Event Planner

There’s a question that people ask that absolutely drives me up the wall. “Is the glass half full, or half empty?”

Otherwise, are you an optimist or pessimist?

Well, it depends on if I’m thirsty or not. Am I in the desert? Have I just drank a large glass of something? Am I in the mood for something to drink? Do I even LIKE what is in the glass?

I don’t think I normally look at a glass and think if it is full or empty. Usually, I’m like “there is a glass with something in it.”

I think I have this take on life. I can’t honestly say if I am an optimist or pessimist, though those closer to me may say otherwise.

Honestly, I am the type of person who depends on having a Plan A and Plan B. Sometimes, if the situation warrants, I might have a Plan C Version 2.5. That way, no matter what life throws at me, I will have a plan of action already in place.

I was recently discussing this aspect of my personality with my therapist. I mentioned how we had made a plan (Plan A) for Ellie’s first birthday in July. Changing “dynamics” in my personal life, however, may make me have to have a Plan B. I don’t want to come upon July (Hello! It is APRIL!) and get smacked in the face with the fact that Plan A is not going to happen. Then, I’d probably cry and get upset and it is a birthday, damnit, and I will celebrate.

Will I still be upset if Plan A doesn’t work out? Yeah. But, there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I’ll buck up and have Birthday Plan B and will make myself feel good about that.

This is the same thing with the whole biopsy/boob/tumor thing going on. While I’m not running around screaming “I’m GONNA DIE!!!!!!!” I have tried to come to grips with the fact that it could be something bad. I’m hoping for the best, planning for the best, expecting the best, but what if the best doesn’t happen? What if I don’t have a Plan B?

The Hubs has ordered me to stop referring to myself as “Tumor Head,” as it is really creeping him out. So I think quietly, “Okay, if it is BAD, then I will ask the doctor what she would do and then I would get a second opinion. Which hospital would I use? What course of treatment would be good?”

Then I go back to thinking about Plan A, which includes a begin tumor and another bebe in my future. Plan A will include a book deal and us purchasing a house. Plan A will give Ellie a sibling and me new maternity clothes. Plan A will have us growing up together and we will travel around the world and drink coffee in Paris.

So, really, there is no room in my life for Plan B when Plan A seems to kick so much ass. So, I may not know if my glass is half full or half empty, but I’ll drink it either way.

19 Comments

  1. You and me. Plan A. Coffee on the Rue des Champions. Kiddos and mates and all. Books published. We sit at the tables and laugh at all the black-turtleneck-clad fuckos. We get Antonia in on this too. We need the Irishwoman in the mix. Whadya say?

    Comment by Robotnik — 4/1/2005 @ 1:51 pm

  2. I love your site. It’s a great way to waste time at work. I feel your fear. I was just told recently that I have pre-cancerous “abnormal” cells in my uterus, now they’re going to scrape out the insides of above mentioned uterus on Monday. Pretty good chance it could turn to cancer, pretty good chance having children will be next to impossible. I totally agree that having a plan B “just in case” makes everything a little bit more bearable. Good luck to you!

    Comment by Katie — 4/1/2005 @ 1:57 pm

  3. Katie, do you not mean the cervix?? The conal procedure (the scrape method) of which you speak is done on the cervix not the uterus. But I’m not a doctor, just a husband with lots of experience in these things.

    Comment by Robotnik — 4/1/2005 @ 2:10 pm

  4. I just came up your site today. Adding it to my bookmarks. Its real and down to earth. I wish your Plan A to be the only plan needed. Good luck to you in all that happens. You have my well-wishes.

    Comment by Dawn — 4/1/2005 @ 2:15 pm

  5. Absolutely. I would like to grow old and have coffee in Paris AND Buenos Aires. You should try it. In the depths of winter here, it is summer there. All the bloggers can meet with bebes to have coffee. Plan A sounds fabulous.

    Comment by halloweenlover — 4/1/2005 @ 2:50 pm

  6. Shall we say April 1st 2015? A table on the terrace? I’ll do a nice Merlot, though, or a Beaujolais Nouveau if it’s a good year. Plan A-Z is now firmly in place. No negotiating. As soon as our drinks look half empty, I’ll order another round.

