Archive for December, 2003

Make the talking voices shut up, already.

Wednesday, December 31st, 2003

You know what?? Why in the hell do we have to hear that a blast occurred in a baghdad restaurant? Even better, in an restaurant in an upscale baghdad neighborhood.

That’s an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one. Upscale Baghdad. damn, we’ve blown the place to bits. I’m sure there’s not much left to be “upscale,” even though I doubt anything was upscale before we got there. remember, they were under the ruling of that Idiot for all those years.

Yes, people keep on blowing up busses and damn restaurants over there. I’m sorry, but I just don’t care. I don’t live there. It’s not like this is a “special” occurance. It happens every damn day. Getting on a bus …

I. Need. This.

Wednesday, December 31st, 2003

Am I a bad person because I REALLY want this maternity jacket?

It’s only $38 and it would look GREAT during those still cool spring months, especially with a pair of boot cut jeans and a cute tshirt.

I need a pair of tweezers here

Wednesday, December 31st, 2003

Hillary laughs at just how small Willy’s willy really is.

I recently saw in an interview that Chelsea Clinton is happy that people say she looks like her mom because “my mom is really beautiful.” (I’m paraphrasing here.)

I’m going to have to disagree on this one.

Here’s one for the new year

Wednesday, December 31st, 2003

I’m not one for New Years Resolutions. But, I think I might make an exception this year and have some. So, here for your reading pleasure, are SJ’s resolutions for the Year 2004. What’s yours???

I will….

1. Give birth to a baby this summer.
2. Change more dirty diapers than I knew was humanly possible.
3. Continue making fun of everyone I come in contact with, and even those I don’t.
4. Try not to be AS HORRIBLE an employee as I am now.
5. Gain weight until it looks like I’m smuggling a very large basketball.
6. Get a YMCA membership. (I meant to do this in 2003. Man, I’m behind.)
7. Continue blogging on a daily basis and, most likely, continue offending people.
8. …

Year in review

Tuesday, December 30th, 2003

You may not know this, but I hate the media “Year in Review” crapola. Seriously. But, for some reason, I’ve been finding Some Bloggers year in reviews a lot better. So, my friends, here is mine for 2003. Hopefully I can get done with it all before my chicken fried chicken and mashed potatoes are ready to eat.

Jan. 2003- the hubs and I start talking about buying a place to live. Our original idea? A condo that cost about $60K.

Feb. 2003- after looking at exactly 2 houses, the hubs and I decide to become homeowners. The actual price we pay for a house? $135K.

March 2003- After writing stories on other blogs, I start my …

Yeah! My holiday wish granted!

Tuesday, December 30th, 2003

I’m so happy! It is now legal in Utah to show pictures of nude Barbies getting menaced by kitchen appliances.

Holding that social criticism was protected by the First Amendment, the court affirmed a 2001 federal court ruling for Forsythe, who had produced photos of nude Barbies in danger of being attacked by vintage household appliances.

Mattel had argued the photos infringed on their copyrights and trademarks. Forsythe had used Barbie dolls in absurd and often sexualized positions for his “Food Chain Barbie” photos.

The artist had argued that the photo series, which also included a photo of Barbie dolls wrapped in tortillas and covered in salsa in a casserole dish in a lit oven, was meant to critique …

Hey and hi.

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

I will be going out of town for a week tomorrow (on Monday.) I’m going to TRY to post, but you know, I’ll be in Beaumont, TX and the fun just might be too much. But, until then, those of you who know my personal site/blog know that there’s a new big ass belly entry on there.

Nobody will be getting this from me!

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

Looking for a quick last-minute stocking stuffer??

Will my vacation start now, please?

Friday, December 19th, 2003

You know what? I don�t think I can ever get over the stupidity of the people I work with. So yeah, we had Secret Santas this week. Actually, I guess they did, because I never heard anything about it. At all. Not one single word until people start going �Are you my secret Santa SJ?�

Fuck no. I wasn�t even invited to join in on the festivities.

