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Probably NOT the margarita playgroup…

“They” say that staying at home with your child is isolating. I don’t know how isolating I find it to be as I am an isolationist. That means I can sit around, by myself, all day long and not care.

But, that being said, I know that it is good for me to have friends. To be around people who are in a similar phase of life as I am. I do have friends here, but the majority are single. None have kids.

So I saw a notice for a playgroup for moms with kids under one. I’m a mom. My kid is younger than one. So I emailed the lady to inquire about the playgroup.

But the deal? They only keep inviting me to the family dinners. As in my husband is invited, too. This would happen at a restaurant. At night. This is just plain wrong. We don’t have money to go out to eat all the time and I don’t want to waste my money eating with people I don’t know.

Also? Husbands? Well, that just adds in a weird factor as many people have weird husbands and they won’t fit in well with the conversation.

I don’t want to go to “family dinner night” but I feel as if perhaps this is my place in the group: Not cool enough to go to playgroup but cool enough for “family dinner night.”

And what if I get to playgroup and I realize I have nothing in common with these people? What if they want to pretend to be all happy and mommyish? What if they won’t tell how things are? What if we discuss the pros of shopping cart covers but not how your kid screams and cries and yells instead of going to sleep?

I bet no one will admit they are on anti-depressants. And blogs? They probably don’t have blogs. They won’t understand what a blog is. Or why I blog.

Not like I’d tell them about my blog, because I Just Don’t Do That. But…it would be nice if they had one. And then, instead of talking to each other, we could just real time blog the event and things would be much better.

Maybe I’ll just draw them pictures of my boobs? Or start making margaritas and hope for the best?

20 Responses to “Probably NOT the margarita playgroup…”

  1. Stacey
    January 26th, 2005 12:59
    1

    I feel the same way, I’m slowly being alienated from my old friends (who have no idea what a baby is, nevermind interact with one)

    and all the mothers here are 35+ who drive SUV’s and go jogging ever morning. Ew.

  2. Jazzy
    January 26th, 2005 13:28
    2

    Girl, I would be happy to take you out to have margaritas. I don’t have kids, but I have lots of friends with them and I am going to hop on the kid road shortly! You say the word, Guadalajara is waiting!

  3. Wendi
    January 26th, 2005 14:40
    3

    Too bad you couldn’t find another group. I was lucky to find one when I got out to TX…but, we met JUST the Mom and the kids on neutral territory at first (parks, etc) until we got to know each other…then we did home playgroups…eventually we started having a Mom’s night out once and a while so we could go out AWAY from the kids and the Husband’s. We got to be great friends and talked about everything.

    If you can’t find a similar group…maybe you could think about starting one on your own. Like I said, make the first meetings neutral…at local parks…where it’s free…everyone brings their own lunches or snacks until you decide to do otherwise.

    That way you don’t get stuck with people you don’t like! If you absolutely HATE it…you never have to set up another one. If you meet some people that you think you mesh with pretty well…then you have the chance to keep meeting!

  4. LX Robotnik
    January 26th, 2005 14:42
    4

    Try being an isolationist STAY AT HOME FATHER. No one wants to hang with you. I get the nastiest stares from other mothers, and I always…ALWAYS get hit with: “Aaah, so…(WTF? Are you Chinese? But I digress) you’re giving Mommy the day off, huh?”

    Forget about playgroups. No one wants a Dad.

    Oh, and yeah. Also here, all Mothers drive expensive-ass SUVs, and go to the gym all the time.

    And this “dinner at a restaurant” shit…I totally agree. These women have kids under age 1 no? 8 pm is bed time. What dinner out?

  5. Jessica
    January 26th, 2005 15:02
    5

    I don’t know about where you live, but the adult school over here has a free “Mommy and Me” class that meets once a week. You might want to check out any such schools like that. :-)

    Hmmm….SUV’s and jogging….I’d kill myself before ever resorting to that.

  6. NinaKaye
    January 26th, 2005 15:21
    6

    Being antisocial worked for me, for about 3 years. Now, I’m to the point where I’m begging for some adult interaction. Last night, I was sitting on the couch and my husband said, “You need a break from all this, or you’re going to have a breakdown.” I never thought I’d get to that point, but it did take 3 years. And I don’t even have the propects of finding other people similar to myself, I live too far out in the country. It’s maddening!!

  7. Crystal
    January 26th, 2005 15:31
    7

    Damn TX for being such a large state, I’d be in your margarita playgroup if we lived closer!! I’m pretty much isolated, and it’s starting to bug me!! Oh, the life of a mommy!

  8. Surfie
    January 26th, 2005 15:39
    8

    Honestly, that group sounds more like a clique. I think the dinner thing is more of a ruse to ’screen’ you. I wouldn’t bother with it.

    Perhaps you could try joining something that you enjoy, kind of like your baking class. Maybe that way you could hook up with other moms like more like yourself.

