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Rational fears

I remember, once upon a time, I saw the television show “Rescue 911″ where they reinacted 911 calls for your viewing pleasure, and I saw an episode about a woman who was taking a shower and an intruder broke in and did bad things to her in the shower.

So, every day, once Ellie has gone down for her nap, I double lock my doors and then take my shower. You see, I don’t want anyone breaking in and doing bad things to me.

So today, Ellie wasn’t feeling well. It took her FOREVER to go to sleep. So, finally, I check the door and I go and get into the shower. I have just finished trimming my eyebrows in my husband’s shower mirror (I have very long eyebrows. If I didn’t trim them, I’d look like a bushy haired old man) and I hear some knocks on my bathroom door.

Who the hell is knocking on my door?

So before I can even scream “Jumping Jehova! Don’t wake the baby, you intruder!” the door opens. And there stands the Hubs. And he’s all “Why don’t you answer your phone?”

And I’m like “Uh, the phone is in the bedroom because Stepmother called this morning and I spoke to her in the bedroom.” (You see, we don’t have a house phone. We only have cell phones. We’re so now.)

And he had been trying to call me all morning and I hadn’t answered. I had emailed him messages such as “Ellie won’t go to sleep” and “I smell bad” and “I need for you to leave work and bring me a nonfat peppermint mocha with no whip” and “I think Ellie is sick.”

So he actually left work to come home and Bam! No peppermint mocha because he doesn’t check his email!

Noooooo….he was too busy worrying about finding my dead carcass at the bottom of the stairs or coming home to find out that the painting guys decided they liked me a little too much and kidnapped me to become their hussy.

He’s so sweet and so protective. Now only if he’d be so good to get me that damn mocha.

6 Responses to “Rational fears”

  1. Robotnik
    December 8th, 2004 15:00
    1

    Poor man, he just can’t do right. He probably envisioned the kidnapping scene from Fargo. Ya know, you and Ellie just hangin’ on the couch watching “Good Morning Insert City Here” and the MEXICANS bustin’ in through the glass sliders with ski masks on.

  2. Littlehoney
    December 8th, 2004 16:28
    2

    OMG, I love the internet. I’m finding all sorts of people who are as weird as me. (uh, I meant that as a compliment) In deciding whether I was going to give the bf keys to my house, I pondered the possibility that he would come into the bathroom while I was in the shower and he would scare the hell out of me - and most likely either get a) socked in the nose or b) a faceful of pepper spray.
    I’m still weighing the options. ;)

  3. Littlehoney
    December 8th, 2004 16:28
    3

    OMG, I love the internet. I’m finding all sorts of people who are as weird as me. (uh, I meant that as a compliment) In deciding whether I was going to give the bf keys to my house, I pondered the possibility that he would come into the bathroom while I was in the shower and he would scare the hell out of me - and most likely either get a) socked in the nose or b) a faceful of pepper spray.
    I’m still weighing the options. ;)

  4. Littlehoney
    December 8th, 2004 16:29
    4

    OMG, I love the internet. I’m finding all sorts of people who are as weird as me. (uh, I meant that as a compliment) In deciding whether I was going to give the bf keys to my house, I pondered the possibility that he would come into the bathroom while I was in the shower and he would scare the hell out of me - and most likely either get a) socked in the nose or b) a faceful of pepper spray.
    I’m still weighing the options. ;)

  5. Gretchen
    December 8th, 2004 22:30
    5

    1. Hey, at least he knocked. I would be more scared if my husband just came in unannounced and was standing there when I opened the shower curtain (which has happened to me and did not have good results). :)

    2. We only have cell phones, too. We decided there was no point in having a home phone when we never used it, which we didn’t. Plus, then we could justify paying extra for cable internet.

    3. I personally like the white chocolate raspberry. But I haven’t tried the peppermint mocha, so I can’t REALLY say.

  6. backgammon rules
    April 4th, 2005 22:26
    6

    backgammon rules
    Every miserable fool who has nothing at all of which he can be proud, adopts as a last resource pride in the nation to which he belongs; he is ready and happy to defend all its faults and follies toot

  • Etc.



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