So, I just deal and ignore these people and am happy to know I didn�t have to play along and spend money on someone I don�t like, anyway. I really think the whole idea is pretty stupid.
But today I guess they had �Secret Santa� lunch. Basically everyone in the newsroom went. But me. Didn�t get …

Spreading holiday cheer

Friday, December 19th, 2003

You know, I have “secret” ways of causing malintent in my office. Like, just now I turned in a little Christmas present to myself. My expense account. $168.13, please.

Also, when people come in to interview for jobs, i try to give them “Don’t do it!” looks. If people (interns) ask me (which some have, though I think the corner office dwellers try to keep people away from me) I’ll tell them the truth. “This place sucks. Go somewhere else if you can but if you must stay here, at least have fun with it.”

Cough, cough

Friday, December 19th, 2003

So, continuing on with my random nonsense, here’s a website that will tell you how much pollutants are in your area. Scary.

So, for your reading pleasure:
JEFFERSON COUNTY, TX (FIRST 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE, FAMILY STILL LIVES THERE)
1. In 2001, this county ranked among the dirtiest/worst 10% of all counties in the U.S. in terms of water releases of recognized reproductive toxicants
2. this county ranked among the dirtiest/worst 10% of all counties in the US in terms of noncancer hazards from hazardous air pollutants.
244,593 people in JEFFERSON County face a cancer risk more than 100 times the goal set by the Clean Air Act.

MONTGOMERY COUNTY, TX (NEXT 11 YEARS OF MY LIFE)
1. In 2001, this county ranked …

my artery clogging day of fun

Friday, December 19th, 2003

Good grief. Seems as if I’m the only person out in the blogosphere today. What’s up with that?

So, I’m going to tell myself about Sunday’s plans! Wake up late. Eat pancakes with tons of syrup. Go see Lord of the Rings (and have to pee about 10 times during the movie.) Go eat burritos at my favorite place. do something else. Eat pizza for dinner.

Sounds like a winner to me!

It was probably that darn Cat in the Hat

Friday, December 19th, 2003

Did you know that Dr. Seuss’ wife killed herself after his affair with a family friend, though all the biographies try to make it look like she died of cancer?

Ha! Mr. Weatherman!

Friday, December 19th, 2003

I guess I won’t be seeing a white Christmas in Beaumont, Texas– where the high (If I’m correct) on the big day will be in the 60s.

But, you can go here and see your chances.

However, that can be wrong. Last year, in Tulsa, OK, we had a White Christmas (my first!) and it supposondly only has a 0-25% chance.

Aren’t garden gnomes FRENCH???

Friday, December 19th, 2003

I did this once but it was with a stuffed moose.

Note: read the article. It’s really short and funny. That means you, hubs.

We kidnapped a stuffed moose and then took ransom pictures of it. Some included it hanging out at the mall on Santas lap and (my personal favorite) being hung (by the neck) from a tree in my front yard.

We also left photos. But we eventually gave the moose back.

My kid better not try this one on me

Friday, December 19th, 2003

Reason number 2,756,091 why I’m glad I don’t have cats.

“Several pet cats owned by a woman who suffered an apparent stroke bit her after possibly growing hungry while she lay incapacitated, an official said. She had also been bitten by fleas, the official said.”

How stupid can they be?

Thursday, December 18th, 2003

I’m watching MTV’s Rich Girls right now. I have NEVER ever seen such dumb people. Wait, the people who are all that dumb are ALL RICH. Shall we go over the idioticness I’m seeing?

(in Whole Foods)
“What kind of beans do you put in Mexican food?”
“I’m making nachos. what kind of cheese? What else goes in nachos?”
“I need someone to recommend me some rice.”

(at home, looking in full fridge in kitchen that’s bigger than my hold downstairs.)
“We have absolutely no food here. I need to be independent. I am going to make burritos. I dont know how to do that.”

(at home, crying on phone to dad while surrounded by oodles of toys and fun stuff from childhood)
“Do you understand how many …

Do they really think they’re cool?

