Archive for September, 2004

She’s got the funk.

Thursday, September 30th, 2004

I remember once, a nice lady that I worked with at the newspaper said something about boob feeding and how it helped with post-partum depression.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I doubt it is “post-partum” or full blown “depression” but I’m just in one hell of a funk.

And I don’t feel like I have any reason to be complaining.

The feeling usually sneaks up on me quickly, such as a brain freeze after drinking a milkshake too fast. You’re fine one minute and the next, well, bam! Brain freeze! Your head is pounding!

Except it is not brain freeze. Have you ever felt a sense of dread? Perhaps you knew that someone you loved (your significant other) would be going away …

SHENUTS.COM

Thursday, September 30th, 2004

Well, this is appropirate. This is my 1,000 entry. REMEMBER: AS OF TOMORROW, THIS SITE WILL NOT BE HERE.

My MT request for installation on SHENUTS.COM has not been honored. My questions have not been returned.

So I have a site with no freaking content. I’m not a techno geek. I don’t understand how to install MT. So there is NUTTIN at SHENUTS.COM

So, if SHENUTS.COM is not up and at em tomorrow, go to BEARDOG.BLOGSPOT.COM until I can get things working again.

REMEMBER: SHENUTS.COM OR BEARDOG.BLOGSPOT.COM

SHENUTS SHENUTS SHENUTS SHENUTS

*UPDATE: Shenuts.com is up and running. Looks ugly as hell, but, well I suck at coding.

Back to what’s real….

Thursday, September 30th, 2004

This is what I call “multitasking.”

Ellie is learning to blog, too.

Hey! No pictures!

Watch out world. We’re two of a kind. Yes we are.

Little more to the middle

Thursday, September 30th, 2004

What started all this talk is Right Here.

His croonies strike again!

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

Yee diddly fucking ha! Did you know that I’m a hick dipshit???? Actually, the person who left the comment is a hick dipshit because that is what the email was. Dipshit at aol.com

You ARE a hick dipshit. I feel bad for your daughter. It was the ‘vote for John Kerry show.’ Only complete idiots and sick fucks are voting for Bush. You just can’t see the difference, because you are a texan who went to CCC.

Number one. What the fuck is CCC? Perhaps Colorado Christian University? I WENT THERE FOR ONE FUCKING SEMESTER. Why? Because I don’t live in the “Holy Bubble” and I didn’t plan on “Ring by spring or my money back.”

My MOM made me go there. …

Keeping it coming.

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

Other site blah blah blah…

Rock my vote

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

“If you don’t vote, you vote (to make rape legal.)"– Cameron Diaz on Oprah.

WHAT?????????????????????????

Okay, I understand where she’s trying to go with that, but you are voting to MAKE RAPE LEGAL???? No. No. No.

Now we all see why she repeats other people’s words instead of making up her own.

I’m watching all these women who are trying to make up excuses as to why they don’t vote. Good grief. “It’s my family’s fault! It doesn’t matter to me! I’m Hispanic, my vote doesn’t count. I’m a woman, I don’t need to vote.”

Seriously. If you have these types of opinions then perhaps you SHOULDN’T be voting and representing this country.

I think that Oprah should just be encouraging people to vote and …

Sounds like a break to me.

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

So Martha Stewart is getting sent to “Camp Cupcake” prison. (I’m not making this up.) This is just too good to be true. I wonder if they did this because of the name, even though it had been requested for her to go somewhere else.

If I ever go to prison, here’s some of the ones I would like to go to:

1. Camp margarita on the beach.
2. Camp My baby isn’t crying.
3. Camp chocolate cake
4. Camp vacation with a fancy hotel room and room service.

Getting with the program.

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

Since I’m up, I’m getting to watch The Today Show! Oh boy!

You know what I HATE about the Today Show besides Katie Couric’s ability to turn every interview into something about herself???

The outside portion. Where Al Roker or that other guy who talks about old people’s birthdays goes and talks to the people who hold up signs.

These people just don’t get it. You’re supposed to say “Hi!” That’s it. Not “Hi I’m from California and I love chocolate and my friend just had a baby and Hi Mom! And I wanna see Rent on Broadway and I just LOVE Katie Couric’s hair!”

So awkard is it that I often find myself muting or changing the channel when this portion comes on. …

Going…going…

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

Well, I was going to make a big whoop-de-doo about my NEW domain name but….well….they said they were going to install MT, which I haven’t seen. So that means all my contents from here haven’t been transferred and I only have until October 1—FRIDAY.

