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Bad luck

Some people just have bad luck. I tend to be one of those people. THIS PERSON seems to have that kind of luck as well.

I’ve always been kind of a private person (in real life) about personal matters. Embarrassed about uh, “doing it” and stuff. So, the first time The Hubs and I go to Wal-Mart to buy condoms for our Honeymoon together (we didn’t “do it” until marriage.) something bad happened.

I was embarrassed enough. I mean, there I was, buying condoms. People knew we were going to do it.

I had this sense of dread as we put the items on the conveyer belt and pay our money. After trying to act all cool like “These aren’t condoms! It’s really bubble gum!” it is all over with and we get the hell out of there. I’m feeling happy and relieved because the horrible ordeal is over when we hear it.

Ding ding ding!

We set off the security alarms. People look. Employees come rushing over. They open our bags. And sure enough, there are the condoms. They set off the alarm.

I think I might have shat my pants a little right then and there.

So then they have to take the condoms and cross-check them with our receipt to see that we actually purchased them. They take the alarm-making device off the package and send us on our merry way.

How can they expect people to practice safe sex when they make it so damn difficult to do so??

11 Responses to “Bad luck”

  1. Texas T-bone
    October 5th, 2004 15:29
    1

    Condoms are among the most commonly stolen items in grocery stores (including the one I worked for in college). Sure, they are expensive, but I think it is the embarrassment factor – esp. among the teenie boppers who have no business buying such things. They should come in plain brown boxes and be identified only by UPC code.

  2. Nicole
    October 5th, 2004 15:57
    2

    I had the same thing happen at Target when we bought them once. The hubs ran out the front door laughing leaving me there with the bags. Hell I have a hard enough time having to buy tampons, that’s why he does it for me!!

  3. Stacey
    October 5th, 2004 16:47
    3

    You’re my hero. You waited until marriage? You’re a stronger woman than I.

  4. Very Mom
    October 5th, 2004 17:38
    4

    We waited until marriage too - and on our honeymoon we had to go buy KY. OHMYFREAKINGHECK, that was embarassing. We buried the tell-tale tube in our basket under post cards and bags of chips. If we had set off an alarm, we probably both would have just started running.

  5. Auty
    October 5th, 2004 22:39
    5

    Ha ha!

    And waiting until marriage is cool. I didn’t, but well…I was old when I got married.

  6. Arianne
    October 6th, 2004 01:20
    6

    Its similarly embarrassing to buy pregnancy tests. Its like “hey! guess what! I had sex!” and for some reason I always felt like they were thinking it was unplanned and I was a shameless hussy.

  7. Lujza
    October 6th, 2004 01:22
    7

    That’s hilarious!!!! I hate those darn “raincoats”!

    Cool about “waiting”….we did too! :)

  8. The Eskimo
    October 6th, 2004 06:25
    8

    You could always pull off buying KY with tampons or something…or just carry up up to the counter and give the person who eyes you suspiciously the look that says ‘hey, yes I do need this, at least im getting some!’

  9. martha
    October 6th, 2004 08:06
    9

    I’ve heard that the most commonly stolen item from drugstores is hemmorhoids suppositories or medicated ointment…

  10. melissa711
    October 6th, 2004 13:39
    10

    We waited.

    Thank God I was married young!

    I have you beat in the embarassing things to buy….enema. No child size so I have to buy an adult size. I don’t have my son with me (he’s at home hysterically constipated) and I’m not going to tell the cashier….’Oh, this is for my son.’ because he’ll picture a teen aged/twenty something grown boy waiting at home for his enema. Not the 3 year old boy who’s actually waiting.

    I’m so glad that part of my parenting hell is over.

  11. Jenn
    October 8th, 2004 12:08
    11

    You see, with me, I was always right up with those condoms in their face. You know? All…”Yeah, I am getting some tonight, baby!”

    The most embarrassing was the time I went to the drugstore thinking I might be pregnant but not sure. So my purchase was pregnancy test (had to know), tampons (in case I wasn’t) and condoms (to ensure I wouldn’t be later). The cashier even made a comment about it being the most bizarre combination of items he had ever seen. THANKS, bud! (Turns out I was PREGNANT and wasted the money on the other 2 things.)

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