Thursday, December 18th, 2003

People who won’t be getting laid any time soon:

Umm…good

Thursday, December 18th, 2003

Wait to get a seat at Outback: 20 minutes.
Time needed to travel there: 10 minutes.
Length we had to park away because it was so crowded: 3 parking lots
Total cost for my meal: $12.99
Finally getting to eat a salad, baked potato, 9 oz steak and many many pieces of bread: PRICELESS

For some people, there’s grocery store steaks. For my pregnant ass, you better bring me the good stuff.

Ahh! Only week 10! Now I’m 11!

Wednesday, December 17th, 2003

Woo hoo!

Wednesday, December 17th, 2003

Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!

I think I won’t reply on this one…

Wednesday, December 17th, 2003

Now, here’s an interesting work related question. A mutual work contact (does the movie screenings here) just emailed me and asked me about Book Hoarder. (a coworker i’m not fond of) and if she had her baby yet.

“She looked very uncomfortable when I last saw her (think it was at a TUSCAN SUN screening).”

Well, she’s not pregnant. She’s just overweight. And… If she looked uncomfortable, it was probably because of the big stick up her ass.

one more name entry

Wednesday, December 17th, 2003

The hubs wondered why I didn’t tell you people the other names. I said I didn’t feel like it. So… here it is.

Other girl name: Ellie
Only boy name we both like so far: Ewan (after Ewan McGregor, the actor)

These are a few of my favorite things

Tuesday, December 16th, 2003

Stolen from my friend CurlyGirl.

My favorite things!

1. Snuggling next to the hubs in the middle of the night.
2. Long, hot showers.
3. White chocolate mochas.
4. Pappasitos restaurant in Houston’s fajitas.
5. Pudding
6. Running in cold weather.
7. Colorful Christmas trees.
8. Decorating
9. A cheese pizza.
10. Stepping off an airplane and seeing someone you haven’t seen in awhile.
11. That feeling you get right before travelling.
12. Kissing the hubs.
13. Fall foilage.
14. Smiling babies.
15. Buying gifts for my hubby. (he’s involved with many of my favorites)
16. Reading a really good book.
17. Baking
1

creativity in a bottle

Tuesday, December 16th, 2003

As an early Christmas gift to you, I’ll let you see what I just wrote for my second book. Of course, please remember that all of this is copyrighted by moi and if you steal it, I’ll hunt your ass down.

I never meant to become a journalist. I always thought of myself as a teacher or a movie producer of a chef. Heck, I even thought of becoming a stripper in the eighth grade– a tasteful stripper that jumped out of cakes, not the kind that hung onto polls. Anything but a journalist.

So, how am I here? It got to that point in college where “they” had a gun to my head and made me pick a …

A rose by any other name still has thorns…

Tuesday, December 16th, 2003

I gotta tell you. I absolutely love discussing baby names. Love it. Love. It.

Since I honestly deep down at the bottom of my heart think that I’m having a girl, I’m concentrating on girl names for the fetus. I think we’ve narrowed it down to two names. One of them is sorta popular–which makes me worried to use it. The other isn’t popular at all, but is so adorable and cute you just can’t help but love it.

You see, our last name has 3 syllables. Basically, it is similar to the name Whitaker, but that’s not it. So we’ve gotta come up with a name that sounds good with the last name.

I’ll tell you the sorta …

darn it all to heck

Monday, December 15th, 2003

Damnit! I forgot to watch the damn Survivor Season Finale!!!

Anyone have a tape?

Twig and giggle berries

Monday, December 15th, 2003

Looks like someone’s having a ball!

Crazy nazi flu propaganda!

Friday, December 12th, 2003

Wow, we all know that the flu kills thousands of people each year. But this year, we’ve got to start the paranoia bandwagon early.

Flu kills 82 year old woman! How dare the flu take the life of CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY (as it always does?) Who cares that she had emphyzema and cancer? She died from the flu!!!

And, please, let’s keep on putting the stories out about “Flu patients clogging ERs!” Why don’t we just tell people to run to the ER if they get the sniffles? That’s what you’re saying!

