Archive for May, 2004

Be back soon! Texas or Bust!!

Sunday, May 30th, 2004

On the road again,
Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway.
We’re the best of friends,
Insisting that the world be turnin’ our way,
And our way:

Is on the road again:
Just can’t wait to get on the road again.
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends,
And I can’t wait to get on the road again.

And I can’t wait to get on the road again.

Its a blog eat blog world

Saturday, May 29th, 2004

So I was surfing around to some blogs I normally don’t read tonight (while not packing) and I saw several point to this NY Times article.

Turns out we’re all obsessive-compulsive dorks who are addicted to our laptops. Nice, eh? :)

I’m still in the process of reading the story and it makes some good points. Points that my husband often make. Most blogs suck. Plain and simple.

“This is what I ate today.” Great. Go do something exciting, then tell me about it, biznitch. The worst are the ones that people seem to write to two or three of their friends and forget the random audience that might find the blog.

They suck, too.

I understand its hard to have a good …

Announcements, announcements, announcements!

Friday, May 28th, 2004

Oh yeah, since my brain has become fried due to moving and stressing and barfing and stuff, and I can’t find anything funny in the news, I guess I’ll tell you my plans for the near future.

I plan on blogging through the birth of this baby. Seriously. We’re bringing my laptop to the hospital. I actually have another website set up that has shown my pregnancy since week 4, but, well, it has my name on it. I originally came up with the idea to keep my family updated without them having to call me repeatedly.

So, somehow it’ll work out. I planned on blogging on THAT site, but maybe I’ll do it here instead.

So yup. That’s it. Blog Till …

Forget Disney…

Friday, May 28th, 2004

So on the today show, they are showing “fun, offbeat family vacations for kids.” I must tell you, these vacations suck. They suck as bad as the vacations my parents picked for us.

My personal favorite has to be the “working ranch.” Some family owns a ranch, you pay money and get to go work with them! On the ranch! On vacation! You are getting to spend your vacation and money working!

Man, I could be doing that right now. Its called the “suburban getaway!” You pay me money, come to my house, watch TV with me, go to the grocery store, make me dinner and you pay for all of it!

Or how about the “inner-city experience!” You go to the …

I’m blinded!

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

This picture prooves that all mean people ARE ugly. Man, if I looked like that, I’d probably want to be some psycho mass-murder as well.

But, let me guess. It’s AMERICA’S fault that he’s that ugly, right??

Who is she??

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

So I was trying to find a place in Houston and saw a place on Craigslist that seemed okay. Basically, I emailed the person and asked for a little more info. That’s all I wanted.

Turns out that the chick is an apartment realtor or something. Oh shit.

The lady goes nuts and starts emailing me nonstop. Let’s meet Wednesday! Here’s some places! I want to meet Wednesday! We’ll meet here and I’ll drive you and we’ll do this and that and whatnot!

What? Wait. All I wanted was a little info about this one apartment.

She keeps emailing me.

HI! This is Jovena. Just checking to see if you guys are still coming down Wednesday. Please let me know. …

The Moody Blues

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

Can I tell you a secret?

I’m supposed to be writing a column for an online magazine about SJ. Being fired. I’m having troubles doing it. Well first, you know, I have a lot to do anyway. But I’m just having troubles rehashing it. I’m not really one who wants to rehash all of it again.

I guess every time I start to think about it or write it, I just think of whatever backlash or whatnot it is going to bring up again. And that makes me stop and say “Umm….uhhh….ummmm……”

I don’t know if I want to go there. I’m learning to ignore the mean things people say. But when people make personal attacks, well, I don’t find that cool. …

Week of farewells

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

This is a week of goodbyes. Not goodbyes to people, as the people we were friends with either became evil hippies or moved away. Which makes it easier to leave this place.

But, goodbye to this place in general. I know you’ve seen my bitching on here about the city I live in. It is a very interesting city, a city that sometimes I have troubles defining so I just use the term “ghetto” because that describes all the bad that I don’t like here. The ghetto holes in the road. The ghetto gangs that shoot at busses. The ghetto gas, ghetto neighborhoods, ghetto people whose bus stop is right outside the entrance to our neighborhood.

Goodbye, ghetto. That’s easy.

But, to say …

Math counts

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

Life by the Numbers.

