Archive for September, 2003

EWWWW

Tuesday, September 30th, 2003

What’s grosser than gross?

When my husband finds blue mold covering the bottom piece of his sandwich bread.

What’s grosser than that?
When he finds it after eating half the sandwich.

Insert head into door and bang

Tuesday, September 30th, 2003

Howdy, all! I’m sooo bored right now, so that means that I’M AT WORK!! WOO HOO!

But before I get to my random babbling let me just say this:
1. I interview Jimmy Carter on November 5
2. I get to see “Kill Bill” on Thursday.
3. I’m going to go eat caramel apples this afternoon.

So anyway, yesterday fumblenuts gave me a story assignment but the one contact person isn’t answering his phone. So, that means I have nothing to do. So, I end up playing on the internet, but I sit in a very walked past spot so I have to have other thingies up on my puter so nobody catches on that I’m doing jack squat.

So, here’s what I do when I’m …

EEK!

Monday, September 29th, 2003

I’m sitting at my desk, staring at the computer. I hear a voice near me that’s talking. Oh. No. It’s Fumbly Boss.

He is just so plain annoying! For him to say even ONE SENTENCE worth of stuff, it will take 10 minutes. Why does he just walk up to you and start talking? I mean, hello– shouldn’t we make eye contact or couldn’t he say my name?!?!?!?!?!?

Last week, he was absent one day (he’s diabetic, it turns out.) He comes to work and says “Sorry I wasn’t here. This time yesterday I was throwing up and it wasn’t pretty.”

Do we really need to know that? How can someone so socially inept become editor??

don’t Save Karyn.

Monday, September 29th, 2003

When I was a kid, I vividly remember going with my Mom to the bank only to find out she had about $3.00 in there. I remember her getting upset, yelling and aruguing about what had happened to the money.

I then remember her telling me she had to pay off $25,000 in credit card debt and that we’d have to live meagerly for awhile. You know, Wal-Mart cookies that are supposed to be Oreos– the whole deal. For a 13-year-old in a rich town with rich friends who never had problemos, well, it just didn’t seem fair.

This lasted until high school, when my Mom threatened to have to sell my Oldsmobile every month (it had been a drivers Ed car …

showoff

Monday, September 29th, 2003

Geesh, in my day, we just brought a joint to school. Now kids these days have to make bongs for show and tell.

full in the middle but she got much back

Friday, September 26th, 2003

Okie dokie, people. First off, happy Friday. Today was a good day coming to work because 1. It’s FRIDAY! 2. I have COFFEE! 3. I heard “Baby Got Back” on the radio and jammed all the way here in my truck.

Sooo…I wrote a novel. You probably know that. I now have a “critique buddy” (met through a message board) who I sent the first 3 chapters to. She likes them. Is very interested says she just wants MORE! which I guess is a good thing.

So a lot of my novel deals with depression and stuff like that. Now, you people know I’m chock full of chemicals (lexapro, if you must know) but its mostly for stress and the likewise …

Buzzzzzzz

Friday, September 26th, 2003

Ok, as you people know, I’m not much of a celebrity worshiper. In fact, I usually bash them. But, that being said….

…I do believe they deserve SOME SORT of privacy. Can’t a girl like Gwyneth Paltrow even go out and buy a vibrator without it making the news??? Geesh. How embarassing.

its getting hot in here, so take off your fur coat

Friday, September 26th, 2003

Now, I dont wear fur (I think it screams “I’m old with too much money and no fashion sense!") but I hate PETA. Therefore, I’m all about people wearing fur.

Seems as if that terrorist-we’re-better-than-you organization PETA will be heading to NYC soon to terrorize people who have waaaay too much time and money on their hands.

They’ll be holding up skinned foxes at people who wear fur screaming “Here’s the rest of your coat!” Is it me, or is that like someone standing outside an abortion clinic yelling “Dead babies!” while holding up one?