So, I highly suggest you put my new domain name somewhere where you can remember it.

And what is that name, you ask????????????

Oh, she’s got milk.

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

I really need something to do on Halloween. This is too cute. Too bad we’ll probably be in Albuquerque.

I will be sending this letter.

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

Note to people in business:

DO NOT PISS ME OFF. DO NOT PISS ME OFF IF I AM PAYING YOU THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

If you do, your boss will get a letter from me. About you. And I won’t be nice.

A few entries from the letter I will be sending to our realtor’s boss:

…and we feel she has been unprofessional and rude.

…came to our house for the consultation visit, she left her two young children in her car outside. Only when they �got loose� and a neighbor showed up at our door, with one of them crying, did we learn about them. She then let them sit in our living room, only to have her younger one act disruptive. She did nothing …

So schlumped.

Monday, September 27th, 2004

This is the true story, of one woman, picked to birth a baby and have her life blogged. Find out what happens when she stops looking good and starts being a schlump.

The real world. Bloggy Style.

I remember, back in the day, I used to match my clothing.

Note the large T-shirt. It’s The Hubs’ because MY shirts don’t fit. Can you guess why? Two words: THE GIRLS.

This is the lower version. I don’t mind the shoes and the socks, but I have to give you the whole enchilada.

Today the Hubs stayed home from work because he was sick. We were ALL sick this weekend, but that is another story in its own. So in between sick naps, I got him …

Pics! Pics!

Sunday, September 26th, 2004

I tried to take a few pictures of the child tonight. Needless to say, she didn’t feel like cooperating. Turns out that I was getting in the way of her TV watching.

(ALL PICTURES DELETED)

Fresh meat market

Sunday, September 26th, 2004

We went to the mall today. I know, I know. We were “bored,” (Okay, I was sorta bored and the hubs was sick) so we went to get out.

And guess what we would see there?????

A BABY BEAUTY PAGEANT!

There is nothing worse than a baby/young child/pre-teen beauty pagent. But I am going to have to say that the babies are the worst.

They have a stage set up, conviniently located near The Great American Cookie Company and the maternity store. The stage is small and white and looks like what one might imagine a modeling runway to look like.

That is, if you model your wears in the mall.

We walk by at first and I mumble to The Hubs, who happens …

I may complain about them, but I’m glad I have them.

Saturday, September 25th, 2004

The annual Blogger Boobie Thon is upon us. Basically you submit your pic or just donate some money for Breast Cancer Research.

I submitted my pic above. That’s from my 37th week of pregnancy with Miss E. Hope yall consider participating.

Where’s my damn cookie?

Friday, September 24th, 2004

Just because I’m not ungrateful enough…

I planned on getting lunch today. Out. As in, “Hey, while I’m out grabbing lettuce for our dinner, I’ll stop and get a burger on the way because that is something I never do and I’d REALLY like a burger right now.”

Why? Because my body is probably saying to me “Damnit, go get a burger because I am being neglected."*

Can you guess who didn’t get the burger? Can you guess who didn’t get breakfast OR lunch except for a jello cup I just ate because I’ve been too busy? ME!!

I’m going to admit something to you, Internet People.

I have a bad case of jealousy. Not just that, but I’m doing a thankless job, which …

I saw famous people once

Thursday, September 23rd, 2004

I’m watching an episode of MTV’s Diary featuring Katie Holmes (of Dawson’s Creek fame) and I am reminded of a time I saw her in person.

It was in NC and Dawson’s Creek was FINALLY ending. Well, I was sent down to Wilmington by The Evil Paper That Could to cover this little dealy woo they were having to say “goodbye” to the show that put Wilmington on the map for Teeny Boppers.

So we go down there and I’m excited because I used to be a REALLY big fan of the show, before it Jumped The Shark and started sucking.

And we sat. And we waited. And it was hot. And sunny. And we waited some more. And sat. And sat there. …

Never fair, is it?

Thursday, September 23rd, 2004

Remember Save Karyn the website? The chick who spent all that money and then got a website and paid off all her debt?

Good idea, I won’t lie…the website, I mean.

But then she wrote a book. And that makes me mad because I wrote a book and my book hasn’t been published. Sometimes I doubt it will EVER be published.

And now she goes on book tours in Europe and talks about shopping.

HUH??? We writers are a very jealous sort and well, I just don’t think that’s fair. But is life fair? NO.

Somebody get me a damn credit card. I’m gonna spend money and then write a book about it.

That’s me!!!

