Archive for August, 2005

Insensitive day for everyone!

Wednesday, August 31st, 2005

Ahh, continuing on with the “I love people” thoughts until I can come up with a real post:

From Craigslist.

“I don’t get it…there are thousands of people who need to be rescued and not much time left. Why in this case would the rescuers try to save the babies, the frail elderly folks and sick people rather than save the general public? I mean if you save the weak first, they still need people to take care of them! If you save the able bodied people, they don’t need supervision. I think that they need to rethink who they are saving!

Good luck everyone!”

“The Rocas - white trash on Dateline…Ugly people - why the HELL would NBC feature such shit people? Pisses …

Stop The Hate(rs)

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005

I don’t think I’d ever go up to someone in real life and say any of the nasty things I read on the internet. Actually, I don’t really even have to “think” about it because it just isn’t right. Sure, I’ve said a few doozies on my site before, and I admit and own up to what I did, but I’m talking about the nastiness left in comments.

Just within this past week, I’ve had several of my “blog-friends” get blasted by people they don’t know. Many people email me about this topic because, ha, I’ve had my fair share of hate. The fact that I walk around and haven’t had an asteroid drop down onto me just seems to piss …

Suck on my chocolate salty balls

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005

My family has a long history of trying to make me eat food that I do not like. From the story about how they convinced me to eat shrimp by telling me it was chicken when I was little to the time in college when I had lasagne made with DEER, they’re always after me.

I have some weird “food rules,” but the main two you need to know are no seafood and no nuts. Tuna fish sandwiches are okay as are salted airline peanuts, otherwise, don’t even try.

So I go to my Mom’s house Sunday night at 8:30pm because I hear talk of THE BEST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES EVER! I mean, hello, I’m pregnant and I need cookies. Who …

The Hippest Hippy

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

You know how there are some people that seem to have so many “causes?” Causes such as “We must save the whales” or “I would never ever eat meat.” Considering I live in Texas, I don’t hear about too many “causes” as the majority of the people in White People Land only worry about how to make sure the government doesn’t find out about their illegal maid.

I met someone in North Carolina, she was on a blind date with a friend of mine, who had many causes. She was all about going to candlelight vigils and writing letters to people on death row. I laughed silently because here she was, sitting in a room with two Texans and a …

This Will Even Make The Men Ovulate

Friday, August 26th, 2005

Good grief, I can’t believe this cutie is MINE. How can I get annoyed with her for only taking a 45 minute nap when she looks like this?

More Fun than the CBS Mailbag

Friday, August 26th, 2005

Sometimes I don’t really feel like I know anything. I mean, that shouldn’t come as a surprise as I’m still in my twenties. I’m pretty sure I thought I knew everything as a teen. Why, who doesn’t?

I remember thinking to myself once that it seemed “almost impossible” for people to “accidentally” get pregnant. I mean, HELLO, with all the forms of “birth control” out there and all the ways to educate oneself, how could one of a zillion little happy spermies meet a little, scared egg?

Then, I got pregnant. On “accident.”

I went to Amy’s site today and saw how she mentioned that nobody tells you where your organs go when you get pregnant. The truth is, they don’t want …

The Accidental Tour Guide

Wednesday, August 24th, 2005

I feel like recently, I have taken on the role as “Tour Guide.” No longer am I wife or mother, no I am the person that must decipher the screams of a little person. Dah! Dah! Dah! No, that’s not “dada,” it is something else. It seems as if Dah Dah is The Word for everything.

Dah! Dah! “Do you want a bottle?”
Dah! Dah! “Are you mad that I won’t let you continue to hit me with the hanger?”
Dah! Dah! “Are you tired of throwing strawberries off your high chair? Perhaps you should throw them at my head instead?”

The child has actually become somewhat easier to deal with during the day, thanks to our Finally picking up her room to …

A Tale of Two “Boyfriends.”

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005

I like to consider myself a somewhat “drama-free” person. I’m not into turning something small into a Very Big Ordeal if I don’t have to. That’s why, when we lived in North Carolina, we decided on a whim to buy a house. It went something like this.

Me: I want to buy a condo! I hate our apartment! I don’t like hearing gunshots all the time!
Him: Hmm. Maybe. Let’s look.

We ended up buying a house that cost more than twice the price of that original condo. But? It was only the second thing we “seriously” considered. It was nice, all turned out okay. That is, until I got fired and we had to move across the country.