My personal favorite:

“Lange said members also will be outside stores, handing out cards to adult fur wearers that read “You Look Pretty” on …

she must have had swollen ankles!

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

More news from other retarded countries.

So the Nigerian woman won’t be stoned to death, and that’s good. The act of stoning– burying her up to her neck in sand and then stoning her…is horrible.

So anyway, here’s the retarded part:

“But lead defense lawyer Aliyu Musa Yawuri said that under some interpretations of Shariah, babies can remain in gestation in a mother’s womb for five years, opening the possibility her ex-husband could have fathered the child.”

Um, yeah. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay….

casting couch..er..I mean call

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

Would you want to look like a Stepford wife?

You know, the movie? Well, they’re auditioning for them in Connecticut right now. Seems as if people aren’t really having to play make believe to be a Stepford wife. All these 28-year-old mothers of two who are married to pediatricians and lawyers (and are skinny as hell) and drive beamers have no problem. They just have to go about their daily lives.

And then it hits me. There’s no way in hell I could ever become an extra in that movie. I mean, I’m kinda short (5′5) and though I’m normal in body weight, I dont exactly weigh 110 pounds. I dont have long, thick hair…okay, enough. This is depressing me. …

cookie mawnster

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

Man, if I were black, I would have loaded up on the cheap cookies. 25 cents a cookie! That’s a damn good deal!

Stupid girl alert

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

I saw the Bachelor on TV last nigt— totally by accident, let me remind you.

I’m sorry, but this show is just so weird. Degrading, for one. I dont care HOW SUCCESSFUL or WONDERFUL these girls think they are, but they’re not. you’ve degraded yourself to the point of going on a TV show to catfight over some guy who IS UGLY??? geesh.

It’s girls like this one that really get my goose.
” I am at a great place in my life and I am ready to share it with someone special. That someone is Bob.”

How the hell do you know its Bob? You’ve never met him! He could be really charming on TV (hello, editing) and in …

hissssssss

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Is that a snake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I hear little bells…

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Ding…ding….

What’s that sound? Oh no! It’s the crap meter saying “Here’s another reason not to workout!”

Seems as if some women don’t like exercising in front of mirrors.

I’m such a narcissist (spelling, anyone?) I get a real kick outa watching myself lift weights/work out, etc. The trick is NOT TO WEAR TOO TIGHT CLOTHES, YOU FAT ASS. Hee hee.

Seriously. I wear my shorts and my running shirt. Pin my hair back. Reminds me I’m not fat and that I look (for the most part,) GOOD.

Get in my belly!

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

I don’t know about you, but I’m partial to the east River Sewage Soda Snapple.

No thank you, I’ll pass

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003

Again, another reason I’m happy I’m no longer Catholic.

Seems as if the Vatican makes sure that NO ONE has fun during church.
-no clapping
–no singing
–no alter girls
–no poetry
–no self service communion
–no wine, just wafer

I mean, come on. Catholic churches are as boring as they can get. That’s why I like being Baptist. Singing, whatever…its better than standing, kneeling and doing the sign of the cross at exactly the same time at each Mass.

Dave Knows

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

We went to a Dave Matthews concert recently.

Of course, I didn’t tell you AT THE TIME because you would have figured out where I live. So anyway, my husband wasn’t very happy. He doens’t like Dave. (Note: Not that my husband was being a butthead, because he wasnt, he just wasnt enthuased. I understand.)

But, poor, poor Dave. :

The city better give it up for Dave Matthews tomorrow night when he plays Central Park. We need to drown out his inner voice of gloom.

“[The voice] gets louder as I get older,” says Matthews, whose free, AOL-sponsored performance supports public schools.

“I’m better at ignoring it than when I was 21, and taking lots of acid,” the South African rocker tells …

Oh my aching ass

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

I’m busy trying to find what stories I want to enter in our mandatory state newspaper writing contest.