Thursday, September 23rd, 2004

Consider yourself warned.

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004

My Other Site: Updated

Potty mouth in training

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004

I highly suggest that if you don’t like my constant use of the “MF” term that you don’t click the “wanna read more” link.

Seriously.

MOTHER FUCKER! MOTHER FREAKING FUCKER!

Okie dokie. We live in an apartment, which I lovingly refer to as “The Ghetto.” Why do we live here? Well, because we were on a small time frame and it was cheap.

So, after I moved in, I was talking to my hairdresser who said “Oh! You live there! I know exactly 2,998 people who lived there and hated it because of the management.”

Know why they hated it? BECAUSE THEY DO NOT FILL THE MOTHERFUCKING WORK REQUESTS.

This is not a “my lightbulb is out” request. No, it is a “MY MOTHERFUCKING ONE …

I’m spinning a web

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004

Do YOU remember? Do you? Remember life before the internet???

I remember, when I was little, I would have a question such as “How many people live in Israel?” A question nobody I know would be able to answer. And I remembered thinking I wish there was an easy way to find the answer. Easier than going to the library.

And then came the internet. I started regularly using it in the fall of 1998, when I was a student at Colorado Christian University. (Heh, what if they come to this site because I linked to them and see my title which speaks of vagina rodeos?)

And I discovered the internet.

I loved the internet. I wanted to make internet babies! I …

…While I wait for someone to fix our toilet….

Tuesday, September 21st, 2004

Is it me, or do people who go on reality TV decorating shows act like they don’t want to be there?

I’m watching “Designed To Sell” on HGTV and the female owner is subconsciously shaking her head “no” as the designer says what needs to be done.

I swear she thinks that her 1980s decor is Just. So. Hot. So. Freaking. Hot.

Then why in the hell is No Lady on this show?

What I really find funny about this show is that you get the designer to come into your place and tell you how much it sucks. Then you go and fix it up to sell it off so someone else can enjoy your pretty new place. And then you …

Pacify Me.

Tuesday, September 21st, 2004

Even though my child has only been awake for 1.5 hours tops since she first rose this morning…I couldn’t blog.

No blog. Can’t blog. No topic. Too stupid.

And then, while making the chocolate silk torte for dessert because That Stupid Waiter Lied to Me and Said the Cake Didn’t Have Nuts When I Thought It Did And The Cake Did So He Ruined My Dessert Sunday So I Get A New One….I thought of a topic.

I hate the word “Binky.”

Not until recently did I understand what a “Binky” was. I always thought of them to be like blankies. As in, you can’t say “blankie” but you can say “binkie.”

My family always referred to them as “NuNus.” As in “New-New.” However, before …

I’m so gonna get egged

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Oh my gosh. I don’t know what came over me just now, but I just turned into That Lady Who Stands In The Doorway, Screaming About Her Baby.

Okie dokie. Got the kid down for a nap, after she only woke up 1,009 times in the process of doing so. Starting to do some laundry, including The Worlds Nastiest Boob Milk and Baby Pee Stained Sheets. (Don’t judge. I don’t like them nasty, I just don’t have the damn time.)

I’m busying myself, sterilizing bottles and pumpies in boiling water when I hear it. “I’m right here!”

Okay, I think. They’re calling to each other. I’m in an apartment and I’ll let it slide.

“I’m right here! I’m right here! I’m right behind you!”

Good …

why oh why

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Why do rich fancypants Hollywood people feel the need to go and show off their damn houses? I’m starting to believe that maybe I SHOULDN’T WATCH THESE DAMN SHOWS BECAUSE THEY ARE PISSING ME OFF.

John Travolta has HIS OWN LIVE-IN FLIGHT CREW FOR HIS PLANE. Then he tells Oprah “You have a really wonderful (fill in adj) home.” And she’s all like “Really?”

WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, BITCH. You know you have a damn big ass house. You have multiple estates. Many houses. More money than you know what to do with.

And then you act all coy like “Really? My house? Little ol’ me?”

And yet people feel they can be friends with Ms. Little Ol Me and My Big …

I didn’t even get the chance to buy a present!

Monday, September 20th, 2004

We all knew it was coming, just not so soon.

Divorce Watch 2004 Commences Now.

Sorry charlie.

Friday, September 17th, 2004

Dear Macaulay,

I just want to thank you for not falling in love with me. You see, as a 11-year-old, well, I just thought you were so cute. So cute. Thought we should grow up and have little babies together and we wouldn’t leave them Home Alone. Haha.

You had such cute hair. And I had a thing for rich blonde boys.