Geesh. Personally, I will not jump on the propaganda bandwagon. This is all a bunch of crap. So what if it’s coming earlier and it’s a little …

ho ho ho

Friday, December 12th, 2003

Today I had to go to the mall and find people to talk to. I hate having to do this. I�m supposed to ask people about what they leave out for Christmas so I go to see the people standing in line for Santa. All people with babies. So, I start walking through the mall, looking for potential victims. I feel like a child molester.

You see, I�m not very intimidating looking, but still, I feel retarded doing this. I�m all like �Hey, please talk to me so I can hurry up and go home.� Seriously, I�ve used that excuse. If they say �no,� I explain how I�m going to have to be there all afternoon until someone will just tell …

Know we know how Rudolph’s nose got so red

Friday, December 12th, 2003

I guess they have Christmas earlier on the Sun.

Shoulda woulda coulda but not anymore

Friday, December 12th, 2003

You know what? I should have been an academic.

bookish

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Okay, I�m going to do it. Since my search for agents has gone into a slump, I�m going to start on my second book while I keep sending out letters. Okay, I need to actually MAIL some letters, but well, I�m pregnant and tired and feel like poo and just don�t want to.
You�ll never guess what the second book is about. It�s something that hits REALLY close to home.

Who are these people?

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

The company-wide memo fairy strikes again!

“Reading materials taken into the bathrooms should be removed upon departure. Signs have been placed in the bathrooms requesting cooperation on this matter. Too often stalls are littered with newspapers, magazines, etc and become a health risk, as are fixtures that are not flushed after use.”

Poetic justice

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

It seems to me that if you’re a former Miss Teen Texas whose platorm was urging youths to abstain from alcohol….it might not be wise to get arrested at 18 for public intoxication.

Anybody have an email virus to spread?

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Why I’m not a fan of PR people.
My message:
“please take me off the mailing list. i’m not sure how i got on in the first place and most of this can’t be used in our paper.”

The bitch’s reply?
“removed…i guess people in [state name] don’t wear flipflops?”

Um, no. Not in the middle of winter they don’t. And one damn email would be enough to tell me about them. But every freaking day? This chick is peddling like $500 makeup and crap, none of which I doubt the blue haired ladies who read our paper will actually use.

Working from home sounds good to me.

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

How to know that you don�t give a rats ass about your job:

You�re driving behind someone who you kind of recognize (how could you not? He has a mullet) by his nasty hairstyle and his driving sucks. So, even though you�re pretty sure it�s a co-worker, you zoom around him because he�s annoying you.

When you answer your phone, you sound like you�d rather be digging plots in a cemetery.

You�re happy when people are too busy to you because it means you don�t have to pretend to enjoy your job.

You want to go over to your loud talking co-worker and bang him on the head with his phone.

When someone makes a comment like �Oh I was told …

definately worth a look

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Were you raised by a pack of wild wolves?

No, actually, it was monkeys.

Wah wah wah

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Today’s another slow day. Nothing even on the internet to make fun of….yet

Insert “Sloop John B” song here

Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

You know what? I wanna move home. My husband could get a job in the private sector doing EXACTLY what he’s doing now (but probably making more) and I could go and be a teacher in a GREAT school district.

We could be closer to all of our families (1.5 hours from my Dad, 8 from his parents and well, we’d still have to fly to see my Mom). We’d be closer to friends. We’d live in a nice community with hardly any crime that keeps getting better and better and better. Because, now, with a kid, I want it to live in the kind of environment I grew up in. A good, safe enviornment with fun schools.

My “mean” …

Inky binky bonky, daddy had a donkey

Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

You Canadians. Crazy ass Canadians. Seems as if some people think nursery rhymes are bad.

“Instead, parents should give children the hard facts in “medically sound” ditties that offer quick relief for nursery rhyme characters who clearly suffer major head injuries.”