Number of weeks I’ve been pregnant: 34
Number of weeks I vomited at the beginning of this pregnancy: 17
Number of hours of driving it takes to drive to Houston: 24
Number of items on today’s to do list, compliments of the hubs: 10
Number of things that will probably get done: 2
Number of times I have cried since the hormones kicked in: 2,765
Number of times I normally cry:285
Number of pounds I’ve gained in this pregnancy:22
Number of letters received by the Unemployment people about why they’re not giving me money:3
Number of babies currently being gestated in my family:3
Number that come from a married Mom and Dad:1

I prefer Skittles to the MNM color code

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

Did you know that the bad guys are going to attack us??? Well, not you Canadians or other people who live in countries that aren’t very cool…but us Big Bad Ass Americans.

What I love about all the warnings we get is how much information they give us.

Al Qaeda might attack us. There is a good chance they might attack us. They may possibly attack during the summer, though they might wait until the winter. They might possibly do something bad during a holiday, such as July 4th or Christmas. But then again, they just might wait for some regular day and get you then. Or maybe the elections? Perhaps they wanna scare the shit out of us so we …

Just put a bag over your head and call it a day

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

I just saw a commercial where a woman was “self conscious about her scar.” So she had to go and get this skin cream patch thingie to heal the scar.

Then they show the scar. It’s this itty bitty thingie on her shoulder.

You’re self conscious about that itty bitty scar? Damn woman, if you are so worried about a scar like that, you have some serious issues to contend with here. And some little patch isn’t going to cover them up.

I’ll admit it. I watched The Swan. You know? That TV show where they found ugly women and then gave them so much plastic surgery that they looked more like Tammy Faye Baker than some suburban housewife? Now, not all the …

Hillbilly happenings

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

Good grief. It is called population control.

I can’t stand it when I see people throwing all logic to the wind and keep spawning children like there’s no tomorrow. 3? 4? No problem. But when you get to the double digits…man, you just need to stop.

There’s something called quality of life here. How can all 15 of these children get the attention they need? Even worse is the fact that in the picture, the kids are dressed alike.

I just want to vomit when I see several children being paraded around like some creepy clown show. And the outfits are never normal. NOOOOOO. You always have to pick some horrible pattern that just screams “Stare and point! Stare and point!”

I have …

Input

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

Should SJ get a new blog?****

If so, what should it be like? The same? More writing, less bitching?

***That is, one day when SJ actually has money to get a new blog.

Ass kickings R US

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

I’ve had this entry in my head for awhile today, but for some reason, my hands are so damn sweaty that it’s almost IMPOSSIBLE to type without becoming frustrated. Yes, I have sweaty hands. Horribly sweaty. Sweaty as in you can look at them and see the water forming in the creases. Gross, I know.

I like to call it nature’s moisturizer.

But anyway, I think I have come up with a business idea. We need to get a bunch of pregnant women and have them for hire. You see, pregnancy hormones are a bitch. As I described it to one person today, it is like having Major Major PMS and then finding that someone shot your dog.

You just want to …

Good grief.

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

Anyone know of a good unemployment lawyer? Turns out I didn’t get it because of “Employee misconduct.”

Okkkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyy. Basically they said I had a site where I spoke ill of the company and my coworkers. Can anyone point out an exact time where I spoke of the company or coworkers by name?

Come one, come all!

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

You know, if I had money right now, I’d start sending out plane tickets to Nevada.

shock

Monday, May 24th, 2004

It is going to be a fucking miracle if I don’t go into labor right now. Fucking, fucking miracle.

I got denied unemployment. The lady on the phone said disqualfied for two fucking years. FOR WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO? That i misunderstood the ladyon the phone who originally called me? Once I realized that I hadn’t filed my thing online I went and did it. talked to them on the phone about it. Told them it was a mistake.

The appeals people won’t talk to me because I dont have it in writing yet. I don’t know what to do. In order to appeal they will have a meeting where all parties must be present.

I"m leaving in one …

Well isn’t that interesting?

Monday, May 24th, 2004

I’m not sure if this article makes me want to scream or climb back under my covers and throw moldy bananas at anyone who dare passes by.