If you don’t turn in stories to enter, you get blackballed and the bosses don’t like you. So, i’m looking. Unfortunately, I keep finding great stuff “Remember when I wrote this? Fun!” and I now have a very long list to choose from.

In other news, I just talked to my Mom, the nurse, and found out why my veins in my left hand and arm are hurting. Turns out I have thrombosis, from my IVs from my surgery this summer (and all the medical testing that went with it) and the medicines have irritated/inflamed my veins. I’m supposed to put heat on …

Floating on the lazy river

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

So, “they” are making a couch that is able to do things for you like order pizza or change the TV channel.

My question is this: Can it dial the hospital when you have a heart attack (from the pizza) or inform Montel Williams that you need an intervention for your 500 pound ass???

No title. Just rant.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003

I. HATE. SOCCER.

seriously, I do. I think its a dumb game filled with way too into it parents like the ones that work in my office. Why in the heck is it necessary to come to work and then discuss your kids’ games with each other like it was Monday night football?

Nobody wants to hear it. I come to work and hear “Oh, well my kid scored a goal. and the game was good blah blah.” and “Oh the boys are doing great. We did warm ups etc… blah blah….”

It’s like me saying “OH my husband got to the 59th level in his computer game last night! And then he killed the dragon and saved the princess!”

If you have …

Time for some spring cleaning

Monday, September 22nd, 2003

There’s gotta be a point where you just light a match and walk away from a house.

Especially when it’s filled with 130+ cats. (Shudders.) I hate cats. Actually, I like some cats, but the thought of that many, or the evilness of the cats, or the fleas or the poo or the meowing, well that just makes me want to gash someone’s eyes out.

How did the cats get pee on the wall?? And why the hell did the son of the lady (who died in 1997) keep coming back and filling the sink with cat food?

He saw the 3 feet of poo and made a concious decision to go back and feed the damn cats.

Note to self: …

not again

Monday, September 22nd, 2003

We went to Wal-Mart yesterday. I know, I know. Trust me.

It wasn’t that bad until we got to the checkout. Of course, we get in the slow lane and end up standing there forever. So, the lady in front of us has only a few items. (She’s Asian, just so you can get an idea in your head of who this lady is.) So I see her son (about 8-10 perhaps?) pick up some gum. Then I see her reach into her purse and pull out a $1. All of this in slow-mo, because we KNOW what that means……

She’s going to “let” the kid “Pay for the gum himself.”

So, she checks out her stuff and pays with a debit card. …

the running of the bull headed

Friday, September 19th, 2003

My senior year of college, I decided I wanted to run a marathon. Now, mind you, I ran cross country and track in high school and had always wanted to try the marathon. So, I signed up and then somehow my husband (then fiancee) who hates to run said he’d train with me.

But before I continue on with my story, read this article about one crazy monk.

So anyway, we trained and trained up to 11 miles. We were actually supposed to run 14 this one day but my feet were covered in blisters, it was cold and we were exhausted. So we were happy. Then he went to his parents house for Christmas, got sick and didn’t …

Jimmy craps corn and I don’t care

Friday, September 19th, 2003

Ahh, I knew it would happen eventually. I’ve been expecting it.

I finally had my first little internet tiff because of a comment left on my blog. Now, first, people. Let me explain this. I started blogging when I moved here as a way to write down what I think. Over time, it became something funny to do at work and a way to just share funny/rude/interesting things I come across every day.

If I post a picture of say, someone I know, it may not be because I want you to say “Oh what a wonderful beautiful life you have there.” I know I have a wonderful, beautiful life. I have a good job. I’m successful and a homeowner of …

Always plan ahead

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

The wind is picking up. I think we’ve decided to take a picture of us outside in the hurricane and use it as our Christmas card.

Yum Yum Give me Some

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

Isn’t he such a cutie???

