Boobs of Titanic Proportions

I have always worn a two-piece bathing suit, except for when I HAD to wear a one piece in lifeguard training class. The funny thing is that I’ve always been self conscious of my belly as it is a little flabby. Basically, to put it nicely, I gain weight in the middle.

I am also self conscious of my boobies. Pregnancy and boob feeding have only made my boob paranoia grow worse. It is hard to find shirts that fit. My old bathing suits? Forget about it.

So I went online and bought a bathing suit. A red one piece halter-style bathing suit from J Crew. It was, however, on sale so I couldn’t return it.

No biggie, I thought. It had a “D” cup top and was a size large. It should fit with no problem. Once the UPS guy knocked on my door and handed me the package, I couldn’t wait to try it on. I ran into the bathroom, ripped off my clothes and put on my brand new pretty red bathing suit. I probably peed myself with excitement. A new red bathing suit! For me!

Then I saw it. Or, should I say, I saw “them.”

(PICTURE DELETED DO TO NASTY SITES LINKING TO IT.)

My boobies are going down like the Titanic.

Saggage. Is that a word? Well, it should be. Major saggage of the breastal area. I look like a clothed version of the “before” boob job picture. It disgusts me. I can’t believe they look like this.

I’m trying not to beat myself up over the fact that I picked a sag-prone bathing suit. Normally, it wouldn’t be too bad except for the fact I can’t return it. I should change their names from “big floppy funbags” to “big floppy sagbags.”

They look like two big pendulums.

Now, what I’m about to post will piss off my husband. But, oh well.

Why can’t my boobies not sag like her’s*?

* No, I don’t want to weigh 10 pounds. I just want boobies that don’t sag.

45 Comments

  1. Me? After 2 kids and 5 years of breastfeeding, mine look like two empty wallets. =(

    Comment by deleted — 2/25/2005 @ 4:20 pm

  2. I’m pregnant now and my boobs are turning in to two (large) balloons on my ribcage. I know this plump lovely look will be short lived. These things will be hitting my knees a year from now. If my kid is as beautiful and happy as yours (and I hope as dog like) then I know it will be worth it. I hope. Remind me that I said that a year from now.

    Comment by wdc — 2/25/2005 @ 4:32 pm

  3. Because they aren’t fake!

    Comment by Jazzy — 2/25/2005 @ 4:37 pm

  4. I’m in the same boat over here with my 36DDD’s. Having a robust rack sucks ass. When I met my husband almost 10 years ago, I was 19 and couldn’t even hold a pencil under my perfect 36D’s. Weight gain and loss, pregnancy and nursing have jacked my shit up. Now I could hold up a concrete block with these sagbags.

    If you find yourself at the surgeon’s office, let me know. Maybe we can get a two-for-one special.

    Comment by Amanda — 2/25/2005 @ 4:43 pm

  5. I think with a more supportive bra in your suit, your boobs will look fantastic. (I’ve learned the hard way that mail-ordered suits only lead to return postage costs.)

    I am boobless. Two fried eyes on a platter. What little boobage is there, now hangs low.

    Flat AND saggy should be impossible, but I can do anything.

    Comment by Susie Sunshine — 2/25/2005 @ 4:56 pm

  6. My first thought is that the bathing suit doesn’t look like it’s got D size cups…seriously. Either that or their size D is nothing like a real world size D. Don’t be too depressed…do you know how many flat women would kill to have big boobies, even if they sagged a little??

