Jewish is as Jewish Does

It turns out that when I have a glass of something to drink that I can become what my husband likes to call “a pest.”

A pest does the “running man” in the brownie isle of the grocery store. A pest plays blow on the baby’s belly instead of walking around with the grocery cart. It also turns out that a pest grabs her husband’s crotch when he is sitting at a stop light.

(Editor’s Note: He says I can do the running man. He says that grabbing his genitals while he is driving is pesty.)

Anyway, so we’re sitting at the stop light and he says something on the line of “I am fuh-” and stops himself.

“I am fuh-king stupid,” I say. “I am fuh-nny.” “I am fuh-at.”

Then he looks at me with a smile, once he gets past his annoyance and says “Don’t be a Jew.” Now, before you can get all Heeby Jebby on his ass and call your local Rabbi, you need to read these comments. It seems as if one of the people that I have banned for repeated reasons has decided to beg to be re-instated to SJ-ville.

All of you people with sites know how it goes. I don’t mind conversation and whatnot, but repeated attacks on me and other people is enough to get you blocked. I don’t pay for rudeness and I don’t pay for you to act like an idiot. It is MY money and I want to do with it what I want.

Anyway, so in hopes of acting like the high schooler that this person does, he calls me names, figuring that the names will make me unblock his IP.

“Don’t be a Jew.”

Ummm….okay. Wait. Isn’t the derogatory term for Jew meant as a tightwad? I guess…since I just discussed money, but I don’t think the term really goes.

For some reason, I find his comments to be funny. Don’t be a Jew? Classic! Okay, I won’t be a Jew. Doesn’t mean I’m going to unblock your IP. Don’t be Hispanic! Don’t be Caucasian! Don’t be someone of mixed race!

So…what is the stupidest insult you’ve ever heard?

34 Comments

  1. lol…I am on the rag, I should have just laughed too. I’m sorry he’s bugging you. Somebody called me Aunt Jemima once when I was wearing a do-rag.

    Comment by MollieBee — 3/30/2005 @ 10:56 pm

  2. That is so weird.

    I am a pest when my husband is driving too tee-hee. . .gotta get their attention somehow!

    Comment by Lou — 3/30/2005 @ 10:58 pm

  3. Online, I’ve been called “HORRIBLE AT MOTHERHOOD!” because I wouldn’t buy my son more jeans for $29 a pop when he had a crapload of jeans I had just bought him, that he had picked out himself, that were in perfect condition but now he suddenly wouldn’t wear them because he “changed his mind” right after we had taken the tags off and washed them.

    In real life, my husband calling me a “CLEAN FREAK!” because I don’t like tomato sauce and weiner juices caking the inside of the microwave.

    Comment by Autumn — 3/30/2005 @ 11:04 pm

  4. oh god, i got entirely the wrong impression at autumn saying “weiner juices.”

    note to self: GET MIND OUT OF GUTTER.

    Comment by tracy — 3/31/2005 @ 12:09 am

  5. I’m with Tracy, weiner juices in the microwave caught me off-guard. I can’t think of any stupid insults now, but I’m sure there have been some.

    Comment by Crystal — 3/31/2005 @ 12:37 am

  6. Well, someone on the messageboard I frequent is calling me an atheist because I’m not a Christian. He also told my friend that she deserved to be raped. He’s an idiot, but I enjoy tormenting him. Highly amusing.

    And Autumn? Weiner juice…..LMFAO!

    Comment by Jessica — 3/31/2005 @ 12:42 am

  7. When I was travelling in Germany a guy got really angry at us and said something to us in German. Literally translated he said “Fuck you in your kneecap” My hubby and I still say it. Especially when there is a disagreement that’s going nowhere “Ahhh fuck you in your kneecap”

    Comment by brilly — 3/31/2005 @ 12:58 am

  8. You crack me up, dude. The running man. Classic.

    Insults? I have been called “nigger-lover.” More that once. At first it pissed me off more than anything ever has, but now…..proud to be a lover and not a hater. Proud to not be a completely ignorant dipshit, also.

    Thomas! Haha!

    Weiner juices! Ha. I’m never going to survive tonight.

    Comment by Antonia — 3/31/2005 @ 1:42 am

  9. I like weiner juice. But not in my microwave.

    *PA DUMP PUMP*

    Comment by Mariposa — 3/31/2005 @ 2:27 am

  10. The stupidest (non-sensical?) insult: BUT YOUR MOTHER! (from a Romanian dude speaking English, of course) WTF???

    The funniest insult: “Damn shorty, yo’ mamma got a wooden leg with a real foot” (think about that. Is that possible??)

    Comment by Robotnik — 3/31/2005 @ 9:09 am

  11. You should tell your attack noters to stop being cunts!!!

    Comment by Di — 3/31/2005 @ 9:25 am

  12. yes, that’s the lamest insult i’ve ever heard. just like when people call me fat. i usually say “OH MY GOD REALLY?!? i can’t believe no one has told me that before! thanks so much for bringing it to my attention!”

    people are retards. especially on the internets. plain and simple.

    Comment by honey bunny — 3/31/2005 @ 9:45 am

  13. once while my hubs was pumping gas, an old man was yelling from his car at a nearby intersection, “hey you monkey, go back to Africa!” Stupid people, stupid comments!