OH MY GOSH

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

Umm. I have a problem. I also have my own domain name, as some of you know. Like one with my REAL name on it. (No, my parents didn’t dub me SJ on my birth certificate.)

I just clicked on my domain name and it went to a PENIS ENLARGEMENT SITE! What in the hell is going on? Can someone please help me? If you know the site, go to it and tell me if it’s showing up on yours as well! WHAT THE PUPPY???

hey baby

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

OH MY Gosh. Now here is a couple I never thought I’d see:

“Heidi Klum and John Mayer, pulling up in front of Pastis in a cab. InWhySee. The cozy couple was whisked to a primo table on the patio. Gorgeous H.K. was sporting baggy jeans with an army green long-sleeved tee, running shoes, hat and sunglasses, while J.M. toted along his little dog. Laughing, gabbing and all that, the supermodel and the singer looked like they might be a bit more than friends. New lovahs, ya think?” (VIA E! online)

Now, lets remember my cutie husband resembles John Mayer, but is definately hotter. Does that make me Heidi Klum??

Operation Exaggeration

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

Hi, we’re busy watching “Hurricane Isabel: Operation Exaggeration” on the telly right now. How fun. But, not everything is about our beautiful weather today.

Last night I went to a concert. Its a very cool band that many many many people like. Of course, i went for free and had great seats. We got there late and some drunk idiots were in our spot. I hate it when people do that! These seats are $50 a pop and why would someone think they can just go and SIT in someone else’s seat???

There was a “native” girl in front of us who wouldnt stop shaking her ass. She was so trashy: she had a pock marked/scarred face and really really bad teeth. …

A hurricane is a comin and i forgot my granny panties

Thursday, September 18th, 2003

I knew I should have stuck out my meterology major.

I was SOOOOOO right about this one including day it would hit, where it would hit and the fact it would hit at all.

My husband owes me ice cream. (Since I won a bet about our friend the hurricane.)

Editors Note: I’m still here. Haven’t blown away yet. Check back at 5pm when its supposed to get bad here.

movie blues

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

I’ve been working all day on my review for the new Woody Allen flick “Anything Else.” Recently I’ve been stumped and have had troubles actually writing these things. So is the case today.

I then get a call from the publicity people who put on the screenings. Seems as if Dreamworks wanted press quotes. I guess since some of the people who run the screenings know me (though not the lady who called– she was in Atlanta) they called me. I dont know.

Anyway, they wanted me to send them a quote of what I thought of the movie to get passed on TO DREAMWORKS. So I did. I actually liked it, so I didn’t feel like i was making things …

just in time for my birthday

Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Ahh, what nice little proper children to sit in this nice, proper playhouse?!?!?!?!

I mean, if you’re going to have a playhouse that has wooden floors, a loft, balcony, brassplated doorbell and spongepainted walls and a skylight AND are willing to pay $8,300 for it….

I’m assuming you have the best kids in the world. the kind that never throw up or poop or color on walls. Ahh, if we could all be so lucky.

Note: These are probably the types of children who grow up and send off nasty emails from their internship and get themselves fired.

Blue light special— nudes!

Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Have you ever been to a walmart? Ever noticed the chick behind the counter? I bet you weren’t impressed.

Well, Playboy thinks that you really want to see naked Walmart employees!!!

GROSS! These people are usually one of three things:
1. Old as dirt.
2. Down right ghetto and or trailer trash
3. Fat.

Oh boy, when is THIS photospread coming out???

Does the fun ever stop?

Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Okay, I know you people are going to absolutely hate me soon enough one day. But, that hasn’t happened yet. So, here is yet another BS alert.

I just read the story that went with BS’ photoshopped, pubic hair lacking pictures in Rolling Stone.

Of course, I’m feeling friendly, so here are snippits, with my personal commentary, when I feel approperiate.

On her ‘Hiatuss: “Why the hell did I say that?” she asks today. “That was so fucking stupid. But honestly? I thought I could chill out for a while and be a normal person.” No, girl, you are just puppy stupid to begin with.

