Archive for November, 2003

Before and After

Sunday, November 30th, 2003

Well, I’m halfway through week 8. And yes, my belly is starting to get bigger. But, really, I’m just starting to look fat.

Week 4

Week 8

Note the paint colors. I told you I like to decorate. :)

Nightmares for a week!

Friday, November 28th, 2003

Want a good BS laugh but don’t know where to find it? Go here and look at the picture on the left of the body and the eye. Isn’t it freaky???

I want a recount!

Friday, November 28th, 2003

No way. This article about the newest “Bachelor” and his chick have already broken up. I mean, that’s not possible! Their issue of US magazine is still IN the racks as we speak. Everyone knows that all people who meet on a tv show that finds the lowest of the low bottom grubbers who make out with tons of people and all look very “pretty” and stuff find true love!

**Scratches head**

Friday, November 28th, 2003

I just don’t get it.

I know that some of you do this and please, don’t take offense, but I just don’t get waking up at the butt crack of dawn on the day after Thanksgiving to shop. I mean, if you want to battle crowds at the mall later on in the day, great. But why wake up so early just so you can buy the first DVD player you see at Target or the first Barbie at Toys R US?????

Think they’re registered at Target?

Friday, November 28th, 2003

Sorry all you golf groupies. Mr. Woods is gettin’ hitched!


Friday, November 28th, 2003

Happy day after Thanksgiving, people. I bet a lot of yous are at home, enjoying the leftover turkey and are busy finishing off the cherry pie. I�m at work. Again. And I think I�m going to throw up.
I�ll tell you, the thought of having to come in today was a real downer to my turkey day. I have NOTHING TO DO. Seriously, I�m going to fill out a teaching application eventually.

Thanksgiving was good. We had plenty of food (2 turkeys for 5 people) and somehow ended up with 3 pumpkin pies (I HATE pumpkin pie) 1 cherry pie, one pudding pie, 1 pecan pie� oh the food was great. I can�t wait to go home and …

Turkey is approaching

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

What a difference a year makes. One year ago tomorrow, the hubby and I sat alone in our 1-bedroom apartment, eating chinese food from the only place open in town. We didn�t know anyone, were homesick and plain out bored. One year later, plus 1 colonoscopy, 1 surgery and 1 CT scan later, a pregnant SJ and her hubby will celebrate thanksgiving with friends in their own 3-bedroom house. They will have turkey and all the trimmings. They will remember the year before and what that felt like and be truly thankful.

Who are these people I work with?

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

I just had a nice convo with our new intern here. She told me she talked to our young resident overachiever, who I shall call Muddy Waters, and this is what MW says.
1. I will not date nor make friends until I work at the NY Times and am rich and famous.
2. Who is your favorite journalist?

My reply: 1. Uh, loser. I�m a lot happier with a hubby and a baby on the way. 2. Uh, the one who makes the most money? Or the one who quit?

My rant for da day

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

Okie dokie. Here�s my �Pregnant women are stupid� vent. (Sorry to all you preggers out there, hopefully you�re not one of them.)

Stupid woman at doctor�s office this morning (on phone to husband): The packet says I can drink a coke! (hangs up phone.) Yes!
Later on, to nurse. �Is it safe to eat at Subway? How many months is 36 weeks?�
Stupid women on message board:
1. Can I eat turkey?
2. My cat is jumping on my stomach! Will it hurt the baby?
3. Is it okay to tell my mom before my mother in law?
4. Oh no! I took pepto bismol!

Also, everyone is soooo afraid of hurting anyone�s feelings. TMI= too much information. �Sorry if this is TMI.� Well biznitch, you got …

It’s really really real

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

just got back from the first doctors appt….i’ll go into more detail later on. but….

Good news! We saw one heart beat and I’m 8 weeks today. They say my new due date (which i know doesnt really mean crap) is July 7. We have pics from the ultrasound, which i will put up later.

Hello, Sarcastic Baby!!

Glimpse into future

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

what my hubby thinks our baby will look like:

PS– doctors appt in the morning!

People can be so stupid!

