Archive for the 'Dear Ellie' Category

Why You Don’t Give Your Number Out, Part 100

Thursday, January 12th, 2006

Turns out, Debbie does a lot of things.

You see, she helped come up with the idea of an online baby shower. I scoffed at the idea, saying “Um, no.” But then? That Debbie has my phone number. And she likes to call it. A bunch. So finally, I gave in and said “Fine.”

So, Debbie wants me to put this little message up on my site just the way she wrote it, so I’m doing it for her. Why? Because she dressed my child for me this morning and well, that’s just pretty darn cool and nice of her.

You are Invited to a Blogging Baby Shower!

We are hosting an online baby shower for the Sarcastic Journalist and Little Jizzy. Your …

One Year Old

Tuesday, July 12th, 2005

Dear Ellie,

A year ago today, the most beautiful, amazing little girl came into my life. Up until then, all I knew of you was what I felt before you were born. I knew you liked to kick at nighttime and hated it when I lay on my side. You didn’t like it when people blew raspberries on my belly and would kick in the direction of your daddy’s voice.

And then, after weeks and weeks of complaining on my part, there you were. My beautiful, healthy, precious little baby girl.

Sometime during that day, I felt it. The love, the uncontrollable love for this little screaming, pooping thing. I couldn’t get enough of you. I still can’t.

This past year has been …

The Name Game

Monday, June 13th, 2005

I stood in the bathroom in Orlando while my friend Crystal, we shall call her “The Girl Who Loves Mormons” listened to her voice mail. It seems as if the Mormon of her affection just became an uncle.

I don’t remember the child’s middle name but I won’t forget the first name any time soon: Paris.

Yup, they named their baby Paris. First, Paris is a very pretty name. It brings to mind images of sidewalk cafes and little men in berets and mimes. How can you go wrong with a name if it conjures up the image of a mime?

Only problem is that there’s also another famous “Paris.” This Paris conjures up to mind pictures of sex videos, answering cell phones …

11 months

Friday, June 10th, 2005

Dear Elliebear,

So, its been a very big month for us here. First, Mommy and Daddy went off to Disney World and we didn’t bring you anything back. Second, Mommy found out that you’re getting a little brother or sister in eight months.

Perhaps that explains why you keep hiding your head.

Don’t worry, we won’t love you any less. If anything, I’m trying to figure out how I will love this one as much as I love you.

Its all very exciting to know that we’re in the early stages of a new chapter of our lives. I can’t imagine that you and your sibling to be will have this relationship that (hopefully) is still going strong even when Mommy and Daddy …

You never stop learning!

Tuesday, May 24th, 2005

Things my husband told me/things I heard after his colonoscopy this morning:*

1. He believed that the doctor that preformed the procedure “uppercut (him) in the gut.”
2. He thinks he shoots zombies while at work.**
3. He dedicated all of his farts (due to all the gas pumped into him) to his “homies.”
4. “SJ” in “The Whitelands” is considered one of his “homies.”
5. Another good way to intro into a fart is to say “fire in the hole.”
6. He had a password I had to say before he would get up. The password was “eroded placenta.”

Watching him come off the meds was worth sitting in the world’s coldest waiting room for two hours. I laughed so hard, I had tears rolling down …

Ellie’s Tenth Month

Monday, May 9th, 2005

Hi Ellie. You’re about to turn ten months old. I’d say that you are ten months old, but by the time you really turn that age, I will be on vacation.

Yup, you heard that right. Mommy and Daddy are going on vacation. Without you. To make matters worse, we are going to Disney World. We’ll bring you when you are older. Please don’t hate us.

Anyway, I am having a tough time imagining all those days we will be gone and not having you with me. Truth be told, your temperment is so much better than I ever thought it could be. You are such a happy little baby: You smile all the time, you are hardly ever bored and …

Ellie’s Ninth Month

Wednesday, April 13th, 2005

Dear Ellie,

Yesterday, you turned nine months old. I meant to write something THEN, but let me teach you an important lesson: When you have a baby, things don’t always happen the way you want them to. Anyway, so you’ve been “out” as long as you were “in” and can I tell you that I enjoy you much more now that you aren’t taking residence up in my uterus?