But you know, I’m not a child actor and you didn’t live in Texas. So we never met. And I can honestly say I’m very happy about that because you proved my theory. My theory of cute kids growing up to be ugly adults.

So, thanks. Thank you for not meeting me and not falling in love with me. Why? Because …

Dog gone poop

Friday, September 17th, 2004

Since I’m In A Hurry and REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY freaking tired (grandma/grandpa cancelled on me, hubs has taken me up in pity) and in a rush, let me tell a story real quick.

We used to have a dog.

Used to.

My Mom, the Nurse who is really smart but you wouldn’t think it if you met her, (gosh I hope she doesn’t come here) had two dogs. Weiner dogs. Daschounds. Boy and girl. And they weren’t fixed. Bob Barker would have been soo pissed.

And can you guess what happened, boys and girls, when the two doggies got together??? THEY HAD BABIES! Babies! Dog babies!

And I “got” one of them. By “got” I meant I went off to college but they weren’t allowed to get …

Time for class participation again.

Thursday, September 16th, 2004

Okie, since I will be spending Friday eating lunch with my grandma and grandpa*– oh, we can ALL see where this is going–fun grandparent bitching time– it will become audience participation time once again.

Once again?!?! Damn, SJ. Get some freaking material.

*Note: I hope grandpa keeps his nuts in his shorts this time. Or get longer shorts.

So I was over here and she was writing about bloggers who get a lot of media attention.

Now, FYI, I usually don’t speak of other bloggers unless it is positive. Remember? I stay nice.

But, this should stay nice. So, who do you consider to be YOUR big name blogger? Or someone you never miss? I’m not saying go and point to Andrew Sullivan …

Nice little keepsakes we have here.

Thursday, September 16th, 2004

Comments overheard by the Peanut Gallery:

ME: “I wish I was one of those happy people. Those optimistic people. Instead, i bitch and moan and whine. And then I bitch and moan and whine till I get my way.”

Comments made by me on a videotape the hubs took while pregnant*:
“I think Ellie should be born 3 months early because I’m sick of this shit.”
“Ellie, what is the rule? We hate stupid people.”

*There would be more tapes but the camcorder broke THE DAY ELLIE WAS BORN so we had to bring it to best buy who promised to get the tape back to us because it was jammed. Needless to say we didn’t get the tape back. And on that, we had …

Help a kid out, okay?

Thursday, September 16th, 2004

Okay, this is totally not sarcastic nor has anything to do with what I normally talk about, but just deal with it, mkay?

Some of you who have been reading here for awhile may remember I wrote a story about a little boy who had a genetic disease who ultimately died. I had followed him from the beginning of his third stem cell transplant, which started the day after his 4th birthday, he was the second child in the world to get one, to the day he died.

It was very very sad.

Well, while doing so, I discovered a world of all these little children who are forgotten except during holidays. These are kids who have brain tumors, genetic diseases…you name it. …

This mama isn’t keeping the house fresh and clean.

Wednesday, September 15th, 2004

I. Hate. Wal. Mart. Seriously.

Let me explain why. Anyone who has ever been to a WalMart knows why I hate going to Wal-Mart. They suck. They’re trashy. And always full of trashy, nasty people.

Makes me wanna cover my baby with antiseptic or something when we go. Honestly, when we go to walmart, my husband makes me go home and wash my hands automatically so I don’t get Wal Mart germs.

Seriously. I don’t blame him, really.

But it is the COMMERCIALS. The freaking commericials. So they have these commericials with “A stay at home mom” who is “so busy” and has to “save money” but then they show her going to walmart and stocking up on ugly decorating shit.

“Look! It is a …

Don’t lie. Lies make the baby Jesus cry.

Wednesday, September 15th, 2004

So I’m sitting here, trying to make myself watch The Real World on MTV.

This one girl is so stupid.

“I’ve always been very comfortable with my body, especially my boobs, because they’re not really mine.”

She has fake boobs. So that meant, at one point, she was NOT COMFORTABLE with her body because she decided to get implants. She is one of those people who try out to make herself seem so self assured.

You have fake tatas. If you had been comfortable, well then, you would have flaunted your itty bitty titties with pride.

Animal husbandry

Tuesday, September 14th, 2004

Husbands. God bless them. Especially mine.

The poor dude wakes up early every morning to drive 1 hour away to go to work, where he works all day long just to make the trek back. And when he gets here, he is greeted by ME saying “Please please take the baby.”