“Particularly egregious were the injuries presumably sustained by “Ten Little Monkeys,” who begin the rhyme jumping on a bed but by its end are nowhere to be found.

That leaves only one conclusion, according to the paper: Each monkey must have sustained a major head or spinal injury.

“This rhyme is yet another example of the need for strong legislation to protect members of our society who are at risk,” the authors said.

“After the first incident, the monkeys …

Damn, girl!

Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

Via Stereogum.

I think she looks like crap in both pictures. What’s up with trying to stuff your girls into that tiny little dress? I know they’re just fat boobs, but seriously, they look gross. Not to say she didn’t look gross before, because she did. The concentration camp look went out with the 90s. See how she covers her face with her hair and refuses to really smile? She’s going to lose all that weight, and more. Trust me.

Can’t the girl just eat one damn burger and be normal like the rest of us?

My little plea

Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

This is totally off topic, but I think this is very approperiate for the stories I’m working on right now. Remember Tommy the little boy I wrote about who died?

Well, I’m finishing up my article on him and am now starting relevent articles on cord blood transplants. I know that there are plenty of people out there who are pregnant and I’d like to let you know that you can donate your baby’s cord blood to save someone’s life. I’m always trying to get people to do this and they just don’t seem to care. This is really important. Please read the link and think about donating. I am!

Damn newsroom smells

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

Somebody get the girl some salt and vinegar chips, now!

homer simpson would be proud

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

Some kids are just so lucky.

“Today, in order to maintain his blood pressure at a constant level, the boy needs to take 10 pills to increase his pressure and eat several plates of toasted bread, pizza, burgers, fries, beans, mayonnaise, and tea with chocolate waffles. In order to increase the boy’s chance of successful treatment, he was also prescribed beer. In other words, he can eat whatever he wants and whenever without any limitations”

This 14-year-old is forced to eat a diet of junk food and beer in order to live. Um, all I ever got was meningitis and bronchitis. What�s up with that?

Who needs that when you have this?

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

So for all of yous who watched Average Joe on TV, the stupid blonde chick picked the “good looking” 27-year-old who still lived at home with his parents.

Well, you know what? Who needs a “model-type” person when you can have your very own beautiful best friend to sleep next to every night?

In your arms I can still feel the way you
want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms

And there ain’t no way –
I’m lettin’ you go now
And there ain’t no way –
and there ain’t not how
I’ll never see that day….

‘Cause I’m keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all …

Put him out of his misery, please.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

I really can�t stand my “boss,” fumblenuts.

He was gone yesterday and all of his morning phone calls have sounded like this:
�Hi Carl, this is fumblenuts. Sorry I was gone but I�m allowed to take a vacation every once in awhile.�

He then asks us about the stupid weekly meetings that we are supposed to have but never actually do. The two of us here say we weren�t at it. So he goes �So, did Boss Man go over the assignments that I had on my list?� No retard. We weren�t there. We don�t know WHAT went on. So Boss Man comes in and Fumblenuts says �Did you go over the assignments on my list?� and Boss Man explains that nobody …

Even the clergy gets dirty

Monday, December 8th, 2003

Yeah…an “accident.”

German vicar inadvertently supplied his parish with dozens of hard core porn films in an unsuccessful bid to teach people about the life of Christ.

You can read the rest here.

Yeah, sometimes people go to the porn store and accidentally buy porn when they meant to go and buy some Snoopy DVDs. Or they accidentally pick up “Hustler” when they thought it was Martha Stewart Living. Of course!

bah, humbug!

Monday, December 8th, 2003

You know I love my homestate Texas, but this wahoo is just a little too much.

The speaker of the Texas House of Representatives is under fire and having his Lone Star State pride questioned, all because he decorated the House floor with a giant made-in-China plastic Christmas tree.

The state’s tree growers are up in arms and crying ‘Bah Humbug’ over the 15-foot polyvinyl chloride tree that Speaker Tom Craddick, a Republican from the west Texas town of Midland, had installed on the House floor.

They have supplied the State House with free trees and are ready to bring in a Texas-grown tree to replace the plastic model.