Girl, I can’t tell you how much your Daddy and I love you. If I did, I don’t think you’d believe me. I have this love that is so deep, so primal, for you. I just want to snatch you up in my arms and gobble your little cheeks and kiss you …

Ellie Month Eight

Friday, March 11th, 2005

Hello Ellie!

So now you’re eight months old. Well, I have many things to tell you but instead I’ll just sum it up in three ways.

The Good: You’re now crawling. You’re such your own little person.
The Bad: This little person comes with teeth.
The Ugly: With the teeth come tantrums.

You started crawling on Valentines Day, so if you ever grow up and think how much Valentines Day sucks, just think that was the day you started crawling. Of course, you waited until I left the house to crawl. You crawled for Daddy and he says that you crawled towards the trash.

Since you have started crawling, you have been in everything. You’re under the table and in the closet and falling off …

Ellie Month Seven

Thursday, February 10th, 2005

Dear Ellie,

In a few days, you turn seven months old. I can’t believe that you are seven months old! I say that every month, but really, every month I’m just surprised at how big my little girl is becoming.

I guess that I’m coming to the realization that you aren’t always going to be itty bitty.

One morning, I woke up and you were next to me on your hands and knees, rocking back and forth. I totally thought it was a fluke until you continued to do it later on in the day. You still haven’t figured out how to crawl, even though we’ve tempted you with contraband like remote controls, my purse and dirty socks.

Yes, you like dirty …

Ellie’s Sixth Month

Thursday, January 13th, 2005

Dear Ellie,

Yesterday, you turned sixth months old! Six months! That’s half a year. I’m still trying to grasp my head around the fact that I have a sixth month old.

Today, you did something very special. You threw a temper tantrum. It was very cute and all, as you didn’t want to go to sleep so you got mad and beat me with your fists while you kicked your legs really, really fast!

You may have thrown temper tantrums before, but really, you’re changing so fast that it’s hard to keep up with you! I think what I love being around you everyday is when I notice you doing something for the first time. Such as when you realized that you had …

Ellie, month four.

Thursday, November 11th, 2004

Dear Ellie,

Tomorrow you turn four months old. I remember when I was pregnant and I hit the four month mark and it seemed like I had FOREVER to go. And now you’re here and I wonder how did I ever go all that time without knowing you?

Your third month has definately been a month of firsts.

You now stand. And when I say “stand” I mean stand up by only holding onto my thumbs. Walking is any minute dear. I can tell. The standing up thing is cute and all, but do we really have to play Stand Up Time all day long? Wouldn’t you like to sit? Or lay?

You also got a first haircut as that whole raggedy baby hair …

Ellie, Month Three.

Sunday, October 10th, 2004

Dear Ellie,

Tomorrow you will be three months old! We’ve made it through that whole “newborn” thing. As much fun as we’re having with you becoming more interactive, I still feel a little sad that I’m losing my brand spanking new baby.

Let me tell you, you are becoming so beautiful, pictures do not do it justice.

During this past month, you have discovered that you have legs and you spend a lot of time with your legs up in the air, swinging around for all to see. It’s really cute, like, “Hey! I have legs! Lookey here!”

I never realized it was possible to love something so little so much. I find myself missing you when we put you down for the night …

Two months! Two months!

Sunday, September 12th, 2004

Hey Ellie,

They say it’s your birthday! Okay, two month birthday anyway, but you’ve never celebrated it before so that means it is SPECIAL.

Two months ago, you were born! And now you are my crazy, beautiful, happy little baby.

So far, this month, you have discovered the fine art of squealing and babbling and cooing and laughing and making some noise that sounds like the letter “K” with a little spit added in for good measure.

You have a pretty voice, you know.

You’re holding your head up nicely which means that at any moment you will figure out how to drive and then we will have to start hiding the car keys. You can put pressure on your legs so sometimes we pretend …

Month One Review

Thursday, August 12th, 2004

Dear Ellie,

Today you are one month old! That is a longer lifespan than many bugs and new Fox sitcoms! One month ago today, I was lying in a hospital bed, chowing down on hospital food while sporting a bad case of Shenuts. You, my little girl, were just figuring out what it means to live in this crazy world.

It has been one crazy month for us. I’ve had more poop on my hands and feet and legs and pants and I’m pretty sure not all of it was from you. I’ve had to deal with more erratic sleeping patterns and have learned that all the nighttime news programs are pretty informal, that’s why they are on when nobody watches them, …


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