  9. Mirella
    January 26th, 2005 16:38
    9

    Do you like to swim? Your local YMCA/aquatic center may have a waterbabies class. I’m not sure what the cost is, but it could be cool because it’s mostly you interacting with Ellie, but you also get to meet other parents and you can have as much or as little interaction with them as you want. You don’t have to sit in a group and watch your kids crawl around and make fake-mommy-talk. You can just talk to the moms that look margarita-friendly.

    Oh, and it’ll help Ellie with motor skills and water safety and shit like that.

  10. brilly
    January 26th, 2005 16:42
    10

    Playgroup can be fun. I always look at it that I’m not looking for a friend for me just playmates for my kids. As my old boss would say ” I’m not asking you to sleep with them, just work with them” Is there a playgroup association over there? It would have contacts for all the groups in your area. I think the whole dinner thing is a bit whacky.
    You could start an online playgroup. I’d come, I’m over 35 but I don’t drive an SVU or jog.

  11. LX Robotnik
    January 26th, 2005 16:45
    11

    The Y idea is good…except lately it’s gotten mucho expensive. I wanted to sign my and my 6 month old up for swimming…and it was $1200/year!
    WTF??

  12. Veronica
    January 26th, 2005 18:39
    12

    I met two of my closest friends at a playgroup…6 years ago. Don’t worry about finding one with kids Ellie’s age, they only annoy each other at that age. Besides, I picked up all sorts of good advice from moms who had “been there”.

    Oh, and after about 2 years of playgroup, four out of the five of us there admitted to either having been on, currently being on or wishing they weren’t pregnant so they could be on anti-depressants.

  13. Corrie
    January 26th, 2005 18:43
    13

    But do thier husbands make “art” out of tampons? I think you guys are too cool for the playgroup!

  14. Shylah
    January 26th, 2005 20:07
    14

    Why don’t you check and see if there’s a Mom’s Club chapter near you? I avoided that sort of thing for awhile, because it seemed very Stepford to me, but the other moms in my club are very down-to-earth. And we do lots of cool stuff - story time at the library, playgroups every week, coffee club, Mom’s Lunch Out, Mom’s Night Out (which, lately, has been board games at the President’s house - and a shitload of fun. It’s worth a shot - they’ll let you attend two events to see if you want to join, and if you can’t afford the annual fee (it’s something like $20/yr.) they’ll waive it for you.

    (And FYI? I’m on antidepressants, I have a blog, and I [heart] margaritas, even though I can’t drink them.)

  15. Kristine
    January 26th, 2005 22:22
    15

    I totally agree. I have friends in that I live in the same town with and I wish they blogged.
    I got my sister, my sister’s husband and my boyfriend blogging. I swear I have found out SO much about them!!

    I would drink with you too. You find yourself in California…

  16. Steph
    January 27th, 2005 00:12
    16

    I’m in a great moms’ group here, called Mothers & More. I like it because the group has playgroups and kid stuff, but the main focus is on moms and helping up keep our sanity while leaving our jobsand staying home. We have moms’ night outs, scrapbooking groups, bookclubs, monthly meetings, and yes playgroups. Email me back if you’re interested or check out our website at:
    http://members.tripod.com/nwhmothersandmore/
    (Oh, and yes, we drink LOTS of wine and margaritas, husbands are RARELY invited to stuff (how can we invited them if we’re bitchin’ about them, right?) and we have this great yearly weekend retreat where NO KIDS OR HUBBIES ARE ALLOWED!)

  17. dv
    January 27th, 2005 07:10
    17

    Sounds to me like you only want to do this since it is ‘expected’.
    If you don’t want it, chances are you won’t like it

    You say you have friends but none of them have kids.
    Well someone’s got to be first, right?
    You can just sit and wait for your friends to have kids as well, it’s bound to happen sometime.

    On the other hand, if you do feel you’re missing out on something, why don’t you just start talking to other mothers you meet.
    It amazes me that people who have childeren want to talk about them when they see you have one too
    So when you’re in the park, or in the supermarket start talking to a mom with a kid.
    Cheesy things: ow how cute, how old is she,…
    Even if you never see her again, you’ve had contact with another mom, right?
    And all for free

    And if none of this works out: you’re site is being read and commented on by heaps of people who are in a similar phase in life as you are
    Interaction is interaction, even if you don’t see or hear us

  18. Texas T-bone
    January 27th, 2005 12:37
    18

    It will be more important for Ellie to have some kiddie interaction when she’s a little bit older to help her learn how to share, make other kids eat mud pies, etc. My wife stayed home with our son for 18 months and had mixed success with a few playgroups. In my part of Texas, the jogging, SUV-driving soccer moms also have really big hair and wear tons of makeup. They’re so hot. ;-)

  19. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch
    January 27th, 2005 15:48
    19

    I have a blog and I am on antidepressants and I breast feed! Whoomp there I am!

  20. rules of backgammon
    April 4th, 2005 22:35
    20

    rules of backgammon
    Nobody before the Pythagoreans had thought that mathematical relations held the secret of the universe. Twenty-five centuries later, Europe is still blessed and cursed with their heritage. To non-Euro

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