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The Grandpa Category

After several strokes, my once active grandfather has become a feeble old man. Sometimes he’s “all there” and sometimes he forgets things, such as Ellie’s name or how he met my mother’s mother in collge.

Since my grandmother has strep throat, it was my job to bring grandpa to get his MRI today. Since he is old and feeble and still very stubborn, he has a habit of falling and breaking things, such as ribs.

After a drive down the 5-lane-wide highway, we arrive at the MRI place. I arrange for him to be brought inside in a wheelchair as I drag the Not Very Amused Baby along in her stroller.

Once inside, it is my job to get him checked in. I park my two immobile ones next to each other and walk to the front desk. They hand me a clip board with a bunch of questions to ask on it. I ask if I have to discuss the second page of questions with him as that has questions about bloody stools and you just don’t ask your grandpa about bloody stools.

At this point in the story, I would like to point out that if the BoB awards (Best of Blogs) had a “grandpa” category, I would totally rock it since I’m obviously not snarky or humorous or mommy enough for any of the other groups.

Whatever.

Anyway, I bring the clipboard back to Grandpa and sit down. I begin going over the questions, such as “Are you claustrophobic” while Grandpa tries to remember if he is. Slowly but surely, all the other people in the small waiting room turn to look at us while I repeatedly ask Grandpa if he has dentures.

He does.

Anyway, we were obviously just having too much fun with the clipboard, so I decided that Grandpa needs all questions asked of him. I check “dentures” on the clipboard and look up at him.

“Grandpa,” I ask. “Are you pregnant?”

13 Responses to “The Grandpa Category”

  1. Wendi
    January 11th, 2005 15:02
    1

    LOL! That’s GREAT! Being the designated caretaker when my MIL has Dr’s appts….I will have to remember that!!

    Have a GREAT day!

  2. Poppy
    January 11th, 2005 15:14
    2

    Well? Is he?

  3. MollieBee
    January 11th, 2005 16:36
    3

    That was funny as hell. You are a good grandaughter, SJ.

  4. Lujza
    January 11th, 2005 17:03
    4

    That WAS funny! And yeah…you are a good granddaughter!

  5. lexagirl
    January 11th, 2005 17:22
    5

    Lordy that was funny.
    Grandpa may also be experiencing symptoms of menopause - I would have checked that one off just in case.

  6. Texas T-bone
    January 11th, 2005 17:34
    6

    You win a prize just for taking him. Best of Blogs is just a conspiracy that the really geeky kids have concocted to make most of us feel inadequate. Don’t fall for it.

  7. Erin
    January 11th, 2005 18:12
    7

    hahahahahahaha!!! See, that punchline snuck up on me and caught me ALL off guard. I almost spit tea all over my keyboard. ;) Now that’s some good bloggin’.

  8. Corrie
    January 11th, 2005 19:33
    8

    You are the snarkiest grandaughter out there. Did you tell him about using protection?

  9. Muppet
    January 11th, 2005 22:29
    9

    Geez, you sound SO much like me. I knew there was a reason I liked you…. :)

  10. Tish
    January 12th, 2005 10:57
    10

    Lucky you have your granddaddy, mine died right before Luke was born. I love stroke patients, they are my favorite people to work with.
    How did the pumping thing work out?
    Hear from you soon
    Tish

  11. Rebecca
    January 12th, 2005 11:03
    11

    LOL! That post was the funniest part of my morning! Sad really…

  12. DollyMama
    January 13th, 2005 19:45
    12

    This reminds me of taking my grandmother on a similar sort of errand with three children in tow (ages 3 months, 2 years, and 5 years). One of the questions on the form asked for the date she began menstruating!!!

  13. free backgammon download
    April 4th, 2005 22:32
    13

    free backgammon download
    All the qualities of a man acquire dignity when he knows that the service of the collectivity that owns him needs them. If proud of the collectivity, his own pride rises in proportion. No collectivity

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