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Hello, Austin!

I shaved my legs this morning. Why? Because I have to wear a skirt. Why? Because my jeans are all smokey. Why?

The Sarcastic Journalist goes to a bar. Hilarity ensues.

We did, indeed, go to Austin this weekend and all I can say is this: Austin– I love you. We love you. You are fun and have funky stores and local restaurants and hills and LOTS of people who like to run. I like to run, Austin! Running is fun!

Did I mention that The Hubs said he’d like to move to Austin one day?

ANYWAY- I was woke from my half-assed nap on Saturday night because we were going out. To where, I did not know, and I’m very glad I ended up bringing my driver’s license as we were only a few blocks away from Austin’s famed Sixth Street.

ME? Within walking distance of bars with a slew of family members on hand to watch my kid?

Rock on.

So before we make it to the bar area, we come across a lady who painted faces in the street. For free. So I’m all up on it because, I’m all about ‘Keeping Austin Weird” and I get Rudolph painted on my face. With glitter.

I’m so freaking festive. I’m decking the motherfucking halls.

So we continue on down the street, and my sister in law points out that no-baby SJ can be a little wild and crazy. Wild and crazy? ME? No way.

So we go into a fancy schmancy hotel because we need to use “the facilities” and I pass a group of Young Urban Professionals, all dressed up like they just came from their jobs (hello, it is a Saturday!) and they’re all busy drinking their drinks and being Urban.

I’m totallly sporting Rudolph. Rudolph in the hiz-ouse.

I walk like the bad ass that I am, doing the “Yeah I have a cartoon painted on my face but I could still take you down in the coolness factor” thing. I’m totally rocking the jeans and hoodie thing as well.

Some lady even stops me in the lobby to tell me how confident I look. I then put on a fake accent and call her “dahling” and have conversation about how “wonderful Rudolph is in this shoddy hotel, dahling.”

And then we go to the bars. The first bar is what I will call “The Satan Bar.” It is dark red and black and kind of dingy and looks like someone should be practicing S&M behind the bar. The bartender has a chin piercing and I just want to point at my chin and say “You have something right there” but I really wanted my drink so I didn’t.

The bar next door had pictures of naked ladies on the wall. I was mesmerized. Nudity rules.

Eventually we make our way down to Pete’s Piano Bar and start ordering drinks. Of course, the guy playing the piano enjoys my Rudolph and starts heckling me. I don’t remember what he called it but it wasn’t by the correct name.

“It’s fucking Rudolph,” I yell in correction. Did that just come out of my mouth?

Heckling and some Rudolph-inspired songs start. I get a free cookie out of the deal. I rock. I have a cookie.

Anyway, the night continued on and more drinks were drunk. Pictures were taken, but not on my camera so I don’t have them to show you. Of course, I grabbed the camera and started doing self portraits but again, as I said…it wasn’t my camera.

And one was a down the shirt shot. And my father in law was there. I shook my ass in his face.

The Hubs takes away my drink. I write beautiful words about ice cream on my napkin. Words about never knowing true pain until I didn’t get ice cream.

Necesito helado de Amy.

The true pain subsided the next day when I did get my ice cream. Ice cream I enjoyed Sans Hangover, which I can’t say about The Hubs, who did get a hangover but had fun singing in the piano bar– something he’d normally never do.

And before you think how horrible a person I am for dare going out to enjoy my child-free time away from Suburbia…get this. My child is semi mobile. She can scoot on her belly.

So ha. Alcohol must be good for her system.

10 Responses to “Hello, Austin!”

  1. MollieBee
    December 6th, 2004 15:39
    1

    I’m totally in awe of your assshaking in front of the Father in Law abilities. My FIL scares the crap out of me. And you got a free cookie…

    Kickass.

  2. Antonia
    December 6th, 2004 15:41
    2

    When you first get to go out and live it up without the baby you feel totally invinsible. God, I’m dying to do it again. It’s like you suddenly appreciate the ability to do all those things you’ve missed for a year, and what anyone else thinks DOESN”T MATTER. I think I would have to draw the line for myself at shaking my ass for my father-in-law though. But that’s just because I would fear the consequences. If you can do that kind of thing with yours, and have a laugh, you’re a lucky bitch.

  3. amanda
    December 6th, 2004 15:42
    3

    I am so jealous of the drunken antics. So. Jealous.

    And I HIGHLY recommend waiting until the child is fully mobile before making the decision to add to the family.

    Trust me on this one.

  4. Terri
    December 6th, 2004 16:41
    4

    I always get in tons of trouble at Pete’s. Glad you had fun!

  5. frozenmojo
    December 6th, 2004 21:27
    5

    i’d like to shake my ass at my father-in-law and fart in his general direction…not sure that i would get away with it though…:-)

    sounds like you had a blast - nice to get out like that once in a while, eh?

  6. Arianne
    December 7th, 2004 03:27
    6

    Sounds like a fun night! I’m so all about the “little alcohol won’t hurt ‘em” philosophy of nursing. My baby is happy and sleeps through the night! So there!

  7. Jen
    December 7th, 2004 08:22
    7

    Note to self, party with SJ.

    I’m very excited about heading to OK on Friday. More family to watch my kids than you can shake a stick at. I’ll be having myself a very merry little Christmas.

  8. Corrie
    December 7th, 2004 09:18
    8

    I really, really wish I had willing family members to eatch my children. I would have so much fun. I will get drunk through reading your drunken adventures. Just remember, sometimes drunken adventures lead to babies being made!

  9. Texas T-bone
    December 7th, 2004 14:00
    9

    I’m glad somebody likes Austin. The last time I was there (a few months ago), I thought it looked a lot like the hairy armpit of Texas. Or maybe that was the dude on one of the corners at a bus stop downtown who was wearing precious little but ladies black lingerie. I think the town tries too hard to be weird.

  10. Mari
    December 8th, 2004 00:14
    10

    Man, you had some fun.
    You had some fun and you requested Helado de Amy. Do you realize you asked for Amy’s Ice Cream, SJ? Who is Amy? And why does she have ice cream you desire? Hmmmmm…..>:D

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