Perhaps the low point came when Fred Durst appeared on the Howard Stern …

Don’t press send, no wait..Do!

Monday, September 15th, 2003

I hate guys like this one.

Hello, if you’re going to spout off an email about how superior you are to your girlfriend ("I was planning on ruining your career by making phone calls to all of my parents friends and have you blackballed from the workplace as well as every prestigous law school in the country") then maybe, just maybe, you should learn some grammar and spelling.

This dude is a complete ass. I hate people who think that they are soooo superior– you are a FREAKING INTERN! AN INTERN! You GO TO COLLEGE ON MOMMY AND DADDY’S MONEY!

And besides, what type of breakup is this? He never really said “I’m breaking up with you.” I mean– he …

My weekend.

Monday, September 15th, 2003

I really hate Mondays. But you know that, dontcha?

We had a good weekend which included spending tons of $$ on decorating our house, as usual. We’ve finally painted EVERY SINGLE ROOM in our house. For those that are counting: Kitchen, dining room, living room, downstairs hallway, half bath, upstairs hallway, guest bath, guest bedroom, office, our room, our bathroom for a total of 11 rooms! Every single one of them a different color.

We also went to buy water, because, in case ya missed it– a hurricane is a comin. Only problem? The people have already started to horde (hoard?) it. I was able to get some, which is good, but since I’ll have to work anyway (natural disasters are …

Knock Knock

Friday, September 12th, 2003

Hello, anyone there?? It’s been sooo quiet!

What a weird world it is

Friday, September 12th, 2003

OMG. This has to be one of the stupidest/weirdest/most morbid message board thread I’ve seen in awhile.

My vote’s on Cash. He didn’t do all that drinkin’ for nothin.

Avert your eyes, people.

Friday, September 12th, 2003

If you don’t want to know any personal info about me….please don’t click here….

Woo hoo!

Daddys R Us

Friday, September 12th, 2003

Good grief. Is the Earth spinning out of orbit? Now David Letterman is going to be a daddy.

There should be some interesting jokes in the delivery room, dontcha think?

Insert sad face here

Friday, September 12th, 2003

I know we all know now that Johnny Cash died….but…

I just found out that John Ritter (From Three’s company) died, too.

I’m not the type of person who jumps on the “Oh you were so wonderful now that you’re dead” bandwagon, but I actually liked him. How sad.

More from the land of fake tatas

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

OHmyGosh. Good Lord. It’s about time these media people finally have good stories for me to write about! Things have been soooooooooo slow!

SO, you hate Jennifer Hopez and ben aflack as much as I do? Then you’ll love this story. (Via E! Online)

Their PR Release as to why they’re not having the wedding this weekend: (W/commentary by ted Casablancas)

“When we found ourselves seriously contemplating hiring three separate decoy brides at three different locations,” came the official-ese puh-leeze PR release, “we realized something was awry.” Uh, yeah! Hiring fake J.Lo’s? They’re admitting to this? Is Ashton Kutcher now doing their press?”

They’re having the wedding, people. Just trying to throw ya off. Now I can finally breathe easier knowing that hennifer hopez …

Duck and cover drills

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

I’m not allowed to go outside today. Actually, I shouldn’t even be at home.

“These may include facilities where American citizens and other foreigners congregate or visit, including residential areas, clubs, restaurants, places of worship, schools, hotels, outdoor recreation events or resorts and beaches. U.S. citizens should remain in a heightened state of personal security awareness when attendance at such locations is unavoidable”

That’s whats been said about “possible” terrorist attacks in the US. How the heck is going home/out to eat/church/a hotel unavoidable?? Huh?? I guess I’ll be digging myself a hole in the ground in the middle of the desert now.

More worthless news from our crappy British counterparts

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

Did you know that in America a red beam means someone is pointing a gun at you??? Well, that’s what David blaine supposondly thinks.

