Archive for the 'A Novel Idea' Category

Freedom! Glorious Freedom!

Tuesday, August 24th, 2004

Six weeks, three hours and five minutes. Thatís exactly how long it took for me to break down and become a bad Mom.

I was at a ďmothers of new babiesĒ club at the local library yesterdayódonít laugh, yes, I went and no, I didnít act out in any way, shape or formóand a woman spoke about how she broke a cardinal rule and let her child eat in the car.

Well, I broke my first rule this morning.

After sleeping from 9:30pm to 7am, Ellie woke up this morning and I was able to get her to go back to sleep after some boob time. Well, at 10:30 she woke up and Was. Determined. Not. To. Go. Back. To. Sleep. Ever.

Thing …

IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS

Friday, April 23rd, 2004

I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF PEOPLE. SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS.

Okay, so I spent today sending queries to literary agents. All of my queries are nice and polite and I follow their guidelines.

I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER seen anything like this.

God, what is it with these recycled Hallmark card plot lines in queries today? I just responded to one, though yours may be even more hokey. Crossing over to the other side? Heaven? Hell? Give me a break. Like I told the other one, perhaps you could get away with something like this on Lifetime Television for Women, or an Oprah segment, but not with me. I deal with serious publishers of literary fiction and the editors would …

Lazy, hazy days

Wednesday, March 10th, 2004

There are many things in this world that I am. I’m sarcastic, moody, crazy (in a good way), funny at times and last but certainly not least: LAZY.

The battery on one of our fire alarms has been beeping now for a few weeks. You see, the hubs and I are both deaf in one ear so hearing which one it really is is harder than it looks. But I have a feeling which one it is. I just don’t care.

It’s like we have this constant little bird chriping in our house and every time I hear the little beep beep, it reminds me how lazy I really am.

So, last night, I decided to try and do something un-lazy. I …

But I don’t wanna do it!

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

I have “to do” lists up the wazoo.

I have a list on the wall at work, detailing 10 stories I’m supposed to be working on. I really haven’t started most of them, except for calling and emailing and just trying to get people to talk to me. I should be a professional appointment scheduler, I’m really good at it. Of course, I have NOTHING to do right now because everything I do involves waiting on other people.

I have a list of places I can’t bring myself to call yet. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s laziness. Maybe it’s just that I’m not sure what I’m doing yet. But these numbers sit here and look at me.

I have a list that …

Roger that, Roger.

Monday, February 23rd, 2004

Now, for a reprieve from all of the juvenile drama, I will tell you about my next project. My husband has repeatedly told me I need to write a book about my life. Not because I’m so special or famous or even because I’ve led a very interesting life.

It’s just that, well, if you think I’m bad now, you shoulda seen me as a kid. So, here are a few of my chapters with preliminary titles. I’m not going to tell you what they are about, but well, you should get the idea.

1. A girl and her reincarnated dog.
2. Wreaking havoc in a small town.
3. My father, who works in a fun(eral) home.
4. The mother of the year story …

creativity in a bottle

Tuesday, December 16th, 2003

As an early Christmas gift to you, I’ll let you see what I just wrote for my second book. Of course, please remember that all of this is copyrighted by moi and if you steal it, I’ll hunt your ass down.

I never meant to become a journalist. I always thought of myself as a teacher or a movie producer of a chef. Heck, I even thought of becoming a stripper in the eighth grade– a tasteful stripper that jumped out of cakes, not the kind that hung onto polls. Anything but a journalist.

So, how am I here? It got to that point in college where “they” had a gun to my head and made me pick a …

bookish

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Okay, Iím going to do it. Since my search for agents has gone into a slump, Iím going to start on my second book while I keep sending out letters. Okay, I need to actually MAIL some letters, but well, Iím pregnant and tired and feel like poo and just donít want to.
Youíll never guess what the second book is about. Itís something that hits REALLY close to home.

1 rejection out of 10000

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

My first rejection.

Yup, it still hurts. Why say you’re looking for new clients when your form email rejection letter says “I’m swamped?” That hurts. Such a form letter, too. Wanna read it?

“Thanks for your query and for sending along the opening pages of “A Charmed Life". Unfortunately, Iím afraid Iíd better pass. Truth be told, Iím strapped for time these days, and Iíve got to be highly selective in what I take on. Sorry to say, these pages just didn’t draw me in. Thanks for contacting me, though. Iím sorry I wonít be pursuing the manuscript further, but I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.”

You know what? Your form rejection letter didn’t …

dum da dum dum

Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Okie dokie. I decided it’s about time that I send my query letters to agents to get my book published.

For those of you who don’t obsess over these literary things, a query letter is basically a letter to an agent (who sells your book) that “I’m a really good writer and i’m funny and have a good story that’s interesting that you should read and sell for me” without ACTUALLY SAYING ANY OF THAT.

Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. I’ve been re-writing the letters, going to writing message boards and submitting it to have the masses tell me it sucks or is too wordy or “Huh, this sounds like it’s a wonderful life!”

I think tonight I might even …


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