So amish, it’s funny.

Yesterday, while standing in a line at the Hell Known As Super Wal-Mart, I came to a realization. Before I go on with my realization, I must tell you how I ended up in the damn LONGEST line even though there was only ONE family in front of me. Why? Because I was at Wal-Mart and that is how it works.

ANYWAY. The people standing in front of me were Pentecostal, which means that the women all have long, ugly hair and wear long skirts. And, if I remember correctly, they don’t wear makeup and don’t watch television.

Is it me, or are they like an uncool version of the Amish?

I have to tell you that I have a fascination with the Amish. There’s something about an entire group of people who live out in the boonies and don’t drive and don’t have televisions and all wear old fashioned clothes. Doing all the aforementioned? Cool. Being Pentecostal at Super Wal-Mart? Totally uncool.

Back in 2000, I went with my Dad and his wife to Lancaster, PA, which is a big Amish area. The funny thing about the area is the little towns have names such as “Blue Ball” and “Intercourse” and “Bird in Hand.”

I’m totally serious here. Those Amish know how to party.

So we went on a tour with this guy and he brought us to an Amish farm where the people make money by selling quilts. And there were real, live Amish people there! And they weren’t wearing shoes! And I got to use their bathroom!

I even wore a Larry the Cucumber shirt in honor of them being Amish.

I got to sit in their buggy! And see their cows! And watch my dad plunk down close to $1K for a quilt.

And I wanted to talk to the Amish people, I wanted to talk to them soooooo bad. But I couldn’t think of anything to say. I was standing there, standing next to them while they talked amongst themselves, and I tried to think of something to say.

And I couldn’t. Seriously, what would I have said? “How’s being Amish working out for you? You wearing underwear?”


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  1. I love the Amish! I’ve been buying large quantities of eggs from them recently, not because I love their eggs, but because I was out looking for my dog and I felt bad driving up to their house to ask about a missing dog and then driving away without buying their wares.

    Comment by Mary — 12/2/2004 @ 11:39 am

  2. I used to live right near Lancaster, PA (in “the boonies” :)). It doesn’t seem strange at all to me to see a horse and buggy going down the road, or to read about buggy accidents in the newspaper. And quilts are a dime a dozen where I come from (my mother-in-law, though not Amish, is a quilter). I sort of appreciate the Amish. They may be different from us, but they’ve hit on a sort of quality of life, a simplicity, that we, with all our busy-ness and modernity, can’t quite manage.

    Comment by Gretchen — 12/2/2004 @ 11:43 am

  3. I, too, am a big fan of the Amish. When I see a buggy going down the road, I slow down and stare. They see me and probably hate me, but they wave anyway. It’s rude to stare, I know, but they fascinate me. AND, they bake lovely cinnamon rolls and oatmeal cookies. HUGE fan of their baked goods.

    Comment by pismire — 12/2/2004 @ 11:59 am

  4. Yeh, when I lived in the Wash. DC area (Maryland suburbs), I’d go out to this HUGE retail-type place the Amish rented, and bought all kinds of good produce. I guess the ride from Lancaster to Bowie, MD wasn’t too far–the “farmers’ market” went on every Sat.

    Anyway, yeh…so, what would you have said? Good question. How about: “Sooo….I really enjoyed the movie ‘Witness. That barn-raising scene was so fuckin’ good; I mean you guys bust your bollix. You’re good like that.”

    Comment by Robotnik — 12/2/2004 @ 12:08 pm


    Comment by Robotnik — 12/2/2004 @ 12:09 pm

  6. Wal-Mart is the root of all evil. It makes me say naughty words and try to run people over with carts. Errrh. The anish are rad, we have a stop-over in Lancaster when we are headed to the Jersey shore every year.

    Comment by Corrie — 12/2/2004 @ 12:12 pm

  7. Uncool!
    As faithful SRWU readers know, I love the Amish.

    Trackback by Something Requisitely Witty and Urbane — 12/2/2004 @ 1:56 pm

  8. I went to Ohio, which is home to Berlin (pronounced BUHHHRR-lin, with the strees on the first syllable, so as not to be confused with Nazi’s), the largest Amish settlement in the country. Now, I don’t want to scare anyone, but, on my blog, I have a picture of an Amish lady…. driving a car…. aaaaaaaaaeeeeeee

    Comment by Dylan — 12/2/2004 @ 1:58 pm

  9. To Amish Lady Driving A Car: You feckin’ traitor! You are hereby sentenced to wear 2 sizes too small Manolo Blahniks while navigating your damn horse drawn buggy through the streets of Philly at rush hour.

    Comment by Robotnik — 12/2/2004 @ 2:04 pm

  10. So were they wearing underwear? Inquiring minds want to know…

    Comment by sarah — 12/2/2004 @ 2:45 pm

  11. I am sorry it has taken me so long to get off of my lazy depressed as and read your web site. I love it! Did you live in Minnesota too? Anyway. I HATE WAL-MART. I will only shop at Target (as far as those kind of stores go). And sometimes my husband purposefully drives me by the new super downtown SLC Walmart just to drive me completely crazy. Damn him! Amish people, on the other hand, are so cool. My great-grandmother was raised by Mennonites. Pretty Crazy.

    Comment by Beth — 12/2/2004 @ 3:04 pm

  12. The Amish are some cool folk. My great-grandmother was Amish but left the church to marry my great-grandfather. Whatta rebel. You know even the Amish shop at Wal-Mart… :)

    Comment by girl — 12/2/2004 @ 3:09 pm

  13. Yup, the Amish here in Ohio, also shop at Wal-mart. I’m also curious about them. There are Amish furniture stores and restaurants in the area as well. They really know how to cook (although it’ll pack on the pounds). Lemmetellya.

    Comment by Tina — 12/2/2004 @ 6:23 pm

  14. After having lived in East Texas my entire life, I moved to Ohio and got a job at Kmart. I saw Amish people all the time. The women were nice and polite, but the guys creeped me out. They’d just stare and stare. I wanted to say, “Take a picture!” but, you know, they probably can’t have cameras. heh

    Comment by NinaKaye — 12/2/2004 @ 7:05 pm

  15. Oh yeah…let it be known, I moved back to Texas. Don’t want to be confused with the Ohioans.

    Comment by NinaKaye — 12/2/2004 @ 7:06 pm

  16. it’s really sad you know, that the Amish people can’t read all the lovely things that have been said about them since they don’t have computers or Internet access. that said, i dig the Amish too - they fascinate me to no end.

    Comment by nine — 12/2/2004 @ 10:39 pm

  17. free backgammon
    Great indebtedness does not make men grateful, but vengeful; and if a little charity is not forgotten, it turns into a gnawing worm. by rules of b

    Trackback by free backgammon — 4/4/2005 @ 10:25 pm

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