Commence IP Blocking Immediately.

I just got a phone call from my Mom. (MOM: IF YOU ARE READING THIS. STOP READING NOW. I WILL BEAT YOU.) She’s all “Blah blah I saw your website.”

You see, I have TWO websites. I have this one and I have another which is “family friendly.” As in Grandma can read it. So, I’m trying to act casual and ask “what website” even though I know my family knows about this site.

Obviously, I had some explaining to do when I got FIRED for it.

Anyway, my Mom says it is the site I sent her in an email. Then somehow she says “But there were no pictures! And it said SJ.”

At that point, I shat my pants a little. My Mom is reading my site. I might as well act out scenes from a porno because hello, my life is over. My Mom has been reading my site.

She then proceeds to tell me that she saw the disclaimer that says “if you are related to me by blood or marriage, please go away.” And then she kept reading. Why?

Because it was funny.

I spoke of her father. I called him “feeble.” I’ve also since then, spoke of the downstairs hedge and baby batter. I’m not sure how much she has read. I think that when she logged onto www.sjsothersite.com the page for some reason loaded as this one. That’s her story, anyway.

Grandma reads that. As does my husband’s family. And my family.


17 Responses to “Commence IP Blocking Immediately.”

  1. Angie
    January 16th, 2005 23:20

    LOL And so now are you checking your archives to refresh your memory on all you have written?? :)

  2. Heatheranne
    January 16th, 2005 23:44

    I found out that my dad has been reading my site. I called him one day and when his fiance answered the phone, she commented on one of my entries. Now everytime I use the “f” word in my blog I feel like I should put (I’m so sorry dad, I don’t really ever use this word. And by the way, I’m still a virgin.).

  3. Sarcomical
    January 17th, 2005 00:50

    that is my total worst fear. ugh. i might have a nightmare about that tonight now. thanks.

  4. Mariposa
    January 17th, 2005 00:53

    Poor thing. That is my WORST fecking nightmare. For my mother to read my site. For my family to read my site.

    I can tell the whole internet world about my farts and my insane family, but GODAMNIT if they are from my actual family, cause then I will have also shat my pants.

    (((hugs you tightly))))

  5. Texas T-bone
    January 17th, 2005 01:36

    I’m thinking “shat” is an underused word in the walking world. And it takes family members finding an off-limits blog to bring it to life. Shat on!

  6. LX Robotnik
    January 17th, 2005 07:40

    You are SO NOT PORNO. Please. You are too good.

  7. Corrie
    January 17th, 2005 09:59

    My mom found my old blog, and that’s why I had to get rid of. That’s why you helped me the other night. Mom’s are crafty like that. Apparantly, she didn’t like how I told the whole internet that she wore “Booty Shirts”. Mom, it’s only the internet. Gosh.

  8. shaunacat
    January 17th, 2005 10:15

    OMG. I would have died, on the spot. If my mom found my site it wouldn’t be THAT bad as anything I say about her is good. (She and I are close.)

    Now if my husband’s family found my site - they would drop dead. I have vented so much about all of them…there would probably be no recovery from it. They are the trashiest of white trash that ever lived. EVER.

    I’m just banking on the fact that they are too stupid to ever figure out how to operate a computer.

  9. NinaKaye
    January 17th, 2005 10:19

    first off…hahahahahaha @ shaunacat’s comment..”trashiest of white trash that ever lived. EVER.” That’s funny.

    Okay, I’ll move on. A few days ago I get an email that said, “Hey, you’re address wasn’t hard to find. Good think I’m not a criminal!” Someone I know found my site. Not that I’ve written anything bad about anyone, but it’s just weird. Now I feel the need to censor myself even more, because there’s plenty of stuff I want to say, but now know I can’t.

  10. Muppet
    January 17th, 2005 10:58

    Hmmm. Time for a new, SECRET domain name already? :)

  11. Rbelle
    January 17th, 2005 11:51

    I just spent a paranoid hour telling my fam that I had updated the family site and then diligently watching each ip address pop up and then blocking them from my presonal site. Gah. This gets confusing!

  12. MollieBee
    January 17th, 2005 14:10

    And that is why I am kinda scared to start my own blog. Yikes!

  13. debutaunt
    January 17th, 2005 21:18

    erg. been there done that. I had a friend o’ a friend put a password on my site to keep the asshats out.

  14. SJtheMom
    January 18th, 2005 11:19

    Well, you are a grown woman with a child who should be able to talk about things like boobs and evev act out porno if you want. However, I’m fairly sure my mother secretly reads mine as well and that she read the story of my Today Sponge incident with a well-endowed bartender. I shudder.

  15. SJtheMom
    January 18th, 2005 11:20

    EVEN is the word I was going for. evev is not.

  16. Antonia
    January 18th, 2005 12:12

    Dude, she should be happy. She knows for sure that you don’t do that thing that good daughters should never do. Sounds rather saintly to me.

  17. backgammon rules
    April 4th, 2005 22:34

    backgammon rules
    The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest men of past centuries. by internet backgammon

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