I spot you

Something odd happens when you become a “Breeder.” You begin to worry. And fret. And groom your child. And worry about grooming or not grooming your child.

First off, let me say that Elliebear is sporting what I have a feeling is about to become one righteous mullet. I do not have any pictures of said mullet right now, but let me tell you, it is there. And it is FUNNY. She still has all the hair on the top of her head but it has become a lighter brown. Like coffee with a lot of cream in it.

The hair in the middle/back/sides is starting to fall out, leaving a lot of scalp showing underneath. Blonde hair is growing in right there, so she looks even more bald than possible.

Then we have the bottom. It is long, thick and almost black. Right about that spot is a really balding line where she continues to turn her head back and forth, back and forth while she lays on the bed as if to say “What’s over here! Over there! Look, back over here! And there, woah!”

And I figure I shouldn’t worry about that because well, she could always be doing drugs. Not to mention, I don’t worry too much about her. If cavemen could do this, so can I!

I always find myself checking her nose for boogies and then excavating them out. Fingernail, the blue snot sulking bulb, matches, steak knives…whatever it takes to get the bats out of the cave. And I find it strangley comforting to wipe the earwax out of her ears. (No, not the “ear canal.” Just the outside parts.)

My child is a waxy girl. I will just say that. Very, very waxy.

What I find myself worrying about is what has shown up on her legs. Spots. Purple/red spots. They kind of look like blood blisters. They aren’t raised, not bumpy. Just reddish/purplish spots of varying sizes all over her legs.

I call my Mom, Albuquerque’s Most Famous Nurse Practitioner Due To My Blog, and explain to her the spots. She’s all “well, just watch it.”

Damnit, woman! Just watch them?? Hello, what if they are polio spots or chicken pox or strep throat on her leg spots?!?!?!?!

Is that what she said when I had meningitis??? Take some advil and ice it?

That’s it. If these are “Leg meningitis” spots, she can forget getting a Christmas card from ME.

12 Comments

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  1. MWA-HAH-HAH…you think you can scare me with your talk of “I.P. addresses, as if I have one of mine own…hahaha…mwahaha…MWAHAHAH. hah.

    Comment by Carrie — 10/6/2004 @ 1:29 pm

  2. Okay, first of all, Carrie is a dork. Second, Lauren had a mullet. I was so embarassed. I thought people thought I would do that to my child on purpose or something. Then I cut her bangs. Big mistake. At least Kate didn’t get it. She got the ‘fro.

    Comment by Jen — 10/6/2004 @ 1:47 pm

  3. Hey everyone! Look! The dingbat dipshit is back again! This is the girl who anonymously hides and leaves nasty comments on many people’s blogs. Carrie must have a problemo to go and be rude to people she doesn’t know, insult their looks and their families. Girl, you have freaking issues. Get over yourself.

    Comment by Sarcastic journalist — 10/6/2004 @ 1:48 pm

  4. Oh no not Carrie! She is SO scary. It’s the laugh. What a freakin dork.
    Oh and don’t worry about ellie’s hair. Even if you think it looks good now, 3 years down the road you will be like Oh My God - what the hell did I let you look like?!?
    Ok well I did that with A. Looking back he looked like he had a REALLY bad tupee or comb over. I always thought he was cute when he was a baby, until now!

    Comment by Nicole — 10/6/2004 @ 2:15 pm

  5. Oh, my fault…when you wrote “something odd happens when you become a Breeder” I thought you were talking about the band The Breeders.

    My fault!

    Who’s this Carrie?

    Comment by Robotnik — 10/6/2004 @ 3:19 pm

  6. In an anonymous post, I had a professed 17-year-old mom tell me I needed to ‘get a life’ because I talk a lot about what is on television. Perhaps she is Carrie. I’m still shaking my 41 year old, mom-of-two head about that one.

    My first daughter’s hair resembled Hitler’s combover until she turned 1. (We were so proud.)

    Comment by SJtheMom — 10/6/2004 @ 5:15 pm

  7. Hair……babies have hair……I must say though that as little as Piper has it is still more than Alexa had!

    Comment by Kim — 10/6/2004 @ 9:57 pm

  8. I have found that with time I am less concerned about the boogies. As long as they are not grossly noticeable. Babybelle had a mullet as well and in his sleep I trimmed it up. It is amazing the difference! Now he has a perfect little boy shaped haircut (not because of me, it has just turned out that way). Now, living in the South, my frantic attacks are about what to wear. Its slightly cool in the morning and warms to almost hot in the afternoon. Long sleeves and pants? Onesies? Short Sleeves and pants? WHAT!!?? I dont know! And he is 6 months wearing 12 month clothes. I have major baby wardrobe drama!

    Comment by Rbelle — 10/7/2004 @ 12:10 am

  9. I take all comments, even diverging opinions or those from nutty people, as complimentary. If they think my blog’s worth wasting time on, be my guest! Carrie might be mad because nobody will clean out her boogers or take her to the prom.

    Comment by Texas T-bone — 10/7/2004 @ 10:03 am

  10. poor carrie, maybe she just needs a hug. here’s a hug for you, carrie…. yeah right, get a life, bitch. YOU are such a lurking freak.

    Comment by dawn — 10/7/2004 @ 9:36 pm

  11. Totally feelin’ ya on the earwax/snot removing thing. Don’t you just feel like the most competent mom in the world when you’re doing those things. I think it’s how monkeys must feel with the gnats and the picking. John-Malachy got a bald patch and I named it Phill. He had a very quiet nature.

    Comment by Antonia — 10/8/2004 @ 12:47 pm

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