So bloggers are the next “it kids” in publishing. That’s good and that’s bad. Good if you’re Elizabeth Spiers or Instapundit. Bad if you’re little ol SJ, who knows better than to think one day she’ll grow up and sit at the Big Kids Table in Blogland. Not that she wants to, nor does she try to.

The more I think of it, this lady at ICM (a big old literary agency in NY) should get a call from me. I’m exactly what she’s looking for.

while she loves her bloggers, and has faith in …

la de da

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

I only have a week left here, it turns out. I just don’t feel like I can be ready in a week. It’s like a vacation, a week doesn’t seem long enough for me to prepare to make a move.

I hate change. I’m not good at it at all.

I’m already emotional right now for a multitude of reasons, the first being that I called my sister in Texas to tell her the big news. You see, if you watched that 20/20 on siblings last night….the kids who hated each other? Totally us.

We’re so different on so many different levels. She’s older. A lot more quiet. Not exactly the brightest crayon in the box. Not that I don’t love her. …

Thanks for stopping by, don’t let the doorknob hit you on the way out

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

Wow. Things have really, really changed. I’m sitting here in my living room, my beautiful well-painted living room, and am watching as the hubs paints it back. Actually, we’re painting it some light brown color to make it more presentable to the people who may eventually want to buy our house.

Actually, this brings up a good point. I’ve never been one to do things the way that you’re supposed to. That’s just not my style. As I look at it, I’m an individual. I have my own beliefs, my own reasons for doing things the way I do.

Take our house, for example. My parents could not understand why we would go and paint every single room in our house some …

BIG NEWS!!! BIG NEWS!!!

Friday, May 21st, 2004

I’ve been sitting on my hands, literally. I’ve tried to super glue them to the couch so they wouldn’t find their way to the computer and say something they’re not supposed to.

My hands are like that.

But I just got the go-ahead and my hands are free to roam and say what they want to say.

The stars at night are big and bright— DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!!!

I just got word. WE’RE MOVING HOME! BACK TO HOUSTON! IN THREE WEEKS!!!! I can’t believe it. The hubs just got a job. We were worried they were going to pay him a lot less than he is making now, which would make us destitute. They decided to pay him what …

Por mi esposo

Friday, May 21st, 2004

For my husband, compliments of The Nappies.

Sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you frown
With your hormones bouncing up and down

Sometimes you�re happy, sometimes your sad
It�s a weird nine months that you have had…

There�s shit going down that you can’t disguise
When you boobs gone up ten times in size
Your cup�s gone up from an A to D,
It’s bad for you but its fun for me
Now just because of a little rumpy-pump
Now you’re walking round with a great big bump

You might think if you were French you should have said “non”
Or at least you would�ve made me put a condom on

I think you might find that it�s really fun
I know its no use …

I got a pee purse and you don’t!

Friday, May 21st, 2004

First off, I must tell everyone this important piece of information. If someone you live with, say your spouse, is ill, don’t just ASSUME that he has allergies and then go eat after him and kiss on him.

Cause you know why? It’s not allergies and your ass is gonna wake up at 630 am feeling crappy. I know. I’m there. I’m totally there.

But anyway, I forgot to tell the byproduct of the laproscopic surgery story yesterday. And this story is good on its own. And since I feel like gum on the bottom of your shoe, this would be a good story to tell.

So, after I had my laproscopic surgery last year, I got to sleep all day long in …

It literally keeps coming out your ass

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

I think there should be a law where, if someone is asking for experienced advice on a topic, people should not be able to give their own opinions or what they think they’ve heard on it if they do not have experience themselves.

So on the preggo message board, some people wanted to know about the Mirena IUD. Wanted answers from people who have had it and wanted first hand experience.

So, I tell them the truth. I’ve had the thing before. It hurt like hell. Felt like someone was shoving a butcher knife up my cooter and slicing and dicing me just like Freddy Kruger might. Then I spoke of the “mysterious” pain that lasted for SEVEN MONTHS. The pain on …

Awwww

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

This picture is for my husband, Brian Mercat. Mercat is a takeoff on Meercat. They’re cute, but not as cute as he is.

Maybe another fired blogger soon?

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

Hey, remember when I had a job and I wrote funny shit about my daily happenings, though a lot of it was just my take on things such as the news? Remember when sometimes I would write about work but kept it veiled so that I couldn’t get in trouble?

Remember when those jackasses fired me?