Before I go any further …

Think if I had HDTV!

Monday, August 22nd, 2005

Considering that I live in Texas, every once in awhile I get an “anon” comment that pretty much decides that I’m an SUV-driving, George W. Loving, gun carrying hick. I know it is HARD to imagine that someone in Texas doesn’t drive an SUV, own a gun or voted for W in 2004, but it happens.

I consider myself a pretty open-minded person. Now, that’s not to say I’m not judgemental sometimes; yes I can be pretty testy of the Major Haves here in town when I have to deal with biotchy 16-year-olds wearing Gucci and cutting me off on the road while multitasking in their new cars. Sue me. We all have our faults, I admit it.

Anyway, I …

Girls Night Out THIS

Sunday, August 21st, 2005

In case you didn’t know, I am 25 years old. I am married, have one child, one fetus and, when I’m not knocked up, I enjoy drinking GASP! a little alcohol.

I went to visit a longtime friend tonight so I could meet her cutie patootie boyfriend. We were discussing how they met (at a country dancing hall out in the sticks) and I laughed at how they met at a place that probably had peanut shells on the floor. This friend knows how to partay, though; she often goes to “normal” clubs (if there is such a thing) down in Houston.

It recently crossed my mind that I don’t get invited to many “fun” outings. Not that I’d go, …

Thou Shalt Not Try to Kill Your Mother

Thursday, August 18th, 2005

I was on the phone tonight with a friend, the maid of honor at my wedding, and I said something like “Yeah…having a one year old isn’t easy. Sometimes I wish for my itty bitty baby.”

Not that I don’t love having a child that can “somewhat” tell me what she wants. By somewhat, please know that I mean lots of screaming and whining while I name things that she could possibly want. When she bursts into tears, I know I hit the jackpot.

The deal is, this kid is a little person and honestly, it is kind of scary.

She’s all “woo hoo look at me! I have all kinds of thoughts and desires and I desire to KILL you, Mother.”

In …

Paying For Dirt

Thursday, August 18th, 2005

Every time we go walking, I like to take a deep breath and say “Hmm, this is the nicest apartment we’ve lived in so far.” (I’m counting college as well, even though we didn’t live together, we both had crappy apartments.) It really is.

There are no three bedrooms in this complex so there really aren’t too many kiddos running around in the parking lot. The majority of our neighbors are the Blue Haired Set, though I’m questioning what type of illegal brothel they have running in the apartment below us. Trust me when I say that something isn’t right there.

Anyway, we have beautiful new carpet with “wood” flooring in the kitchen and bathroom. We live on the third floor …

Operation TERROR

Wednesday, August 17th, 2005

For the love of all things good, please never allow me to discuss with you how my child’s sleeping habits are going. Because, when I say they are “fine,” and really, they usually are, she hears me and decides to try to kill punish me.

If my child happens to wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get herself back to sleep, we give her a bottle and bring her to our bed. At that point, she should lovingly look up at us and say “Thank you, Mother and Father, for taking the time out of your sleep schedule to bring me to your bed to let me lay with you while I dribble milk onto your clean …

Well slap me silly

Wednesday, August 17th, 2005

It’s always weird to know how much of a small world it really is. I just found out that the mom ofa blogging friend lives about one block away from my inlaws.

Yes, they live in the SAME subdivision in OK.

This is my rifle, this is my gun…

Tuesday, August 16th, 2005

I thought we had it all planned out. You see, before I even became knocked up with Little Jizzy, we had “decided” on names. Same with Ellie. I can’t tell you all the names because one is still in consideration, but one of the names was “Eva.”

It was just one of those things that didn’t seem to “fit.” Like, hmm, I don’t think this baby is an Eva. (Pronounced EEE-vah.)

Eventually, we came up with Ellie after I wrote down a very long list of girls names. I handed it to The Hubs, who promptly crossed out all but two: Ellie and Sophie. I decided on Ellie. It just seemed right. I’m glad we have an Ellie because there’s this guy …

Do It like they do on the Discovery Channel

Sunday, August 14th, 2005

Okay, I’ll admit it: I’ve done some things that people would call “embarrassing” in public to get a good laugh. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen my TV Repairman imitation.

Crack is whack!

Even though I’ll do funny things to myself to get a laugh, there are some situations when I become embarrassed. Case in point: I can’t stand to see someone’s dog “doing their business” in public. Even worse is if the dog is on a leash, taking a dump while the owner is just standing there all la dee da.