Well, maybe that’s what the retarded british reporter thinks. I mean, how do they know what he thinks? He’s in a glass cube!

BS alert

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

She says shes “Not a girl, not yet a woman…”

But it looks like to me, from these pictures That BS is bikini waxing to look like a girl….

Editors Note: Yes, I know today is sad. I’ve already written about it. I will post whatever I feel like, so it may or may not be funny.

Today

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

“Changed Americans face 2nd anniversary of 9/11″

That’s what my paper tells me today. But are we really changed? If you say “Yes” I’d ask you to think again. What has changed? The fact that we realize terrorism can happen here?

Today’s the second anniversary. You know that. Things really haven’t changed that much in the past two years. Yes, there was some more patriotism and religious ferver in the days/weeks/months after that day. But now? Where are the flags? You’re more likely to see a “Stop Bush” or “Stop the War” sign than you are a flag that symbolizes the patriotism that we supposondly felt in the days following that terrorist act.

We’re caught up in wars, terroristic plots overseas. We’re …

Barbie’s gonna getcha

Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Saudies figure out what I’ve known all along….Barbie is evil.

They think dolls should not be dressed so slut-like. I bet they’d love it if their dolls wear Burquas and once you take them off, find skin covered with bruises and cuts from abusive male family members!

What a good idea! I never knew Barbie was Jewish! I mean, look at that nose! That blonde, straight hair! She doesn’t even have a last name. Is Ken circumsized?

“Jewish Barbie dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories and tools are a symbol of decadence to the perverted West. Let us beware of her dangers and be careful,” said a poster on the site”

Hee hee. We’re perverted. Well, I’d rather …

The English Sniffles

Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Somebody give this writer a medal! Woo hoo! This story (okay, a part of it) was so funny I laughed.

So, Madonna went on Oprah. And cried. First kissing BS and now crying on Oprah? Geesh. Seems as if she wants to taut her new children’s book, which, by the way, if you ask me is a bunch of BS itself.

So anyway, this is the comment that made me laugh:

“Taking a tip from the Third Reich, Madonna has discovered the best way to convert the world to her ideology is through the kids. The English Roses, the first kabbalah allegory in a series, is out this month. Watch out for the red string bracelets on those tiny …

Hey there

Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

I’m sitting here, at my desk– what did you expect– on the top of the Empire State Building??– and repeating to myself “Ugg.”

No coffee this morning for me, as it seems, coffee is now a once-a-week pleasure that I have taken for granted. I have the remnants of a spice cake pumpkin treat (Yes, we newspaper people get crap like this in the mail) that a coworker offered to me, in my mouth. I dont like spice cake. I can’t get the damn taste out of my mouth.

I really feel as if I haven’t had much to say, which would explain why most people aren’t really leaving comments. I don’t blame them- I really don’t have much to say. Or …

Rub a dub dub, I’ll keep my tub

Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Oh, our Foreign friends are trying to make us use our bathrooms like they do.

Ummm…..NO! So, shall we highlight some of the stupid ideas our french friends have?

“showers will emit clouds of mist rather than gush water.” No, I want to be clean when I take a shower. If I want a mist, I’ll use a squirt bottle.

” The two rooms that have changed most in the home are the kitchen, which is opening up to practically become a passage-way, and the bathroom, increasingly being closed off as a private intimate space,” Well, if you like “dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool” (aka taking a crap) in public, then by all means keep the bathroom open. …

I HATE PR PEOPLE!!!

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Ugg. So I was working on this story about kids in the hospital for our kids page. Well, my boss wanted to turn it into a lifestyle story, which meant that we would need to re-work the entire thing because basically, i wrote it for little kids.

Well, the I told the PR person what we needed. She emailed back with a half assed “come visit for one hour” answer when we asked for a day. I say no, need more. She emails back:

“I’ve talked about your story with my boss, and at this point we just don’t think we can start all over again with a new story. We’ve already put a lot of time into this and …

What the heck?

