Chopstick Calendar

It seems to me, that every time I’m not able to blog, I think of something that I want to blog about. So, I may be sitting on the potty, or lying in bed, and I start to construct a blog entry in my mind. Then I think to myself “Self! You are FUNNY! Everyone would LOVE to hear that story about your toe and what it did that was so damn funny.”

Then I go take a shower and eat a sandwich and I forget what I’m going to write about. DAMNIT!

Okay. I remembered one of my stories. Yesterday, it occured to me that it was time for Ellie’s four month checkup, which includes shots. I had two times written down, one for her old doctor and one for her new one. And I look at my calendar and it says that her checkup is on a Saturday.

So I call the doctor’s office and say “Hi, I want to confirm this because I have a Saturday written down and that just doesn’t seem right.” And the lady tells me the date and I’m looking at my calendar and it says Saturday. (I was looking at the whole month version of the dayplanner instead of the weekly one) So I say “Okay, it is on Saturday, then.”

And she’s all “No. It’s Friday.” I look at the calendar and it says Saturday. So I try to laugh and say I’m an idiot and hang up. Why do I keep seeing Saturday? Am I that out of it???

Check and recheck. Holy cow, the calendar is WRONG. wrong! How can a calendar be wrong? It’s not like it has multiple functions. It tells you the dates. That. Is. It.

And my calendar got it wrong! What if a teacher couldn’t count? What if a baker couldn’t tell the difference between a cookie and a brownie??

Whta if a calendar couldn’t get the freaking dates right? I guess it should have been a clue to the “wonderfulness” of my calendar when it is written in Chinese and I had to write the month names on each individual page.

I’ll just blame it on the Chinese! Chinese people can’t get their days right! There’s a reason why we think of the Japanese people as so smart. They’d get their dates right. And that, my friends, is why the Japanese make cars and the Chinese make chopsticks.

You don’t have to drive a chopstick.

4 Responses to “Chopstick Calendar”

  1. Lujza
    November 10th, 2004 13:57

    That was too funny! 3/4 of Vancouverites (it seems anyways) are Chinese….that would be an insult….I thought it was hilarious!

  2. Pink Lotus
    November 10th, 2004 15:24

    You’ll probably get some flaming from that post, but I won’t complain because I’m Japanese. :)

    I bought a row counter for knitting the other day. Before I spent $8 on a hunk of plastic, I looked where it was made. When it said it was made in Japan instead of China, I decided that it was okay for me to spend $8 on it. And you know what? It really is more solid than a piece of Chinese plastic.

  3. Robotnik
    November 10th, 2004 15:50

    That was feckin’ GREAT, SJ! I knew the kicker had something to do with mis-manufactured shite. And..China, no less. Maybe it’s some kind of conspiracy–you know, to try to confuse us Americans, so they can somehow invade and take over???

  4. rules of backgammon
    April 4th, 2005 19:20

    rules of backgammon
    I think that I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics. by backgamon

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