From the peanut gallery…

So in honor of the fact that I’ve been a Mom for a month now (tomorrow) and that it seems as if 1st time Mom Stacey has just gone into labor, I’m going to give my own child-rearing tips.

So, without further ado…

Tips for the 1st time parent from someone whose only qualification is she has done it for a month now:

1. Before you put the baby down “for the night” make sure she is well fed and changed. And when I say well fed, I mean just one ounce short of puking. It’ll get you some extra sleep.

2. Speaking of sleep, forget it the first week. Just forget it.

3. If you feed from the boobie, I highly suggest using pumped boobie juice during the night. You can pull out the boobie, but if your child is like mine, she will nibble and then use it as a pillow and then when you put her in her crib, she screams. Pumped boobie juice or formula works a lot better during the nighttime hours.

4. Swaddle swaddle swaddle. Your baby will be so pissed that you can’t figure out that her diaper needs changed/she wants to be held/she is hungry that the swaddling will hold her little arms down so she can’t whap you in the face with her clinched fists.

5. If someone offers to help you during the night– TAKE IT. TAKE THEM UP ON THE OFFER. JUST DO IT. People tend to not want to help when your kid is 4.

6. Shower shower shower. Just wake up a little before she does and hop your ass in the tub. If you don’t have time for an entire shower, at least get the crotch and pits. I mean, seriously, how dirty can kneecaps get?

7. Shenuts do go away. Eventually.

8. Nighttime feedings are a hell of a lot better when you’re watching TV. Or reading my blog.

9. Ignore the fact that when you’re feeding while laying on your side that you’re like a mommy dog and your baby is one of the puppies.

Any others?

8 Responses to “From the peanut gallery…”

  1. Kristie
    August 11th, 2004 15:21

    I started putting 1 tsp of rice cereal in the bottle just before bed with both of my daughters. My doc told me to do this. It wont hurt them and takes a little longer to digest. Both of mine were sleeping through the night (10+ hours) by the time they were 6 weeks old.

  2. James
    August 11th, 2004 15:52

    Yanno, if you wrote a book about being a mommy, you’d be a best-seller. Seriously. And, if you do it, I want a percentage. Small, but I definitely want a percentage. ;) We’ll negotiate. LOL

  3. deborah
    August 11th, 2004 16:05

    If your tv has it, closed captioning is wonderful. I know that when my kids were new babies, the slightest sound would stop them from falling asleep. Turn on the captioning, and you can still enjoy a show without waking them up - this is especially helpful when the kid sleeps in the same room.

  4. Lauren
    August 11th, 2004 16:19

    ahahaha you aren’t right!

    one more thing: Please please please make sure to burp every ounce or so. Not doing so will result in baby puke all over you, the baby, and the bed. I guarantee that. =)

  5. hez
    August 11th, 2004 17:39

    how about - beg, borrow and steal baby clothes from every friend you know - the more clothes you have the less frequently you have to do laundry. That or hire a housecleaner cause you ain’t gonna have alot of time to do laundry/cleaning for the first 6 wks. Avoid buying lots of newborn clothes cause they’re in them for like 5 days before they’ve outgrown them.

  6. Traci
    August 11th, 2004 17:47


  7. Texas T-bone
    August 13th, 2004 13:30

    Don’t pay attention to people who say you don’t need the more expensive, fancy diapers. You may not need them now, but wait until Ellie’s older and can pee out a bucket in an hour. Go for Pampers or Huggies, just not the generic crap catchers.

    Also, if you want to stay married, let a friend or relative watch your wee one and get out of the house for a date on a regular basis.

  8. backgammon software
    April 4th, 2005 22:12

    backgammon software
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