    Comment by shaunacat — 2/25/2005 @ 4:58 pm

  7. i’ve been crying about my saggy boobs for years. It happens. you learn to live with it. (and by “learn to live with it” I mean you beg your husband to let you strip at a club for big women, even though, to my knowledge, no such club exists, so you can earn money to pay for a lift)

    Comment by Y — 2/25/2005 @ 5:04 pm

  8. Don’t feel bad. Your boobies look like bigger versions of my boobies. I’m a “B” cup and they still sag like that. I miss the pre-baby days when they were nice and perky. *sigh*

    Comment by Heatheranne — 2/25/2005 @ 5:20 pm

  9. Don’t feel bad–I’m 26, I’ve never been pregnant or had a child yet, but my boobs are almost as bad! I was a C-cup by 7th grade, a DD when I graduated high school. I’ve always hated my boobs because clothes don’t fit right and I’ve developed horrible posture trying to hide them. Strapless bras are more like boob belts, sliding down towards my waist. But it’s worse now because I lost 40 lb. in the past 2 years (although I only went from a DD to a D), and now they’re hanging low. I don’t even want to imagine what they’ll be like after I have kids–I mean, there’s pendulums, and then there’s grandfather clock pendulums. My husband has promised that as soon as we’re done having kids, I can get a reduction and lift. I dream about that day and I CANNOT WAIT. The only condition (per my husband) is that I don’t go smaller than a C–which is fine with me as long as they point up, not down. Counting down to smaller happy funbags, T minus 5 or 6 years… !

    Comment by Melissa — 2/25/2005 @ 5:29 pm

  10. Susie Sunshine is right….it’s not you, it’s the suit.

    Kristamodelgirl was sporting a bra top that lifted and secured the boobs. That’s why they look perky. I do love the color of your suit and think it would be great if it was cut right.

    So, my assvice is to get a two piece or a tankini so that you can get underwires or a bra shelf and all that goodness. I think they make one pieces with the bra structure too. Structure and engineering is key. I got bitty titties, but I know all about sag unfortunately.

    Comment by MollieBee — 2/25/2005 @ 5:29 pm

  11. Step away from the cute red suit until you’re finished breastfeeding. They do shrink when you’re finished. At least, a bit. I went from a DD to an H when I was pumping, and now I’m back to a DD. If I can shrink, anyone can.

    Comment by Poppy — 2/25/2005 @ 5:40 pm

  12. I want Christina Agulierra boobs. I may post about it if I ever get off my lazy ass.

    Comment by Corrie — 2/25/2005 @ 5:46 pm

  13. Kristy’s boobs don’t sag because she’s an Aussie. He spends half the year down under and that reverses the gravity on her boobs

    Comment by brilly — 2/25/2005 @ 5:47 pm

  14. From a guy’s perspective, there almost can’t be any such thing as a bad boob.

    Comment by Texas T-bone — 2/25/2005 @ 5:50 pm

  15. J Crew always gets everyone with the no return sale, maybe you could consignment the suit and not feel completely ripped off. LandsEnd.com might be a good place to look for suits. They go by body shape and you can return them.

    Comment by eek — 2/25/2005 @ 6:05 pm

  16. Mine sag (a LOT) and I don’t care. Then again, I haven’t worn a bathing suit since I was 12.

    I agree with the other peeps. That suit is cut weird.

    Comment by Jessica — 2/25/2005 @ 6:07 pm

  17. One word UNDERWIRE. I never leave hoem without it, even in a bathing suit.

    Comment by Tuesdayef — 2/25/2005 @ 6:35 pm

  18. I forgot to mention, that one of my boobs is bigger than the other, and it causes me to curse alot.

    Comment by Corrie — 2/25/2005 @ 7:59 pm

  19. Your boobs are so not sagging.
    I’m w/Texas T-bone…no way…NO WAY your boobs are bad or saggy or whatever you want to call it.

    Comment by LX Robotnik — 2/25/2005 @ 8:09 pm

  20. Okay…for ONE thing..HER boobs..have never breast fed a baby…so OF COURSE they look wonderfully perky! Don’t give up on your boobs YET! Wait until you are done breast feeding…do some exercises to strengthen the muscles around the area…TRUE…it won’t make them go back to where they were…but, it might help a little.

    But, REALLY…they aren’t so bad….I’d trade you my big baggy DD’s anyday! LOL!