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Wow, this makes me (not) want to go out and buy a CD for $17.

You know those lawsuits against file swappers??? A 12-year-old girl is one of the people being sued.

Good Lord. This kid thought she was allowed to download because her mom had paid some $$ for a file swapping service.

So lets all go out and pay tons of $$ so some crappy ass band can stuff their pockets even more and use $100 bills as toilet paper.

Sounds like a great idea to me!

Retarded coworkers

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Ugg, I have a HORRIBLE coworker. I call her book hoarder (horde?) she was my former boss who is now just a co-worker. Why she did that, I don’t know. I wish she’d quit.

So anyway, this weekend I cut my hair (which was one lengh and almost b/w my chin and shoulders) off. It’s short. And “artsy.”

So my co-worker makes little snide comments yesterday and I just try to ignore her. So today, I didn’t “fix” my hair– instead letting it just be normal, which doesn’t involve styling products or curling irons.

She stands up, looks over at my cubicle at me and says “You did NOT cut your hair again.”
I look at her. “No, this is how it is …

Slippie de doo da

Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

One time, when I was younger, I had a slip n slide. I remember the one time I used it– we put it on the ground, put a little water on it and my dad made me run and jump and slide. It hurt.

Now, David Spade/filmmakers are being sued for doing the exact same thing in his stupid Dickie Roberts movie.

I never knew I was supposed to inflate the damn thing. All these years, I’ve wondered why the hell people like slip n slides. The stupid thing hurt. Hands down. I guess its because we werent using it properly.

Is the whamo corp going to sue ME now? I just told ALL of you good people how to hurt …

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Ahh, just got done reading Jennifer Weiner’s 9/06 entry in her blog. Sounds like a nice little writer’s life she has going over there….

In my OWN little life, I’m sitting outside at my favorite coffee shop (next to the fountain, if you must know) typing away in my laptop, enjoying the 66 degree weather we have going on here. I’m wearing jeans and my favorite t-shirt and possibly, a jacket. My agent has called and they have just finished selling my book to a major movie studio for a couple million. I plan on celebrating with ice cream, and lots of it.

Oh, No. Wait. That’s not reality.

I’m actually sitting at my desk in a tiny ass little …

Fish and chips

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Anyone have a spare ticket to Jolly old England?

David Blane gets pelted by eggs during his most recent retarded stunt.

Oh crap

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Did I forget to wipe?

Uh, excuse me?

Monday, September 8th, 2003

When did people stop using babysitters and start bringing their children to work??? Why is it that people feel they must bring little itty bitty Timmy, Tommy, Lilly or Lollie to work so I can hear the screams of a toddler throughout the newsroom?

If you come to work with your kid and spend the entire morning just walking around while a 1-year-old toddles throughout going “Ahh! LSKDF!” and not getting any work done—-

Then why not just stay home with the tyke and spare me some brain cells??? If I wanted to be around young children all day, I’d work at a preschool.

It’s a dog walk dog world

Monday, September 8th, 2003

I found this really interesting story about a Hollywood dog walker yesterday. Did you know this chick makes $150K A YEAR??? DOG WALKING!! Geesh. I’m in the wrong profession.

What I found interesting was the comments made about Reese Witherspoon. For those of you who never read (or click) on my links (aka– my husband) here it is:

“For two years, Lever walked Reese Witherspoon’s three dogs - an overweight English bulldog named Frank Sinatra, a French bulldog, Coco Chanel, and a Chihuahua named Chi-Chi.
When Lever first met Witherspoon at a park, the actress, shabbily dressed, had a child and two dogs in tow. A waitress, Lever mistakenly thought. Witherspoon asked Lever about her rates and Lever remembered …

That girl, she’s a smart one…

Friday, September 5th, 2003

I am taking Big Name British Author’s words of advice to heart. While working on my story today at work, I’m really trying to come up with more unique words, different desciriptions of what I’m writing about.