“I think people can deduce for themselves about what it …

There’s one contest I’d not like to win

Monday, December 8th, 2003

Don’t say you never won anything…..

A Chinese woman has won the country’s Miss Ugly competition – earning herself thousands of pounds of plastic surgery.

Fifty facially-challenged women entered the contest, lured by the prize of $16,500 of surgery.

Zhang Di (search), 26, was judged to have the face that most needed the attentions of a surgeon, China’s Sunday Morning Post reported.

The manager of the plastic surgery center that will treat her has promised to make her a totally different girl within two weeks, the paper said.

The contest comes ahead of the Miss World (search) competition, which is being hosted by China.

The event will be held on Dec. 6 on Hainan Island.

2 for 1 deals?

Monday, December 8th, 2003

I’m very sad that I missed Paris Hilton on SNL this weekend. I had heard she was going to be on (well, we media sluts do know these types of things) but I forgot with all the fun of the hippy at our house.

FEY: Paris Hilton’s name has been on everyone’s lips these past few weeks. Here now in an exclusive interview with Jimmy Fallon is Paris Hilton.
FALLON: Thanks for coming on. As we agreed, we won’t be discussing the scandal that’s been in the papers these past couple weeks. We just want to find out about you, Paris Hilton. So, you’re family, the Hiltons, own hotels all over the world, right?
PARIS HILTON: …

My pics are up!

Sunday, December 7th, 2003

For those of yous who know what my “real” site is….I have part of my Blog Through Birth on there. Obviously, I can’t post it here, because it has “real” pics of me for my family back home to see, but I’ll try to post some on here for ya, too.

Basically, it’s the domain that you know, but at the end, add /blog

Guys don’t like funny girls

Sunday, December 7th, 2003

In case you haven’t noticed, I usually don’t post on weekends. Why? Because I spend my entire workday at a computer and just feel like I should TRY to have some sort of a life on the weekends. But, it’s 130am, and I’m watching the Justice League cartoon with my husband and his friend. And they’re really into it. Really really into it.

So I guess my life isn’t that exciting. Chris, the friend, invited a girl along with us tonight for our out to eat adventure. He hadn’t met her, saw her online at yahoo personals. She had to talk to me on the phone so I’d convince her that he wouldn’t try to touch her boobies.

Turns out …

Never really liked the kid…

Friday, December 5th, 2003

How the hell is he 18 years old? He “puppy” looks like he’s about 10.

They’ve asked for it

Friday, December 5th, 2003

I’m just in a bad mood today. I know some of it is because I’m not taking my “happy/crazy pills” anymore, but I don’t care. So, my friends, here comes one hell of a rant. Enjoy!

** Did my doctor really just expect me to take these crazy pills for the REST OF MY LIFE?? i MEAN, I have prescription insurance and I was paying $30/month for them. I think that’s a little high.

** People on message boards still annoy me. Now in my Super Pissed Off state, I’m finally just talking crap back. I’ll probably get banned. Posts I have written: “Is there a reason why people don’t write the word boobs? Obviously we’re all adults who’ve had sex, …

And the stupid shall inherit the Earth

Friday, December 5th, 2003

Why are stupid people allowed to reproduce??????

This woman got 3 months house arrest after– get this– breast feeding her child while driving 65 miles per hour in her car.

But even more stupid is her claim to innocence:

“Donkers said her husband ordered her by cell phone to breast-feed their 7-month-old daughter to save time while she drove on the turnpike May 8. Police stopped Donkers after a trucker who saw her holding the baby on her lap called 911.
Donkers testified she did nothing wrong because the couple’s religious beliefs require her to follow her husband’s directives. They belong to the First Christian Fellowship for Eternal Sovereignty, which has a history of challenging the government.”

screw that. no man is …

Hilarity ensues once again

Friday, December 5th, 2003

There are some people who I belive would like this. Though I find it funny, I do not find it true. My Nazi friends (Leslie– you know that’s what democrats are) will love this.