I feel like telling the dog to go hide behind the bushes, much like I do when I have to take a leak in public, so we don’t all get an …

Yogurt Splashing Optional

Saturday, August 13th, 2005

While we were out today, I saw a black maternity t-shirt that read “Coming this fall.”

If I saw someone wearing that shirt, I’d like to walk up to her and say “Looks like you already came.”

Table for four

Thursday, August 11th, 2005

He slouched at the end of the table, hair neatly combed earlier in the day, suspenders holding up his pants. He told me earlier that he wasn’t hungry; that he didn’t want to go anywhere.

I knew what to order for him, I made sure to ask before we left: chicken tenders sandwich with curly fries and a root beer. He likes root beer. I don’t know if he would have told me that if I asked. Not because he didn’t want to tell, it is just that he can’t.

My Mom cut his lunch for him and I dipped all his fries in ketchup. He speared his pickle with a fork, I suggested we cut it up so he …

N’Secure

Thursday, August 11th, 2005

Blogging, for some reason, can make me feel very “in control” and very “insecure” at the same time. It seems like recently that the insecure part of me is taking over. In fact, I’m letting little stupid blogging things that really aren’t no big deal get to me.

So, to make myself feel better, please tell me what about blogging makes you feel insecure? Cause, you know, misery loves company.

New Leaf

Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

I’ve been throwing around an entry in my head about “turning over a new leaf,” but honestly, it’s just a bunch of crap. Not because I don’t want to turn over a new leaf, I do very much, but the truth is it is hard to do so.

I’m in a rut. I know I’m in a rut. I can see the rut, I’ve put up signs for the rut that say “Warning! Rut ahead!” but it isn’t exactly as easy to get out as one might think.

And before I continue on any further, the rut is not helping my depression. Note I said “depression” and not “self hatred.” Some people out there seem to be confusing the two. I do …

It could be worse.

Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

It only took 2 days shy of 13 months before I made my daughter a sandwich for lunch. I’m impressed.

Sleeping My Way to the Top

Tuesday, August 9th, 2005

I’ve never been really “good” at anything. I watch the Olympics wishing I could be half the athlete of a Michelle Kwan or whatever swimming crazy person they have out there. No, I’m scared of (most!) balls, have bad math abilities and am a somewhat mediocre runner.

But? I am a champion sleeper. So champion, in fact, that if there were an Olympics in Sleeping, you would be reading the official blog of the gold medal winner. I’m just that good.

I love to sleep. Some people, like my therapist, don’t get it. They think I sleep because I’m depressed. Heck! I sleep because I have a king size bed with a pillowtop mattress and multiple pillows to choose from. I sleep …

And they call themselves “journalists.”

Tuesday, August 9th, 2005

So, I’m reading the very credible “news site” E! Online and come across this story.

Basically, long story short, they say Marilyn Monroe died of an enema. Anyway, that’s not the interesting part. The real fun begins towards the end, when they bring in a Quack that says he knows the reincarnated Marilyn.

For what it’s worth, a psychiatry professor who bills himself as a “pioneer in past-life regression therapy,” and has a client he is convinced is the reincarnation of Monroe, says he thinks the transcripts sound like the late actress.

Mark your calendars, people. He’s unveiling the reincarnated Marilyn on August 13 in New York.

Dangerous Minds

Monday, August 8th, 2005

Dear Internet, I have an announcement to make. My baby isn’t a baby anymore; no, she’s a deviant, a defiant little critter that is looking for fresh meat to gnaw on.

We decided to go down into Houston this weekend. Actually, we went two days in a row. This is an act in itself since we live in about 30 miles north of town and have no reason to ever leave. I decided, however, on Friday to drop the Wee Beastie off at my Mom’s house so we could browse IKEA in peace.

It was WONDERFUL. Unfortunately, we weren’t exactly well-prepared in going to IKEA and ended up driving about 45 minutes for A BATH MAT.

A four dollar bath mat that we …

Next up: Enema 101

Sunday, August 7th, 2005

After some thought and, by thought, I mean I got a community college class roster in the mail, I considered getting out of the house. As much as I love a day where I get to hide in the kitchen while eating a pudding cup so a little person doesn’t find me, perhaps I should get out and, you know, do something.

