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Your sibling is in Daddy’s Nuts.

Today, I let my child play with a home pregnancy test. I told her that was the Sibling That Never Was. She threw it in the sink. I don’t think she got it.

And then The Hubs peed on the stick, just to make sure he wasn’t pregnant. Good thing he wasn’t, even though I’m wondering when he’ll get his period.

The funny thing is when you have pregnancy “symptoms” and then find out that you are not, in fact, knocked up, that you are left with the sad truth.

The bad moods, headaches, nausea and bad skin are all yours because you must be some mutant. Hello! You’re 25! What’s up with the pizza face?

And the sore boob? In the same spot? It is NOT an infection but just a recurrant pain. So you tell your husband to check your boobies for lumps because maybe you’re some mutant with a horrible disease and you’ve been misdiagnosing the disease for pregnancy and it is manifesting itself while you continue to buy HPTs for $3.88 (the generic brand) at the grocery store.

Goodbye Christmas cheer! Hello pessimism!

So I will make that damn doctor’s appointment and use my HPT money for a visit to some person I don’t know who will want to touch my boobie. And then I will tell the person about the random nausea and the scalp tenderness that is so tender that I can’t even brush my hair.

And then he will laugh at me and give me an anal probe with a candycane and all will be well. Because, at least then, my poots will smell like minty freshness.

And who can’t be in the Christmas Spirit when they have minty fresh poop?

5 Responses to “Your sibling is in Daddy’s Nuts.”

  1. Brook
    December 20th, 2004 23:21
    1

    Man, I seriously have to change my doctor! Candycanes? I am SO jealous!

  2. MollieBee
    December 21st, 2004 00:15
    2

    Fuck A Duck.

    Scalp tenderness? That’s kinda odd, huh? Odd meaning interesting of course.

  3. brilly
    December 21st, 2004 06:43
    3

    You can buy pregnancy tests in the grocery store? Like in amongst the tampons and such? We have to go to the chemist, probably so the whole town knows that you think you might be pregnant.

  4. shaunacat
    December 21st, 2004 08:46
    4

    It could just be too early for an HPT to pick up the hormones still - ever since I found out, I’ve heard story after story like that.

    Let us know how it goes!

  5. Leslie
    December 22nd, 2004 00:33
    5

    Umm.. wish my poop was minty fresh. :-)

    Good luck with the Doc!

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