    Comment by Wendi — 2/25/2005 @ 8:15 pm

  21. While mine are smaller, they have the same unhappy saggage that comes from having children. I require all swimsuits to have underwires now, or at least molded cups. I should be getting my new suit in next week, but because of my soon arriving cycle I will not dare try it on right away. Bloat sucks. Who at J. Crew thought that was a good idea? Any large breasts would fall right out of that given the wrong movements, like bending over!!

    Comment by Crystal — 2/25/2005 @ 9:23 pm

  22. I think they’re nice still. Atleast yours won’t turn into all nipple like mine will. hahahah

    Comment by Stacey — 2/25/2005 @ 9:34 pm

  23. J. Crew probably fakes their sizes to make small-breasted women feel bigger (like other clothing lines sell real size 10’s as size 6). Either way, I have a picture of me at 19 with the same boobage (13 years before having a kid). Egads. When I’m 80 I’ll be one of those women with boobs that sit in my lap while I play bingo.

    Should I be concerned that the only two posts I’ve put in your comments section have been derogatory about my boobs? Now THAT’S something to ponder while I finish my third Hard Mikes Lime.

    g’night!

    Comment by cathi — 2/25/2005 @ 9:35 pm

  24. i went down a cup size finally, after giving up breastfeeding 6 months ago. there is hope. but they are flat and saggy now. so the hope is a double edged sword. :-)

    Comment by jenB — 2/25/2005 @ 10:23 pm

  25. Jeez…..ok, your boobs aren’t saggy. See, when you have real funbags and not the fake kind, they look like yours. It’s called having normal, pretty lady boobs. Get used to it.

    I swear to god the porn world sucks because even people who have their own personal set of breasts attached to their bodies think they should look like something other than what you have attached your chest.

    I think it’s a very sexy picture. Nothing wrong with your tits.

    By the way, I remember reading in a magazine (Cosmo?) way back in high school (1980s) something about how the underside of the breasts is an often neglected zone that it seldomly stroked and kissed by men.

    I remember thinking “Underside?” I had no underside because I had mosquito bites, not boobs.

    BOOBS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN UNDERSIDE. It’s normal, and not saggy or ugly.

    Comment by Autumn — 2/25/2005 @ 10:37 pm

  26. It’s probally the bathing suit, and I don’t know if you breast feed or not–if so give them some time to go back to their normal state. But the truth is D cups sag–it’s a fact and with a good bra or bathing suit with a bra built in they’re look like perky puppies.

    At 35 mine are starting to not look as perky as well–kids and age will take you down everytime.

    Comment by Michele — 2/25/2005 @ 11:45 pm

  27. I’m feeling you on this one. Don’t take that too literally, though.

    Now that I’ve had a baby too, I realize I used to look like the picture in your link (except that I’m only 5′2″), but didn’t even realize it. I wish I would have, because now it’s too late to take full advantage. Back then I often wished I could have been taller, or have bigger boobs. Now I wish I could go back to the old me. I’m just never entirely satisfied. One day I’ll be wrinkly all over, and I’ll wish I could be what I am now.

    Comment by Antonia — 2/26/2005 @ 12:01 am

  28. Ok. See…we witness here today what is wrong with America. Stop commiserating. There is not a damn thing wrong, or saggy, with SJ’s tits. Those tits are normal, healthy, pretty tits. The reason why that girl is photographed in that link is because she’s odd. She’s the sad Barbie doll tit ideal that is not reality.

    Hug your boobs, or your boobed person who you love.

    YOU HAVE NORMAL, HAPPY, PRETTY BOOBS, SJ!

    Jesus Christ….

    Comment by Autumn — 2/26/2005 @ 1:00 am

  29. Just like the ocean…

    Worry not, for the large breasted woman is likely to suffer saggage. If you fear that it might prevent men from liking you, seek out other men. If you fear disliking yourself, reevaluate and move on.

    Comment by Santana — 2/26/2005 @ 2:20 am

  30. yes! i should have said. that your tits look great to me.