Well, it seems as if other people write about a lot worse things but they don’t get fired. And these people work for the government. For a member of Senate. And they write about sex. And basically refer to themselves as prostitutes.

Damn, I just made fun of my bosses without naming names.

I shoulda gone into politics.

How many people want to kick some ass?

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

According to the unemployment commission, I am now a stupid, incompetent liar. They called today, wanting to know why I filed some stuff late.

I told her the truth. I didn’t have any idea I was supposed to. I stopped short of calling the original lady on the phone stupid.

It seems as if misunderstandings are not allowed in this state. So the lady says to me “Well, if you didn’t know that you were supposed to file, then why did you just file your update thingies online?”

She kept trying to catch me in a lie. Well, there wasn’t one. Then she got all pissy when I said I was pregnant.

So I may not get those 2 weeks worth of unemployment. …

Nocturnal emission

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

My sleeping patterns have changed and it’s very hard for me to deal with. When I was working, I went to bed between 10-11 and woke up at 6:30am and then, once I got knocked up, at 7:30-8am.

Right now, my husband is upstairs in bed. I’m sitting here, watching the horrors unfold on The Bachelor…lets not even go into how degrading these shows are to women. The men are always rich and successful and the women are these dumb floozies.

Oh wait.

I’m up until 1,2,3 in the morning. Sometimes I give in and take a damn sleeping pill. I HATE THIS. Its no fun being up, alone in the middle of the night! No creepy, floozy late night television shows …

Site crap

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Okie dokie. The “registry” question has been answered in my FAQ section, which is to the left under my blogroll. I like to make things as difficult as possible.

There should be a law….

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Here’s yet another story of people who should be forcibly steralized. Who could abondon such a cute little girl?

The love moat

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Hey Israel, good idea. I want a moat, too. But I want my moat to go around my house so my Hakuna Matata neighbors who never go inside and insist on washing their ugly cars every day and parking them in the street can stop parking in front of my house.

Where’s that damn shovel?

Not uh

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Attention Los Angelinos: It’s time to move. I would NEVER make that much and still be considered working poor. You people are so crazy!! But I guess that’s what it costs to get to see “Brad and Jen” at the local Starbucks or whatever.

Wah wah wah

Tuesday, May 18th, 2004

It’s starting. The baby shower whiners are starting to come out in full force on the dreaded pregnancy mb. “Nobody shopped off my registry!” “I’m depressed!” “All they gave me was clothes!”

I just want to stand up, reach through the internet and knock the shit out of these people. Honey, AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY THESE THINGS. I can’t exactly say the same about us.

Who cares if little Fido baby doesn’t have the super de dooper blue fishy jumpy thingie with noise maker? The only person who cares about that IS YOU.

I’m thankful for the fact that his Mom and my Mom have sent us clothes. Why? Because, even though the temperature will probably hit 100 …

Phenomenon!

Tuesday, May 18th, 2004

There’s a weird phenomenon going on out there. I’m not sure if I’m the only person noticing it.

Okay, so statistically speaking, Asians as a whole are not a very large population group in the US, unless you perhaps live in California, where I hear it’s a lot larger. (Wonder if they have any good Chinese places?)

Where I live, the population, racially speaking, is made up of about 50% black people, and the rest are whites, hispanics and whoever else comes around.

So here’s the weird thing. Every time I go to Sams Club, which is like Costco, all I see are Asian people! They’re everywhere! Well, Asians and Indians (dots not feathers) who are really Asian as well. It’s just …

Stupid ass stupids

Monday, May 17th, 2004

Open letter to the Unemployment Commission:

Dear Assholes,

I filed for my unemployment ONE FUCKING MONTH AGO. Can you count that? ONE FUCKING MONTH. Okay, so you had some woman call me on the phone who seemed unable to talk at a decent volume. I thought I FUCKING UNDERSTOOD what she was saying.

Well, assholes, I called today to politely ask “What the fuck is up with you mothafuckas?” Well, it turns out that YOU’RE NOT GIVING ME UNEMPLOYMENT BECAUSE I WASN’T FILLING OUT SOME STUPID ONLINE FORM EACH WEEK. A form that, obviously, you really didn’t explain to me or OTHERWISE I WOULD BE DOING IT.