Go to Google and type in “Miserable Failure.” hit the I"m feeling lucky search button.

maybe it wasn’t a good idea to stop taking my “happy pills”

Friday, December 5th, 2003

So yesterday, I had to walk around with my pants unbuttoned all day long. they kind of sit high anyway and well, they just were too uncomfortable. (Mind you, I’m only 9 weeks.)

So we broke down and bought maternity pants so I can be comfortable. Ahh, how nice! So roomy! We also bought a maternity bra. At the store, it seemed fine. I was like “I can do this.” But then I put it on this morning and I feel like I’ve been put into a breast tortue chamber. This thing rubs my sides. The wire is annoying. It’s just Too Much of a Bra.

See, my older one (that I love) is more of a “shelf bra.” I bought …

What you really wanna see

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

This is where all the action happens.

Life’s a beach for Nunzilla.

No SJ! Don’t bang your head, SJ!

gives a whole new meaning to the term stocking stuffer

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Do your kids wear jelly braclets? Um, then you might want to read this. Worry if Junior has a whole bunch of silver ones….

Ha ha ha

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Here is Amazon’s recommendation list for those who like Michael Jackson and his new album.

1. The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things
2. Thank Heaven for Little Boys - 6 Piece Gift Set
3. Identifying Child Molesters: Preventing Child Sexual Abuse by Recognizing the Patterns of the Offenders
4. Coping With Prison: A Guide to Practitioners on the Realities of Imprisonment
5.Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders: Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children
6. Waste of Space
7. Peter Pan: Adventures in Neverland
8. The Evil That Men Do: FBI Profiler Roy Hazelwood’s Journey into the Minds of Sexual Predators
9. Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy: Revenge …

my decision

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Oh, I meant to tell everyone that I came to a decision last night about my job. I�m sticking it out until July for the insurance. Then, from there, I will leave. Its hard to stay here, to come and sit in an office that smells like poo (why does it smell like poo right now?) every day and not shoot someone.

And please don�t tell me about my attitude, because I don�t want to hear it. For someone who has been completely shit on by a job that she gave up a lot for, for someone who found out she is unexpectedly pregnant and feels down because she cant even get a damn agent for her book, well, I think …

My 300th entry!

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Do I see famous nipple???

(Image deleted due to weird spambots.)

Teaching rules!

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Yet another reason why teaching is for me. Turns out I could put an ad up on EBAY, identifying myself as a first-grade teacher who likes to make kids cry and offer myself up as a boy toy, prostitute or imaginary pen pal. I could even send you my used undies– for a price.

“I don’t think that this represents who I am in the classroom,” the idiot said. “You ask my principal and my other teachers and they will tell you that I am a complete professional in the classroom.”

“…put a letter of reprimand in Wu’s file and sent a letter home to parents, explaining what happened. “

Damn! that’s it?!?! I do one thing wrong and wear an …

Texan by birth, Aggie by the grace of God.

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Another reason why I thank God I’m a Texas Aggie.

“Citing his belief that individuals should be judged only by their merit, Texas A&M University President Robert Gates bucked the nation’s higher education establishment Wednesday by announcing the school would not use race as a factor in admissions or scholarships.”

Ify Ukpong, a black junior from Tyler, said she was disappointed.

“In a perfect world, race should not be a factor,” she said while waiting in line to see a movie on campus. “But this is not a perfect world. Even if black students get in on their merits, people will think they got in because of race. I think it’s kind of sad.”

Then why let you in on …

I understand now.

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Yet another reason why California is a stupid hippy state: (No offense to normal Californians)

They ban glowing pet fish.

“For me it’s a question of values; it’s not a question of science,'’ said Sam Schuchat, a member of the state Fish and Game Commission. “I think selling genetically modified fish as pets is wrong.'’

Conservation groups and commercial fishers cited concerns that the fish could escape or be released into waterways and cross-breed with other fish. The ban stems from the fear that transgenic farmed fish, such as salmon, could get loose and devastate wild fish populations. “

Yeah, I hate those fish that JUMP OUT OF THEIR TANKS, GET IN A CAR, DRIVE TO A RIVER AND DIVE ON …

school daze

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

This morning, I got to go to career day at a local middle school and tell them about journalism. I had a blast.

