phone numbers, directions to the pediatrician, their health insurance numbers and info, etc. My mom laughed at me and laughed even harder when I cried as I was hugging the kids goodbye!
    Now, I just pack their clothes, say goodbye and run to the car to get the hell away!! ;)

  16. Erin
    July 1st, 2005 10:24

    Har har. My schedule for the Bear is effing meticulous - I’m an anal control freak, but she *lives* by it. She somehow manages to remain laid-back, though, which I haven’t managed to accomplish yet. She gets it from her father.

    And please - gets up at 8 or 9? HOW did you manage that? Share!

  17. Sarcastic Journalist
    July 1st, 2005 10:36

    Regarding sleeping. I think she gets her mommy’s sleep genes. When she was itty bitty, man you people will hate me, she woke up during the night but slept till 11am. Yeah. I slept in till 11 with a newborn. Then we went thru a faze when she got up at 630 or 7. Then slowly it kept moving and now its all of a sudden 9. Then I put her in her babycage in the living room with a bottle and the Teletubbies and I sleep for 30 more minutes.

    Nah, I just drug her heavily before she goes to sleep! Lots of drugs!

    And I’m sure this next one will be like its daddy and WAKE UP AT 5:45 AND CANT GO BACK TO SLEEP.

  18. Melissa
    July 1st, 2005 10:53

    I remember the days of trying to follow a schedule. What a joke!

  19. Chris
    July 1st, 2005 12:47

    Tylenol and YoHoo…still better than crack.

  20. Heatheranne
    July 1st, 2005 13:11

    Tylenol? No. Try childrens NIGHTTIME cough medicine. I swear to you that there have been times I’ve followed my son around listening to anything that resembled a cough so I could shove that down him. And if he didn’t cough, I’d tell him he did anyway. “Honey, I thought I heard you coughing. Are you OK? Do you have a cold?”

    I’m very anal, about everything. I used to do the lists and the overpacking.

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