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History’s Mystery

Every couple of months or so, I have to bring Miss E to the doctor so they can do her “well baby” checkup. For me, this means dressing and undressing my child and trying to change her diaper with the mobility of a stealth bomber while hoping she doesn’t fall off the exam table or ingest needles when I’m not looking.

How’s that for a run on sentence?

Anyway, each visit, my doctor, a very nice lady who oddly enough looks like my Mom, tells us things that should be happening. Things such as “you should start feeding the baby food…but not junk food.”

This most recent visit had her telling me that it was time to start the Sippy Cup. “Okay!” I said, portraying myself as the eager new mom who is ready to do anything for proper development. “Sippy cup it is!”

Unfortunately for me, my gal does not like the sippy cup. At first, she didn’t seem very interested. I thought “poor thing, she doesn’t know about the joy of the sippy cup!”

So, I started showing her how fun the sippy cup is. I drink from the sippy cup and cheer. “Look at mommy! Mommy loves the sippy cup!” Let’s all play with the sippy cup! Umm, I LOVE the sippy cup. I want to make babies with the sippy cup!

Woo hoo!

Too bad Miss E doesn’t care if I like the sippy cup. Now, every time you bring it near her, she throws it. “Damn you, sippy cup! I will not drink from your vile spout!” Sometimes, instead of throwing it, she swats it. Other times, she chunks it and God Forbid you are in the line of fire.

After she kept throwing the sippy cup, I started to think that perhaps, it was an Evil sippy cup. I mean, come on, why would my sweet little girl just throw something like that?

Turns out, I was right.

With a little search into history, I have found the true history of the Sippy Cup.

Here is the sippy at the Battle of Harpers Ferry in the Civil War. Only a cup so horrible would let brothers kill each other! Only a cup that is DEMONIC would divide a country in half!

Yup. The sippy was also at Hiroshima during WW2. Can we trust anything that would help kill all those people? Seriously!

Let’s just say that Richard Nixon wasn’t the only one who had something to do with Watergate.

Who do you think held Monica Lewinsky’s dress for her? Also, let me tell you this: The infamous “cigar” story? The sippy cup brought back the cigars from Cuba.

I’m not telling you, Internet, to boycott the sippy. I’m sure that the sippy has its place in society. But? That violence? That history?

All I will say is this: What do you think held the poisoned drink that Jim Jones gave his cult followers?

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