    Comment by Priscilla — 3/31/2005 @ 9:46 am

  14. oh and the weiner juices, had to read it a few times to realize what she meant!! Too funny! :)

    Comment by Priscilla — 3/31/2005 @ 9:47 am

  15. r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s. Doesn’t Thomas have better things to do with his time?

    Did you all watch that sitcom “the Office” on Tuesday night? It was diversity day in their office on the show, and at one point the manager asks one of the employees if he prefers another term to Mexican, “something less offensive". It was so wrong, but I giggled for the rest of the night about it. We turned off the lights to go to bed and I couldn’t stop laughing. I could totally picture someone actually saying that.

    Some people have serious issues.

    Comment by halloweenlover — 3/31/2005 @ 10:05 am

  16. After kicking him out of the water at my lifeguarding gig, this 7-year-old called me “cheeseburger.” He was mad at me, so I tried really hard not to laugh. He had a 12-year-old brother, so if anything, I wasn’t expecting “cheeseburger.”

    Comment by mrtl — 3/31/2005 @ 10:32 am

  17. Priscilla, that’s fucking hilarious. Did you guys laugh?? I mean, come now…who takes that seriously? Gotta have a sense of humour about this shite.

    Comment by Robotnik — 3/31/2005 @ 10:36 am

  18. Well, Robotnik, at first, we were confused….I mean who says something like that, right? I was angry but we do laugh about it now.

    Comment by Priscilla — 3/31/2005 @ 10:54 am

  19. Yeah, Pris. If someone said something about my husband, they better be able to run because I’d kick their ass in one second. Who cares if he is big and tall? He’s MINE and I will KICK ASS FOR HIM.

    Comment by Sarcastic Journalist — 3/31/2005 @ 11:00 am

  20. The funniest insult ever hurled at me came after I had just completed a trip to France. I wouldn’t sleep with a guy, so he told me

    “I bet the French hated you!”

    HA! OMG! Is that the best you can do?. I’m so glad he got to keep his own weiner juices. I sure didn’t want them.

    Comment by deleted — 3/31/2005 @ 11:16 am

  21. Pris, because it’s so old-school and obviously-racist…it’s just funny. I can picture that scene now.

    Comment by Robotnik — 3/31/2005 @ 12:11 pm

  22. SJ, what if the offender was in a car and you were on foot, pushing Ellie’s stroller?

    Comment by Robotnik — 3/31/2005 @ 12:12 pm

  23. My fiance is British, and when we first started dating, he called me a cow. Which in his culture just means silly or stupid. However, I, like most average American females, have enough of a complex about my weight that I completely lost my mind over that one. He learned his lesson, and hasn’t called me that since.

    Comment by poobou — 3/31/2005 @ 1:29 pm

  24. Dude, I am SO using “fuck you in your kneecap” from now on.

    Comment by Stacey — 3/31/2005 @ 2:21 pm

  25. P.S - Check your email.

    Comment by Stacey — 3/31/2005 @ 2:21 pm

  26. “You’re a VIRGIN and you CAN’T DRIVE!”

    That’s from a movie. Which, I can’t remember, alas. My roommate and I just randomly say it sometimes and it merits great laughter, for how true it is for both of us.

    Comment by janna — 3/31/2005 @ 2:44 pm

  27. “your MOM goes to college”

    Kip, from Napoleon Dynamite.

    Stupid, but hilarious.

    Comment by Y — 3/31/2005 @ 3:16 pm

  28. My husband is the king of pathetic insults. He once called me a sticker face. Still can’t figure that one out.

    Comment by Gretchen — 3/31/2005 @ 3:43 pm

  29. Oh my gosh, I just read the comments and had to laugh…stupidest thing that has ever been said to me? Oh yeah, it was “Why didn’t you wiat until you were done with high school to have kids?” Dude, I am 28. A chick yelled “Fucking Bitch” at me because I parked in the New and Expecting spot at the grocery store. I was PREGNANT, dumb ass.

    Comment by Corrie — 3/31/2005 @ 3:59 pm

  30. Went to visit a former college hangout of mine with my wife years ago (we must have been 26 at the oldest) and some teeny bopper with a wine cooler in her hand called us “dinosaurs” as she passed us on the stairs. Must have made an impression, but definitely not in limestone.

    Comment by Texas T-bone — 3/31/2005 @ 6:16 pm

  31. T-bone, your comeback regarding the wine cooler: LIGHTWEIGHT!

    Comment by Robotnik — 3/31/2005 @ 7:46 pm

  32. I’ve been called a danger to myself and others by an arm-chair physcian that never once actually had a conversation with me. I consider medical opinions that are not based in reality (read: patient observation or medical history), insulting. Apparently my nurse was trained by Bill Frist, who feels that he can diagnose someone on a video.

    Comment by Pregnant in Texas — 3/31/2005 @ 8:05 pm

  33. A long time ago, some guy who wanted to get into my pants and I rebuffed, big time, said told me, as a parting shot, that I was so skinny that his dick would break if he screwed me. That one really hurt…LOL

    Comment by frozenmojo — 4/1/2005 @ 12:07 pm

  34. At the daycare I used to work at the ultimate insult was…

    Chicken Noodle.

    Really - they would get all worked up about it and come cryin’ to me - Miss JoAnna - she called me a Chicken Noodle!!!! I was all, “so?”

    Comment by joaaanna — 4/1/2005 @ 1:12 pm

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