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

How to annoy me in no time flat:


I live in England. I have been a great fan of the rock group GROUPIE
since I first saw them live back in 1969. As well as collecting records and
videos, I also keep newscuttings of previews, interviews and reviews from
around the world. In recent years the internet has proved very helpful in my
search for such articles, and that was how I found on your website your
preview of MUSICIAN “Rubbing Elbows” show at the PLACE,
including a typically entertaining interview with MUSICIAN himself, under the
headings “BLANK wants spontenaity; no tape measures please".

Although I have printed the text of the interview from the website, I would
much prefer to …

Never fun. Always sad.

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

Hi everyone. I’m here. I don’t know, guess I don’t have much to say right now.

I just found out that a little boy I’ve been following for a story died this morning, so I’m a little sad. On top of that, I’m a little pukey. So, that’s about all. I’ll probably post more later.

Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

Friday, November 21st, 2003

Oh no! They’ve made an inner-office memo, just because of little old me….

“Just a quick dress code reminder for the winter months: I know the office is cold some days, particularly during the winter. If you are cold in the office (like me), please bring a cardigan or pullover sweater. Sweat jackets and sweat shirts are not appropriate during business hours. Thanks for everyone’s help on complying with this.”

Um, so yeah. Why exactly did I get a write up instead of a cute little memo??? Oh right. BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL ASSHOLES.

Anyone need a babysitter?

Friday, November 21st, 2003

It’s a sick world, afterall…..

Turns out everyone’s favorite idiot, Michael Jackson, has a secret children’s room in his house.


“The 45-year-old’s covert cubbyhole is a twisted version of a child’s bedroom.

A bed is adorned with pillow cases imprinted with Peter Pan’s face and the word Neverland. Sitting on the bed is a red-headed, bug-eyed stuffed doll, and on a nightstand next to the bed is a Mickey Mouse telephone.

Also next to the bed is a square console that appears to be either a radio or some sort of control terminal.

On the walls are framed pictures of smiling diapered babies, which the TV show said were not Jackson’s children.”

The neverending stooorrrryyy

Friday, November 21st, 2003

It seems pretty obvious that there can’t be a Neverending Story. Especially when the lead actor (okay, in 1991) commits suicide.

Might as well have fun while I can…

Thursday, November 20th, 2003

Honest to God quote from today�s interview: (about vegetarians at turkey day.)

HER: �I think the key is when you�re hosting [a mixed Thanksgiving] is to not call a lot of attention to the person being different and focus on what brings you all together for the holiday,� she said.
ME: �So the �You�re a vegetarian hat� is probably out of the question. Everybody look at the freak!�

dead serious here.

Thursday, November 20th, 2003

Okaaay PETA, this is a little harsh:

Light those hannukah candles, kids.

Thursday, November 20th, 2003

I’m not Catholic, but I’m starting to feel like I’m celebrating (observing) Lent.

“What,” you say. “This obvious non-Catholic is talking about Lent.” Okay, maybe pregnancy is like Lent. I�m denying myself of things (okay, basically any food) in order to PURGE myself of my sins. You know what? There was a point to this blog but I�ve already lost it. Oh well, back to the generic Ginger Ale and crackers.

Pull out your party hats, I’m 24 today.

Thursday, November 20th, 2003

Duh na na na na na na na Today is my Birthday. Happy birthday to me! I�m back at work after a nice night of envisioning saying or doing mean things to those I work with. Of course, I won�t, but it is still fun to think it. I also celebrated this morning by coming to work and throwing up. Actually I threw up here 4 times this morning. It�s a record. Plus the 3 or 4 times at home. So basically, I feel like crap.

But, anyway. I didn�t exactly have a good night last night. Sometimes its very hard for me to take my own advice, though what everyone else tells me is probably right as well. The more …

It’s starting…

Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

Friends, romans, blogreaders, lend me your ears. I have come to bury my work, not to praise it. This morning seemed decent enough. Besides getting completely soaked in the rain and throwing up all I ate for breakfast, I had a mocha peppermint frapp in hand and a good outlook for the day. I even had a fun list in my head to put up on my blog.