So now I’ve broken the law because I didn’t file in the exact moment I was supposed …

The birds and the bees for dummies

Monday, May 17th, 2004

You know, if you’re going to go to a fertility clinic, you should make sure that you do the deed first.

So these people never did it? Or they just hardly ever did it because they didn’t realize you gotta play hide the weenie to make an itty bitty one? How can they be in their 30s and not realize how to make a baby?

Answer: They’re German.

Those democrats are so see through.

Monday, May 17th, 2004

My Dad shoulda run for President. Yeah, I have opinions and can be kinda snarky….but….

#1– I wouldn’t keep trying to buy alcohol with a fake ID or abuse the secret service
#2– I wouldn’t be wearing an outfit like this. (Not safe for work.)

Breaking point

Saturday, May 15th, 2004

I guess I’m at that point. It’s been a month since “The Event” and even though I do not miss working at That Place, I feel myself becoming increasingly bored, restless and downright irritable.

I spent a good while earlier today on a tirade, explaining to my husband all the things I’m pissed about. The truth is, I’ve become incrediably bored. We don’t have cable and I’m not the type of person who likes to put in a movie and watch it for 2 hours. That’s just not my thing. I want to watch some random 30 minute show on conjoined twins and then switch to MTV and watch a Newlyweds episode and then get up and go.

And I can’t. Why? …

Name change?

Saturday, May 15th, 2004

Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth. She named her daughter Apple.

I’m dead serious. I would have expected something a little more sophistacted from someone like her. I can see it now. Everyone is going to jump on the bandwagon, just like they did with names like “Ava” (hello, Reese Witherspoon) and are going to name their freaking children after fruit.

They’re hoping for a boy next year….to be named Tangerine.

My 3-year-old niece wants me to name our baby Peach. I guess she’s onto something.

Hide the Kaballah sausage

Friday, May 14th, 2004

You know, if I were a Hollywood celebrity type person, I probably wouldn’t take sex pictures of me and another Hollywood celebrity type person, especially if our relationship was on the cover of US Weekly every week.

And, if I did, I would probably not leave them on a laptop that belonged to a friend of mine.

FYI, if the pictures do “come out” I might just have to go and look. Because, you know, I’m perverted like that.

The private’s privates

Friday, May 14th, 2004

You know, if I were ever going to have to watch people have sex….I can be pretty safe to say that I’d rather the persons involved be pleasing to the eye. Privates humping privates just don’t do it for me.

Forward this!

Friday, May 14th, 2004

You know what? You gotta love my mother. That woman, well, she’s a email forward sending fool. Send her an email telling her she’s your best friend and must pass it on to 100 of her closest best friends? Oh, she’ll send it. She’ll send a copy of it to every single email address of yours that she has.

My sister in law sent her an email recently about a baby shower or something. My Mom put her on the forward list. I don’t get embarrassed really easily, but this embarrasses me. It’s like MOOOOOOMMMM don’t send forwards! My husband gets them too.

So anyway, I got a forward from her. It turns out I’m not supposed to buy gas on May …

Salute the captain!

Friday, May 14th, 2004

You know, it seems to me from watching those pharmaceutical commericials, that often, the side effect of the medicine is worse than the actual disease.

That is, if you can figure out what the pill is supposed to be treating, which often you can’t. But they make it so convincing. “The purple pill! You need the purple pill! You will dance on a hillside covered in flowers with a 100 of your closests friends and eat chocolate because You. Need. This. Pill! (See our ad in Time Magazine.)

So, you may feel confident in front of others, but your ass is going to leak an oily type poo for the duration of your life.

You won’t have Adult ADD but you will have …

Totally random, useless post

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

How to have a wonderful anniversary, unemployed style:

It’s our anniversary today. I already wrote about that. But, you see, I’M GETTING TO GO OUT TO EAT! You don’t understand how happy this makes me because I LOVE GOING OUT TO EAT! It’s my favorite thing. The easiest way to bribe me into submission.

So I have to plan this because if I don’t the hubs will just want to go get a damn burrito at the same place we always go to and That. Can’t. Happen.

So, I’m looking up on Citysearch, which is a Godsend for people who don’t know people. I’ve found my good places through Citysearch.

But, we have a problemo. Remember? I’m UNEMPLOYED. That means: NO MONEY. So, …

Not the button!