And, after visiting the bathroom, which is always interrupted by me standing outside shouting “If you’re done you better get out here!” he comes out to hold the baby so I can do what I want.

You see, the problem arises when I know what she wants/needs and he gets confused. He is not with her all day. He may see a hand enter the mouth and think she is hungry when …

Well, this is nice and sudden.

Tuesday, September 14th, 2004

Excuse me while I run and hide. I think I need to make myself a big tent in what used to be our dining room, that is, what is supposed to be our dining room but has never been dined in because this apartment just doesn’t work like that.

I’d like to take my blankets, the soft one, not the scratchy one, and place it over the chairs and get in and hide under there with a margarita and a white chocolate mocha.

Is that okay? Is it okay for me to do that?

I’m not sure exactly WHY I feel the need to go and hide. I guess I feel like there is tons to do when really there isn’t. I mean, …

Hurry cane!

Tuesday, September 14th, 2004

So purdy. I have to admit something. I’m a sucker for hurricanes and all types of weather-related disasters that you can prepare for.

I know, sick and wrong. Sick AND Wrong. I grew up on the coast in Texas so I paid a lot of attention to hurricanes and the weather. I watched The Weather Channel like other kids watched the Disney Channel.

I mean, I would wake up and watch it while getting ready for school and then come home and watch it. It helped me with my geography skills.

So the hurricane is hitting the Gulf Coast. And I keep watching TV just wondering if it will hit here. I know there is only a 7% chance but I just keep …

We went to the doctor today and all I got was this lousy bill.

Monday, September 13th, 2004

We went to the doctor today for Ellie to get her shots. Plenty of people have already posted about the shots: The baby cries and not just any cry. It is an “I hate you, you stupid, stupid person who forsakes me” cry.

I think the fun part of the day was the Doctor. We’ll call her “Doctor Model” or perhaps “Model Doctor” since that was what she looked like. Lady was all young and pretty and well-dressed in a fluffy skirt and pretty shirt and had nice hair too.

That should be against the law, especially if she is dealing with the parents of infants. I mean, hello, I woke up late so no shower before I left and I have …

Go go go!

Sunday, September 12th, 2004

A little more Shameless Self Promotion. It is about growing up in a funeral home.

Help needed.

Sunday, September 12th, 2004

Need help. Preferably soon. I have to swtich this domain over. I picked a name. Don’t know what to do next. Could somebody explain this process to me? How do I switch all the stuff I have over at sj.javamama.net to my new site? How do I do all that new site stuff? What about hosting and picking a domain provider and stuff?

I feel so stupid.

Two months! Two months!

Sunday, September 12th, 2004

Hey Ellie,

They say it’s your birthday! Okay, two month birthday anyway, but you’ve never celebrated it before so that means it is SPECIAL.

Two months ago, you were born! And now you are my crazy, beautiful, happy little baby.

So far, this month, you have discovered the fine art of squealing and babbling and cooing and laughing and making some noise that sounds like the letter “K” with a little spit added in for good measure.

You have a pretty voice, you know.

You’re holding your head up nicely which means that at any moment you will figure out how to drive and then we will have to start hiding the car keys. You can put pressure on your legs so sometimes we pretend …

My boobs do not get a vacation.

Saturday, September 11th, 2004

Today me, my child, my husband, his extended family and my boob went to the lake.

You didn’t think I’d go to the lake without my boob, did you???

There is a funny thing about going on vacation when you have a little one. Your boobie also has to come along. And much like that annoying female family member who always packs too much for an overnight trip, my booby has baggage.

It has to bring a pump. And a bra. And another bra. And they are not any bras, but special bras that have special flaps that let you whip the tata out at any moment in case the need arises.

The need always arises.

The problemo with these special bras is that they …

The entering of the tacos and the exiting of the tears

Thursday, September 9th, 2004

We made it to Tulsa yesterday and we made it on a plane. On an actual real live airplane with people and flight attendants and pilots and seats and itty bitty restrooms with no changing areas in them.

And my baby didn’t make a peep. And she was actually awake.

Now for my husband’s grandma’s funeral today, well, peeps were made. But I will go and assume that is because she was sad like the rest of us and so I let her have at it.

But back to the plane. I could see the dread of the people who were sitting in the seats around us as we made our way down the itty bitty Continental Airlines isle.

I felt like grabbing …

Thank you come again

Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

Okie, since I might or might not be missing in action, lets have audience participation time!

Tell me where you are from. That’s all you have to do.

Por ejemplo:

My name is SJ and I live in the suburbs of Houston, TX.