    Comment by Antonia — 4/1/2005 @ 2:54 pm

  7. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. I would love to read your book. I would so love another pregnancy story from you and I would love to hear about your trials of buying a house. Plan A!

    Comment by Corrie — 4/1/2005 @ 2:54 pm

  8. Antonia…you’re on! Kids will be old enough to stay behind w/Grandma and Granpops. Ha! I’ll see you there. I’m holding you to it. And if at all possible, I’m flying the two of yous myself.

    Date.

    Comment by Robotnik — 4/1/2005 @ 2:57 pm

  9. I read your blog almost every day and really enjoy it, but this post is your best yet, in my opinion. I’ll read your book if you get it published. Good luck with… well, everything.

    Comment by Staci — 4/1/2005 @ 3:18 pm

  10. Hey SJ,
    I have been reading your blog for about 3 months now, and must say that you are now the one I check FIRST daily. I am not much of a commentor, but I have a question. When they did the ultrasound, how apparent was the lump on the screen. I’m just asking because I have had an ultrasound that turned up nothing, but I still sometimes freak out about it.
    p.s. I promise i’ll try to actually comment some.

    Comment by april bree — 4/1/2005 @ 3:55 pm

  11. I’m gonna go ahead and say go with Plan A. It just sounds too faboo to pass up. I will buy the book when it arrives on the shelves of my local book store. But, maternity clothes? Um, they suck. Or maybe I am the only moron that can’t find anything cute. The tweener stage sucks. I just feel like a lump of soggy flour, all sticky and icky and stuffed in to crap clothes. Luckily it’s not about me right now (although I think it’s always about me, parenthood should teach me a thing or two) and growing a healthy baby is more important than cute clothes. At least I can wear cute shoes. That’s my Plan A. Cute shoes. Plan A’s rock.

    Comment by wdc — 4/1/2005 @ 4:07 pm

  12. Hope Plan A works for you. Just make sure you smell what’s in the glass before you gulp it down.

    I’m living Plan C and liking it very much.

    Comment by Texas T-bone — 4/1/2005 @ 7:17 pm

  13. I have more plans than you can poke a stick at. “Just in case” is my catchcry. Why did you buy an extra (fill in the blank)? “Just in case", Why are you doing blah blah? “Just in case".

    If they make you feel better that’s all that counts but in this instance I have a feeling you’ll only need Plan A. Take care and have a drink (or few) :)

    Comment by mushster — 4/1/2005 @ 9:10 pm

  14. I’m a freak because I have no plans. I can barely make it day to day. I guess I can’t imagine what the fuck bullshit tomorrow is going to dump from its ass on me.

    But, I would buy your book, beyotch!

    Comment by debutaunt — 4/1/2005 @ 9:19 pm

  15. i only ever have plan A, somtimes with points one through bazillion listed underneath; but truthfully, i always want it MY WAY. your humanity is endearing- thanks for sharing!

    Comment by chris — 4/2/2005 @ 8:19 am

  16. Oh dear girl. The waiting is so hard! And about that blood in your stools. I used to have a lot of blood and it turned out that it was a bleeding hemorhoid although the doctor never found the hemorhoid. That was two years ago and I’m fine now. So maybe it’s something just that simple.

    As for the breast thing. I’m in the process of scheduling my first mammogram ever. I’m a little nervous!

    Comment by Mrs Darling — 4/2/2005 @ 11:42 am

  17. MY glass broke when I got tired of all the drama and threw it against a wall!

    Okay, maybe that’s just ME! LOL!

    Hang in there SJ! Good thoughts and LOTS of Good Vibes are headed your way!!!

    Let’s see…should take about 4 1/2 hrs or so traveling from the Dallas area..if they don’t hit too much traffic!

    Comment by Wendi — 4/2/2005 @ 11:54 am

  18. Plan B’s are great to convince myself that I’m flexible enough to let things happen differently then I expect, want, need them too. Yeah, so, I’m not that flexible either. May the power of Plan A be with you.

    Comment by Meredith — 4/2/2005 @ 3:13 pm

  19. It depends on whether you are the person pouring it, or the person waiting so you can drink it.

    Comment by Mamacita — 4/4/2005 @ 7:06 pm

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