You say it best when you say nothing at all.

What you�re about to get is the most real version of me you will probably see on the internet. Hence the reason there will be no commenting.

I finally let it all go last night and cried to my husband. As I sat on the couch at 11pm, I cried about all the reasons I�ve found myself so sad recently. You may or may have not noticed how I�m feeling but that is probably because I don�t want to be classified as postpartum or be slandered out in lala webland.

I�ve had a hard time coming to grips with my new place in life. An �all day Mommy� as Mimi Smartypants calls it�.someone whose job it is to stay at home and have the majority of the responsibility of taking care of an infant on her shoulders.

And with that, besides the child, my time has become centered around the blog. Probably because I really can�t do anything because the baby is still very needy. That means that my main interaction with others is through this blog and the internet, at least until she is older and I am able to get out more.

So at the same time, my main interaction with people is through a site that has me known as a person fired for their blog�.or some stupid girl or all the other nasty things I have seen written about myself on the internet.

So why is it that I get upset if I see nasty/rude things written about myself? Perhaps it is because as this is my main interaction with others now, it is not a good feeling to have the knowledge of what people say in my collective memory.

I know, I know, people only say stuff when it is negative. They don�t say nice things at random.

I have seen on another site (a site by a woman who, after reading one post I wrote that she did not like, has now decided who I am and what I believe in and has actually gotten it quite wrong) where one woman who was on my blogroll says how much she hates/dislikes both me and my husband. Based purely on what she sees on the internet. So I take her off the blogroll yet I later see that she is STILL reading me. Why? I don�t understand this fact at all.

I�ve also witnessed where once I griped about this same subject matter and I was told that it is these people�s right to say what they want about me but when someone said something nasty about this person, well, the shit hit the fan.

Nobody likes to see negative things written about them.

As for the reason I have not discussed this, I am going to say this once and only once. When I wrote about people at my job, YOU did not know who they were. I kept them anonymous. I am not the type of person to be rude to people in real life. I put down on the internet the little things that crept in my head during the day, the things that bothered me about these people.
I tried to be a pleasant coworker. I�m not saying I�m a saint or that I�m the most fun person to be around, but I tried to at least be nice/civil to the people I worked with.

I do not discuss other blogs by name on here, unless it is something nice. I feel that when people do that, they are acting like gossipy 13-year-old girls. �She said this and I don�t like her anymore so why don�t you chime in and we�ll all say nasty things about her so when she sees the link she can feel bad about herself?!�

I have had negative opinions of bloggers before and these people have turned out to be very nice and become what I consider friends. If I had slandered these people on the internet, I doubt I�d be friendly with them right about now.

It is easy to say nasty things about people you don�t know. It is easy to assume that I don�t have feelings and that you can say what you want.

I have to live with the fact that I was fired. I�ve dealt with it. I�ve gotten over it to the best of my ability. If I had not gotten fired, I would not be living in Texas. My husband would not have a job that he loves now. We would not be closer to family and friends and we�d be living in a tiny apartment in NC.

Things happen for a reason.

So, for the record, I do have feelings. I try not to read negative things about myself because I am the type of person who takes things like that personally. You do not know who I am. As much as you think, you do not know my political beliefs. Why? Because I don�t discuss them with people. I don�t enjoy discussing politics. It�s not my style.

You do not know the type of person I am in real life, plain and simple.

So what if you now know what I look like, or where I worked or my real name. As Texas T-Bone said, there is more to me than my blog.

Here is the main gist of this message. If you enjoy reading, great! Keep doing so for as long as I keep posting. If not? To all the rude people who feel the need to slander me? Fuck you. You don�t know me. Don�t try and pretend that you do.

2 Comments

  1. Why Are People Such Assholes?
    I’m all kindsa pissed off. Today I read a post on a blog that I like where the author is…

    Trackback by Kristielicious — 8/22/2004 @ 3:41 pm

  2. If you prick us, do we not bleed?
    I sometimes talk about how I’m not pleased with my writing and I wish I was more creative and I wish I could compose something longer than would fill a brochure but that’s me talking.

    Trackback by The Internet Ate My Homework — 8/22/2004 @ 7:57 pm

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