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They scream when you boil them, you know.

After partially reading this article I find myself thinking a few different things, as I am prone to do.

Number one, I just love Dairy Queen. It is such a Texas thing to drive by the happy red sign and order a Blizzard. Don’t order a Breeze, whatever you do because they suck balls. Big fat hairy balls.

Side note: Do you know anyone who actually sucks balls? I mean, is this a common occurence?

Second, perhaps the good people at DQ have forgotten what Texas is like but the majority of the ones I have been to have not been in the middle of a cowfield. I mean, yeah, some are, but there are plenty in the city of Houston where you can get your Blizzard and then go commit a drive by.

I wonder if anyone has ever committed a driveby while eating a nice frosty treat?

The hubs and I were walking and discussing seafood restaurants the other day and a subject much like this one was brought up. First off, I hate seafood. Don’t like it, don’t want to see it and really don’t want to smell it.

So why do seafood restaurants have live fish in tanks and lobsters there that you can pick out? Its not like I want to go to Mickey Ds and point out which cow I want you to shoot in the head for me.

If I didn’t like meat so much, I’d be a vegetarian.

So why is it okay to say “Ah yes, I’d like that lobster on my plate.” Do they think about the lobster? Does he have a family?

So why would you want to go and have people bring in a live version of the animal you are serving?

I am in Texas and since I am on the outskirts of the city, I know exactly where you can go and grab a cow to bring in. It is what we call the “Oreo Cow” as it is black and white striped. We could call it a zebra cow but that wouldn’t remind me of my lovely oreos and zebras aren’t fun to dunk in milk.

I’d really like an octoroonie right about now.

5 Responses to “They scream when you boil them, you know.”

  1. Lady Jane
    August 16th, 2004 20:48
    1

    Oh you poor thing. You seem to have so much potential, but it’s squandered by living in Texas! You should talk about politics some more so everyone can see how clueless you are Miss Texan.

  2. Texas T-bone
    August 17th, 2004 09:43
    2

    The last DQ I stopped at had the best root beer in the world, but the tables were gross and the service was rude. Really, I could get that kind of experience about anywhere around here! Sonic has about killed all the DQs within an hour’s drive of my house.

    (p.s. What’s up with “Lady Jane?”)

  3. Princess
    August 17th, 2004 15:11
    3

    OREO COWS! We used to have them in the town where I grew up (central Mass.), and we called ‘em double stuff oreo cows because there was SO much white between the two black ends. *drool* And now I’m craving double stuff oreos. Grr…

  4. Bubby
    August 18th, 2004 22:24
    4

    Ever read “The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe” by Douglas Adams? It’s the second in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series.

    Anyway, there’s a scene where the characters get to “meet the meat” and it even talks to them. “Don’t I look tasty?”

    Sorry, your story reminded me of that.

  5. free backgammon software
    April 4th, 2005 22:13
    5

    free backgammon software
    You are a philosopher, Dr. Johnson. I have tried too in my time to be a philosopher; but I don’t know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in. by

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