You know that kid who keeps muttering under his breath and when you ask him what he�s talking about he says �Nothing.�
I say to this kid��What�s your name.�
�William.�
�Will?�
�No. William.�
�Okay, Slick Willie.� And then I kept talking about him. I had a lot of fun. Well, with the first group I did. The second, only 7 kids were in there and they didn�t understand the concept of conversation.

Knowing me, I got off subject about a thousand times, but it was fun. And, I didn�t end up getting to work until Noon. Yeah!

(Insert deliverance theme here)

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Only 16 miles from my house is the country. How exciting.

Colder than a witches titty

Thursday, December 4th, 2003

The morning ice/sleet/rain that greeted my truck this morning.

Foooddd

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

It is very, very important for us to keep a nice, tidy fridge. Can’tcha tell?

The beginning of my blog day

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

Going for a walk….

Everyone’s doing it!

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

I�m going to do something cool very, very soon. I am going to bring the digital camera around for a day and make a �Day in the life of� entry. You should do it too!

Everything will be there: My desk, what�s actually on my computer screen, my cool ass painted living room— even the inside of my truck! Be there, or be a dork.

advice is needed.

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

�It might be a quarter life crisis. Or just the stirring in my soul.�

I still haven�t figured out what to do about my job. Literally, the thought haunts me every morning as I get ready for work. What am I going to do? Some mornings, like this one, I wake up and say, �I�ll stick it out until the baby is born. That way I can keep my kick ass insurance and save up some money. After the kiddie is here, I�ll quit.� And then, once I get here and sit down at my desk, that horrible sinking feeling comes over me, that feeling I get every night when I realize where I have to go in the morning. I�m …

Are those pubes on your head?

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

Note to Linda Tripp: Get a new hairdresser. Is this the New Jersey old Jewish woman look going on? (No offense to old NJ Jews, because, well, that’s just a bad haircut.)

Wowing the lady voters

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

I stole this pic from Allison. Thanks for the fun!

Funny that his name is DICK Gebhardt, isn’t it?

Good times, good times, yeah!

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

You know the people on the other side?? those people who seem to go through life without any sanity or thoughts of others?

Well, in honor of the CONSTRUCTION WORKERS who block my street THEN my driveway with their damn vehicles, I’m tempted to go to the other side just for a day.

Lets pee on the toilet seat and not wipe it up! Let’s take a huge dump in a public restroom and not flush! Let’s double park in the “good spots” at a crowded grocery store on an icy day. Let’s block other people’s driveways with our cars and leave dogs out to howl at night.

Whatdaya say? Seems like fun to me!

The Sarcastic Fetus

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

My little fetus is such a joiner. It’s over at Buzz’s today, being a guest blogger. Now I’m assuming it’s probably going to want it’s own damn blog, too. Geesh.

hungree

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

I want pizza. And a sandwich. Now. Anyone willing to bring one to me?

Not many friends, eh?

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

And now, my friends, a lesson in why it’s important to choose a method of of suicide that has a high success rate.

**idea!**

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

I wonder if I can do this to people at my work…..hmm…..

Will she go away?!?!?!?

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

Uh, maybe they should change the name of the ship from Miracle to Threesome.

I do not like Jessica Lynch.

Insert witty remark here

Monday, December 1st, 2003

Hey everyone! We did, indeed, brave the crowds this weekend and I�m proud to say that we actually have almost ALL of our Christmas shopping done. I do wonder, however, why it seems to take an act of God to get these salespeople to print out more than one gift receipt. I mean, are we the first people EVER to go and buy two gifts for two different people at the same time? Has that never happened before? You would think so by the way these people look at you when you say �I need two gift receipts, please.� It�s like I have horns growing out of my head. (By the way, they�re not horns it�s just my hair sticking …


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