The Pink Starfish

Uh oh! You better watch out! Our friendly sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea has been outed as Gay.

Of course, I heard that Spongebob was gay in the past, when I heard the news that he was popular with gay men.

Let’s think about it. Pineapples are Big and Juicy. They’re HARD. And oblong. SpongeBob lives in a pineapple! That’s practically saying that he LIVES in a PENIS!

Speaking of penis…have you seen his friend Patrick?

Nothing says “weiner” than a big, pink starfish. And we all know that “chocolate starfish” is the term for poohole. And what is the preferred hole for gay men?

You know.

Is it me, or does he look like he wants to fist someone? And that red tie? Hello! Red is close to pink! Pink is GAY! GAY!

So, parents, learn this lesson. Do not teach your children about tolerance, about loving others who are different than you. Teach them to be manly and have manly heros, such as the Terminator.

Your child may not learn how to love other people, but he’ll sure learn how to kick asson the playground.

11 Responses to “The Pink Starfish”

  1. Auty
    January 20th, 2005 23:45

    I love “conservative groups”. They’re always good for a laugh.

  2. Antonia
    January 21st, 2005 01:34

    There ain’t nothing, Nothing, that can ever kill my love of Spongebob.

  3. Mary
    January 21st, 2005 08:58

    This really makes me embarrassed to be a Christian. Seriously. :(

  4. Rusty
    January 21st, 2005 09:32

    It’s a farce. SpongeBob doesn’t dress well enough to be gay.

  5. Curly Girl
    January 21st, 2005 10:24

    oh my gosh that post is hysterical! you just made me spill latte all over my jeans! the terminator picture is what put me over the edge. so funny. i had no idea sponge bob was gay. i should totally go have martinis with him.

  6. megan
    January 21st, 2005 12:28

    “Christians issue gay warning…”

    What’s a gay warning? “WARNING: the contents of this ibuprofin may be gay. Keep away from children and Christians.”

    hee hee

  7. Jessica
    January 21st, 2005 13:34

    I just read that story right now on CNN. I’d love to know what is so gay about SpongeBob. I could have sworn he was just a sea sponge who was friends with a starfish. I must be missing something.

    These conservative “Christians” need to get a life.

  8. Charla
    January 21st, 2005 15:39

    I think SpongeBob and TinkyWinky should get together.

  9. Brook
    January 22nd, 2005 15:58

    These so called “Christians” do not represent the majority. This is a group of homo-phobes. Unfortunately, they get all the attention making idiotic claims like this. Not only Barney and the purple Teletubby, but now SpongeBob? It’s not funny anymore!

  10. Texas T-bone
    January 23rd, 2005 12:18

    At least the weiner starfish doesn’t carry a purse like one of those teletubby things.

  11. rules for playing backgammon
    April 4th, 2005 22:35

    rules for playing backgammon
    The dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul, which opens into that primeval cosmic night that was soul long before there was a conscious ego and will be sou

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