You can even say if you like it there and where you’d want to live if you could.

Then it would say:

My name is SJ and I live in the suburbs of Houston, TX. Yeah, it is okay here, it is close to family. I’d like to live in Boulder, Colorado or in NYC for a few months or somewhere cool in Europe.

We’re leaving on an Express Jet Plane…

Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

As I mentioned earlier, we are doing tomorrow something we had hoped to never have to do. We are flying with an almost 2-month-old baby.

This was one of the reasons of why we wanted to move to Texas: WE DIDN’T WANT TO FLY WITH A BABY!

See, my Dad lives in Beaumont and his parents live in Tulsa, OK so that means that the only people we have to fly to visit are my Mom and her husband in Albuquerque, NM.

For some reason, my child has been in a very bad, very sleepy, very crappy mood today. I spent the good portion of my previous hours rocking her, setting her down and then having to go back to the bedroom …

FYI

Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

Posting may be a little erratic for the next few days as we have had a death in the hubs’ family and will be flying to Tulsa tomorrow.

I may be posting or I may not, depending on the circumstances.

IKEA: Sweedish for “Too many people.”

Sunday, September 5th, 2004

I went to IKEA yesterday. Actually, me, The Hubs, his parents, his sister and She Who Rules The Roost (aka SWRTR) went.

For those of you who have never had the privilage of visiting an IKEA, you are missing out. I mean, if it is good enough that the Saudis have a stampede over some free stuff and people end up getting killed…you KNOW there has to be something good going on there.

The only problem with IKEA is that there are other people there. The IKEA here in Houston is remodeled so it is now “Texas-sized” (and for some reason, the guy who announces this on the commericial sounds German and NOT Sweedish) so that means that all of Texas must …

She wears nothing but she wears it so well…

Friday, September 3rd, 2004

She who rules the roost:

Somebody call CPS! They’re abusin’ that baby!

Ellie is practicing karate in case a sibling comes along.

Just me, Ellie, a toy and “the girls".

Run run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the gingerbread man!

Friday, September 3rd, 2004

I tried to go running yesterday.

Long pause.

You know where this is going.

I haven’t run since last November, when my boobs, which some people enjoy pictures of and others don’t, got so big and painful that it was not possible to jog for even one mile.

You see, I’m a runner, always have been, always will be until my knees say no more. I like to run. I ran cross country and track. Enjoy it. A lot.

But yesterday? Ugg, I have absolutely NO abdominal muscles and my thighs pretty much felt like jell-o. My lungs weren’t out of shape, surprisingly, no it was just my poor tired body.

It wanted me to stop. It wanted ice cream and for me …

He will be loved….

Thursday, September 2nd, 2004

A new post up at my Other Site. Hint hint: It is about my favorite person.

Forward This!

Thursday, September 2nd, 2004

There are sometimes reasons why I hate the Internet. The first is the amount of time it can suck up. Time I could be using to hit that massive pile of dishes we have going in the kitchen.

The other???

Email forwards.

I remember, back in the day, when we all started using the internet, my friends would send me forwards and I would send them emails that basically said “Hello friend. If you would like to still be my friend then you better stop sending this shit.”

And eventually they stopped. Probably because they realized that sending an Email Forward is the cyberspace equivilent of walking into someone’s house and taking a big dump on their couch.

You just don’t do that.

So then, eventually, …

Funny Francis

Thursday, September 2nd, 2004

I think I’ll go on vacation this weekend. Somewhere tropical. Hmm, I think I’ll go to Florida.

Ding ding ding

Wednesday, September 1st, 2004

Today’s five alarm crappy diaper brought to you by Ellie in the middle of a Bank of America.

Your moment of zen

Wednesday, September 1st, 2004

Read from left to right: “Now introducing, gay midair sex!” “Oh baby! Lets get it on!""Dirty, dirty but I like it.” “I’m jealous. Really bloody jealous.”

Letterman, watch out!

Wednesday, September 1st, 2004

Lets pretend that I could go around tomorrow and act just like a baby acts.

1. You hand me food. I look at it. Put the fork in my mouth. And then scream.
2. Start shaking my head back and forth until you get me a different type of fork. When you are not looking, well, I’ll let the food slide out of my mouth onto my shirt.
3. Pee my pants. Scream until somebody does SOMETHING about it. Perhaps if I’m being extra frisky, I’ll pee on your couch or bed and not tell you about it.
4. Wait until you start talking sweetly to me and then make a face and scream.
5. Poop my pants. Wait until you do something …


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