So, I began to sift through the community college class roster looking for a class that met a few criteria:

1. Didn’t suck.
2. Was not expensive.
3. Didn’t make me feel like I was in “school” as I was doing this for “leisure.”

The more I read through the classes, the more I became confused. Sure T’ai Chi sounded like fun, but …

Apple Crumb Cake THIS

Friday, August 5th, 2005

I’ve been composing a mental list of people that I want at my dream dinner party. So far, it is The Rubber Band Man, Jon Stewart and Kathy Griffin. I thought about throwing in Britney Spears so we could have a good laugh, but really, I don’t want to trash out my dream dinner party.

Before I go any farther, I need to send a “shout out” to all the people overseas. I will try to post as many links as I can in this entry so you know what I’m talking about. I have a feeling that people in Finland may not know who the Rubber Band Man is. (But? I’d like to discuss one day why some people in …

No Judgements!

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005

So, I was sitting on the potty and picked up a free copy of “American Baby” magazine. I got about two pages into the magazine when I came across the letters from readers page.

I saw this:

I was surprised to read your March article “Juggling a Job and Baby.” Each your couples decide to have children, whom they ultimately neglect. Your article really brought these people to light. For example, in one of the profiles you featured, a working mother admitted that she gets to spend only 20 minutes with her children each day. Another mom said, “It sounds sad, but you get used to being away from your kid.” I wonder if these women realize how selfish they are. …

Vomit-licious

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005

“They” say every pregnancy is different. It is true; there are things about this pregnancy that are different from the last one. Take the, um, “extra sensitivity” down there. I had it HORRIBLY last time– let’s just say that sitting down on the potty hurt because everything was so swollen. I also had really bad “growing pains” in my belly and very sore (and big!) boobies.

This time? All of the stuff I mentioned has not happened and I am VERY thankful for that fact.

Unfortunately, the hyperemesis is still here. Even though I’m not exactly the most positive person, I’m having to act positive about this.

Last time, I was working through the barfing. It wasn’t uncommon for me to …

site stuff

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005

I have also updated my FAQ page. If you’re interested.

I should have scrapped her first poo

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005

Not that long ago, I frantically searched through Barnes and Nobles, trying to find a “Baby Book” for Little Jizzy. I used the word “frantic” because it was a Saturday and we had Ellie with us.

Not long after I found out I was pregnant with Ellie, I went to Barnes and Nobles and bought a blank book. I guess it could be used for scrapbooking but only if you’re into scrapbooking for little people.

Turns out, I am!

So I bought the blank book because “There’s no way in heck I’m going to take the time to fill out who came to the hospital when you were born.”

In fact, if I had written down who came to the hospital that day, it …

Accept it

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005

Remember “back in the day” (I love that phrase) when people that played on the Internet were “dorks?” Now, to me, people who choose NOT to get on the Internet are in denial and still think they’re part of the popular clique in high school when really, they are the math club geeks.

All the cool kids are doing it, including me, so that means it is OKAY!

It has been “called to my attention” that “some people that know me in real life” seem to think I live in a magical lala land on the internet where I create my own little world.

Yes, it is true. I can’t do anything without the Internet. I woke up this morning, but couldn’t eat …

family

Monday, August 1st, 2005

…Remembered while hiding in the bedroom, hoping the little person doesn’t find me…

Scene: At the dinner table. Saturday night. Us plus Mom and husband plus set of Grandparents.

Grandma: I have an annoucement to make.
SJ: Are you pregnant?
Grandma: No, we’re leaving that one up to you.

I feel pretty

Monday, August 1st, 2005

I usually don’t post pictures of my belly on here, partly because I realize that not everyone wants to see that type of thing. So here’s your warning: You’re about to see a belly picture.

I went out for lunch with my friend today and decided to dress “nice.” She said I actually looked pregnant, which is nice since my normal baggy clothing makes me look kind of chunky.

The Sarcastic Fetus at 13 weeks. For those of you wondering, no weight gain yet.

One Day, Little Grasshopper, You Will Understand

Monday, August 1st, 2005

When I was 8-years-old, I got my very own Ramona Quimby diary for Christmas. Considering I was still at the time, very much a bookworm, this was as Martha would call “A Good Thing.”

I remember sitting in the window seat of a plane taking us from Houston to Pennsylvania to visit my Aunt (yet another Christmas present, that was a good year) and filling out my diary. I don’t remember too much about what I wrote, but there are a few words that pop into my mind from time to time, much like those annoying lyrics staring down at you from the title bar.

When I have kids…"I am going to make them be very clean.”

Never mind the fact that I …


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