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m belly button aphobic. No, not about YOUR belly button, but about YOU touching MINE.

So, it became quite a concern when I got pregnant and the possibility arose that my belly button might become an outie. That’s the equivilent of my nose turning inside out or something. It’s just something that should not happen. Ever.

My belly button has not popped out yet, at 32 weeks. But it has been scaring me for quite some time now. First it developed a hoodie. To me, it resembled an uncircumsized penis. Very European. I think the hoodie was there to protect it from all the falling food that should be coming out of my mouth …

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

You’re more than a lover.
There could never be another,
to make me feel the way you do.
Oh, we just get closer.
I fall in love all over,
everytime I look at you.
I don’t know where I’d be,
without you here with me.
Life with you makes perfect sense.
You’re my best friend.

On Feb. 14, 2000, I was sitting on the second floor of the SCC on the Texas A&M Campus when some guy came and sat down next to me. I was in a really bad mood, had 3 tests to study for and really did not like guys at that moment.

And then he sneezed and I said “bless you.”

We started talking and realized that we had a lot …

Lip sores and hoes

Wednesday, May 12th, 2004

Things that come to mind while watching the Bachelor*:

1. Every time I see him slip the tongue, I can’t help but think “herpes! herpes!”
2. How does he keep wee willy winkie down while kissing all these chicks while wearing a soaking wet bathing suit?
3. If I tell Ellie (aka my fetus) every day that she’s so beautiful and wonderful and sexy and hot, will she grow up to be like Trish?

*I never watch this show, by the way.

Interactive comments!

Wednesday, May 12th, 2004

I saw on the news (okay, a commericial for the news) about some gang members who had a gang fight. That started on the internet. On IM, to be exact.

Could you imagine the convo?

Anybody up for the challenge of trying to recreate this conversation? I’ll start.

GANGBUSTR: Word to your motha.

GANG_BANGED27: Word, yo.

Bugs or ex-lax?

Wednesday, May 12th, 2004

An old “Fitness” magazine of mine had a headline that read “Diet tips from the thinnest people on Earth!”

My thought: Anorexics?
The hubs: Ethopians?

No, no. It was just Europeans who eat fish. I hate fish.

Uh huh..yeah…

Wednesday, May 12th, 2004

Today’s thoughts in no particular order:

1. How can you wake up 1 hour into a Unisom-induced sleep and be completely and totally awake?

2. I had a late-night snack for the first time ever last night. PBJ.

3. Why do all Bollywood movies have dancing in them?

4. Why is it when I decide that I want to make dinner, I have big plans of an extravagent meal, but by the time dinner comes around, all I made is a tunafish sandwich?

5. Stupid people really piss me off. I wish they’d just go the fuck away already.

6. How is Rosie O’Donnell everywhere again? She’s now into painting and from what I can see, you can get something very similar to her stuff from …

The waiting game

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

My life right now is one big waiting game. Seriously. That’s all I do. I’d like to give all my specifics, but of course, that would have me not having people who know me in real life reading my blog. And, well, that line has already been crossed.

So, internet friends, I keep my mouth shut. Or at least I keep my fingers from typing what I want them to say.

We’re in the middle of one big waiting process right now. I wait for unemployment to see if I’ll even get it. I wait for agents to send me rejection letters. I wait for this lady who was supposed to call me about a job but never did. I wait for …

I’m fuming.

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

I am so pissed right now. So freaking pissed. I am actually so freaking mad right now that I don’t know if I can write correctly.

I bet we’re not going to expect anybody to apologize for this.

This decapitation of an American in retaliation for the whole soldier abuse thing is ridiculous. Wow, a couple of women-beating, Saddam worshipping inbreds are forced to get naked and stuff. So they go AND DECAPITATE AN AMERICAN. On video. And then dump his body on a bridge.

You know what I’m going to say that I’ve been holding in? I don’t give a rats ass about those prisoners. Yes, it was stupid what the soldiers did. Really, it was. And I can’t believe people …

Low carb this

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

I REALLY hate this whole low-carb shiznit. Everywhere I read, or look or even breathe, there is something about how some new item is being low carbed.

Good grief, if you’re going to go on the diet, then eat the damn food that you’re supposed to and stop trying to de-carb everything else.