All that changed within 2 minutes of getting to work. I was called into a conference room for what I was hoping was a brainstorming session. I brought my frapp and a pen and paper. My boss had a very formal piece of paper that he kept looking at. It didn�t take long …

I rule.

Tuesday, November 18th, 2003

SJ meets President Carter in person. (Hopefully, a picture will be coming soon.) Transcript of our quick convo that was on my tape recorder. (Note: This is during a press conference, where I was just one face in the media crowd.)

ME: “Mr. President, you told me last week that you would–”

HIM: (Interrupting) “Hello! Good to see you! You promised you would come meet me!” (Walks over and shakes my hand.) “I’m delighted to see you personally.”

ME: “You told me last week that you would consider writing another fiction book on how well this book did….” blah blah.

Then, might I add, I got him to break rank, come over to me and take my book and personally sign it:

“To SJ, …

Loser alert…paging Mr. Loser

Tuesday, November 18th, 2003

Good Lord. Someone has a really high opinion of himself.

Yeah, Wil wheaton, I’m talking TO YOU. $250 for a crappy autographed book that you wrote? I didn’t even see a “this is going to charity” sign on there. Come on! You’re TV’s Wil Wheaton! You were in Stand By Me! ….and you’re telling me you’re going to keep the whatever amount (Because there are 6 days left and you just KNOW some idiot is going to pay an insane amount.) and pocket it so you can write more crappy books about yourself?

Wacko Jacko alert

Tuesday, November 18th, 2003

You know he’s bad really, really bad.

Hmm…..these lyrics are so cryptic:

Your butt is mine
Gonna tell you right
Just show your face
In broad daylight
I’m telling you
On how I feel
Gonna hurt your mind

I’m giving you
On count of three
To show your stuff
Or let it be
I’m telling you
Just watch your mouth

You’re invited to my pity party

Tuesday, November 18th, 2003

How to have a really crappy 3 months:

Get knocked up. Wake up every morning feeling overly nausious. On the mornings (by an act of God) you don’t feel like puking your brains out, be too tired to do any form of celebrating. Start to hate breakfast because you can’t fathom eating anything this early in the morning. Start to hate all foods (including home-brewed coffee) because they make you want to puke. Go to work. Hold back puking feelings for 8 hours because you don’t do that type of thing in a public toilet. Give in and go get the peppermint mocha from starbucks for $3.50 or whatever because its the only thing that makes you feel better for a …

wishing and hoping and thinking and praying

Monday, November 17th, 2003

My Christmas (or burfday– THIS THURSDAY!) wish list:

1. To stop feeling sick.
2. For food to sound good again.
3. To be allowed to do lateral-entry teaching to 5th grade (they only let you do 6th and up here.)
4. To get an agent who loves my book.
5. Did I mention wishing food sounded good again??
6. To give a rats ass about my job (doubt that’s going to happen.)

What’s yours???

Captions, anyone?

Monday, November 17th, 2003

Public Service Announcement

Monday, November 17th, 2003

fYI: We here at the Javamama Corp. had some problems with our site this weekend. That’s why both of us have lost about 1 weeks worth of posts.

You didn’t get to read it, you say? Well TOUGH. You should be checking this damn site every 10 seconds.

Oops I did it again.

Monday, November 17th, 2003

It looks like a certain someone has finally found my blog.

The pregnant chick is delirious

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

FYI– I’m at work. Haven’t done jack shiznit. I’m on hour 11 right now.

So, I’ve been sending off queries tonight to agents. But, that’s not the important thing. It seems as if Madonna is trying to convert Missy Elliott to join the red braclet Nazi types who like the Kaballah.

Who isn’t she trying to convert these days? HELLOOOOO. So, your life doesn’t have any meaning. Don’t go and try to throw a good ol’ baptist girls life off. I think Missy is doing just fine, thank you.

dork alert (warning: it’s me!)

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

I am in the mood to be dorky. I just HAVE to share with you this recipe we found and have eaten two nights in a row!