    Comment by jenB — 2/26/2005 @ 2:36 am

  31. Can you say “plastic surgery"? There is no way her boobs are real - okay, maybe she’s 15 - I work at a high school. Not a saggy boob in sight.

    Comment by carol — 2/26/2005 @ 11:27 am

  32. Hey, I have the same saggage problem and I found that Speedo swimming suits (the kind where the straps cross in the back) are terrific to hold up those sagging boobies. Some Speedo suits look like they are made for grannies, and some look like they are made for olympic athletes… but there are a few new cute styles. I’m a 40H since the birth of my daughter (and breastfeeding) and if Speedo can hold up my boobs, it can hold up yours! Good luck!

    Comment by Staci — 2/26/2005 @ 1:08 pm

  33. I was left with cow utters. Really.

    It’s rather sad. I’m saving my pennies. I figure if my boobs are bigger maybe my ass will look smaller.

    Comment by Terri — 2/26/2005 @ 4:41 pm

  34. I think your sweater-tigers look fantastic. It’s not them, it’s the suit.

    Comment by caitlin — 2/26/2005 @ 5:34 pm

  35. It could be worse. I mean, my boobs sag a lot since the kid. The bad part (and this is where it gets worse) is that my fat stomach is what’s holding them up. I still have that from the kid too. I like to keep things, I just can’t seem to get rid of the extra weight. heh

    Comment by NinaKaye — 2/26/2005 @ 5:42 pm

  36. everyone is right. when you are finished breastfeeding, they will shrink. they may still sag, but they will shirnk. i was in a DD cup when i was breastfeeding and now i’m back to my regular B size. saggier, yes, but still my regular pre-baby size.

    put the suit up until next swim season and see how it looks. i bet it will be perfect!

    Comment by becca — 2/26/2005 @ 6:34 pm

  37. Um…they look fine to me. Not that I’m a boobie conneseure or anything.

    Comment by Psycho Kitty — 2/26/2005 @ 10:14 pm

  38. Those are D cups?? Not the boobs, the swimsuit. It looks small. Seems like if you had a bigger cup up there you could simply lift them into place, heh.

    But yes, as everyone else mentioned, you’ll get some semblance of your old boobs back when you finish breastfeeding. <3

    Comment by Paige — 2/27/2005 @ 8:29 am

  39. There’s nothing wrong with your boobs, SJ. It’s the suit that’s weird. Next time, just go to a regular ol’ store where you can try on the suits, and get one with a built-in bra. The difference will amaze you.

    Breastfeeding boobs unite! (Or something.) :-)

    Comment by Beth — 2/27/2005 @ 12:42 pm

  40. “Hers” are fake. And greasy!

    Comment by CJ — 2/27/2005 @ 12:50 pm

  41. Awww… these rn’t so bad. I’ve seen worse boobs.

    Comment by stalker — 2/27/2005 @ 5:54 pm

  42. Honestly, I think the suit (and your boobs) look fine. Have your boobs been so horrible to you that you have to publicly disparage them? Throw “the girls” a bone.

    Comment by Sheryl — 2/27/2005 @ 11:19 pm

  43. Hey, have you considered that she has people on her payroll who make sure that her boobies do not sag? Double sided tape is a celebrity’s best friend these days. I am impressed that you even ordered a suit. I plan on not wearing one till the old timey striped p.j. style come back into vogue. And your husband will love u no matter what you wear, Mine does.
    s

    Comment by Prissy — 2/28/2005 @ 1:24 am

  44. i am still reeling from the fact that you actually were brave enough to post any actual breastal footage. it’s the suit girl, don’t feel bad! most women don’t have boobs that look like HERS without a little help or the right equipment.

    Comment by Sarcomical — 2/28/2005 @ 6:26 pm

  45. Eric is with Texas T Bone - there just isn’t any such thing as a bad boob.

    Comment by Very Mom — 3/1/2005 @ 4:54 am

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