Coke is coming out with a low-carb option. There are no-dough pizzas. Low carb burgers.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Eat less, eat right and start working out. It’s pretty simple. I’m tired of seeing all this stupid shit being advertised in grocery stores, clogging up the isles. It’s expensive and I bet it tastes like crap, too.

Why don’t you go and eat something …

One headlight…

Monday, May 10th, 2004

I think they shoulda put something like this in Mean Girls. Which I did see, by the way, and I liked it.

(Note: Link contains boobies! Boobies!)

I’ll show you a message board!

Saturday, May 8th, 2004

The hubs has a new insult for me when he feels like getting my goose. “Hello, message board woman.”

He’s speaking of the dreaded pregnancy message boards over at ivillage.

Any time I ever make some irrational comment about my pregnancy or the fate or well-being of this baby, he pulls out that snarky little comment. I wish those words could turn into real letters (like the ones you see floating on Sesame Street) so I could go and shove them up his butt when he says that again.

Message board this, biatch.

You see, I have a lot of time on my hands now. So sometimes its fun to sit at home and say random off the wall comments about this child, …

The Great Job Search 2004

Friday, May 7th, 2004

Okay, so yesterday I was flipping through TV channels when I came across that dumb ali and jack living it up tv show. Stupid show. But anyway, they had a thing on people trying to find new careers.

And, you know, since I’m not exactly keen on going back to a newspaper, I think it’s time I find myself a new career.*

*By the way, last night I had a dream I saw a lady taking pictures of burritos and I wanted that job and she said no.

So, here’s what this lady on the talking box said for me to do:

1. Examine what you hate. Oh good grief. This will take all day. Okay. I hate sitting at a desk in a …

This is the show that never ends….

Friday, May 7th, 2004

Yeah, so I watched that TV show that ended last night. I just want to say thanks to NBC for calling it a 2-hour special but the first hour was just recaps I could see on any other freaking rerun every day. But thanks, because that meant I could watch Survivor.

The fun part of watching the show that ended last night was the fact that I could guess what was happening BEFORE it happened! Such as “The duck is about to crap in Chandler’s hand.” Then it did. “Rachel will show up at Ross’ door.” Then she did.

I think I impress the hubs with the ability to say what is about to happen on a lot of shows/movies like …

Adventures at the post office

Thursday, May 6th, 2004

I just got back from the post office.

Every time I go there, I find myself getting pissed off. Then I think “That’s it. I’m blogging about this to get it off my chest once and for all.” But, by the time I leave, I am about to go crazy and I just KNOW that my post would resemble this:

“Stupid ass cocknobblers who stand in line at the post office who don’t know shit and i want to kick with steel toed boots for messing up my afternoon and making me wait.”

And that’s just not very good reading material, is it? You see, the post office should run smoothly. People walk in. Hand the packages to the person behind the …

Wrong. On so many levels.

Thursday, May 6th, 2004

You know, it seems as if everyone hates the US until they get themselves into a heap of trouble.

If I remember correctly, everyone hates us for sticking our noses where they don’t belong, amongst many other things. I, for one, prefer it that we leave the rest of the world to their barbaric ways so maybe one day they’d appreciate us as the ass-kicking, Mickey Ds eating, beer drinking badasses that we are.

Okay, so the story. Six medical professionals (who happen to be from Bulgaria) decided to go infect hundreds of Libyan children with HIV. They got caught. Now they’re going to be killed. By firing squad.

Dude, so you go and infect children and then want US to come …

Travelling the world wide whatthehell?

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

Every time my husband and I go walking through the neighborhood, our conversation goes somewhat like this:

“Look at those horrible weeds!” “Those trees have nothing on ours. They’ve been here over a year. These trees are pathetic.” “I’ve never seen such a crappy yard. Who are these people they allow to buy houses?”

It’s sad to say but we have the nicest yard in the neighborhood. And, honestly, we didn’t try that hard.

There’s just something about entering the world of idiots and having to comment on them.

So tonight I went to this blog and she was writing about a whole new message board world out there. You see, being so full of baby, I forget that there are other types …

Daily happenings

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

Okay, I know that it looks like I’m watching ALL this TV. But, really, I hardly ever sit during the day and watch the TV. I keep it on for company. Not to mention, we don’t have cable so the quality of shows I get to choose from is slim pickens.