So, today, and hopefully, everyday, I am employing the use of my thesarus. Wrods such as “also” and “got” will be replaced with “likewise” and “conjured up."Thank you.

He’s baaaaaack

Friday, September 5th, 2003

Is it me or does this picture of Jesus look a lot like Jared Leto with a beard???

brit-knee strikes back

Friday, September 5th, 2003

Oh. My. Lord. Yall!. Look at this picture of Britney Spears’ new hair. Nice wig. I would think that with all that money, she’d be able to find something that didn’t look like it came off the sale rack at K-Mart.

So, she said she never kissed another woman? Well, right here E! Online said the trash tart was doing a kissing of sorts on Madonna… though it was in the nether regions. (Read: Carpet Munching) Now, before you get all huffy and say “Oh SJ you are so crude!” Listen. That’s the funny way of putting it. There’s nothing wrong with whats her face if she wants to do that, but—–to say you wouldn’t do …

Ode to Mr. Rogers

Friday, September 5th, 2003

It’s a beautiful day in my neighborhood. A beautiful 66 degrees in my neighborhood. Could you be mine? Would you be mine?

It’s a beautiful day in my neighborhood, too bad I’m stuck at work in the neighborhood. Could you be mine? Would you be mine? I have always wanted to have a neighbor, just like you. I always wanted to drink coffee with a neighbor, it’s coo.

So, lets make the most of this beautiful day. I will leave work, then I will play.

New York, New York

Thursday, September 4th, 2003

Darn. My weekend plans to go to NYC just got cancelled, though it wasn’t by me. I’m not mad, I understand things cost $$, its just that I WANTED to go.

So, maybe the Sarcastic Journalist will bring her sarcastic self (along with the husband, if he’s good) to the beach this weekend for a day or two of fun in the sun.

Of course, that also involves driving and money. And seafood, which I hate. We’ll see, I guess.

I just don’t know what to do with myself

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003

I think that when you work, every day becomes one of Those Days.

I woke up this morning but decided to go back to bed. “I’ll just read for work tonight,” I told myself as I fell back into the safe confines of my pillow. “I’m tired.” I finally strolled in at 10:15 or 10:30, depending on the clock I look at, only to find out that I had an interview at 11.

I didn’t have any questions written down, nor did I know anything about this chick. So I turn on Journalist 4.0– the updated journalist software in my brain that promisess to make every waking journalistic moment easier. It works. I get through the interview.

Then, while writing the article, which …

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

Aafter working in this newsroom for over a year, I find myself coming up with names to describe the people that I work with.

Today, while on the way to our office manager’s office, I see this girl. She has what we in the know like to call the “native look.” I.E. She looks native to this state, which isn’t a compliment.

So I see this girl, who I only know from the bathroom and say to myself “Gee, ugly bathroom girl brought her baby to work.”

She has that blank stare on her face. Combine it with a stringy bad perm on hair that doesn’t get washed (didn’t before she had the baby, either) and …

Not pushing the right buttons

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

I like email as much as the next gal….

But, if I don’t like to receive forwards from people I KNOW in real life…why would I want to receive a forward from you, person who I happened to have a few email exchanges with????

I don’t mind emailing, really. But, I’m not looking for a new email pal. Yes, I might hit reply a few times and converse with you. But don’t keep on emailing, even after I stop replying.

So, seriously, people. Email away. Be funny. But don’t email me with a “100 reasons why we’re old now” email forward that tells me to “pass it on to 20 people I know.” I’m not old. I don’t want to reminise …

A case of the blahs

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

Ahh, not Monday, but Tuesday.

It still doesn’t make it any easier to come back to work. Especially after a nice, long weekend. Nothing is of interest to me today. Nothing on the net, nothing here at work. Perhaps later? Need inspiration….


My Flickr photos.