If you ever eat at Chilis, its their southwestern eggrolls. Okay, well don’t make it into an eggroll (because that frying crap just doesnt work) but instead, get some small baked potatoes and turn it into a southwestern baked potato. just put the crap on it and then put some of the dip on top and mix it.

Okay, seriously. I will try not to be this dorky again, but damn, this is good shiznit! It feeds about 2 people perefectly, so make it for you and the spouse and let the kids fend for …

Did someone pay for this survey?

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

It turns out that a whole bunch of blogs never get updated.

Yeah, well they forgot to put in the story that the stupid blogs that get all the so-called attention are just stupid, arrogant assholes that probably jerk it in the mirror saying “oh, i’m so wonderful.” (sounds like it to me that these people could also be literary agents.)

I say that we say “Screw this!” Sarcasitc Journalist for president! I should make it this blog’s personal mission to make it in the NY Times. Just for shits and giggles.

So, NY Times people….write about this site. It’s time the little people are loved!

1 rejection out of 10000

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

My first rejection.

Yup, it still hurts. Why say you’re looking for new clients when your form email rejection letter says “I’m swamped?” That hurts. Such a form letter, too. Wanna read it?

“Thanks for your query and for sending along the opening pages of “A Charmed Life". Unfortunately, I�m afraid I�d better pass. Truth be told, I�m strapped for time these days, and I�ve got to be highly selective in what I take on. Sorry to say, these pages just didn’t draw me in. Thanks for contacting me, though. I�m sorry I won�t be pursuing the manuscript further, but I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.”

You know what? Your form rejection letter didn’t …


Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

What’s worse than being surrounded by 150 cats???

Being surrounded by 150 cats who constantly have cat sex.

work is for bastards

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

I. Hate. Work.

Nope, don’t even want to be here. Why? Because, besides working my normal 8 hours today, I’m working 4 more tonight so I can be off Friday afternoon when my parents come.

I’m now in the state where I get tired just sitting. Working for 12 hours isn’t going to do it for me. I just HATE WORK.

Let’s hold a bake sale!

Monday, November 3rd, 2003

We should hold a fundraiser.

It turns out that some rich famous celebrity type people have homes destroyed (okay, affected) by those California fires.

But, its really okay because its only ONE of their many homes, so its not like that matters. I mean, gee, they care. Hello, Heather Locklear’s vacation home was like, totally messed up. But, they cared SOO MUCH that they went to a lakers game, but said “how bad they feel” for the homeless people who have nothing now. I mean, gee, she probably lost like one billionth of her assetts in that house. They probably kept the old bentley there, or maybe the old JAG. And her favorite $5000 purse was probably there, too.

She …

dum da dum dum

Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Okie dokie. I decided it’s about time that I send my query letters to agents to get my book published.

For those of you who don’t obsess over these literary things, a query letter is basically a letter to an agent (who sells your book) that “I’m a really good writer and i’m funny and have a good story that’s interesting that you should read and sell for me” without ACTUALLY SAYING ANY OF THAT.

Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. I’ve been re-writing the letters, going to writing message boards and submitting it to have the masses tell me it sucks or is too wordy or “Huh, this sounds like it’s a wonderful life!”

I think tonight I might even …

Aww, how cute.

Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Aww, shucks. It’s a match made in hillbilly heaven.

Jessica Lynch is engaged and is going to get married. So, where did she meet the groom?????

Taco bell.

I wonder if they’ll be having the baja chicken gorditas catered in or if the wedding dinner will be held in the drive-thru.

the monday update

Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Who knew growing a bunch of cells in your belly could be so TIRING?

Unfortunately, I’ve found out how much it is. The weekend here was good. We hid from trick or treaters on Friday (none even rung our bell)– okay, before you lecture me, let me explain: All the kids in our neighborhood are babies. The only trick or treaters coming would be from the ghetto projects in the next neighborhood, the same kids who don’t go to school and who I can hear yelling at all times of the day. I dont like handing out the candy and didnt feel like having my tires slashed. Or my house egged. So I hid. And it worked.

But, anyway. I’m trying to …

My Flickr photos.