Archive for the 'Oprah' Category

Richers…

Monday, January 23rd, 2006

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching TV and reading magazines, it is that rich people are so insightful.

Take The Oprah Magazine, for example. (Not that I read it, and if I do, well you can’t prove it.) There’s always a section where Oprah shares her fabulous wisdom with us little people. Each month, I, I mean, the reader, gets to read something like “You could be a poor slave living in a mud hut, eating worms for dinner, but as long as you have your self worth and a book, that’s all you need.”

I have a feeling said worm eating slave might differ.

Rich people are always giving out insights into their life like that, like my knowing that …

WWW.StopOprah.Com

Sunday, November 6th, 2005

I have a confession to make, Internet. I have a love/hate relationship with Oprah. On some days, I think “I’m glad I watched today’s show.” Then there are other days, days full of eye-rolling and shouting at the television while I yell “Are you for real?”

Yes, Internet. She is for real.

So, it came as a surprise that I accidentally came across something of Oprah’s. It is a notebook, encrusted in gold, diamonds and rubies that has all of her upcoming show ideas in it.

Not wanting to leave you out, I’ll fill you in on a couple of my favorites:

1. Watch me count my money!
2. My newest house and why it is better than yours.
3. Why I think my dog’s poop …

Oprah related random order

Monday, May 2nd, 2005

Things I’m thinking about, in a random order:

1. Today’s Oprah. Jerry O’Connell is totally gay. He has a thing for Nate.
2. The artist formerally known as Rebecca Romijn-Stamos? TOTALLY PREGNANT. Stop trying to cover it up, biznitch.
3. Since when is not having a decorated apartment such a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE thing? Again, this is Oprah related.
4. Sitting at the pool in a bathing suit, typing on your laptop? WEIRD.
5. I might have accidentally bought two maternity shirts at a consignment store today. You know, to kick my ovaries into overdrive.
6. Miss E has a thing for Dr. Phil. Also, my Mom SWEARS she said “Oprah.” I think I’m going to cry.
7. I think that people who create Wal-Mart commercials …

What I learned from TV Today

Thursday, February 10th, 2005

Did you know that it is considered “Fabulous without a fortune” to set a table for a party (of 9) for $450? Well, Oprah says it is, so it must be true.

And all this time, I’ve been inviting people over for pizza and beer!

An entire post about the Oprah show.

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

I’m currently feeling a bit in the dumps about my writing slash book situation. I’d go into it a little more but “wah wah poor me tsunami victims.” Really, in the grand scheme of all things life, is my book conundrum important?

Oprah is on and she’s granting Debra Messing’s wishes.

I’m going to tell you a secret. It has become my “secret wish” to somehow make it onto Oprah. No, I’m not going to sit in the audience. I want to be one of the people on stage. A guest.

Every once in awhile, I go to Oprah’s web site and click on the “be on the show!” link. Look! She wants ME to be on the show! ME! Oprah …

Dear Kirstie,

Monday, January 31st, 2005

Dear Kirstie Alley,

Hey! How’s it going? So you’re making a comeback. You’ve got this new show in the works called “Fat Actress” and Oprah had NATE decorate your kitchen, even though you could totally afford it and he should have redecorated MY HOUSE but whatever.

Personally, I never thought you were gone. You did those Pier One commercials where you romped through the store, rubbing scented candles on your naughty bits. I thought “That Kirstie Alley looks pretty cool.”

Then, all of a sudden, you were back! Back! Here’s Kirstie on the cover of a tabloid! A tabloid! You know you’re cool when you’re on a tabloid! And there you are! They say you’re FAT! FAT!

And now you’re on those Jenny …

I saw him live, you know.

Monday, November 29th, 2004

I read somewhere that Oprah likes to fill her audiences with people who can relate to the guest. Why is it that in today’s audience, all the women looked like Jerry Seinfeld’s wife?

PS: Oprah now has her own category. You know, she’s really powerful and black and stuff and well, I couldn’t piss her off by continuing to put her under the “boob tube” category.


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