I get to play this fun game called “Agent Query Letter.” First I have a nice long list of literary agents. This is a list of notes I’ve compiled for months and months and months. Sometimes I’ve only written down the names, sometimes it is names and agencies.

So I have to look online. Here are two of the main places I check:
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com
http://http://www.anotherealm.com/prededitors/peala.htm

So I cross check and see if these people …

Thanks, Oprah!

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

What I learned from TV today:

When you go and are chained in a dungeon and are raped everyday…that changes who you are.

Spoiler

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

FYI, for people who watch The Bachelor (which I don’t.) They just said on The View that the latest castoff will be on tomorrow. Said it was a “secret.” Then I saw an ad saying “The Bachelor’s Trish” will be on tomorrow.

I think that’s the bitch girl or something. You’ve been warned.

She’s so fat! So fat! Everyone laugh!

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

Aww, how sweet. Gwyneth Paltrow is “packing on the pounds” during her pregnancy.

She’s eating (gasp!) grilled cheeses and french fries! Somebody! Call the police! How scandalous!

I don’t know HOW she does it. I mean, after she has the baby, I’m just so sure that it will be HORRIBLE for her to get the weight off. I mean, how will she do it?

I just want to thank her for feeling like “I’m something off the Discovery Channel.” You know what? I saw those pictures of her in Vogue and she didn’t exactly look like anything that is mating in the grass.

I’m not going to lie. I’m not huge. I do, of course, feel bad (okay just a little bad) about all …

Gather round the campfire, I gotta song to sing!

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004

Interesting lyrics overheard while returning from walking this afternoon*

“On 9/11 niggas got patriotic. On 9/12 they said fuck it where’s the chronic?”

That’s pretty close to the actual words. I might be one or two off.

* This was coming from a purple Honda with a dorky white guy with two earrings and Oakley sunglasses driving it. He’s getting in touch with um…his black side?

Blog E. Blog

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004

How do I learn to go and make my blog template different? Although I love mine (thanks Javamama!) I feel like trying something new.*

Anyone wanna help? Or at least point me in the right direction?

*Sad thing is, I could study the stupid crap for 5 days and the hubs can come along and in 2 minutes, have learned more than I ever could. Yeah for him.

Useless drivel from useless people

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004

Some people should not be allowed to procreate. I needed a laugh, so I headed on over to the “Pregnancy Boards.”

It turns out that even though these women have now been pregnant FOREVER, they are still incrediably stupid.

1. Lady doesn’t want to take medicine for diabetes because “she might go into early labor.” She doesn’t know it will make her do that. That’s just what she thinks. She’s all sick and crazy b/c she’s not taking the meds. Wants to know what other people think.

2. Idiot lady answers: “I guess bascically if the risk to your life and the baby’s is high without any meds, I would take it.” BASICALLY? GUESS? Okay….

3. Here’s one of those “anyone else” questions. I …

Sleepy sleepicus

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004

It’s so good to know that my two years into the working force hasn’t ruined my original sleeping habits. Up till two weeks ago, I would be tired by 10 or 11 at night and then wake up around 8. Yeah, I was tired, but I was in a pattern.

Forget that now. I sat in bed for 2 hours last night, typing and reading. I KNEW I didn’t want to sleep till noon again so I started waking up every damn 20 minutes starting at 930am. But I was so tired that all I could do was look at the clock and roll over.

It is like I’ve been transformed back to my college sleeping patterns. It seems absolutely impossible …

Really?

Monday, May 3rd, 2004

Good grief. The Drew Cary Show is still on?

Luckily for me, not for much longer. Looks like it’s being overshadowed by some more overhyped shows ends.

Perhaps another word?

Monday, May 3rd, 2004

Okay people. I think we need to have a discussion here. Seriously. I keep reading how “devoted” to my blog I am. So “devoted” that I got fired.

Huh? Wouldn’t that mean that I woulda had an option here? Like, someone says to me “SJ, take down the blog.” And I say “No” and then jump up on a table, pull out a sword, knock some shit around and then run out of the room and go blog about it?

And then they would come to me and give me one final chance and I’d say “No, because I’m devoted to this blog.”

Come on. Seriously. We all know it didn’t happen that way.

Yes, I like my blog. It’s okay. I like …


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